Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@suzy124 forgot to say, I've not used either but I've done a little bit of reading. Are you thinking about it?

OH's daughter is 12, going on 25 haha love her to bits, she lives in England but comes up for school holidays (she was here for 6 weeks at Xmas and we had to home school haha that was interesting!) so she'll be up in August 🥰

@suzy124 yeah I like the idea of trying new things but I've done quite a few so maybe if I just stop "trying" to do these things to chill out I'll be more chilled?! Who knows haha.

Yeah our consultant was absolutely lovely, I really liked her. The video was playing up so she called my mobile but just muted the video so that was good as we could still see her. She said if all clear on tests it will just be a case of keep trying til 2 year mark. And then if something does come up we should meet all other criteria for treatment should we have explained infertility. I think because they didn't actually do anything it felt like a tiny bit of an anti-climax but then she put me forward for the scan and HyCosy so it was productive.

Yeah I didn't bother with the OPKs this month but then wished I had cos my late AF. Did your day stay the same in your app?

I agree, age to me doesn't matter at all; I think it's a personal preference thing that he doesn't want to be feeling old and knackered. He has a super stressful job!
Never know though, it's just if first is taking this long and some more, just delays everything doesn't it.

Aww lovely! And they will love a cousin no matter what the age gap! I'd have liked a small gap with my nephews too, but hopefully we will have our dream soon! What cycle day are you now? I'm on 3 and AF is coming to an end, it's never very heavy or for very long.

@fingerscrossed91 I'm sorry to hear you're not having a great day, I hope you have a nice relaxing evening planned; bath, tv and early night will help. When should you hear back about your bloods? It's good to get the ball rolling and hopefully all comes back ok. And great you've acupuncture, it will probably convince me to try and book somewhere if you like it! When do you go?

Xxx

@fingerscrossed91 aw hun, that must be really frustrating. How long are your cycles? It might be worth asking the GP for clomid, I'm surprised they haven't suggested it?

It's good your first bloods are out of the way, things are happening and that's something positive to focus on. When is your acupuncture booked for?

I'm doing OK thanks, just trying to distract myself as much as possible really to avoid the meltdowns! Is the dinner with your bridesmaids this week?x

Ah I see, didn't realise it would be farther to travel. If it's going to stress you out getting to and from appointments it's not worth it for now. I think we get good at convincing ourselves that if we just do this one extra thing, that's the thing that will get us pregnant when sometimes it might just add to the pressure. I know it's also nice to feel we're doing all we can though, there's just no winning!

I know what you mean. Sometimes I can't quite believe that we're halfway through 2021 and I'm still not pregnant. Never could have imagined it would be like this.

The clinic is just shy of an hour away from us so not ideal but I'm not complaining. Just grateful for any help we can get. Was the consultant on your video call nice? Did they say what they plan to do if the hycosy gives the all clear and vice versa?

Going to try not to do opks this cycle but think I might cave 😕

Same! I think to myself when I get pregnant I won't moan about a single thing even if I'm sick as a dog. Famous last words!

I'm sure you will get your two. Men can keep having children for ages so keep positive! 38 is still young! Aww that's nice, are they a boy or girl? My niece is 8 and nephew 3, so there'll be a huge age gap as cousins to my ones! It really won't matter though, just your brain thinks everything doesn't it 😅

Have either of you ladies used preseed or conceive plus?

@fingerscrossed91 how are you? Hope you're keeping positive!

xx

Yeah it's always a bit of a comfort, a nurse that did my bloods had some stories too and it makes you feel a bit more normal I guess. I actually think I had called that person but didn't get through, and my friend had recommended. But I was trying to get somewhere closer to home rather than city centre as can take ages going for appointments. I'll have a think about it. But I've also done reflexology and hypnotherapy (which cost a fortune, it helped me feel more positive for a little it then I was just back to normal worry and up and down moods) and it all adds up doesn't it.

Oh that's a shame; and yeah not so easy with Covid. That's good that healthcare is better here though and you can make the most of it!

Yeah there's been a few times we've been away recently and ive been like oh I'll maybe be pregnant. I remember thinking oh if I get get pregnant a certain month I'll be due when we go away with family; and that's almost here!

That's good she's said to chase them and also given you the number for the clinic. I hope it's not too far away from you! Your first appointment (other than the SA) might be video like mine so at least that was no travel time. I think the GP referred us around mid March and we can the call 1st June. I think there's a bit of a back log but it could have been worse I suppose. I'm glad you're feeling ok, I feel ok today too and hoping it continues this week. I'm going to do my left over clear blue OPKs I have as although it's not worked so far, at least I know when I've ovulated. If I don't and then AF is late it moves the predicted date which is annoying. Still DTD in fertile week but not on day of ovulation and day after like it had been originally.

Aw vivid dreams are so strange and real feeling aren't they! I hope soon it won't just be a dream 🥰

Yeah I'd be so grateful and have said I'd try my hardest to not moan in the slightest about anything whilst pregnant cos I'd feel so lucky. I'd love two; but as time goes on and my OH is a little older then me, it might not happen, I guess we'll just need to wait and see. He has a 12 year old from a previous relationship too. How old are your niece and nephew? xx

I'm glad she was really nice though. A nurse at an unrelated hospital appointment recently told me it took her over a year to conceive and though it doesn't 'help' as such, I find some comfort in small things like that. It's nice when people are open and honest about it. Would you not be tempted to try the person she recommended?

Nope OH is an only child 😭 and it's basically just his mum here. I've been here 4 years and have been talking about going back for a while. He's willing to do it but it's just a pain to sort things out esp during Covid and now with the ttc thing it'll have to wait a while. The healthcare is better and less wait times here so willing to stay for that for now!

Never been to NY and was really looking forward to it last year but now I'm just so blah about it! I love travelling in general but as you know ttc sucks the life out of everything that was enjoyable.

Thank you, I'm quite relieved! She told me that we should have heard something about the SA by now, so I'm instructing OH to chase up again - I don't know why the receptionists can't even look on the system and tell him. Otherwise she told me where he would have been referred to, turns out it's not the local hospital at all but a clinic in Southampton (bit of a drive so he better be able to perform on demand lol). And she gave me a number for there too so we can ask them. She also said the fertility referral would take a couple of months at least so not to panic if I don't hear anything after a few weeks. Hoping I get something through the post soon like you did, even if it's just a form to fill in! Feeling quite relaxed about it this evening, I'm sure tomorrow morning will be a different story as I wake up with some new worry my mind concocts 😂 I'm having really vivid dreams atm about telling people I'm pregnant and last night I dreamt I was sitting with our baby in my lap.

Do you remember the days of thinking if you'd like a boy or girl and how many children? I always wanted one of each but now I'd just be happy with anything! xx

Ach it's totally my fault 🙈 I should have asked if they did that, not realising it was a physiotherapist as well! Silly me! They also said they normally ask so kinda both of us! So no treatment, she was so nice it almost made me cry though and she said it took her a while so she understood the whole "just relax thing" isn't easy. I did one of the meditations on YouTube instead. So I think I'm just gonna leave it for now.

Does your OH have a big family here? Aw I know, handy for babysitting duties haha! Is he open to the idea? How long have you been in England for?

I've never been no! Have you? I had said we should go before TTC and then I wanted to start, we then kinda decided we couldn't be bothered with a really jam packed holiday and we'd maybe just have a week away in the sun and some weekends away, then Covid! I would like to go at some point though for sure! Same, I'd give up all holidays and anything for a baby!

That's great news your bloods all came back and she's referring you, it really helps when they are understanding. Was she able to answer all of your questions? Hopefully you'll get some info re the referral through soon, I'm sure we got a form to fill out a week or so after the GP referred us. Any update on your OH getting his SA organised? Xxx

Aw hun, sorry to hear the appointment wasn't what you thought. Did you have any sort of treatment today? I'm glad she was nice and understanding anyway.

Yeah I'm from Northern Ireland and moved a few years back for the OH (he's from Hampshire). I enjoy certain things here but sometimes feel really lonely and miss my family so much. In my head when we have a baby we'll have to move back because it just won't be any fun without them! Not to mention childminding duties 😂

Can't believe you were meant to go to NYC too! Have you been before? I've always wanted to go but would give up any trip for a baby right now. I remember saying to my OH back in December that we can't go to NY in May because I'll be 6 months preg lol

Well had a lovely long chat with the doctor. My bloods were all normal and she's referring us to the fertility clinic for further help while we wait to get the SA done 👍
xx

I hope the appointment goes well, and the Dr can answer all of your questions, I am sure they will!! I know, its totally nerve wracking, everything in this journey is just waiting isn't it. But positive thinking :)

Oh that sounds nice! Shame about the weather though, it's always better when its sunny or at least dry isn't it! It was quite a nice day here Saturday and then rained yesterday a bit, thankfully only got heavy just after our dog walk haha!

Ah are you from Ireland? But live in the UK now? That must be really hard not being able to see your friends and family :( something to super look forward to in August! Yes Aberdeen, well slightly south in a wee place called Stonehaven about half an hour from the city centre, but i'm originally from Aberdeen.

We had planned to go to NYC last year too, we hadn't booked anything and then covid hit so we never went either! And it was the holiday we planned before TTC. Same, i thought i would have been too, and i also always think like oh i'll maybe not manage this or that. My OH bought gig tickets for Edinburgh ages ago last year for this August and I had said I wasn't sure cos i'd not want to go if pregnant, but i will go now seeing as i'm not! I think you just can't help thinking and hoping about the future, but i guess we need to live in the now!

Yeah i had read some threads and was a bit worried it was going to massively mess up my cycle! Last months was already weird being only 1 day!

I royally F'd up the appointment ha! So it was done via email and i hadn't said, or was asked what exactly it was for. Turns out the lady doesn't do for that sort of thing, just like muscular and pains etc. She was lovely and so understanding and recommended someone else (who i actually already knew about) but i think i will just leave it for now!

xxx

Hey!

I'm doing as well as I can really, got a telephone app with the doctor today and feeling nervous all of a sudden about my blood test results. Also have so much to say and don't want to forget so currently making a list!

My weekend was ok, went clothes shopping and had dinner out for the first time in ages so that was nice. Other than that it was pretty uneventful and it rained alot here. How was your weekend? Honestly you wouldn't believe the amount of meltdowns I have so don't feel bad. And they can come on really suddenly too

Did you say you were in Aberdeen? We used to go every year when I was younger to visit family friends. And yeah I'm used to temperamental weather so doesn't bother me 😂 Only thing I have planned is back to Ireland in August for a couple weeks to visit my family. We were supposed to go to New York last Sept, which then got pushed back to May this year and obvs didn't happen. I'm ok with it though, I didn't really want to go abroad as I thought I would be pregnant by now but also starting to realise I can't put my life on hold

Sorry that AF came, but on the positive it means the vaccine didn't have TOO much of an impact with it only being a few days late. I've read some horror stories on here about no periods at all. Hopefully you can still get a date in August that means you won't have to miss ttc that month (if needs be) But this is gonna be our month ladies!!

Your pup sounds great💙 I really want a pet to cuddle and help distract me!

Oh and good luck with acupuncture today! I'll be interested to hear how it goes! xx

I hope you ladies had a lovely weekend! Monday comes round so quickly doesn't it!

How are you both? After saying I was feeling positive i had a bit of a meltdown on Friday night to myself, OH was out watching the football, i watched a film that had a nice happy ending and it set me off and i howled a lot haha! So it didnt last long, but i am hoping thats it out of my system! I hope you both are doing good and staying positive :)

AF finally appeared for me yesterday, which I was glad about as i didnt want it to be 10days late like one month last year! Its kinda messed up my predicted cycles though and i had given dates to the clinic for my scan and hycosy in August. I called and they've sent me a letter so im to call back when i get it and i think then decide what date in August is best, she said there are 4 Thursdays to choose from. Cant TTC beforehand, so it would be better before Ovulation so we can try after! I hope!

Aww thats funny it was her yoga you were doing too! I like her, but i know what you mean, sometimes its nice to try and just not think about it!

We are away the Monday - Friday so that will be nice. Scotland is great, the weather can be a tad temperamental though! We've had a few staycations which we probably wouldnt have done if it weren't for covid so its been nice to see parts of Scotland we hadnt been to before. Route 500 would be lovely, ive not done it! Do you have anything planned?

Our puppy is 5 months old, she helped be a bit of a distraction, the month we got her we didnt even bother TTC and just took a break. She def brightens up my day! She is lots of fun, she's getting big, a german shepherd so they aren't the smallest of dogs haha!

Off to my acupuncture appointment today, see how that goes! Not sure what to expect, i didnt say what it was for so i just hope they can do stuff for fertility. xxx

@fingerscrossed91 Aw hun I'm sorry about AF. It really is devastating no matter how much you expect it. Hope you're being extra nice to yourself and have a lovely weekend with your parents. Sounds like you have lots of nice thing to distract yourself on this new cycle, I wish I could say the same! I live a plane journey away from my family and most of my friends so it's hard, especially during Covid. I miss my little niece and nephew so much!

Good to hear that your OH is now registered and things are moving forward with the tests. How do you feel about taking the first steps? I think I actually enjoy going to appointments now because it makes me feel like someone is helping me, even if it's just a blood test. I'm a weirdo I know 😂

I agree that telling people you are ttc just adds more pressure. I haven't even told my mum as she'd probably ask me about it constantly and I'm not all that comfortable discussing it with her. Hopefully your maid of honour can steer the conversation during dinner then if it starts getting a bit too much. Your wedding will be such a lovely thing to look forward to and I'm sure you'll get a baby out before!

Oh I'm based in North Hampshire so the sea is at least an hour and bit away but it was a nice day trip. I grew up not far from the sea and OH knows I miss it! Where are you based?

@HJen22 are you gonna keep testing hun? I would say you're still not out as I've read so many stories of no period and BFNs for days after and then that turned out to be the month. I was going to ask if either of you ladies had the vaccine so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's not that. I still haven't got my first dose (I'm awful I know!), I just don't think I could handle the stress atm if it did have an effect on my cycles.

I would love to cope better this month too, funny enough that's the same yoga vids on youtube that I was doing! I liked her a lot but felt I had to stop for a while as I think it was making me focus on ttc even more. I almost feel like it won't happen until I'm not thinking about it but that has to be nonsense, and also never gonna happen haha!

Hope you have a lovely family lunch today and sounds like you have some things to look forward to coming up! Your holiday sounds fab, how long is it for? I would love a trip to Scotland, I haven't been for so long and keep meaning to do route 500.

Aw how old is your puppy? I'm busting to move house as our current place really isn't suitable for pets and I want a dog!

You ladies are inspiring me to stay positive this cycle! Going to try so hard not to cry about it. I actually find just after ovulation one of the hardest times as I convince myself it hasn't worked. Hoping I won't track this month and that would make it easier, depends if I need to redo progesterone bloods though. I'll find out on Monday. Have a lovely weekend you two!xx

@fingerscrossed91 ah I'm glad to hear it. You are making me feel positive. I tend to be ok for a few days then it hits me but I'm going to try really hard to avoid a meltdown this month! That will be nice to have your parents down! How's the weather? It's sunny here today although weekend isn't looking great!

I know it's so annoying. I had heartburn this month which I never get and had secretly hoped that was a sign; but nope!

Oh I can imagine wedding planning with Covid has been a total nightmare! What a shame both yours and your brothers have been pushed back, but you'll be able to enjoy your brothers then have yours to look forward to instead of having the two close together! I love weddings, so much fun! And it will be great when they are back to normal with music and things! I feel so bad for all those people who have had to change or postpone weddings. My friend was due to get married and they wanted small anyway so hummed and hayed about going ahead but way smaller but decided to have it next year instead.

That's lots of lovely plans 🥰 and will keep you busy! I had hoped with us able to do more my mind would be less on it too! Tomorrow my family are coming to ours for lunch, I have two nephews who are 1 and 3 that I adore so that will be fun! We're having a family holiday (Scotland lodge) in July too so that will be good. I've got a 6 month bday garden party next weekend haha my friend had her baby Xmas Eve so she's doing a wee summer party! Some people I think still haven't met him, we live close so I've met him lots 💙

I did a few reflexology sessions, for some reason I didn't feel like I could fully relax but it was nice. I'm looking forward to acupuncture on Monday too!

Yeah it's Friday and sunny so why not. I massively cut down; pretty much stopped when we started TTC but as time went on; I've realised ive still got to have a life. It's no where near as much as I did when younger anyway! And we've got a puppy so I'm never up late as she still needs up in the morning no matter what day it is 😂 🐶 def, onto the next cycle, positive thinking and let this be the month for us all 🥰 xxx

@fingerscrossed91 oh I'm sorry AF arrived for you today 😔 how are you feeling? I was fully expecting to wake up this morning to it, will probably be tomorrow now I've tested! I'm the same, I kept telling myself I wasn't and it wouldn't change anything if I did a test today or waited til AF, outcome would still be the same. Didn't stop my heart absolutely pounding waiting those 3 mins! Hate seeing the stark white. I found an OPK in a bag and did it this morning and it came back high which gave me some hope as I've read it can detect pregnancy, but it was a bad idea cos then I also read you can get a LH surge before period.

That's great you're moving forward with getting your tests done. It's a horrible feeling it coming to it but it's def best to start the ball rolling.

Same, I didn't cry when it came back negative. It's normally a few days in I get emotional but I'm going to try my very best to stay positive and keep trying this month. It just wasn't meant to be this month for us; but our time will come 🥰

What all do you have planned, and when is your wedding? That's something amazing to look forward to!

I first did one that was through the clinic on zoom, but then I just YouTubed. I've done a few of a lady called Bettina Rae and I really like her; she's got loads of free ones like morning routines, and at different stages etc.

Xx

Ugh my app is saying AF a day late and I'd be 16dpo, AF still not appeared. I didn't track ovulation this month so can't be surey. Now beginning to think maybe my Covid vaccine is causing the delay, after reading some other peoples stories. I had it the day after AF began. Regret not tracking now as just did a test and BFN. Knew it would be; just thought best to check if I can have a drink tonight or not. Sadly not this month either and I'd have loved it so close to Father's Day too 😔

@suzy124 and that's a shame about your GP. Hopefully when she is off you have just as lovely another. And a day off and picnic sounds lovely, I hope you had a great time and glad to hear you and OH are friends again x

Hi ladies 🥰 No sign of AF yet but it was a day later that expected last month too so I'm expecting it to come tomorrow!

I hope the cramps for both of you stop soon! I have had a bit of a headache the last two days, not sure if that's just cos work is manic though! Also eating everything and anything in sight 😂

Yeah it was quite a good wee video just explaining! Was short and simple but good to know! I think they just say you can take painkillers beforehand, not sure about afterwards and what to expect. I've had quite a few smears and a colposcopy recently so I'm hoping it won't be too bad!

Men and their inability to do life admin 🙈 hopefully your OHs get their SA organised soon!

I had a super light period last month too, it was basically one day long which worried me too! I'm sure it's nothing though, cycles can vary, but it's just another thing to overthink isn't it!

I hadn't really wanted as many people to know, I told one friend, then my sister to get her off my back 😂 I then only told my mum when I was calling the GP. My two other friends found out as they came round for kit bday and one of them seen my referral letter. I hadn't wanted to tell them and I am actually annoyed at myself for being so ok about it, I was more shocked and didn't know what to say when she was like; I seen your letter! I know what you mean, people don't know what to say. They try but nothing helps.

Almost the weekend, have you ladies got any nice plans? I'm going to really really try and stay positive next cycle. I've been doing some fertility yoga and it talks about acceptance and knowing it will happen when the time is right. I know what I'm like though, meltdowns come thick and fast but I'd like to try and cope better this month, so much easier said than done though isn't it! Xx

Hi ladies, hoping the wicked witch is staying away for you both!

Not much to report yet. I'm still feeling pretty crampy today but it's an unusually light period for me, makes me think there was no lining there at all last month! OH enquired about switching to my GP surgery but still hasn't filled out the forms. Still no word on his SA referral either. I made an appointment to speak to my GP about the results of my bloods and found out she is just about to go on maternity leave. I'm absolutely gutted as she is so helpful and nice. Anyway, me and OH are sort of friends again. We both had yesterday off so took a picnic to the beach and lay in the sunshine. Wasn't much talking mind you 😂

@fingerscrossed91 aw thank you! Can't say I'm feeling positive just yet about this cycle but maybe in a few days I'll be a bit better.

Sorry to hear your symptoms were so bad, are you feeling better now? Oh tell me about it with getting men to do things, it drives me up the wall! But when it comes to washing the car do you think there's any delay... 😂 Hope you got him registered in the end, if you did you're doing better than I am! I'm also curious to know if your bridesmaids know you're ttc?

It really helps me to talk to others in the same boat too, no one can really know what it's like unless you're also going through it x

@HJen22 yeah even though you know AF is on her way, there's always some tiny bit of hope left until she actually shows and then it's like total disbelief that it hasn't worked again. I'm glad things are moving forward with the hycosy and hopefully you get an appointment date soon. Was the video helpful or reassuring? Does it cause any symptoms after?

Sounds like you have a good support network around. The only person I have told irl is my sister who is supportive for the most part, but the other day her response to my rant about being fed up was 'I don't know what to say'. So I think she's given up trying to reassure me! x

@fingerscrossed91 Morning! Oh ouch, thats not good! How the paracetamol kicks in soon! I don't really get any obvious PMS symptoms before AF like sore boobs or cramp, but for some weird reason I do get sore knees (which sometimes fits in with time of the month) and they have started to hurt, so I expect AF on the way for me too, due tomorrow!

Aw thats very nice of them, and I think they will be sensitive to your feelings, do they know you are TTC? My friend has suggested we do a yoga class together, she knows how hard I am finding it too. My other friend has 3 babies (a 2 year old and twins!) so I find it harder to talk to her (and I hadn't actually told them, she read my mail - that's a whole other story!!) but my Mum and Sister are also super supportive. I actually took time out of work a few weeks ago and turned up at my Mum's and burst into tears, so now I think they are worried about me, oops!!

Of course, i would love to keep the chat going, I definitely think it helps to talk to others in the same position! Friends and family want to help but i dont think they can fully understand. It makes me feel less crazy knowing others feel the same xxx