Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

Plenty of women have kids in their 40s.

@RoyalFamilyFan

Out of interest, when did you have your children? And how old were you?

@toooldtobeamum
Whilst I haven’t got any children of my own, and TTC our first at 35, I could never imagine taking any notice of other people telling me whether to be a mum or not, regardless of their reasonings.

You have one life. If it’s something you want, please do it. Take no notice of anyone else’s opinions one what you should do.

@RoyalFamilyFan yes we do, why? Honestly 60 isn’t ancient do you think you’re going to suddenly fossilise?

@5zeds do you not have family days out with lots of family activities as well?
Anyway just repeating what this woman says about how exhausted she is all the time.

Haha not me then! I'm 45 with a 20 month old and I'm a size 18!

Arf at the “no energy for teenagers”, I’ve had 5 teens and I find them perfectly manageable and not at all “arduous”. They need a lot of driving to and fro and lots of chatting.....sounds a very good fit Forman older couple. Are all of you who are saying “don’t do it” particularly young mums? Loads of people have children in their 40s.

I have to be honest and say the 40+ new mums that I know look quite gaunt, thin and exhausted compared to the younger ones. The younger ones tend to gain a bit of weight rather than lose it, so maybe that helps, I’m not sure.

And middle-class mums usually overcome the lack of energy by having lots of paid help from cleaners to au pairs to lots of organised sports and other clubs.

@Moonbabysmum I see it when the kids are older. One of my friends had her first baby at 42, second at 45. First has significant educational challenges. When they were babies and toddlers she was fine and active, usual level of sleep deprivation but okay. By the time they hit 8 and 11 she was constantly complaining about being knackered.
I never think mid to late forties is too old for babies in terms of energy levels, but most people don't have the same energy levels in their old to late fifties.
I thought the OP had bipolar? Women with bipolar are fine having kids if their bipolar is well controlled. If it is not, it is not a good idea and unfair on the kids.

I think it's teetering on the edge of too old, but I wouldn't judge anyone for it.

Where I live (not London but pretty middle class), most mums I meet at baby groups are in their late 30's - early 40s. With my first, I was one of the youngest first time mums in my NCT, and I was mid 30's. I have several friends who had their first at 40+, though mostly early 40s, not much later. Late 40s would make you one of the older mums, but only by a few years, and not to the extent that you'd stand out.

I also don't notice any real difference in energy levels between younger mums and older mums, though it's possible that would materialise more when the kids are teenagers.

I don't think anyone would consider it agist to say 17 is not an ideal age to become a mother, so why the double standards?

I'm sure most people have an opinion on what age is too young to have a child, I'm not sure why it's suddenly unfair to have an upper age limit, age is a big factor in child bearing and parenting for lots of reasons, it's not just a number.

I certainly agree that mental health is a massive one. there are few
people who would say that their mental health has been improved with a child. i have started taking sertraline recently which has certainly been triggered by some of the antics of one of my teenagers. My ex had MH issues; and the stress of toddlers made his situation much worse .

Not that many people have a good understanding of BPD to be confident to comment, but everyone knows about parenthood and age.

Also there's reluctance on this forum to say that people should rule out parenthood on the basis of disability/medical conditions unless it's something absolutely drastic that will kill you within a couple of years or regularly get you sectioned. Sometimes not even then.

Children will always find something about their parents that they don't like - and people can drop dead at any age

So true. Congratulations on your pregnancy @MiracleBaby2022!

I don't understand why everyone is so fixated on age and entirely disregarding the other factor of this equation. Borderline personality disorder is no joke, is notoriously damaging for the person's close relationships and has a huge potential to disrupt a kid's life.

@feistymumma

2 years ago you posted on a thread re whether to have another baby

* Definitely no for me, had last baby at 33 she is 10 now, eldest is 20. Time for some peace and quiet.*

So you changed your tune!

Yes I advanced search! Tucked up under a blanket with a rotten cold and too much time on my hands feeling rough!

Go for it, not my first but I've just had my 4th at 45, am turning 46 in March and he will be 8 months old. I am absolutely loving having a newborn again. If I didn't have really bad pelvic issues I would have tried for another one.

I think being younger obviously has benefits for the likelihood on being healthy but a few comments mention being retired and having teenagers like that’s a bad thing. Being retired would have benefits as you wouldn’t be exhausted from work. I see a noticeable difference in my parents now they’re retired. Much happier and more active. They along with lots of new retirees wouldn’t want teenagers to parent but some others might.

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@Shmithecat2 you have more energy to deal with it all at 40.[/quote]
Do you? How so?

@Shmithecat2 you have more energy to deal with it all at 40.