Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

[quote xmasfairy21]@Double3xposure only talking do the ones I know (know quiet a few!)

None work FT actually none work more than 2 days a week. As I said, it's knackering - even more so if you have boys or are single. [/quote]
Generalising about the few that you know to a whole group is bigotry.

Same as generalising about all the black people, Jews or gay people.

Why don’t you reread your post like this - how do see they seem to you ?

“ I know several black mums age 46/48 and now kids are ages 8-12, all just worn out granny looking, have daytime naps, one play date is a massive deal etc”

“ Several of [their] kids are embarrassed of (sic) their black mums already due to their age, being out of date etc”

“ I know several Muslim mums age 46/48 and now kids are ages 8-12, all just worn out granny looking, have daytime naps, one play date is a massive deal etc”

“ Several of [their] kids are embarrassed of (sic) their lesbian mums already due to their age, being out of date etc”

“ I know several gay dads age 46/48 and now kids are ages 8-12, all just worn out grandad looking, have daytime naps, one play date is a massive deal etc”

You don’t think that’s offensive ???

I think it's too old for many reasons.
One is that you're heading towards menopause at that age and that can be a very tough time for some women. Therefore being a parent to a young child would be very difficult at that stage.

A good friend just had a surprise second baby at 44- she's coping far better physically than I did when I had my second in my early thirties!

But admittedly, 46 is very late to only just be embarking on a fertility journey. I think that the toll of IVF combined with the slim chance of success would be more of an issue than coping with one baby in your late forties (plenty of grandparents in their 40s,50s,60s end up with grandchildren living with them full time)

Yes, it's too old.

I think your age plus BPD would mean you’d set yourself up for a very difficult life.

IVF can be gruelling.
Toddlers are too.
Teenagers in your 60s sounds incredibly challenging.

Plus you’d be more likely to have a child with additional needs or disabilities which would increase the challenges.

No sorry I wouldnt!

Yes far too old in my opinion.

@Double3xposure only talking do the ones I know (know quiet a few!)

None work FT actually none work more than 2 days a week. As I said, it's knackering - even more so if you have boys or are single.

Many mothers and fathers in their 50s are working full time. Not having “ day time naps “, “ all worn out looking “ and “ being out of date “.

More than your age I think the main thing to consider is your mental health. Especially as it would be your first child - having a baby will likely put massive strain on you. Do you have a good support network? I'm 41 with a four year old daughter. I would love to have another baby but my mental health has never been worse than it has this year. It was hard when she was a baby because she cried a LOT and didn't sleep much. I got through that, and some other very difficult things but it's all taken its toll and I'm broken now. So I'm trying my best to accept that I won't be having any more.

Don't not fair on the child

I know several first time mums age 46/48 and now kids are ages 8-12, all just worn out granny looking, have daytime naps, one play date is a massive deal etc.

Several of kids are embarrassed of their mums already due to their age, being out of date etc

You didn't want children enough before so I'd argue you don't now. Get a puppy ?

Also depends were you are. In Central London first time mother's over 40 are quite common among middle classes. Elsewhere you might stand out at schoolgate. Here not so much.

This is your body having a last hoorah before menopause. You honestly don't want a baby/ toddler plus menopause.

46 is too old imo.

@toooldtobeamum
Go for it, I know a woman who thought she was going through the menapose at 47 turned out she was pregnant for the first time, if it doesn't happen at least you tryed.

I'm 38 ttc number 1 but been starting but been at it from 35, have had 4 miscarriages and 1 cp and hoping ivf helps, good luck on your journey 🍀💚

I wouldn't but then, I had my DC very young and have been battered by life a bit so now I'm 43 I just feel knackered most the time. I have a 4 year old grandson who I look after regularly and although I LOVE spending time with him, I also love him leaving

Everyone's situation is different - if you're fit and healthy then why not? I think though, if you've been content prior to your DFs passing and this is a relatively new thing you might benefit talking it through with a professional before you decide, to avoid making a permanent decision on what might be temporary feelings.

Is your BPD under control completely OP? Could you handle the lack of sleep, anxiety, the physical symptoms of pregnancy and recovery after birth without throwing you off balance?
Are your relationships stable and healthy and unaffected by the BPD?

Honestly, I think this is a bigger concern for both you and the baby that your age.

I'm 48 and there's no way I'd go back to looking after a toddler at this age. Not the right thing to do for mother or child really.

Also - lot of people on here saying, “I did it at 40+ and it’s so difficult etc. therefore don’t do it”. I bet these parents would still have their children given the choice.

Don’t worry about what society thinks. Do what’s right for you and your potential child.

Do it, there are several parents in my DDs who had their (mostly first and only) baby at this age, they don't look out of place at all and are wonderful parents.

It's ridiculous that there only seems to be about 3 years or so when you are not considered too old or too young to have a baby.

Go for it

I don't think I would tbh. I'm 40 with three young dc. I feel like an older mum in the school yard! Also, if you are happy and stable with your meds and life is good, I wouldn't want to jeopardise that.

I don't understand the casualness of saying just use donor eggs, particuarly suggestions of going abroad. There are real ethical questions to be considered before going down that route. There are health risks to the woman who has donated her own eggs, it's not like a man donating sperm.

If going aborad in particular, questions should be asked as to how genuinely willing the woman was or whether they really understood what they were signing up for e.g. the method in the USA or Spain of targetting young women to donate their eggs in exchange for money. IVF is a big, profit driven business and the fact there are even "egg brokers" on the international market with the potential exploitation of other women, almost certainly younger and poorer than the recipient, isn't something which should be glossed over.

A friend got married at 29 and they just left it to nature. Pretty much given up thinking it would happen when boom she got pregnant and had her baby at 46. Her husband was 51. Both fit and healthy. Her son is 19 now and they are totally happy they had him!