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Conception

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Original poster

Problems with family member over IVF

27 replies

Hayleyandbaby · 26/11/2007 17:53

I am 16+1 and my sister just had IVF and is 6+1. However, she didn't have anything to do with me at all between me getting pregnant and her getting pregnant and she's really weird with me now.
She seems to resent me (which she says she doesn't) and when i approached her she yelled that she feels like a failure and that she can't get pregnant just like that finger snapping she also said that I'll be able to go on to have loads of kids and she'll only have her twins.
She's negative about everything and she's worried sick she can't trust her body to have the babies. She won't even consider giving birth so she's having a CS.
I just don't understand why she's weird with me now or why she says she'll never be the same because of what she went through. Even though she says she doesn't resent me she really does seem to.
I know she's been through a lot and I've tried to understand but she's not having any of it and treats me like I'm a stupid, horrible person. I'm really frustrated with it as i'd like us to share the experience of our first pregnancy's together.

Has anyone else been through similar? If so, please could you explain? I know it sounds like I'm being stupid, but I have genuinely tried to understand and be sensitive but there seems to be something I'm missing? Am i really so far off the mark?

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 26/11/2007 18:05

You're not being a horrible, stupid person, I'll bet that your sister is just very very sensitive at the moment. I had lots of fertility treatment to conceive DD and at 6 weeks I was terrified of miscarriage, because I didn't know whether it would be my only ever pregnancy. I was a bit of a loony, to be honest. Until DD was born I was scared that there would be an un-diagnosed problem, when she was born she almost died, then I had 6 months of stressing about SIDS. I'm not saying that it's a good thing, or that people who have fertility treatment care more about infant death, just that I was paranoid because if I lost the baby, there probably wouldn't ever be another.
Now I'm setting up more treatment to try for another and I'm really nervous and, I have to admit, quite jealous about people to can have sex and get pregnant. I have a maximum of 4 "goes" which really puts the pressure on.
Congratulations! on your pregnancy by the way.

lissielewzealand · 26/11/2007 18:00

she is frightened and feels innadequate. the fact that you are pregnant too is compounding these feeling because she knows that you managed it naturally and she couldnt. being unable to have a baby makes you feel less feminine.

women are built to have children, we have periods so we can reproduce, we have breasts to feed them. this is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world and failure to do it "right" is devestating.

i know that its not your fault that she has struggled to conceive but she has. and its a big part of who she is now. give her time, let her get past the 12w mark. then the 20w scan. then the birth. because she wont believe it untill she has those babies in her arms.