Secondary infertility. Anyone?

Kids will play role play games which will include pretend siblings, I don't think it's all that deep.

My daughter was also playing with her baby Annabelle this morning, bringing her pretend food and drink and saying "this is for you baby sister" 😭

Yes @MrsRosaline that’s exactly how I feel. When they finish playing and leave with their siblings I really feel for her. I know this may sound ridiculous just pulls at my heartstrings and makes me feel so guilty. My friend has ivf twins and moans it’s hard work (of course I appreciate it must be) but doesn’t seem to get the predicament I’m in. As I type she’s playing with sylvanian family toys talking about brothers and sisters 😟

This is me and I identify with all of your stories. @whistlers good to hear the point around age gaps. I had planned for a small gap and have been tortured about the fact that has very definitely been and gone.
I conceived my first in 5 months and have been trying for nearly 2 years for number two. All I have is a miscarriage to show for it. I start IVF in September as a final roll of the dice…it’s been bloody awful 😢
@Jellyfish7 I also see my son looking longingly at other kids in the park. The whole thing is shit.

@Jellyfish7 my daughter is the same. In the park, in the pool, wherever she desperately wants to play with the other kids and it breaks my heart 💔 She does ask them to play and she will join in but I can't shake the feeling she's a bit lonely... I don't know.

I notice how much easier it is when our daughter has another child close in age to play with, which makes me regret not having another sooner even more! She’s at an age where she craves the company of other kids so I do my best to organise play dates. I actually feel there should be an onlies play date group where you can meet with other one child parents or does this already exist? I’m hoping school will help as she’ll naturally make new friends and less pressure on me to be the other child which can be very intense but I know isn’t her fault as she needs another child to interact with.

When children are close in age, yes they play together but they also fight like cats and dogs and have higher levels of sibling rivalry and jealousy.

Probably easier for the parents in respect of finding activities etc, but generally, developmentally, a larger age gap is better for the children.

That's interesting @whistlers. I haven't read that before. Most of what I've read is from the point of view that an age gap bigger than four doesn't work for families because the kids aren't close in age and you have to spend time with each child separately, rather than any time as a family. If I conceived in the next cycle my daughter would be 4 years and 7 months.

There are 8 years between me and my sister and we were always at totally different stages of our lives and it's only now that I'm older do I spend much time with her.

By the way, the 'perfect' age gap from a purely child development angle is around 4 years.

Under that age the children don't get enough one to one time.

I know '2 under 2' is a thing, especially around here, which while nice for the parents in many ways, is not the best for the children.

With my son we conceived on the first month trying. Imagine our absolute shock when it's taken 2.5 years to conceive again - 15 months trying naturally and the rest IVF/FET.

Ttc is a cruel mistress. Meanwhile all the nct group have got second babies all over a year old, and one nct friend is on her third (accidental) pregnancy.

It's shit.

@Jellyfish7 I could have written your post myself! I wanted another but knew I had to wait until my daughter slept a bit better. She's 3.5 now and still doesn't reliably sleep through the night but i feel like it's now or never. I thought I would get pregnant very quickly, but for some reason it's not happening. Every month that goes by I wonder if the age gap is just getting too big now...

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, sometimes feels like it as all I see are siblings playing together. I feel very down about it at times, just isn’t how I thought it would be. I really regret not trying sooner but our dd was a terrible sleeper (only started sleeping through at 4) and I can remember thinking I couldn’t cope with the broken sleep plus a newborn, not realising I’d have fertility issues further down the line 😔 I get asked a lot if we’ll have another, I try to take it as a compliment as I don’t look my age, but really why do people feel they can ask ? Isn’t it obvious it’s either through choice (one and done as they say) or fertility issues? Maybe I’m too sensitive but sometimes I feel myself hiding my tears behind my sunglasses trying to keep it together. Feels like an ongoing painful nightmare that I can’t easily fix.

We struggled for years with multiple unexplained miscarriages after having DS who’s now 16 w. I got pregnant time after time easily then had an early miscarriage every time furthest I got was 9 w with a heartbeat at 7 w before that . I had all the tests and DH too everything normal , no abnormalities found from that 9 w pregnancy either I had a d& c for in the end . Then saw an expert who put me on steroids on a last hope kind of thing unfortunately they destroyed my health after that we went for ivf and surrogacy in the US and our daughter was born after 2 cycle with our first surrogate so we’re quite lucky not to have had any further complications since it was already quite complicated and very expensive . the process took 2 1/2 y from first looking at agencies to her birth and in total we tried 5 y for the second child . DD is 9 y now . I wanted third one for y since she was about 18m old but it didn’t work out and after 1,5 h ivf cycles before pandemic struck I think I’m done with that . I’m too old , ill and tired and we got a puppy in December we’ve wanted for years .
My message is to not give up if you really want another one there are options out there . I know I’m an exception with my 10 miscarriages and the steroid affection me this badly when it has helped some others . Good luck in any case !

I had secondary infertility but also severe pcos. My first son was born May 2010 following 3 rounds of clomid.
When he was 8m we decided to start trying again. After a year of nothing I went back to the fertility drs. Clomid, hysteroscopy severe OHSS abs many years of upset when my son was 6 we stopped trying and I made my peace with one.
2018 I started to feel menopausal ( 36) and went to the gp yes she said perimenopause, be careful with contraception she said....
august 2018 I fell pregnant naturally and have a 2 year old now!
Don’t give up hope.

@SlothMamaToBe - you are in the same situation as me, 1 daughter each from previous relationships aged 9 and 10. Been trying for 2 years no joy, now paying for IVF as no funding on the NHS It's so hard when you have eventually found the person who you love and have waited for the right time (6 years)!! .
Good luck ladies x

Does anyone know what treatments are offered to couples suffering from secondary infertility? I have pcos and was given clomid to concieve my first child but I had none existent cycles at that point. Now I have fairly regularly cycles and track ovulation so I'm not sure that's the problem anymore. We ordered my partner an at home semen analysis kit and that came back as negative but I don't know how accurate they are. I'm not sure if the Dr would investigate much further with us already having a child.

Yes, we had IVF for DS and all subsequent attempts have failed. I'm embracing being one and done.

DD 10 years old , different partner, been trying for 16 months 😞. DP also has a 10yo DS from previous relationship. Undergoing investigations at the moment. It’s heartbreaking. I finally met someone I would love to have a baby with and it just doesn’t seem to be happening for us. We don’t qualify for IVF on nhs due to already having children , even if from previous relationships. Wishing everyone the best of luck on their journeys.

Yes, tried for 2 years for a second (DS is 4.5 years old) with nothing to show but a miscarriage. No explanation, all tests came back as good (especially considering I'm 40), cycle tracking was on point but still nothing. Had IVF at the start of the year and now I'm 20 weeks and keeping my fingers crossed.
It's so tough though, I was mentally starting to prepare myself to let go of the hope for a second if the IVF didn't work, it's such a hard thing x

Yep, been trying for 4 years for baby number 2. Our daugher is 5.5 years okd. I had 5 miscarriages since including IVF. Its all a bit too much now and given I'm nearly 38 I think I will give ourselves 12 more monts and finito...

Not sure if it counts but I feel like it might - DD was a miracle baby as v unlikely we would conceive naturally - total surprise! I've had three miscarriages in a row this year. In the meantime, pretty much all of my TTC friends are pregnant - I'd be over halfway now.

Anyway just joining to say I understand - I want a sibling for my DD more than anything in the world and my heart breaks right now thinking that I don't think I'll ever get that chance.

Oh yes, we did have investigations after a year. It was a male fertility problem. They said I was unlikely to get pregnant and we were really lucky to have DS naturally

Yes, it's rubbish. My doctor said there is nothing wrong because you have DS! Turns out DS was a miracle.

We tried for 7 years, even had IVF with no luck. People stopped asking if we were having another one years ago.

I will stay however the need to have another one has faded away slowly. DS is 11 now, I am 37. We went out today and a toddler was having meltdown, I thought there was no way I wanted to do that again.

I think I am at peace with having one child

Yip! It's completely shit. And I wish ppl would stop asking when I'm going to have another, surely I'm not getting to let DS be an only child etc 🙄 like a kick in the stomach every time 💔