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Original poster

My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

309 replies

Cactizone · 05/05/2022 22:17

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

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Original poster
Cactizone · 15/05/2022 21:57

@RMS0209
That sounds so stressful. I’m not sure if it’s any help or applicable to you but a lot of people travel to other clinics for treatment even abroad! I wouldn’t judge you for not wanting to do that, I picked my clinic purely based on them being the closest one, but if it was something you were willing to do and they didn’t need a referral (because in England or elsewhere) then maybe it’s a back up back up option? Either way, at least you have gotten the ball rolling now and that’s a big part of it X

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Totorotoes · 15/05/2022 19:28

@RMS0209 thank you!! Yes I am doing it alone...the dream of meeting someone never happened unfortunately, but I am really lucky to have fabulous friends and family to support me. I am in England, and am self funding- I may get one round of IVF on the NHS but not totally sure, and I have to fund IUI first. I've got my nurse consultantion on Tuesday and I am hoping they say I can start this month, which will mean IUI in the next 10-14 days 🤞
Your doctor sounds a bit obstructive. I'm so sorry, you need someone to listen and understand don't you, not a fight! To get my treatment I went directly to the clinic so no waiting time. Afterwards I called the GP and asked who I should speak to re IVF funding (in case I need it later) and they said they had a doctor with a specialist interest in fertility- I had to wait 3 weeks but spoke to a lovely (female) GP who clearly wasn't a specialist BUT was very sympathetic and really listened, which is what I needed, and is going to refer me. Perhaps you can find some other people in your area who have been through the process and see if they can recommend a better GP? Although perhaps now you've got a referral, you don't need to move 🤔

RMS0209 · 14/05/2022 20:48

Hi @Totorotoes

It really is! I am thinking about changing GP but I am worried it's even worse, sounds silly! Took 2.5 months to get him to agree to a Progesterone test (I am sure everything is ok I just wanted it for peace of mind) I also said I'd pay to go private I just needed a referral and was told no... so fought my case for 2.5 months and now they have agreed so I will get it this cycle after ovulation.

Are you in England? I am sending you all the luck for your IUI's🤞🏻 guessing you had no problem to get yours all sorted?
I have heard the NHS system is better in Scotland as eventually you get 3 rounds of IVF but that's after 2 years of trying and lots of tests etc... don't want to try for 2 years and be sad like I have the last few cycles, sorry I'm moaning away!
Are you doing this on your own? I have so much respect for you - go you that is brilliant! X

Totorotoes · 14/05/2022 19:30

@Cactizone my goodness isn't it just!! And they charge for every little thing. It feels like gambling when they say "you get a discount for 3 treatments but if it works first time you don't get a refund"...I feel like they've got me over a barrel!
You should definitely take time out if it is making you so anxious, hopefully you can get some clarity and rest, and decide what is best for you.
@RMS0209 that sounds a bit rubbish, can you change GP? Everything is such a waiting game anyway with TTC, you don't need an extra wait! Generally I think the system is better in Scotland as they have more funding for LGBT couples and single people, but the referral system sounds frustrating especially if you're paying your own way anyway 🙁

RMS0209 · 14/05/2022 07:27

Morning @Cactizone thanks so much for getting back to me.

Yeah so we only have 1 fertility clinic in the city I live in, so I phoned to discuss and they said they couldn't discuss anything with me until they received a referral even if I was going self funded.
So fast forward I phoned the Dr to get an app and first one was mid June.. my Dr isn't much help as it is and I think I'm more worried that he will say no and to keep trying for a few more months before a referral! But as I say I'm willing to pay we have the money for this but just wondered how it was for other people... hmm 🤔 ☹️ x

Original poster
Cactizone · 14/05/2022 05:43

@RMS0209
I did self funded but I went right to the clinic rather than via my Dr. They needed the Drs contact info but there wasn’t a need for referral, but I don’t know if it’s different in Scotland?
I would have thought of you’re going to be paying then they’re unlikely to have a hold up about taking your money 😅 you could call some clinics directly if you haven’t already and see what they say?

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Original poster
Cactizone · 14/05/2022 05:40

@Totorotoes
I was feeling the beginnings of better, but calling the clinic up spiked my anxiety over the whole thing, I think after a phone call I have worked th the clinic dr in a couple weeks I might have a month or so off to see how I am doing then.
And my god they’re so expensive!!

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RMS0209 · 13/05/2022 18:50

I'm looking to see if I could get a referral to go self funded (NOT NHS PAID) treatment to get some IUI with my partner, just to see if it helps as we don't seem to be having much luck the "normal" way... has anybody had a problem speaking to DR's for a referral? In Scotland not sure if that helps any x

Totorotoes · 13/05/2022 17:52

@Cactizone I blooming hope so, they were expensive enough! 🤣
How are you feeling now? Sometimes you need a break to reassess everything and have some 'you' time, so I hope that's what you are doing 🙂

Original poster
Cactizone · 13/05/2022 06:06

@Totorotoes
Those little guys better put that IQ to good use!😂

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Totorotoes · 11/05/2022 17:00

@JulesRimetStillGleaming well that's good to know, my donor has a high IQ apparently so I'm hoping his clever little sperm will go un the right direction! 🤣🤣

RMS0209 · 11/05/2022 11:17

Totorotoes · 11/05/2022 08:52

So, 'my' sperm should be arriving this week so I might be able to start this month!! But I woke up with lots of silly thoughts in my head....like, if they 'inject' the sperm through the cervix into the womb, how do they know which way to go then?! 😂 I've got a mental image of them being like a flock of sheep and all sticking together- but what if they pick the wrong tube?? Or do they send out little search parties to look for the egg and cover both tubes....I'm really overthinking this, but the mental images are quite funny 🤣 I love my anxious brain!
@JulesRimetStillGleaming I hope you find it helpful, there are lots of women who have had success through IVF DS, DE, DD, IUI, AI...and the list goes on. I find it encouraging to read success stories but also have support from people still trying!

This gave me a well needed laugh I meant to say! X

RMS0209 · 11/05/2022 11:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 11/05/2022 08:59

They randomly swim in all directions so some will go the wrong way. But they don't all go the wrong way or else humanity would've died out by now Grin

Totorotoes · 11/05/2022 08:52

So, 'my' sperm should be arriving this week so I might be able to start this month!! But I woke up with lots of silly thoughts in my head....like, if they 'inject' the sperm through the cervix into the womb, how do they know which way to go then?! 😂 I've got a mental image of them being like a flock of sheep and all sticking together- but what if they pick the wrong tube?? Or do they send out little search parties to look for the egg and cover both tubes....I'm really overthinking this, but the mental images are quite funny 🤣 I love my anxious brain!
@JulesRimetStillGleaming I hope you find it helpful, there are lots of women who have had success through IVF DS, DE, DD, IUI, AI...and the list goes on. I find it encouraging to read success stories but also have support from people still trying!

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 10/05/2022 19:53

Thank you. I've requested to join.

Totorotoes · 10/05/2022 19:10

@JulesRimetStillGleaming I think I saw a post you put on another group about your situation...I wanted to ask if you have checked out the Solo Mothers By Choice group on Facebook, just because there are people on there who have been through some of what you have mentioned and you may find it helpful to chat to them. I'm not plugging it or anything (I've only just joined it!) but I've found it is a very active and supportive group, and there don't seem to be as many SMBC threads on mumsnet. I hope you have support IRL- it's lonely doing it alone 🙁

Original poster
Cactizone · 10/05/2022 07:35

@JulesRimetStillGleaming
that makes sense, you’ve got to protect yourself somehow and it is a lot

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JulesRimetStillGleaming · 10/05/2022 00:45

I'm doing donor insemination and I know I want to be a mum more than anything in the world and I wouldn't be putting myself through all this heartache if I didn't want it. But there are times when I wonder whether it's all worth it and do I even want it anymore. I think for me it's a protective mechanism because the emotional rollercoaster is so intense.

Original poster
Cactizone · 10/05/2022 00:22

@RMS0209
I am not sure, they weren't pushy so much last time as presumptuous and it was a little off putting. I completely forgot to call them today so I'd better get around to it soon either way...
Let me know how the next cycle goes for you and what you decide! It would defo be good to have someone in the same situation to talk about it all with, I will keep you posted! X

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RMS0209 · 07/05/2022 14:40

@Cactizone
Do you think they will get pushy to do another cycle?
Please keep me updated if you do.
I am thinking of looking into this next cycle if I am not successful before then... be great to have you to talk to if you are going through it again. X

Original poster
Cactizone · 07/05/2022 06:47

@Verbena87
Thank you for sharing, that sounds so stressful but it is good to hear that I’m not alone in these feelings, I shall take your advice!

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Original poster
Cactizone · 07/05/2022 06:45

@Totorotoes
thank you for the kind words and the group advice, I’ll check it out! I hope your road through IUI is smooth and successful, but if not you are definitely not alone!

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Verbena87 · 06/05/2022 21:15

Ivf here and two failed embryo transfers last year - heading into the hormone madness and aiming to transfer my last frozen embryo in June. It is so joy-sapping and numbing as a process.

I would definitely explore what counselling your clinic offers. I started after my second failed transfer and it has definitely been helpful.

Original poster
Cactizone · 06/05/2022 21:08

@RMS0209
Never wanting to mingle all the way!
I don't have an impending cycle, I haven't even let the clinic know the last one failed yet in case they get pushy to do the next cycle, I'll call them next week I think, hopefully I'll have decided what my next step is by then...

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