Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

At 46 myself, I couldn't think of anything worse. But that's me. I have two children ages ten and seven already. I also have serious mental health issues so it's out of the question.

If it works for you, go for it.

Best of luck 💕

To be blunt, yes it's too old. No child wants to have someone that passes for their grandparent taking them to school. Also a baby can seriously impact your mental health. A lot of people underestimate how hard it can be.

Of course it's too old, sorry. The chances of you having a healthy baby are very slim anyway.

I'm 32 and my 3 year old woke up 4 times last night - I'm knackered!

Do you mind me asking what meds you’re on OP? I have severe MH issues too and wouldn’t be surprised if I had undiagnosed BPD. All the very best 💐

One factor to consider is your energy. I'm 'only' 37 and just had my second child and if I could change one thing, it would be my age - and I'm hardly considered old. It's bloody tiring, especially the toddler years, and I had so much more energy ten years ago. I can only assume that at 46 I'll have less energy again.

Conceiving at 46 is very rare. Even if you did, the baby would likely be an only child to much older parents. To be honest I don’t think it’s fair & that if you really wanted to be parents you would’ve done it sooner.

I’d get to a good clinic and see what the chances are before you get too invested in the idea.

Age, in and of itself, isn’t really the issue. Yes, being a parent to a new born is exhausting but also lovely. Yes, you will be much older than other mums but if you live in a big city becoming a parent later is more common.

It’s biology and money that will be the deciding factor. You will very likely need ivf, egg quality will probably be an issue and the chance of genetic abnormalities and miscarriage higher. By all means go for it if you want to (and good luck!) but just understand the risks and have an idea of how much ivf you would be willing to put yourself through before you start.

Eggnog? I meant when I had my first child!

Do what you want, I had a baby at 44…all great, and much loved child. Life is great with them in it.

Ignore everyone else but yourselves.

I was 42 eggnog I had my first and only child. If my then husband had wanted to try for another I would have been delighted but he didn’t. One of my best friends had her thurd child aged 46. But the chances of IVF working are so slim Inthink you’d be setting yourself up for a life of pain. Have you tried conceiving naturally?

It would be too old for me, yes. I was 26 when I had my first, by 46 mine will both have left secondary school!

I lost my dad at 55 and I never count on getting further than he did. It was a big factor on us deciding to have children as soon as was financially viable.

My mum said she had a real yearning for her third and final baby at about this age, I guess before perimenopause your hormones go a bit wild, a last hurrah? I am eternally grateful she didn't and she says herself it wouldn't have been right.

@Porridgeislife

At the ops age… very unlikely to be giving a new born or even a toddler

Adopt.

Losing parents early is no fun at all.

The older you get the more risks to you and the baby with significant increases in having a disabled child. Ive had my second child at 36 and I’m finding the lack of sleep much worse - how do you deal with BPD and lack of sleep? I know my friend with BPD can’t deal with lack of sleep. I certainly wouldn’t have the energy for a disabled child at in my mid 50s.

It’s definitely not too old if you are otherwise prepared to deal with a baby. For all those saying they’re the «oldest by a mile» at their kids primary school at 40 - you would be the youngest at my dds school.

So much negativity on here! It’s never too late to try, and you sound like you’d be a fab mum with a lot of love to give. X

Also, kids seriously test your mental health, of you've got problems now, at that age, I don't think you'd cope very well

But the OP is thinking about it at 46

Best case scenario is gives birth at 47 but that really is best case.

I'm sorry, but it's too old, you're pushing towards 50. Bringing up children is exhausting, you need to be physically fit, and I suspect they will grow up feeling embarrassed by having such an old mum. And there is also the fact that they would lose you earlier which I think is unfair. You should of had kids earlier in life.

IVF& age aside. I would be more concerned about your mental health. Pregnancy can be really tough, sleep deprivation is torture and then general child rearing is exhausting. I have 2 children with SEN (inc adhd and autism) and they require even higher levels of care. It's relentless.

I would have thought it unlikely any of my children would have SEN however with the benefit of hindsight I can see nearly everyone in my family is neurodivergent but mostly undiagnosed- a lot have had depression and/or anxiety as a result. Having children when you already find the world a quite stressful place is extra demanding. However that's not to say you shouldn't try but really go into it with eyes open. Assume you will suffer at times and think about if the baby with be able to thrive in those situations.

It's possible, family of ours conceived naturally having thought she was too old

But it's very hard when older, they are so exhausted, struggling a bit with the life adjustments whereas when you are young it's easier to go with the flow. If you also have mh issues that will be compounded. I wouldn't consider it if you need to work really, the stress of dealing with childcare plus the house might be too much where as if you are a stay at home mum it's a little less stressful

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17.

So many say it is too old but I had my daughter at 42 and I have never felt that I didn't have the energy to keep up!!

Now she is 9. There are 6 mums in DDs class who have turned 50. I don't stand out like a sore thumb, nobody thinks I am her grandma and I don't use a Zimmer frame or have a blue rinse.

She is the best DD ever amd I have never ever regretted have her. We have so much fun and she is amazing. Go for it if you really want to!

You are in a good place now, happy and stable. You have all the emotional and hormonal turmoil of peri /menopause about to hit.

Parenting teens is usually so hard, the emotional toll on MH can be huge.

Parenting teens in my 60s, no thank you!!

You can be a wonderful aunt and uncle to the DNs you could look into being respite carers too perhaps.

I think your feelings are real and valid and spend some time working through the grief of not having DC.