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Conception

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My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

309 replies

Cactizone · 05/05/2022 22:17

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

OP posts:
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RMS0209 · 18/09/2022 22:31

@Totorotoes @roro87 @Cactizone
Hello ladies!
How we all doing? Hope everybody had a nice weekend.

How you feeling @Totorotoes ? Taking it super duper easy I hope x

Totorotoes · 17/09/2022 19:00

@roro87 test day is 23rd. Bucket in the car- you poor thing!! That's horrendous 😟 Get well soon x x x

roro87 · 17/09/2022 13:57

@Totorotoes It's ok ovulation was a couple of days beforehand so not too bad. Not holding out any hope anyway. I had to bring a bucket on a 3 hour car journey as we had to order our new kitchen😂 it was grim.

3 is amazing especially as high quality, when can you test?

Totorotoes · 17/09/2022 12:40

@roro87 oh no I'm so sorry about the food poisoning, i hope it passes quickly- bad timing around ovulation especially! Ugh d&v is the worst 🙈
My other little embryo didn't catch up, but I've got too more in the freezer and I am hoping this is a sticky one!! 🤞🤞

roro87 · 17/09/2022 10:42

@RMS0209 sorry so late to the party, really hope you feel better soon not easy. I hope you can relax and rest on holidays.

@Totorotoes that's amazing, everything crossed that he/she is a sticky one. Such good quality also. Did your other one catch up? 2 in the freezer is great also.

I've finally ovulated day 28 so looking like this will be a 40 plus day cycle. Also got food poisoning

Totorotoes · 16/09/2022 19:10

@RMS0209 ouchy that must be uncomfortable, mine are still enlarged (the nurse checked on the ultrasound) and I'm bloated, so I can only imagine how bad it is for you after so many eggs, I actually can't believe you are up and about! Not ideal before you go on holiday, but actually you need a holiday right now so may be good timing! Good job you aren't transferring straight away, gives your body time to recover. Just be very kind to yourself!

Embryo transfer went well, it's an easy procedure and I found it less uncomfortable than the IUI I had- probably I'm just more used to it now. The worst was the hour delay with a full bladder! It's really sweet actually, they gave me a picture of the embryo, it's the cutest 😂

2dp5dt today. I'm having a lot of cramping, bloating and wind but it's definitely all from the progesterone, for some reason I expected to just 'know' but I feel nothing really...bring on the anxiety! 🤣

RMS0209 · 16/09/2022 18:51

@Totorotoes
Hello!
So after a quick visit (we'll 3hr drive and a 20 min app) to my clinic - confirmed I have fluid in my tummy - wonderful 😂 just what I want before a holiday... my ovaries are enlarged too (I could have told him that myself!)

Fantastic news about the 5AB on board! How did you find it? What was the process like? Fingers crossed for you... I am very excited x

Totorotoes · 16/09/2022 18:03

Hello everyone! 👋
@RMS0209 how are your ovaries/ possible OHSS? Hope you are feeling ok x

Totorotoes · 14/09/2022 20:50

@RMS0209 oh I'm so sorry, that sounds awful. I imagine you are at high risk because you had so many eggs. I can't even begin to imagine the size of your ovaries after that haul and how much you must ache!! I think perhaps when you get your update you should ask to speak to the nurses for advice, it may just be normal after a large collection but I'm sure you have higher risk of OHSS if you are PCOS and with a lot of eggs. I hope you feel better soon!

I had one 5AB (apparently top quality) embryo put in today, the hardest part was the appointment being an hour late and having an extremely full bladder! But it went really well and I have 2 embies in the freezer and 1 being left an extra day to see if it catches up. I feel very, very lucky 🥰

RMS0209 · 14/09/2022 18:10

@Totorotoes
Thank you! Yes it was a good number, tomorrow is day 3 so I'll get another update.
I am in agony though... very worried I have OHSS 😢

How did you get on? Hope all went good xx

Totorotoes · 14/09/2022 07:49

@RMS0209 wow that is a massive number of eggs, congratulations!! And such a good number that fertilised too. No wonder you are sore and achy, you must have been incredibly bloated too you poor thing.
I guess you don't have progesterone because you're not going straight for a transfer, you might have to start before your transfer though.
I will be keeping my fingers crossed for your eggs, you will almost certainly have some viable ones in that crowd! 😂

My ET is at 3.40 today, so I've got to work first. Not sure how i am going to concentrate on anything.....!! I should get a call this morning to say if any/how many have survived....more 🤞 for that!

RMS0209 · 13/09/2022 19:34

@Totorotoes
Thank you! I needed all the praise yesterday.
It was so quick and so simple but today is "uncomfortable" like I say... now I just need my final numbers for the freezer for the weekend and to hope I get a bleed next month then it's go time!

Oh, no progesterone for me?! I have blood thinners

Yes 35 eggs collected, 31 fertilised normally... waiting for Thursday for day 3 update and Saturday/Sunday should be freezing day ❤️

Sending you lots of luck for tomorrow - I will be checking my phone during the day so please do keep us updated x

Totorotoes · 13/09/2022 19:04

@RMS0209 aw well done you, you did it! Glad it went ok. It's so quick and somple, but you must be kind to yourself afterwards. I felt a little bloated and slightly sore, but it is the progesterone which I hate- I imagine you are on that now too? Do you know how many eggs were collected, and when you get an update?

@roro87 hope you are ok 😊

Will update you both after it is done tomorrow, just hoping I have some good embryos still 🤞

RMS0209 · 13/09/2022 15:41

@Totorotoes
I am so glad to hear all is good so far ❤️
Grow little embryo's grow!
So excited for you for tomorrow... this could be it, isn't that exciting.

Egg collection.... easy, well I say easy... I don't remember a thing! Got told "this might feel cold" then woke up back in the room. So I cannot complain.
I'm ok, I'm a little delicate today but no pain as such (long may it continue) I have some blood thinner injections to take for the next 10 days ! X

Totorotoes · 13/09/2022 15:35

@RMS0209 all good so far here! I will get an update tomorrow, but yesterday's update was great- all 4 embryos were growing and were good grades. I'm expecting some drop off but they were quite confident I will have one to transfer tomorrow! 🥳🤞
How was your egg collection? And how are you feeling?

RMS0209 · 13/09/2022 13:30

@roro87 @Totorotoes thank you for the well wishes ❤️

How are you @Totorotoes xx

roro87 · 12/09/2022 08:40

@Totorotoes keeping everything crossed for you that it works out. I hope work isn't too hard for you today xx there are so many positive stories from one or two embryos

@RMS0209 best of luck today, I hope everything goes perfectly xx

Totorotoes · 12/09/2022 07:38

@RMS0209 good luck with your egg collection!! I'll be thinking of you. Please don't worry, you'll be fine, the physical part is easy it's just the mixed up emotions that are hard! I hope you lay some wonderful, good quality eggs 🤗xx

Totorotoes · 12/09/2022 07:16

@roro87 thank you, those stories are encouraging! I get an update today and I've been trying to prepare myself for the worst so I don't build up too much hope, unfortunately I will be in work when they call which could be awkward!
This is my only NHS round and I am so grateful for it, I'm not sure if I can afford more rounds after this 😕

roro87 · 11/09/2022 20:59

@Totorotoes That is a pity, but and I don't want to phrase this badly it is a learning curve for your consultant they may need to tweak your meds if this cycle is unsuccessful. I still do think there is a lot of hope there still too don't get Mr wrong a girl I know had only two embryos and now has twin boys, also a friend of mine had one and now a little girl. Once some of those 4 hang in there.

Totorotoes · 11/09/2022 17:58

Only 4 fertilised! 😕 If they all make it I'll be delighted, but I'm so scared about the next few days as there is normally at least 50% drop off rate. I'll get another update tomorrow morning- I hope it's not bad news as I will be at work 🤞

Totorotoes · 09/09/2022 20:29

@RMS0209 yes, the waiting is so hard isn't it! I am so glad for you, finishing the injections seems so monumental!!

Make sure you let me know how you get on. Sedation is fine but yes you will definitely need driving home, I'm still feeling quite groggy from it (but it was a lovely sleep!!).

I am pleased with 9 eggs, I wanted 10 but 9 is close enough! Especially as I was paranoid they wouldn't get any!! I'm also pleased you think it's a good number, because as I am on my own I've been worrying to myself about whether it is enough so thank you for reassuring me! I know it is quality over quantity anyway. And the donor sperm was apparently 27 million MOT and 69% mortality which should be plenty, and it's Danish so they are little Viking warriors!! 🤣🤞

RMS0209 · 09/09/2022 19:19

@Totorotoes
Hello!
I know go me, I was confused though as I've followed a few people on YouTube and Tik Tok (don't judge) the trigger not long after day 7 scan.. the scanning lady didn't give much away today... then my portal got upgraded! So tonight is my last Menopur (yay) tomorrow AM is my last Fydramel (or however it's spelt I'm tired 😂) then trigger at 8.30 tomorrow night.

Couldn't tell you how many follicles I had... I was on cloud 9 after my call for trigger... I must have a look on my portal tonight and see if it shows anything!
9 eggs... amazing, you must be delighted are you? They will be great quality... everything crossed for yu for tomorrow 🤞🏻

I'm so glad procedure was fine for you, I am getting sedated so no driving for me... lucky other half 😂
Oh no.. I have taken the day off Monday and I will work from home Tuesday

Now to make the next day or so fly for us both!!! X

Totorotoes · 09/09/2022 17:14

@RMS0209 wow that's fantastic!! You've caught up, you've got some quick eggs 😂 do you know how many follicles you have?

All went well today, I got 9 eggs 😁 I'm just hoping they are good enough quality, I get a call tomorrow to say if they have fertilised. The procedure itself was fine, I slept through it and have had no pain. I feel really groggy this afternoon and a bit sick but that could also be all the junk food I've been eating during 'recovery' 🤣

Will your collection be on Monday then? 🥳

RMS0209 · 09/09/2022 14:26

Guess who triggers tomorrow night 🥰🥰

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