Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

Do the math people

Hadn't thought of that - My DGMs were 42 and 46 when i was born. So same age or younger than the OP.

It is true that a woman at 60 years old with a primary school-aged child, will look like the child gran.

I think if you have love to give and you want to do it then absolutely go for it!! Would you consider doner eggs? Sounds like that would be the best bet. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide

[quote EmmaGrundyForPM]@NotMyDayJob that's not what she said. She said women she knew who had their first child at 46/48 looked like grandmothers when the children reach 10 - so the Mums are getting on for 60.[/quote]
Well it's still a horrible thing to say

@NotMyDayJob that's not what she said. She said women she knew who had their first child at 46/48 looked like grandmothers when the children reach 10 - so the Mums are getting on for 60.

I would say yes, too old. Im the same age as you OP had my 1st at 23 and 2nd at 31 and even then there was a noticeable difference to my energy levels lol!. There's no way I could physically or mentally do it now and I'm peri menopausal and thats something to take into consideration too.

I had my first at 21, second at 25, now 30weeks pregnant at 33. I'll never do this again!

@hiptobeasquare Sorry, didn't mean to cause offence, I was more thinking of overcoming the age factor and the fact the OP said she had a lot to give. But point taken

@R0tational please do not suggest adoption so lightly. It is likely to be more physically and mentally demanding than a birth child. I have both birth and adopted children. I love them both, but my adopted child faces so many more challenges and I have to help him navigate the world. It is the most draining thing I have ever done. I would do it for him again in a heart beat, but people should go into adoption with their eyes open.

@itscoldinhere I specifically referred to posters suggestions of just going abroad when the ethics/regulations are varied. I gave the USA and Spain as examples, not the UK, where there is a direct exchange of payment. If the OP is being encouraged to "go abroard" then considering the regulations in the country of choice is sensible.

I do have close experience of children conceived via donor eggs from one of the countries listed above. The children come from the donor eggs of a young woman who was paid to donate them. They are very loved and wanted but their own DM, now the children are adults, has herself voiced retrospective concerns on the methods she used to coceive them.

It's an emotive subject but I don't think the ethical debate should be dismissed or not be considered when discussing using donor eggs. I didn't say women shouldn't do so but these are points to think about before going down that route.

Honestly I had my first at 26 & I'm pregnant now (albeit tentatively - early days and losses in between). Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting have really put my physical and mental health through an awful lot and tbh I wouldn't want to do this at nearly 50.

Each to their own though & it's about what is right for you & not other peoples opinions.

I would say dont do it for a 1st either, had my last at 44 and I know what the next 20 years holds for me as my eldest is 23 and its draining to even think about.

Donor banks in the UK are highly regulated and donor eggs are often banked by women who are offering them for reduced IVF etc. Many SMBC using donor sperm donate eggs themselves to 'give back'. Abroad treatment eg Greece would be due to age of IVF commencement not for any nefarious motives. Gamete donation in the UK is not what you're suggesting. No one gets PAID for donations in the UK - they either donate because they want to or for reduced treatment. Since 2005 no gamete donation is completely anonymous either.

There are ethical ways to proceed with this path. Look at HFEA and DCN for more info.

Not read the whole thread. But I am 49-nearly 50- and exhausted by a difficult YA, menopause, the pandemic, work, elderly mom and a husband with health conditions. No way would I have been able to handle teen and YA problems at 63 ( if I had had a baby at 46).

Even if you are very healthy - I am- don't undersestimate the challenges that mid life can bring: aging parents, wobbly job market, health conditions, and now just the pandemic.

Hmmm sorry OP but I do think it’s too old. Do you really want to be battling through the newborn baby stage aged 46/47 & then the toddler years which will consume your late 40’s. You’d be 51 or thereabouts when they started school. I can only speak from personal opinion of course so you may see things very differently. But having older parents can be hard for a child too.

Could you adopt? So many children out there need loving parents & a welcoming home

I think it depends how much you want it. Have a look at the trying to conceive over 40 threads and see how hard those women are trying. Following them for a while gave me a big reality check.

While I don’t think it’s ideal I do think a lot of comments aren’t fair and ageist. You’d think the average 60 year old used a Zimmer frame. I think there are also low expectations of older people here which you don’t get in some other countries. If you go to countries like Japan you’ll see a different view of the elderly.

Would ivf work at your age? I’m not sure it has very good success rates. I’m 47 and have grandchildren now as do most of my friends.
I honestly don’t know how to say this nicely but I think you will probably be a burden on a child. Sorry

Had my last DD at 41,(2nd marriage) I was very young looking,fit, healthy. A year later became a granny. Then I end up with a young child, plus working full-time,and looking after my dying Father. 30 years on,her DP grandparents are my age,it makes me feel awkward. When he met her DS,he says,oh, she's the same as as his Mum!

It’s not ideal from a health and general energy perspective really but I’d def rather have one at 46 than not have one at all. It is the best thing I’ve ever done. My mum was 40 ( conceived naturally) and she managed ok