Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

@AgrippinaT 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

Too old

I'm glad there's finally some positivity on here!!

I fell pregnant 6 months ago when I was 43 and partner 59 (!). We're embracing it 😊. It happened, it was a miracle and our child will be much loved. A few people on here have said it was hard to have older parents, others mentioned the pain of loosing them so young. But children will always find something about their parents that they don't like - and people can drop dead at any age. My partner's father died of cancer at 50. A friend's wife died of cancer in her early 40s, leaving 2 small kids aged 2 and 5 plus her husband behind. One tragically died in a car accident far too young, another was hit by a train. This is life.

@AgrippinaT I know age is just a number is a popular saying, but it is not true. I haven't said to have a baby or not to. But at 46 getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term is rarer, so you have to be prepared to deal with miscarriage. If you do have a child, the risk of disability is far higher. It also means any chance of early retirement is out of the window.
I also would question how much someone really wants a baby if they leave it so late to try.

so many people just talking about the baby years!! they are the easy times. the hard times are when you are nearly 60 and you have recalcitrant teens doing GCSEs , starting drinks and drugs, all that stuff being disrespectful etc. for me it is the hardest time, and i look back to toddler year with nostalgia! a baby soon turns into a teen then into an adult, and that is a really painful process!

Jesus Christ the responses on here are blowing my mind.

Of course it's not too old. Go for it! You have to try... you will regret it forever if you don't at least try.

The joy a kid brings is amazing, and I'll be damned if I don't suggest you do it at least once. Age is fuck all; a number. If you're fit and feel up to it... crack on.

I'd give it a try, if you're fit and healthy. I had my DD at 40 and I feel young and would happily have another later on. I do get knackered, but I don't think that's being 40 it's just small kids are exhausting.

@2022newyear I don't believe many women 46-50
Would manage to be good parents for another 20yr, For 0-20 of a child's life

The energy required, avoidance health problems, keeping relevant / young, social side (friends with peers / kids social group), earning enough to fund it all plus your pension.

Nope not possible sorry

of course it’s perfectly possible. That’s like saying nobody has the energy/cash/friends to cope with large families, disability, or any of the other non standard 1 or 2 children in a neat heterosexual middle income family. It’s crap, it’s perfectly possible and people have been having children in their 40s forever.

What a lot of negativity on here! I don’t think 46 is too old. Ageing is very different these days. I think there are some people that are old before their time but if you are young at heart and fit/in good health then you could be the physiological equivalent of being in your early 40’s. Some people are so ageist.
At the end of the day, most teenagers will be embarrassed of their parents regardless of their parents’ age!!! If you have the energy to be up in the night and then run around after a toddler, and nature obliges, then it’s your decision. I think it’s more important that a child is in a loving home with people who have love, time and resources to give, than the age of the parents, personally.
At 20, I wouldn’t have had much to offer at that stage of my life. At 40, I had tonnes to offer and I am now looking to have a second child. I’ll be 42 in January. I know that’s younger than you but it’s only a few years difference. It’s knackering but it’s a total labour of love - you find the energy.

@TopCatsTopHat I disagree.
I don't believe many women 46-50
Would manage to be good parents for another 20yr, For 0-20 of a child's life

The energy required, avoidance health problems, keeping relevant / young, social side (friends with peers / kids social group), earning enough to fund it all plus your pension.

Nope not possible sorry

There’s a large number of men and women under 40 who can’t handle parenting, as the child abuse, child neglect and child abandonment figures show.

Yes but that won't be directly related to age (in most cases) that might be financial, emotional, social etc depending on their own upbringing and circumstances, those issues can impact parents of any age. The risk factors most are mentioning here are directly relating to age because that is what the thread is about. When picking the perfect age to have a child very few are going to say 46, just as very few will say 16, age needs to be factored in when family planning, where possible. It's not a personal attack on anyone.

*Aging is a reality, there are plenty of ladies who at 46-50 could handle parenting for another 20 years but also some who couldn't (no one knows what health/life issues lie around the corner at that age) and it would be weird to pretend otherwise. Obviously some circumstances tilt the odds more one way or the other but as the risks go up bit by bit, year by year so does the balance of the factors in the decision

There’s a large number of men and women under 40 who can’t handle parenting, as the child abuse, child neglect and child abandonment figures show.

Personally I do think it is too old. I'm 37 and my youngest has just turned 2 and I am really feeling my age just now.

[quote Phrenologistsfinger]@Lifeisnteasy well, I am doing IVF scanning for chromosomal abnormalities as we speak, any embryos that aren’t euploid (chromosomally normal) won’t be transferred! This significantly reduces the likelihood of chromosomal issues like downs syndrome. It is doable but getting euploid (normal) embryos as an older woman can be the hard bit - on average 1/3 will be normal but that is average only. It’s a numbers game for me at 39 and it will be even harder in mid-40s. But not impossible![/quote]
Absolutely but it’s an issue for natural conception in terms of the likelihood of the outcome being a healthy baby and mother.

There is a lot of ladder pulling on here. Sure it’s easy to judge when you have kids but in another woman’s shoes, you would do the same. You are just lucky that you don’t have to.

@Lifeisnteasy well, I am doing IVF scanning for chromosomal abnormalities as we speak, any embryos that aren’t euploid (chromosomally normal) won’t be transferred! This significantly reduces the likelihood of chromosomal issues like downs syndrome. It is doable but getting euploid (normal) embryos as an older woman can be the hard bit - on average 1/3 will be normal but that is average only. It’s a numbers game for me at 39 and it will be even harder in mid-40s. But not impossible!

Still don’t get it!

I regard IVF that I’ve seen friends go through as seriously tough and so I do regard it as very much trying to conceive - but you think your ivf was a different experience…. Then fair play!

I do think it's the most selfish thing you can do, which is why I find it so strange that some parents on here are calling others selfish for wanting to do so (in this instance because of their age).

Actually, I've been very lucky in not having to desperately try to conceive. I hadn't realised how very difficult it can be for some people until I tried myself, which is why I wish anyone who would like to conceive bloody good luck with it 🙂

I didn't realise there was anything odd about my post. Perhaps you've taken my use of the term selfish as aggressively derogatory, maybe I should have used self-serving or egocentric. I meant it is something that is done exclusively for the benefit of the individual doing it.

And yet you come on saying you think it’s the most selfish act there is and scorn parents who think they are selfless…. When absolutely no one is talking about the selfishness or otherwise of becoming a parent…

And yet you have been desperately trying to conceive through ivf and now pregnant

Odd. So odd.

@Phrenologistsfinger absolutely, but the man doesn’t carry the baby, his body doesn’t carry and grow it from a microscopic dot & give birth to it. There are a few conditions more likely with older fathers (autism & bipolar off the top of my head), but older eggs are more associated with physiological health issues such as Down syndrome. It isn’t fair, but it is what it is. I once heard a NICU consultant saying the rise of babies in NICU is strongly associated with older mothers, particularly those needing IVF.

@Lifeisnteasy actually - as someone going through IVF right now and having screening for chromosomal abnormalities due to age - there is an equal likelihood that male sperm dna fragmentation can cause issues in any baby! The embryo gets 46 chromosomes, 23 from the egg snd 23 from the sperm. Any issues with those on either size are problematic. Age and lifestyle can absolutely mean that older men’s sperm (I’m talking late 30s/40s) is no good and leads to miscarriages and abnormalities! So many male factor infertility issues on the infertility and conception boards. It’s just our slightly misogynistic medical system has traditionally put it all on the women. In part because fertility doctors tend to be gynae ones not urologists.

[quote oftenbaffled]@destiEos

You’re on multiple pregnancy threads

You’re pregnant![/quote]
I am, yes!

@destiEos

You’re on multiple pregnancy threads

You’re pregnant!