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Original poster

Any with 4? I'm ttc 4th .... (but I'm having 2nd thoughts...)

38 replies

ernest · 10/11/2004 22:16

I've always thought 4. For me, 1 is too few, 2 is too boring, 3 is too uneven, 4 is ideal.

We have 3. 3 gorgeous boys. B4 ds3 was born i said if he's easy we'll go 4 another, if he's difficult we'll have to think again. Well, he has been the most perfect easy dream baby, but far from making me feel confident, I now fear having another 'cos no baby could compare. I worry I'll have a hard time with the next cos he's been so perfect.

We just decided a couple of weeks ago to go for no. 4. I was feeling ambivalent, but dh said he wanted 4, so I thought ok, i always said it b4 so why not? But now I keep hearing tales of how much more difficult 4 is than 3 - travellimg, can't fit in a normal car, juggling kids school & social life,etc etc. Plus, to be totally honest, I really fear having a girl. i love haviing 3 boys. I love it. I've never been a girly girl, always found boys & their toys much more fun. hated people asking me if I was hoping 4 a girl. What if I had one?? All the fuss the family would make of her.. I worry I'd feel resentful. plus the birth. had such hard time stupidly watched couple of birth programmes & feel sick at thought of all that pain again....

Oh God, is this like last minute nerves b4 a wedding & everything will be ok? Af not due for over a week, but I'm sectretly freaking out how I'll cope with 4, what if it's a girl, I can't think straight. Panick mode.

OP posts:
miam · 13/11/2004 08:24

We have 4 girls and 3 bedrooms so 2 share each room. Fortunately they are good sized rooms!!

emmatmg · 13/11/2004 08:21

Ds2+3 share and they love it.

morningpaper · 13/11/2004 08:18

What do people do about BEDROOMS? Do you have big houses or do they share?

emmatmg · 13/11/2004 08:16

Ernest, I've got 3 boys and I'm constantly asked if I'm having anymore. I would love to be in your shoes to say "Yes, we're trying for another". Before we had children I always imagined having 3 (DH wanted 2) but now that we're here with 3, 4 seems ideal, lovely, prefect and complete to me.

Sadly, for me DH is along way from agreeing. Also I do worry about spreading myself so thinly amongst the children(but then I thought that when I was Pg with Ds2 and then Ds3), like you at the moment I suppose but I know that in my heart I will ALWAYS want another baby. It breaks my heart to think that my baby days are over. I am very envious of families with 4 although I am blissfully happy with my little gang.

I agree with Goobleigook,(and I have alot lately, I think we might be cosmic twins or something!!) if you don't go for it and have No.4 I really think you will regret it as this has always been your plan.

Apologies about all my typos and extra commas etc but Ds3 has taken a liking to the Pc lately and I have to post a message as quickly as I can otherwise he comes along and bashes at the keyboard making it lo.o.k li./[/k;e th']262is (can you break the code?) so no time to preview.

I'll look forward to reading your 'Due in.....' thread.

Original poster
ernest · 13/11/2004 07:43

you lot are so brilliant. Thanks so much for your answers. Marslady, you have terrified me. I am terrified of getting pg then discovering it's twins. i was really hoping it would be twins last time so I didn't have to go through this again!

Next time I get the heeby geebies I'll refer back to this ......

OP posts:
MarsLady · 10/11/2004 23:17

having twins certainly helped the end of my baby days. I have to say though that I am a little sad that that is it, and yet at the same time I am so relieved that we've gotten this far and have such wonderful children. Am definitely indulging the twins though. Making the most of them being my last. I have a baby signing kit, I'm about to join a tumbletots/crechendo type group. Never bothered with the others, but somehow, this being the end...

cardigan · 10/11/2004 23:09

Trying for number 4! since yesterday. Hope we do manage it (track record of difficult pregnancy and miscarriage) Good luck ernest.

Gobbledigook · 10/11/2004 22:49

LOL Marslady!! My dh is keen to go along and 'get sorted' but I don't want my options closed down. I always said I'd like 3 but now I can't imagine my childbearing days being over and I just love having a houseful of noisy rabble!!!

MarsLady · 10/11/2004 22:48

strangely, despite the fact that I have 5 and the final 2 are twins, I'm constantly asked if I am having any more. Must look like a baby making machine I guess. Dh has his appointment for the 22nd.

Gobbledigook · 10/11/2004 22:39

Ernest - I know where you are coming from as I'd love a 4th but worry about the car issue, bedroom space, holidays etc. BUT, if I had a 4th I'd just love it (having 4 I mean) I know I would. I think everyone is happy with whatever they have - 1,2,3,4 or more, boys or girls. Children are such an amazing blessing I can't imagine you resenting them at all - it's easy to worry in the cold light of day when they aren't here because it's just 'another baby' not a real person yet that you know and hold.

Also, if you've always said 4 and it's been your plan, go ahead. What if you don't and you regret that later?

Sorry if I've not been helpful but I'd love 4 so am going for the encouraging you option!

JanH · 10/11/2004 22:38

When we went for 4 I already had 2 girls and 1 boy so nobody could say anything - used to see the cogs whirring sometimes while they tried to think of an assumption!

I agree with marslady and miam, ernest - after 3 it doesn't seem to make much difference (though I might have found twins a bit harder to adjust to!!!)

The boy/girl thing is something else; I think you will love and enjoy whatever you get (if you go ahead with your original plan) but I can see that after 3 of a kind the alternative seems scary. I've never been a girly girl either but my girls and I got by and you would too.

miam · 10/11/2004 22:34

marslady!!! agree that the step from 2 to 3 seems to be huge, but 3 to 4 is much easier! And know what you mean about people asking if you are hoping 4 a girl. i have 4 girls and everyone assumed that I was pregnant again to have a boy.(maybe it was the only logical conclusion they could find to explain why I would have 4!) In my opinion 4 is a lovely no.

MarsLady · 10/11/2004 22:24

I don't think I'll be too helpful here ernest. We decided to go for no.4 for the same kinda reasons. We had twins and now have 5. However, once you've done 3, it ain't nothing but a number. It's amazing how much you can love all of your children. Go for it. Enjoy!