Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@suzy124 im sorry for your BFN, but you're not out!! Wait a few days and try again, everything crossed for you!

Who knew it was like this, before we started TTC i just thought you'd do a test and that would be it, i had no idea about days past ovulation, lines getting darker etc! They do not teach you anything about this in school!!

@fingerscrossed91 I don't tend to test much, I did last month at 10dpo because I was going away for the weekend and didn't want AF to come and ruin it! I won't be testing this month, I've only done a few tests in the last year cos I really just want that "next one" to be positive! I had a cycle which was 10 days longer than usual so tested then, it was not a good month!

I agree in getting the ball rolling with the tests as they do take some time, i understand what you mean about not wanting to and hoping it doesn't come to that though. I was like that, and it just feels like a constant wait in the entire TTC journey!

@suzy124 it's a strain on our relationship too. I was quite chilled at the start but since around November / December time it's been bad. I have a meltdown every month; I am extremely sensitive and we fall out a lot. He tries to understand but yeah, I don't think they fully can. I need to be more open when I feel like rubbish and not just expect him to know!

I'm trying acupuncture on Monday for the first time, has anyone done this? Another of the things I've tried as well as reflexology, meditation, hypnotherapy! I like to try new things as I think it makes me feel better.

I'm in the mindset right now of is it ever going to happen, but I'm also scared of tests. If something comes back bad then the thought of ivf terrifies me; I'm not sure I'm emotionally strong enough! But also if there is nothing we'll be told to go away and keep trying!

@fingerscrossed91 my OH has been so chilled about it too, it's just me that's stressing him out! People keep telling me that guys will never feel the same as we do, which I understand to a degree but find it hard to accept. Like he says he wants it just as much as me but when AF comes for him it's as simple as 'oh well we just keep trying' whereas I'm in tears. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset either

I'm afraid I don't have any coping mechanisms really, just that I was driving myself mad symptom spotting before and I've sort of stopped that now. Don't get me wrong I still notice every twinge, but I stopped googling about it when month after month I realised it didn't mean a damn thing. That sort of helped in a way not to overanalyse.

Tested this morning, surprise surprise bfn. I just long for even a squinter!!

Excellent! You've been trying a whole year you're entitled to some answers.

Also if you're a poas addict I'm impressed with your willpower! A distraction this weekend sounds good.

Are you finding your OH has been really supportive? It's put a massive strain on my relationship and we argue all the time about it. Just so much stress

Yeah it's great, just had my bloods taken this month and waiting for DP's semen analysis appointment. To be fair though I am half way to being 35 at which point you only need to be trying for 6 months before they start investigating. As the others have said on here there will be a lot of waiting so wanted to get the ball rolling. Pretty sure I'm not gonna be eligible for anything on the nhs due to my age but we shall see 😕

I'm actually a really conservative tester, think I did that one yesterday to prove to myself that I wasn't pregnant and not to get my hopes up (even though it was far too early)

Yep trying for my first. Just feels impossible doesn't it? Like we're missing some piece of the puzzle.

Will you keep testing this month or try and hold off? x

I feel you @fingerscrossed91

Hasn't been just as long for me (started Oct last year) but it feels like a lifetime. For the first few months I was relatively chilled and also getting to grips with my cycle, but ever since the new year I've been so depressed that it's never gonna happen for me. Like I genuinely believe that for some reason....helpful I know right? I've always been a negative thinker so that probably has something to do with it. Also my OH suffers from DE so I'm having to inseminate with a syringe, which as you can imagine is really fun.

It must be absolute torture having all 3 of your bridesmaids announce their pregnancy all at once. I would have been the same re taking time off work, it's really upsetting when it's happening for others and not yourself. Makes you wonder what you're doing wrong. I actually removed myself from facebook as I was sick of seeing announcements. I know when they're close friends you can't distance yourself in the same way though. But just want to say I understand the hurt and the jealousy and that absolutely gut-wrenching longing of wanting to be a mum. I can't tell you how many times I cry about it in a single month if that makes you feel any better 😂 (or more sane!)

I'm currently 8dpo and tested yesterday even though I knew there was no chance of seeing a line. I'm the same as you, I convince myself straight after ov that it hasn't worked and there's no chance I'm preg, yet still hold out that little bit of hope which seems to get really strong just before AF arrives!

Also I would get yourself down the clinic for some initial tests. I've just started mine, earlier than usual I know but GP knows we have this intercourse hurdle and how it's stressing me out. I was so grateful, if anything it helps with the feeling of utter helplessness and if there is a problem I'd rather know sooner so we can do something about it.

Just know you're not alone. This is one shit and lonesome journey and it's comforting to talk to others going through the same emotions x

That must be soooo hard having all three friends/bridesmaids announce their pregnancy at once. You have done so well to be able to bounce back from that. I know that awkward feeling of being happy for others but so sad for yourself and feeling like it will never happen for you. I'm glad you took a bit of time for some self-care.
I definitely agree with social media breaks and I always would unfollow my pregnant friends, and was actually honest with them about this and said I will still check in with them for exciting updates but it just means I can pick the good days rather than see a stream of things popping up on my bad days (like cycle day 1 🙄).
I agree some tests might be worth arranging just for peace of mind, the waiting lists can be long so best to start the ball rolling sooner rather than later.
I eventually got my happy ending (well almost - baby due next week!) and I really hope you get yours soon. I will have everything crossed for you this month. My test would definitely have been negative at 6DPO so don't lose faith yet x

@fingerscrossed91 hello 👋🏻 I completely understand how you feel, we have been TTC for over a year now and it's so easy to feel rubbish.

Have you called your GP to get some tests done?

Since I came off the pill so many of my friends have had babies, it's so hard when you're so happy for them but also want it to be you! I tend to take social media breaks just to get away from it constantly.

Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom; I've tried so many things, some work but then nothing stops me having bad days. When I think about all the times I've been sad this last year it makes me feel worse cos I shouldn't be wasting and wishing away days!

I'm currently waiting for an internal scan and HyCosy, which probably won't be until earliest August I've been told; bit of a waiting list where I am (Scotland; Aberdeen fertility clinic) and I waited 2 months for our first clinic referral call too. But the Dr was lovely. Meditation sometimes makes me feel better, reading, or just having a full blown meltdown and cry - which happens every month sooner or later!

I'm glad you're feeling a little better, it really can be so overwhelming. So many emotions and hormones! But fingers crossed for a BFP 🤞🏻 6dpo is still early, I'm at 8, so don't take that negative as it's a definite no this month, there is still time! X