Professional mums

I’m 29 and part qualified as a legal professional (not a solicitor). I was in a similar position to you last year, we decided to start TTC obviously not knowing how long it would take and I am now 18 weeks pregnant and over the moon! So no advice really but I don’t think you’re unreasonable in the slightest!

I'm an academic, where it is unusual to have a secure (open-ended) job before 30 or later, and many women don't have children until mid-late 30s as a result. I met DH just as I started my first permanent job; we were both sure we wanted children so we started ttc very quickly (after less than a year), mindful of friends for whom it had taken ages. It took about 5 minutes (!) so I ended up pregnant at 31 only just over a year after starting my first "proper" job. 31 is not young in most fields but it was young in mine; I was the youngest woman in my dept at the time but the first to get pregnant, and no woman had been pregnant in my department for over a decade. I took a short maternity leave and had DC2 two years after DC1, with another short leave. It slowed my professional development down fractionally perhaps, but not by much at all. Longer leaves or going p/t would have done so much more.

Having said that, I'm now expecting no. 3 at 41 after a fairly big gap (boys are 9 and 7) and I can totally see why women leave it late despite the fertility gamble. It is much less stressful, work-wise, being pregnant now. I've had a complicated pregnancy with quite a bit of time off work (just as in my previous pregnancies) but I don't feel guilty at all; I am planning a full 12 months of leave (again, without guilt or worry). I am just at a totally different career stage -- I am very established now and even if I do nothing much for a year or so I am still going to be asked to do things professionally just as much as before because I have an established name/reputation and expertise which no-one else has. I've written the "big book" I wanted to write. I can't be promoted much more than I have been already so although this baby will probably delay my final promotion (for which I'm already eligible) by a year or two, it won't make a huge difference overall. I feel free to consider going back part-time if we feel that's best for our family.

But there's no way I wouldn't have gone for it at 29 if I'd met DH a couple of years earlier. It's such a strong drive for some women and it certainly was for me, as soon as I felt I'd met the right man (and we both had decent jobs etc) it would have felt strange and miserable not to get on with having a baby. Obviously if you start earlier you have more flexibility about timing and also there's room for more if you might want a large family; if I were 39 now rather than 41 I'd be tempted to squeeze another in. I notice at the children's school where most of the other mothers had their first child early (20 ish) it is common to have several children spaced about 5 years apart (so once each is in school) which I can see actually has a lot to recommend it. I think one of the down-sides of leaving it to, say, mid-30s is that you basically have to have a fairly short gap if you want more than 1, and juggling 2 or more young children with a f/t job when you are still having to "prove yourself" at work is definitely the hardest thing.

I’m in consulting - had DD1 at 30 and DD2 at 33. Am really glad now.

What slowed me down was my mindset if I am honest (I wast FT after DD2 but muddled PT for a bit after DD1) plus a bit of the company not being ready for women leaders coming through with DC

If you have role models, clear path to getting back after mat leave and more importantly a DH who sees your career as important as theirs - you’ll be fine

I'm in a professional career took of 3 months for each of my 3 kids had them all in my later 20s, I'm now about to turn 40 and a high earner and top of my game, I would say I coasted while the kids were under 5 by that I mean I was still getting outstanding in my end of year ratings but I wasn't aggressively trying for promotions or job hopping to climb the ladder, the last 5 years I have climbed up a lot and whole it has been bloody hard my career hasn't suffered much. Maybe only 5 years where I would have been, but tbh life experiences help where I am now. I think some senior positions getting taken more seriously if you are a tad older. Good luck to you. Having kids is always hard 🤷

I’m a lawyer too and I had my babies at 40, 41 and 43 (currently on maternity). I am senior in a city firm but not a partner and I fully accept that I’ve fucked my career and won’t now make partner as taking 3 out of 4 years off isn’t great. Start early and actually I think you’ll determine earlier whether you even want to be in private practice/partner or would prefer to be in-house. Or even in a different career as kids do tend to focus the mind in areas you don’t expect.

Would be interested in reading your thread about salary increases (which I think are insane!), would you be able to link to it pls? Thanks!

I hope this doesn't come off as patronising, as I absolutely don't intend this to be, but you won't find an adequate answer to this on an internet forum. It's cliche, but there will never be the perfect timing: Only you and your partner can work this out. Plenty of women have children at your age in all sorts of jobs and career pathways. Plenty have them younger, plenty have them older. There's really not going to be a right answer.

You mention you want to start TTC soon: I'd say there's your answer. If you partner also wants that, don't let internet strangers put you off!

You'll be amongst many many women juggling and balancing career and parenthood.

(Having said that, I should admit I'm a little bit scarred from it taking much longer to conceive than I expect (14 months) so I perhaps am leaning to the 'go now girl! camp - but again, only you can make this decision).

Sorry if that's not helpful, but best of luck with whatever you decide to do!

I think it makes a huge difference depending on the professional job.

I had my kids at 21 and 28. I am now almost 40. Although career progression wasn't the reason I had my first at 21. Its actually worked well.

I now run 2 divisions of our company.

I think the difference is, that I studied, qualified and then have been working since, qualifying. I qualified when my oldest was a toddler. I only took 6 months mat leave with the second. I also realise you can't turn back time and do this yourself.

One issue for women is gaps. And when to take those gaps. Usually, qualifying then taking a big gap without plenty of years experience can put women further behind, than if they took a break once they had alot of experience under their belt. So I can see the point posters were making.

But everyone's situation, support, partner, employer is different. So its hard to say what's the best thing.

I am also not a huge advocate for 'wait as late as you can' either. No just because of issues surrounding female fertility.

As I got into my late 30s, I realised i was advancing quickly because alot of women were taking a couple of MAT leaves close together or taking a career break. And also, alot of men were stretched between work and family life. This is just as my kids got more and more independent and I had more time and could be more flexible.

I don't think there is a perfect time. I think you can only do what you think is right at the time and then see how it pans out.

Hi,

I am 27, 28 in June and i have 2 children i am currently trying TTC my 3rd.
I am a a senior recruitment consultant (not quite the level you are) working full time, However i am currently on the road to being promoted to manager. Which will mean a pay rise and company car. I have thought about waiting at least 6 months so i can get to grips with the role before i make my company aware i am pregnant.
I have been trying since September nothing has happened yet so while i think waiting would be a good idea i also don't know how long it isn't going to take me to conceive.

I think if you have a good support network then go for it, i don't think your being unrealistic at all.