Is 46 too old to be a first time mum?

I think it's a bit old to START thinking about it. IVF is a very slow process. Some tests can only be done at certain times of the month, so months pass very easily. Also, you'll likely need an egg donor, so there is a waiting list for that. You could go abroad, but then you'd need time to research which country/clinic to go to.

I had twins at 47 (I'm 49 now). I started IVF at 40, and it took 10 rounds and two miscarriages.
Luckily age didn't impact on the pregnancy - I flew through it with no symptoms at all. The birth was fine (scheduled c-section) and I was running around within 2 days.
I'm tired now with toddlers and working full-time in a very demanding senior role. But I think I'd be tired even if I were 10 years younger.
Also, I didn't have to worry about menopause. During a check-up when my babies were 9-months old, I was told I'm post-menopausal. I never had any symptoms. So somehow the menopause coincided with being pregnant.

I'm also not worried about being an older mum. My mum was 42 having me (and 44 having my brother), and my parents are still active 91 and 92-year olds. I was always proud to have older parents - my mum had a career before having kids (which was unusual in Ireland in the 60s/70s). The only sad bit is that they won't see my kids grow to be adults.

I'm 47 with a 10 year old and I'm tired , I'm fit and healthy but I feel too old to have a small child . All my friends are free with teens going off to uni ! Also your eggs are 46 years old and things can go very wrong ! Not everything is detectable in utero !

I think too old too OP. Sorry. My health has seriously declined in the last couple of years. At 46 I still felt quite lively. Now I've got arthritis in both knees and my mobility is compromised. I can manage things for myself but a baby / toddler I would struggle to look after on a daily basis.

At 46 you are statistically as likely to conceive naturally as for IVF with your own eggs to work. The vast majority of women who get pregnant in their mid to later 40s are using donor eggs. So I would say, if you want to try, try, if you've not hit menopause then biologically speaking it can still happen. But I wouldn't waste your money on IVF. I say this as a 41 year old pregnant with a donor egg after many miscarriages (and this pregnancy has not been plain sailing). 42 was my personal cut off. Incidentally my DGM was 42 when she had my DM in the 50s. I can assure you all I am a much younger 41 than she was and my DM has no reservations about me going ahead with this pregnancy due to my age.

Personally I wouldn't go for it, but it partly depends how old your DH is. If he's your age or younger that's one thing. If he's ten years older, or a smoker, it's quite another.

It always strikes me how many people who've never looked into it think that IVF is a magic solution for age- related sub fertility. It can be miraculous at fixing specific fertility issues, but it will mot make you younger. The options are not "see if it comes naturally but if it doesn't we'll use IVF", they're "see if it comes naturally and if it doesn't we'll spend the price of a house deposit buying another woman's eggs".

I say this from perspective of someone who’s father had me at 49

Honestly I think it's far too old but whatever decision you make it'll be important to understand that unless you have a lot of money to throw at this it's not very likely to happen. Celebrities make it look so easy!

Yes
Quite simply, yes

I had/have a good stable life (wonderful relationship with DH, nice home, good jobs, good health) and the mental toll and loneliness and anxiety around pregnancy (I'm "only" 38 but there are increased health risks) has TOTALLY SHOCKED me.
I east expecting it and wasn't prepared for it. No one seems to talk about this either... I would really think twice before going ahead.

[quote Ginger1982]@sweetbellyhigh what's incredibly selfish at any age? Having a baby or having IVF? [/quote]
Having a baby. That was in response to the poster, was it you? who claimed it was incredibly selfish at 46.

I don't think you can adopt or foster if you have significant mh problems, as a safeguarding issue for the kids and for your own welfare, if you have a condition that may be made worse by stress, sleep deprivation, challenging behaviour etc, you need to be well enough and stable enough all the time to provide a safe home and to stay well yourself.

Sorry Op but for me it's too old. I'm 35 and TTC my first and already I feel a bit old for it so at 46 now way.

It's a personal choice though - I don't think asking others opinions on something like this is helpful for you.

@sweetbellyhigh what's incredibly selfish at any age? Having a baby or having IVF?

I've just turned 47 and I don't think it's an ideal time to have a baby. I'm perimenopausal, the menopause is on the horizon within the next few years which can obviously bring a lot of upheaval and be difficult. I just feel feel differently, mentally and physically - like I'm entering a new phase of life and can't really imagine dealing with babies and toddlers now. The thought of having a teenager in my 60s is unappealing and a bit scary! But OP you need to consider everything and decide if it's for you. We're all different.

I had an older mother with bpd and it was abysmal. I think poor MH combined with hormone changes and just generally being knackered was a total recipe for disaster.

I would consider fostering instead, then you can get proper support and breaks in between, and make a huge positive difference to children's lives.

I think it's too old personally. DHs parents were in their 40s when he was born which meant we were dealing with their old age when the DCs came along. But I've had children who are now teens , and I'm about your age, so my perspective is different.

The people casually throwing in “why don’t you adopt an older child?” like that isn’t something that would take years and years and dedication and be very very difficult, even more so than parenting a birth child, need to give their head a wobble.

Honestly yes I do think it's to old. I was 39 when my youngest was born and DH was nearly 47. Youngest was a surprise. We adore him but the reality is when he is 13 his dad will be 60. Its definitely more tiring the older you get.

I think that it would be a very expensive thing to do with a fairly minimal chance of success.
You mention bpd so I also think you need to consider the impact on your health

I think IVF has its place, but helping women who are past their natural child bearing years isn't it.

As a child of parents who were 40 (mum) & 45 (Dad) - Please, please don't.

The age gap was just too vast. My parents were tired before we were even born! I was bored senseless. My parents couldn't run around and play with us, had no real desire for much fun and were frankly, just too old to be parents!
I lost my Dad when I was just 26 and was not at all ready to lose a parent and he never got to meet my DC. My Mum will not live to see DC grow up.

Honestly, no. Having a baby is HARD. So hard. And with increased maternal age comes increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities. As a parent to a disabled child, I would strongly recommend considering very carefully how you would cope with this sort of scenario rather than just the rose tinted, fluffy newborn aspects.

Without a background of robust mental health, I just think it would be way too much.

Also, if you are 46 now, even if you are successful, you could easily be 48 by the time the baby is born. You’ll be in your 50s by the time they start primary school. By the time your child finishes university, you’ll be 70.

Yes I think it’s too old.

Far more risk of a child with special needs Harder on yourself and your potential child.

It definitely can happen, I think perhaps just give it a try! I have a friend who had her first and only at 45 and she and her daughter have a wonderful relationship.

I would agree with PP, it’s a bit late, but totally your decision, wishing you all the very best for the future.