Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@LA9610 that’s great news, those are the bloods that really matter according to a lovely professor at glasgow royal 😂

But yeah, if they confirm the 3 main things are fine - ovulation, SA, and clear tubes - you’re left to wait 2 years then ivf list. It’s mad, isn’t it? I get that they can’t help everyone and if the stats are telling them that 2 years is best (and don’t get me wrong I want a good go at trying naturally) that’s what they have to do, but I feel like if a couple have between testing for ovulation, confirming it with temp shift, and timing sex for a year that should be enough to warrant help sooner.

@User1400 haha it’s purely because I’m one of those people who cannot rest until they know the “whys” and “hows” of stuff. You can’t just tell me “this is what happens” - why?! And how do you do that?!?

Plus I’ve had the pleasure of being able to harass 3 different gynae specialists plus my gp with questions 😂😂

@LA9610 hadn't heard of HyCosy either until I was referred for one, and then I started frantically Googling! My fertility Dr referred me for a HyCosy due to a history of Chlamydia, I'm sure not what all the reasons are that you can be referred for one.. I was really nervous about it initially but now I just want to crack on with it. Deep down I am still hoping and praying we can conceive naturally however I am more than willing to go ahead with treatment at this point. Even up to a few months ago I was reluctant at the thought of going through IVF but now I'm like, bring it on!

Oh no, that is definitely an added stress that your DH works away, I would find that quite difficult to cope with. I don't want to be one of those annoying people telling you 'don't worry, it will happen', but 10 cycles is still considered normal in terms of TTC ☺️ I know that won't put you at ease at all as I remember how I felt coming close to the year mark.. it feels like some sort of deadline looming!

Ah yes it can be really bitter sweet when AF arrives before an event.. You can take the positives of being able to enjoy your day/holiday, but it still hurts😞.

Wowzer that is amazing you can DTD everyday! That's one thing I have complained quite a bit about on this thread, me and my OH only DTD in the fertile window and even that is a slog.. TTC has really done a number on our sex life lol.

@HopefulGlow The stats are so frustrating aren't they, how can I we be in this 2%!

I feel the same that I am always hearing stories of people just looking at their partner and ending up pregnant🤣 but as my OH often reminds me, you never know what is going on behind closed doors. There is likely people who are struggling that I don't know of, much like most people don't know I am struggling, so do I try and keep that perspective in mind too.

I have heard lots of stories about people falling preg as soon as they reached out for help and I live in hope that it will be our story too, but I try not to indulge in that too often as I just have a gut feeling we will end up the IVF route.

@Amy259 You seem like you are super on the ball with all the TTC knowledge! Xx

@Amy259 - good shout, I actually completely forgot my GP did ask me to book in for that but I couldn't go last month as was on holiday, have just booked in for next week :) Thank you!!

@LA9610 ahh yeah you need the post ovulation bloods - so they call them day 21 but basically it needs to be as close to 7 days after ovulation. Glasgow gynae don’t even check the big hormone bloods, it’s just day 21 they care about. So get onto your gp for them for sure!!

@Amy259 - I see, jeez nothing about this process is easy is it? I've not had a day 21 blood tests done, only a normal blood work-up (included hormone levels). I do have regular periods so i'd like to think I am ovulating every month but i've never been able to catch ovulation on OPKs (gave up with them ages ago). We dtd daily or every other day so i've never been concerned about missing it. Did your GP order the testing to confirm ovulation or was that done after you were referred?

To be honest I think I am now going to look into costs of private fertility assessment, I don't want to wait another year to find out if I am/am not going to be a candidate for the IVF waiting list :(

@HopefulGlow that’s so funny! My DH can cope with like cheese on the top of lasagne etc but would never ever just eat cold cheese or melted stringy cheese. He says it’s just “off milk” 😂😂

@LA9610 yeah it does take a long time unfortunately. If they find anything wrong, like blocked tubes or something, you get bumped up the list but otherwise you just have to wait.

Did your day 21 bloods show you ovulate? Clomid induces ovulation so it’s only for people who don’t regularly ovulate - say PCOS for example. If you’ve had the bloods, have regular cycles and confirm ovulation they won’t touch you with it because it can have a detrimental effect (and wouldn’t change anything for the better anyway if you already ovulate) xx

@HopefulGlow - work keeps me pretty occupied to be honest and I am doing chartership exams every 2-3 months so between that and trying to stay active and workout a few times a week I am pretty busy most of the time. I love that you are taking up new hobbies, i've recently taken up golf as well (DH is golf mad so mostly so we can spend more time together!)

I've no idea on the acupuncture, is that supposed to help with TTC? Let us know how you find it!!

@Amy259 - Thanks for the info, I had no idea it takes that long after referral, is there nothing that they can offer in the meantime like Clomid? I hate the thought of being 33 before even getting started on something like IVF :(

@Amy259 what?! Haha your husband is exactly like my OH then! Hates cheese and cauliflower too haha it’s hard because I actually love cheese….I have to cook with it when he’s not home, otherwise he starts heaving 🤣

✨💕✨

@LA9610 I’m in Scotland too ☺️

So here you don’t even get put on the ivf waiting list until you’ve been trying 2 years. Your gynae referral you’re waiting on will be a phone chat and they’ll refer you for a hycosy (I paid private for one recently but I’m waiting on the nhs referral as you still need to go through their process if you’d hycosy shows your tubes aren’t blocked). So once I’ve had the nhs hycosy we just need to wait until the 2 year mark - which is like June for us, but our consultant said he’d try to get the ball rolling for April. Then ivf list is currently about a year after you’re added to it in Scotland, but they’re trying to reduce that.

All my tests have been fine so far and DH’s SA was grand so we just need to keep trying.
It’s all a big waiting game unfortunately!

@HopefulGlow my husband would die 😂 he hates both cauliflower and cheese (I know!!!) so maybe I’ll just pop round to yours at Christmas 😂

@LA9610 ah you’re Scotland too! There’s a few on here from near you then :) I’m from the East Midlands.

I know what you mean, it’s just such a shock and it’s hard to get your head around. I can’t believe you’ve had so many announcements this week though. That’s got to be so rough for you.

Do you have anything to keep you distracted? I’ve taken up crafts and attempting to bake 😂

I have just booked my first acupuncture appointment this week! So I thought why not give that a go haha I have no idea how often they recommend to do it though?

I really hope you get the SA done soon, I didn’t know there was such a long wait for them. I might push my OH to bug his doctor for them sooner!

✨💕✨

Thanks for the lovely replies. I've been feeling really down the past few days (not just about ttc, but it is adding to it) and reading them all really has helped me realise I am not completely alone in this and my feelings.

@User1400 - Sorry to hear it's been two years for you so far and that you also struggle with announcements :(
I had to google what a HyCosy was there as haven't come across that term! Did you have any other pelvic scans first that lead to getting that done?

That’s what I try to do to, like last time I got my period I was fine with it because we were going on holiday and at least it meant I didn’t need to avoid alcohol but I would say most months I do get upset. We can’t try every single month though as my husband works offshore and every 2-3 months the timing just doesn’t work, so we have had 10 cycles so far. Are you considering any treatment or just going to continue trying?

@HopefulGlow - ahh my SIL announced a few months ago too, the ones I mentioned were just this week! It honestly seems like everyone I know is either pregnant or had a baby in the past year! SIL is due in December and that one definitely hit us the hardest as it came as a shock... her 2nd child wasn't even 1 yet and we didn't actually know that they were going to have a 3rd child but the timing was like a slap in the face because it was obvious that it happened very quickly for them again (their first pregnancy was an accident) and I think that was the first time my husband really thought 'okay, so why is this not happening for us??'. Obviously those feelings passed after a day or two and we are happy for them but that day we both felt a bit broken.

We live in Scotland, where are you based? I know, 3 months seems so long! I also don’t know how long it will take to hear from Gyno, it was about a month ago that the Doctor referred us but I haven’t heard anything yet. My bloods and pelvic scan, and the SA were just ordered by my GP so we haven’t seen any specialists yet. I guess we could go private just for the SA but then if we are still waiting to see a specialist then there’s not really much point at this stage!

@Amy259 – Are you on the list for IVF or to see a specialist or anything? Totally get what you mean about peace of mind, I would pay private too if my tests hadn’t been done quite quickly as I was convinced that I am the problem.

Your bedroom plans sound lovely btw :)!!

x

Evening ladies! Sorry for the late reply! 💕

@User1400 I’ve never gone out for Christmas dinner but the idea of not washing up is tempting haha I do love having a nap and going for more though 😂

Thank you for sharing that story about a friend of a friend, that’s definitely the positive news we need 💕

@Amy259 your bedroom sounds lovely! It’s going to feel so nice when it’s all done too. I love a good change around.

your dinner sounds lovely too. Do you have cauliflower cheese with yours? I’m obsessed with it, but I’m the only one in the family who eats it 😂 so I might just make one all for myself 😍

@User1400 that’s so weird I was looking at these statistics the other day too! I often think maybe I’m the 2% too haha I’m sure my sister was trying for over a year, as soon as they made a doctors appointment and did the first checks, they caught naturally. I then hoped that would be me too.

But sadly I know a few accidental pregnancies. More than people who are struggling and that’s even more frustrating. One person I know was on pills for like 15 years, then boom, pregnant by accident. It just blows my mind!! I try so hard not to feel ‘broken’ or useless, because I would never think this of anyone else in this position. So why are we so hard on ourselves? 😩

@AZ1992X I’m so sorry about AF arriving, have you managed okay since starting? I love the positive view on a fresh start, that’s exactly how we should be thinking of it.

@LA9610 welcome to the group! I’m so sorry you’re in this position too. I think joining a group and letting it all out has helped me, so I hope this helps you too.

I don’t have any close friends announcing so I can’t help with that. I only have acquaintances and now my SIL. It’s so hard to be 100% happy for them, but we are and that’s important to remember. We just also want to have that moment too 💕

I’m on cycle 15, TTC 1 year and no BFP yet either. I’ve just had my second blood results back, all normal, now my scan is next in 2 weeks. My OH is going for SA once my tests are done.

I can’t believe how long your wait is for SA. Where abouts do you live? Could you maybe go private for them? I’m not sure on the costs though 😩

Everyone here has ups and downs and we will always do what we can to bring each other back up! ✨💕✨

@User1400 I know exactly what you mean about the stats! 85% within a year and 96% within 2 years blows my mind. It must be pretty impossible to accurately know though, surely?

@AZ1992X sorry to hear af has arrived, glad your wait is over though. Here’s to this cycle! ♥️

@LA9610 welcome! Sadly the long waits seem to be across the board at the moment 💔 I ended up paying privately for some stuff for my own peace of mind, but it doesn’t speed anything up when it comes to further treatment (IVF) with NHS. More just to answer some questions for my own sake. DH had a 3 month wait too, but glad your bloods and scan came back good.

I’m sorry to hear your sister struggled, but so please she has two boys now! The good news is that apparently (conditions like PCOS etc aside) fertility isn’t genetic so try not to worry too much that you’ll face all the same hardships she did ♥️

In terms of coping, I used to go through phases of being all-consumed and SO low about it, it’s all I could think about, immerse myself in etc. But that’s getting less now there seems to be nothing I haven’t googled 😂 so I don’t sit obsessively scrolling anymore, I think I’ve seen it all at this point! And if I do get the urge to do that, I try not to let myself because I know that it makes it worse. So I would say if you’re one for going down a googling whole, maybe set yourself a time limit then move on it doing something else?

I tend to go between “we’ve got this!” and being sad for a few days every now and then but I think that’s really normal, and everyone does. This group is amazing for those moments where you feel like no one else gets it, because someone here will probably have been there. So welcome 🥰 xxx

Hi @LA9610, welcome to the thread! I’m so sorry to hear you’re in this position too, it really sucks . I believe the OP did eventually get her BFP, so at least that is some good news to start you off on .

That is mega frustrating your DH has to wait so long for SA.. At least you have been able to access help on your side, and really positive news that there have been no issues flagged. I’m sorry to hear your sister struggled too, did she conceive naturally with her boys?

I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice in terms of coping with friends announcing pregnancies as I have been majorly struggling with that one too. If nothing else, I hope it gives you comfort to know you are not alone in your feelings💕. I’ve found this thread super helpful, letting it all out to other ladies who know exactly how I am feeling. I have had the same feelings of emptiness, as if i have no purpose, I put this down to maternal instinct messing with my head.. an added blow from mother nature herself . We all have our down days and it’s important to let yourself feel those feelings, however in terms of coping, I do try to keep myself busy and focus on the things I can enjoy whilst i am in this position ☺️. It’s definitely easier said than done some days, but you are in good hands on this thread!

A little bit about me.. TTC #1, 2 years and counting, never had a whiff of a BFP. OH has had SA and I have had bloods, all confirmed as fine. Currently waiting HyCosy at the end of the month for next steps 🥰.

Xx

Hey everyone 👋

Hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread, after yet another set of friends announcing their pregnancy, and an ex close friend giving birth the other day I'm feeling exactly how OP was. Does anyone know if she conceived yet? (I haven't been able to read all of the messages, just the first and last page).

Been ttc for almost a year now and genuinely just feel like it's not going to happen and beginning to feel like I have no purpose in my life atm 😩 I've had ovaries scanned, blood and hormone levels checked, smear test - no indications of anything wrong. I've been referred to gyno but there is a huge waiting list and DH has had a letter saying there is such a backlog for sperm sampling that they will get in touch in 3-4 months to arrange an appointment 😒

One of my sisters didn't conceive for 5 years (in her early 20s), then miscarried but then went on to have my 2 boys. She's now 32 (18 months older than I) and she has been ttc again since she last gave birth... that was 6 years ago. My other 2 elder sisters got pregnant straight away with no troubles but im really worried I am going to be like my sister who has struggled, and the problem is I am 10 years older than she was when she first started trying 😭 I can't bear the thought of this taking years and watching everyone around me getting pregnant. Even my nephew has a child before me.

How do you all cope with this?

Evening all, I think AF has arrived for me now 😔 least I can move on and get ready for the next cycle.

@User1400 Yes, I’m keeping my fingers crossed we all get that bfp for Christmas ❤️❤️, and that’s nice to hear that it happened for them naturally after trying so long!

Oo I love the idea of going away for Christmas! Where would you go if you could?

Girls, I’m curious..

I’m on Dr.Google (never a good place to be!) I’m reading the stats about percentages of couples who will conceive within 1 year, 2 years etc. Apparently 98% of couples conceive within 2 years. What do you ladies think about that? For some reason, that statistic has never sat right with me. I know of a few friends who have taken 2 years+ to conceive and often hear stories about friends of friends who are struggling, and I just think to myself “what are the chances I am in the 2%!”.

Pretty silly of me to be arguing with statistics, but I just can never shake the feeling that it’s not accurate . What do you all think?

@Amy259 Going out for dinner certainly takes all of the stress out of the day🤗 Don't get me wrong, there is something extra special about being at home with the family (plus being able to unhook your bra when you've eaten too many roast potatoes!) I always toy with the idea of going on holiday over Christmas, yet to actually go ahead with it 🎅🏼.

Haha, I know what you mean! Earlier this year it was all getting a little too much and we took 2 months off TTC, so when people tell me to relax I'm like, we tried that, for F sake 😂😂. It's nice to hear though and any glimpse of hope is more than welcome with me at this stage hehe.

Xxx

@AZ1992X ahh sorry to hear about the bfn. And that your cycle is a bit longer/confusing - it’s like adding insult to injury when that happens, isn’t it?

@HopefulGlow I’m the same, our current bedroom is dark so I’m going light this time - creamy carpet, light wooden furniture, thin black metal bed (pre-existing!), black metal thin round mirror, black curtain rod with stone-y neutral curtains with a floaty net under curtain, linen coloured washing basket etc, big shelf above the bed for plants (also pre-existing). Candles and soft light! I’ll attach some Pinterest vibes I like…
Fairy lights make such a difference dont they?

Not sure about Christmas main, but your lattice thing does sound lovely! I’ll need to have a look for something along those lines. And I’ll do a bird (probably chicken) and a red meat (maybe lamb) for my folks.

@User1400 I always have going out for Christmas dinner in the back of my head, it’s very tempting! I’m okay thank you, busy with work which is always good during the tww.

Aww you hear SO many stories like that. Depending on what mood I’m in, I’m either like “that’s so lovely, maybe that’ll happen to us too” or I’m like “oh ffs if I hear about one more couple who stopped trying and it suddenly happened I’m going to lose the plot” 😂😂 xx

@HopefulGlow @AZ1992X Wow wow wow, I can't believe how organised you ladies are for Christmas, I love it! We usually go out for dinner, it's lovely to have it at home but going out just means everyone can relax and enjoy the day, which is nice.

@AZ1992X Sorry to hear about your due date being close to Christmas, that must be really tough.. as everyone else has said, hoping for us all that we get a Christmas miracle 💓✨.

@Amy259 zen den sounds lush 😍. I am the same with big home purchases - always worried I'm gonna hate it. Usually when things first arrive I do hate them, until I settle in and then I love it 😂. My week is going okay thank you, feel a bit like my head is up my backside, mega busy at work, still processing the weekends announcement, but I will get there☺️. How are you keeping?

--
I wanted to share a story I heard, a friend of a friend, TTC for 2 years, recently referred for IVF and she has conceived naturally! I know I am usually a grump at announcements but these kinds of stories really fill me with hope that it will still happen for us💕.

Xx

@HopefulGlow I thought that, you cannot really go wrong with tomato soup and warm bread. I’ll have a back up though just in case they go wrong 😂

Only 12 DPO but I’m always 10/11 so was expecting it now. Prehaps I ovulated later than I thought? I’m sure it’s on its way as stomach feels like it normally does.

Morning ladies!

@AZ1992X tomato soup is always a winner & homemade rolls/cobs sound lovely! Not sure what you call them? Haha

That’s a good idea to keep busy and have other exciting things to do. I think I need to do the same, clever thinking.

@Amy259 oooo I love the zen den!!! neutrals are so pretty too. I love that look. All my Pinterest is either dark rooms or beige haha there’s no in between haha do you have any other plans for your room?

I put some fairy lights on my ceiling recently actually, with some chiffon draped over them, it’s so relaxing at night 😌 a little thing but made a difference.

I’m booked in this afternoon for my other bloods. Fingers crossed I will get those quickly too!

What will you have for Christmas main this year? I was just saying to AZ, that I made this veggie pastry plait a couple of years ago and i think I need it again this year!

I’ve ordered fabric samples ladies haha I’m going to make my own Christmas napkins, it’s all part of my festive table plan 😂

How many DPO are you AZ? Sorry for the BFN I’m crossing everything for you ✨💕✨

Morning all!

@Amy259 That sounds lovely, I would love a light colour carpet but I’d be worried about keeping it clean so we went grey when we did ours.

Really confused so bbt dropped quite big yday and gone up the smallest big today rather than dropping more? I tested as I thought what if it was just a dip and got a BFN so it’ll probably show at some point today!

P.S. I would LOVE to be able to tell everyone at Christmas too, so much so I can’t even think about it 😢 had it all pictured for last year and it was really hard, so not thinking about it this year. Sorry that would’ve been your due date AZ, that’s so tough 💔♥️