Dealing with the heartbreak of TTC

@FlyOnTheWall89 my gp was really good, said we'd been trying etc, How many months, what we had been doing and he jut said I'll send you for some tests. Have to wait for it to fall so many days after AF so unlikely there will be any trying this month. But just be useful to know. DS is with hubby and he happened straight away, so just frustrating and upsetting why it's not happening now. Maybe speak to your GP, mine was so helpful

Oh my god I could have written this. First baby month number 1, now TTC number 2 and I'm just going onto cycle 4.

I literally want Craig David tickets for next year (biggest fan) and not buying them cos what if?

I feel you. I have decided to live in the present altho I know that isn't as easily said as done.

@FlyOnTheWall89 private checks around my area are about £500 for like AMH and SA checks etc.

When ttc my first as it took a while after mc I had a scan to check health of my uterus and ovaries and lining etc was adequate as I worried about light period. And that was £150. Funnily enough I fell that cycle was cycle 7 for me!

So hoping this is my lucky cycle 7 too! Just waiting for AF to show as know im not pregnant 😤

So it can just take time. Even thought it’s hard to workout HOW?! Must be drowning in the stuff 😂😂

@Kk200989 I feel the same as you and I’m now on cycle 7 trying for baby number 1 - over that 6 month number feels shit. It’s really hard when people ask questions / make presumptions. I guess just know they’re not doing it on purpose, it’s just you don’t know how it feels until you’ve been through it. Presumably you’re going privately for bloods and swimmer check? I am debating doing this too. I feel more calm on CD3 but think my anxiety would be eased by checking things are okay. Any idea how much the checks are?

I could have written your OP myself, I am exactly the same. No advice I'm afraid but sending a hug

@Kk200989 I’ll be entering my 7th cycle too..AF due next couple of days and got BFN today so know I’m out.

My DD is 3 and half. So yes time is of the essence for us too.
Had a big cry at DH today as he’s sad too it hasn’t happened quicker due to the age gap we will have.

Sigh. It’s hard. But got to stay positive. We’ve only done half of what can be considered normal. I try remind myself that!

@Hope18 my DS has also just turned 3. Was really thinking I'd be pregnant by now. Even worse people keep asking if I want more and when will we have a second. I suppose you assume if people have had one a 2nd will be easy. Honestly I feel myself feeling so sad and thinking about it all the time

AF was 2 days late this month, itsnever late, like ever, got my hopes up and bam it's here today. I've lost count, think I'll be going into cycle 7. Best friend just announced to everyone she's pregnant and I'm finding it hard to be around anyone. I just want it to happen so badly and it's not. Got an appointment soon to check my bloods and DHs swimmers to see if there is a problem. Its so disheartening. I feel like I'm seeing pregnancy and babies everywhere 😩

3rd day of AF..but it’s hit me harder this cycle. Still can’t shake the disappointment this time round ☹️

Hi, can I join too?
I could have written the original post. DC1 was conceived first cycle, now we're on cycle 4, and it's all just a little bit sad each month. DH doesn't get it, he just shows up when I ask him to (mostly!) and he is now taking the vitamins I gave him. I've been taking folic acid since feb/March, and am now on vit c too because i have quite a short luteal phase.
A lot of my friends have already had their second, when their first is the same age or younger than mine (he's 2).
I also spend some time each month looking at possible due dates, when the 12 week scan would be etc 🙈

Literally feeling the same about age gaps, DD just turned 3..so if we're lucky enough to fall DD will easily be 4 or 4 and half by the time baby is here..

@Fredthefish don’t give up! I go through that in my head and think we will stop once she will be of school age. Which is only 3/4 months or trying. But realistically that want for a baby isn’t going to go away.

The age gap is what it is now. It was out of my control and still is as can’t control when you fall.

I wanted a 2.5 age gap 😂😂😂 DD will be 4.5 at least I think but I’ve had to be rational.

Maybe this is what is meant for me and our family. And once it happens I won’t wish it was any other way.

(Equally I cry each cycle and think time is slipping away for me too. It’s craps. Hugs)

Hi! Is there room for another? Relate to a lot of your posts!
I have a DD (4) who I conceived first time and didn’t know much about it all like @Hoping43
This is our 8th cycle of officially trying but came off the pill over a year ago. I’m due on on Friday (but 11 dpo). We have had two miscarriages since March too which I find so frustrating!

I’m trying to forget about it but currently not succeeding!! Loving some of your suggestions. @FlyOnTheWall89 each of the times I got pregnant but miscarried was when I’d given up. So I need to give up clearly!

How do you deal with having a much older child than you’d wanted? I’m going to end up with a 5 year age gap or more if I do have another. Part of me wants to just give up!

@wannabemumof2 could of pretty much written your post as well.

AF just turned up for cycle 5 for me ttc #2. I have a DD. Who is 3.5 so older and way past age gap I wanted but we couldn’t try until recently due to health issues. I’ve wanted a baby for a long time. So I’m finding it hard having to “wait as such”

I fell first time as well. Had a mc. And then my DD took 7 cycles!! I couldn’t understand what was going on lol!!! Hoped this time would be fast again…but nope!!!

So frustrating and feeling defeated. Like it won’t happen bla bla. When likely it will…Eugh. You all get it.

Onto cycle 6… let’s keep each other company. It can be a slog right.

[quote FlyOnTheWall89]@Hoping43

I think you would be very young for menopause. Night sweats I am sure can be related to many more things than that.

I think you need to be rational (sorry to be brutal). You say with your second it took 8 months... it could be another month and you'll get a BFP! Equally it could be a year.... 93% (apparently) conceive within a year and despite that seeming a dreadfully long time, it is normal (!!). A lady wrote the other day how it took 1 month with her first, 11 with her second and 4 with her 3rd. There seems to be no pattern or logic and that sense of being totally out of control is crippling which I totally understand. It is a difficult process but getting yourself super worked up, as you say, defo will not be helping. You can also take some reassurance that the tests you had done a while ago were fine... yes, they may have changed, but you do not know that.

I have days just like you are having - I actually think I lost weight through the anxiety of it last month but I gave myself a sharp talking to and feel a bit better now. I wish you so much baby dust. My mum always wanted 4 and got there in the end with a 13 - 10 year gap. I am sure your dream will come true xxx[/quote]
I know what you mean but I think it's the uncertainty and lack of control that's the problem. When you suffer with anxiety anyway, TTC presents such a huge opportunity for worry x

@Hoping43

I think you would be very young for menopause. Night sweats I am sure can be related to many more things than that.

I think you need to be rational (sorry to be brutal). You say with your second it took 8 months... it could be another month and you'll get a BFP! Equally it could be a year.... 93% (apparently) conceive within a year and despite that seeming a dreadfully long time, it is normal (!!). A lady wrote the other day how it took 1 month with her first, 11 with her second and 4 with her 3rd. There seems to be no pattern or logic and that sense of being totally out of control is crippling which I totally understand. It is a difficult process but getting yourself super worked up, as you say, defo will not be helping. You can also take some reassurance that the tests you had done a while ago were fine... yes, they may have changed, but you do not know that.

I have days just like you are having - I actually think I lost weight through the anxiety of it last month but I gave myself a sharp talking to and feel a bit better now. I wish you so much baby dust. My mum always wanted 4 and got there in the end with a 13 - 10 year gap. I am sure your dream will come true xxx

Hi all hoping I can join?
Reading all your comments definitely makes me feel less alone! All thought were only entering cycle 2 for TTC#2 Its on my mind constantly! We said we would stay relaxed but last cycle I had an Evap line which was heartbreaking as I believed it until I kept getting BFN after and then AF showed early and was awful!!
Baby dust to all..
Xxx

[quote FlyOnTheWall89]@Hoping43 hello!! Yes it is still going in my eyes :-). I am on Cycle 6 TTC number 1. It is quite a journey and one I didn't expect to find so mentally draining and challenging. It is amazing that is isn't talked about more widely and there is a stigma about it taking a long time. It is immensely lonely because so few friends know and most of my friends with babies seemed to become pregnant within 4 cycles. I am on CD12/13 so I am currently in the thick of it as it were and hopeful this month could be the one.... but it is a bit relentless!!!!

Did you approach it in the same manner with Baby 1 and 2? Which vitamins / method did you use? x[/quote]
Hello. With number one, I didn't do anything. Literally just got pregnant. Had no idea about ovulation timings or anything, was using standard lubricant etc. Second time around I fully expected to get pregnant as quickly so I found it tough when I didn't and all my NCT friends fell really quickly with their seconds and I just couldn't understand why it wasn't happening for me. I did way too much googling and determined there was definitely a problem. Luteal phase, possibly not ovulating, low progesterone... all those things that actually I knew nothing about but just jumped to making assumptions on it all. I had acupuncture, took a high dose of vit d and pregnacare and we used preseed. We started fertility investigations as my cycles were 28-34 days which they classed as irregular. All my bloods were fine, ultrasound was fine, husbands SA also fine. They said I possibly wasn't ovulating because of my "irregular cycles" so I was prescribed letrozole. They literally gave me the option of that or IVF. Anyway, turned out I was pregnant when we had the apt and I didn't know so didn't need anything and it was on the 8th month.

Fast forward three more years and the same cycle is happening again. Since having my second, I have bad night sweats around the time of my cycle so too much googling has convinced me I'm going through the menopause. Same concerns around luteal phase, ovulation, progesterone. I literally don't know what is wrong with me but I seem to be unable to stop myself from terrifying myself with all this googling. I'm approaching 35 now and apparently there is a long waiting list for fertility so GP is happy to start the ball rolling again. I really didn't want to go down that road again but worried if we leave it til 12 months and the waiting list is long then it could be wasting time.

This time I'm taking pregnacare, vit d, coq10, a b complex, vitamin C, omega 3, preseed and having accupuncture.

To add into the mix, my sister started trying at the same time as us and she's having her baby in Dec. It's really really tough and I am struggling to cope, I have to be honest. I am very lucky to have two amazing children and I absolutely know that but my dream is to have three and I don't feel I can rest until it happens.

I feel like my mind set is causing the delay in TTC but I simply cannot relax as I'm sure many of you can relate to x

@Hoping43 hello!! Yes it is still going in my eyes :-). I am on Cycle 6 TTC number 1. It is quite a journey and one I didn't expect to find so mentally draining and challenging. It is amazing that is isn't talked about more widely and there is a stigma about it taking a long time. It is immensely lonely because so few friends know and most of my friends with babies seemed to become pregnant within 4 cycles. I am on CD12/13 so I am currently in the thick of it as it were and hopeful this month could be the one.... but it is a bit relentless!!!!

Did you approach it in the same manner with Baby 1 and 2? Which vitamins / method did you use? x

Hi. Is this thread still going? I’m on cycle 7 of TTC number 3. It took 1 month with my first and 8 months with my second but I forgot how bad the journey is and currently really struggling 😭💔

We are TTC number 2-cycle 13 I think or so. When I was pregnant with my 1st (straight away) I didn’t know I was pregnant up until nearly 8 weeks which I was in shock. And was travelling and hiking like crazy not knowing I’m pregnant.
Trying to plan/book things again etc as it’s taking long now and I don’t know if or when it happens, so need ‘“to live” now..
Good luck everyone with bfps hopefully soon.

@wannabemumof2 I'm finding it son hard, she knew we are trying so she's waiting for good news and it's getting to a point I just don't want to talk about babies or pregnancy because I feel so down is not happening for me. Then I feel selfish and feel worse again. But so nice to vent and speak about it and know others are in the same boat at the same time. My DH doesn't quite understand, he's really supportive but it's just not the same when you are the one who wants for your time of the month and it appears :(