🎵 Anyone for a spot of Sunday Evening Xylophone? 🌈 TTC Bus 52 🚌

@Juno231 the beauty of this group, we are all different, we are all supportive

@Franklydear exactly. Fiiiine.

@Juno231 ya I think you might have a bit more spare dosh than me but it's fine, I wont hold it against you 😉 I appreciate the advice regardless. We all have our own privileges. I often feel like I'm coming from a place of privilege when I'm already a mum and some are trying so hard for their first and the difference must be glaring at times.

I do appreciate I am talking it from a position of privilege as paying for IVF is very doable for us. If it meant a big hit on the finances and potentially impacting another child then yeah - odds are I could be very happy travelling and having puppies instead! There's so much good to life - but then again nearly all my close friends are opting out of having kids so that's perhaps easier for me to see!

@Manifestingbaby exactly, my heart is not broken, I can live like this, I am just fiiiiineee 🤔

@DKDK123 you've been to hell and back to get to where you are. I can't even imagine. Ya I'm exactly in the same mindset as you were. I think I just need to decide with conviction and stop second guessing.

@Franklydear I call that the "convincing myself I dont want a baby game" 🤣 when you think it won't happen you start trying to persuade yourself it's not right for you anyway. I shall save that thread for later 😀

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2779498-I-have-4-kids-what-does-he-expect Ghost thread but a good laugh

@Manifestingbaby I feel the same, ds is my priority, a second baby is pie in the sky, my wish cannot trump his needs, it is a difficult decision to make together, to play devils advocate dh doesn’t see it that way, having a sibling will benefit ds, we are both very close to our brothers, not a given I know, and we don’t owe him being an only if siblings will take resources away from him, if that makes sense, although we never really considered ivf, we will need to move if this happens, and ds wouldn’t have my total attention like now, again not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just another mum guilt thing, isn’t it, maybe it needs taking out of the equation

@manifestingbaby that's what was in our head too, if we didn't have DS we may have been more willing to risk it but with him it was money we could be spending on him too. Its a headfuck the ttc game! Tho do also hold onto the glimmer of hope that miracles do happen for no rhyme or reason. That was me, 2 1/2 years of ttc, 8 losses, physically and mentally drained, conpletely given up and yet now 22weeks with our little miracle and (touch wood) so far all is going well. I'm hoping your little miracle appears when you're least expecting it too.

The prices are eye-watering! Looks like age wise I wouldn't be eligible for full refund either. Something to think about but not sure we could afford that.

@DKDK123 thank you. That's exactly how I feel. There's also a feeling of guilt that if it didn't work thats family money been thrown away. If we were trying for our first that might be different but if we don't succeed and have put our family in a worse place financially that would give me serious mum guilt. I like your holiday idea. Silver linings 😃

@Manifestingbaby DH and I were the same when we were weighing up our options that IVF was just too much of a gamble for not so great odds when we didn't have lots of spare cash to risk, if it didn't work it would have been the double devastation of not having the baby and throwing away all that money. One thing we did consider was saving to have one go of IVF but doing it abroad and turning it into a really good holiday so that in our heads we were just having a holiday that if a baby came at the end of it it'd be a great addition, if it didn't then we had a good holiday out of it. Didn't pursue it in the end as by then I just couldn't take any more losses and gave up ttc, but I did like that idea when we were discussing it so it's maybe one to add to your list of options to consider if the thought of IVF in itself seems too much of a gamble.

@Minster2012 ya I get that. It's the fear of trying everything and still being in the same position.

@Juno231 thanks I'll look into that. God didn't even think of abroad! I actually think I'm in denial that I'm in this situation. Keep thinking surely it will happen before it comes to that. And of course that was the case for some of you so that keeps me hanging on in hope.

Hi @Minster2012 - I've held out on testing since my shameful POAS the other day. Symptom spotting like mad and obsessing over my BBT. Yesterday had awful AF cramps and backache but no blood, and they've disappeared today. I'm only 10dpo so it's a bit early for AF, I usually have a 14-15 day LP, and my temp hasn't dropped yet - feel like an amateur scientist every time I examine my FF chart 🤓

@Juno231 oooo yes that's a good option @Manifestingbaby, there are ones that effectively guarantee a baby or you get a refund, the Access ones?

@lakejupiter I'm guessing you might have tested again? How you getting on with your symptom spotting?

@Manifestingbaby if you get a package for 3 cycles or money back it's not as terrible? Besides, the stats for three cycles is over 80% in most cases. Plus there's always the much cheaper abroad options...

Well I mean sure when you put it like that @Manifestingbaby it doesn't sound like good gambling odds but for me it was always a decision of "as long as we've tried all we can" and if that includes being ok to afford a try at ivf then I would have had to do it. But we did say if the new round we were going for (when I then fell pregnant before instead) didn't work then that was our stop point.

@Manifestingbaby I am running out of time, I need it now,... I really cannot wait much longer

@Franklydear Amen to that 🙏
Ya I hear you. I'm still hoping for my miracle. Eventually, surely!

@Minster2012 In my hopeful, wistful moments I think lets do it, it could work but in the cold light of day I think I wouldn't walk into the bookies and put 5 grand on something with those odds 🤷‍♀️ and round and round we go 😂

@Manifestingbaby it’s just the percentage the nhs website gives for my age, so basically I am hoping for a miracle, but seeing that we had a few of those, I want mine, thank you, on the ivf, I gave quite a few friends with successes, so it’s not all grim
I always say that this is the best village in the world, if only we could actually live in the same place, imagine, but the best support system available, to anyone, so inclusive

See this is why the thread is so great, sharing, learning & supporting so pleasing that @Juno231 & others can help @lakejupiter, @Bundaberg84 something else to investigate

@Somatronic since early December that's ridiculous honestly I hate getting stuff like that. We had a hold up with one of our ivf cycles as a letter from my oncologists "went missing" and it then took another 6 weeks of me battering them to get another. Honestly it's despairing

@Manifestingbaby 😘I know exactly what you mean don't worry and thank you 😊 I really hope you can maybe try the ivf, yes you need to look at the pregnant yo actual live births as we know things can go wrong but it can work when you don't actually know what an issue is (unexplained I mean). That's what happened to my friends. No idea why they couldn't conceive but it just didn't happen. Put their bits in a Petri dish & back in and hey ho they are now on baby number 2 after one attempt & baby one was attempt 2. 🤞🏻

@paintfairy oh I see, thank you. I (naively)didn't think of the different stats for pregnancy and birth rate. Maybe I'm just a pessimistic person but I feel like the chances of success are too low to emotionally invest in ivf. We need to make a decision but just keep going around in the same circles!

@Manifestingbaby I looked at my specific clinic stats. Whilst each clinic has their own stats on their websites (be very careful though with how they are presented) in age groups, if you go on the HFEA website and search for a clinic you can look at much more. It'll have their headline stats but there's a link you click to see more detailed analysis. You can filter by age range but also by if it was fresh or frozen and whether it was standard ivf or icsi etc. For me specifically at my clinic it was 26% pregnancy rate and 19% birth rate. Which DH said it was utterly pointless even trying...... 🤣 Obviously that doesn't take into account personal circumstances though.

@Franklydear @paintfairy how fo you calculate your chances of ivf working? Anything I've seen online puts me at about 30% but that seems optimistic for late 30s with known issues on both sides!

@Minster2012 I'm so chuffed for you 😀 obviously amazing the way ds came about but so happy you get to experience carrying your own baby this time. Hope I've phrased that inoffensively!

@polkadotpixie it's a tough one isn't it...good to be getting referred and being proactive but no 9ne wants to bein the position of needing help either. Hugs x

@lakejupiter I'm no use to you but there are always some very informed ladies here with right knowledge, never ceases to amaze me!

@lakejupiter glad we could help! I wouldn't worry too much about the TSH btw - it might slow things down but not prevent.

Thank you @Somatronic I am going to look into it. I have started saving for fertility treatment and have an agreement with my coparent that if we don't succeed with home inseminations after 6 months we would think about IUI and other options, but I could also think about using what I've already saved to see an endo privately. TBH I have had low level issues with fatigue, immune responses etc for years and wondered if I had a thyroid issue but it makes sense it has never been picked up if it's subclinical/still in normal range -- I do suffer from a lot of fatigue, dry skin and hair, weight gain etc and can't seem to fight off infections etc very well.

I literally cannot thank you all enough, have learned more on this thread than I have through my GP and my google wormholes combined ❤️ doing god's work over here ladies!