Hello and very best of luck to everyone on this thread. I have my fingers (and everything else!) tightly crossed for you all.
I hope no-one feels I am crashing the thread, but I am scheduled for IVF next month and I would appreciate some thoughts from those with experience as to whether you think you would go ahead in my circumstances ? basically without the emotional support of your partner. Here?s the (rather long) story:
DH and I started TTC our first child seven years ago. Two years later we saw a fertility specialist who diagnosed unexplained infertility on my side. He suggested chlomid, which seemingly didn?t work, and we were then told to consider IVF. We were shocked, but were saved from making a decision as I unexpectedly got pregnant ?naturally? in the first month off chlomid. Our DD was born in mid-2005 and we agreed to start TTC a second child straight away. However, three years and eight rounds of chlomid later, there has been no BFP and IVF is now back on the table.
The problem is that ? as time has gone on - my husband has become indifferent towards having a second child and now provides little, if any, emotional support. I notice it most in the little things ? the lack of a hug even when he knows my period has arrived, the fact that he never asks how things are going, etc. We discussed his feelings at length in November, and I know the reasons for them and sympathize with some of them. As I explained to him at the time though, I still need his active emotional support in trying to get pregnant again because ? sadly ? it still involves the same practical and physical discomfort and emotional rollercoaster as the first time round. He acknowledged this and matters improved in the very short term. However, it is clear that the leopard isn?t going to change his spots.
Most of the time, I can deal with the situation. But I also have days when it gets to me and I feel like I am going it alone and that he is letting me down. Sometimes I wonder if I am being unreasonable in what I expect from him ? he is in no way a selfish or inconsiderate man generally; other times I think he is unrealistic and uncaring to think he can be prepared to father a second child but ignore the practical realities of infertility for me.
And because of all this, I don?t know what to do about IVF. The treatment start date is fast approaching, I really want to at least try for a second child and, at 39, I feel like each passing month is too precious to lose. Some days I think I can get through it ?alone? ? I have managed so far. But on other days, IVF feels like such an enormous step compared to simple hormone treatment (is it???), and I want the feeling that we are both in it together. I worry simply about being able to let off steam. I worry about coping with high dosage fertility drugs when even low dosages make me very volatile and unhappy. I worry about the treatment not working and ending up feeling that the loss isn?t truly shared. And then I get to worrying what effect that might have on our relationship ? but then equally about what the effect might be of not going ahead and regretting it ? and possibly resenting him for it - in years to come.
I would appreciate anyone?s thoughts. I have looked for support elsewhere, but there isn?t really anyone, whether parents, siblings, friends, etc. And apart from that, I am not sure anyone could replace my husband.