Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@Amy259 I meant to say as well, they definitely were looking at ovarian reserve on my scan as on my letter pre-appointment and post first call, it said it couldn't be ruled out and that was due to my high FSH.

That's maybe because my FSH had come back high from bloods xxx

@Amy259 I know, I don't get how a procedure wouldn't be the exact same rules to it?! I will let you know what my letter says re egg count and follicles and whenever I hear back about my AMH results.

Yeah you at least have your NHS call coming up too, will they accept your private scan and HyCosy results or ask to do again? I know you're not keen on HyCosy again, and no wonder, neither would I be!

My sister has a friend who went through ivf who she was very kindly offered for me to meet and chat with. Not sure I'm quite ready for that yet, Its not the easiest of things to talk about but I will soon. My sister is very much a "tough love" ha so doesn't see why I don't want to yet. But it's a lot to get my head around! Xx

@HJen22 they asked me if I could be pregnant and when I’m due to ovulate - so I guess being on af, day 4 and ov on day 16 they knew I couldn’t be? So weird. And yeah definitely no mention of not being allowed to be on af.

The inconsistency is so stressful. I don’t think there’s any more that’ll be done for us now until the 2 year mark, but I’ll wait and see how my NHS call goes next month I guess.

It's hard when you've so much hope and it doesn't happen but keep trying and hopefully it will soon 💞

@Amy259 that is weird, I was specifically told no DTD as they don't want there to be any chance you're pregnant, I had to give a urine sample as soon as I arrived for them to check. And also it had to be arranged for when I definitely didn't have my period, which was why it was hard to book cos I was like how can I know for sure with cycles that vary in length! I'll hopefully know more with any letter I receive in the coming weeks 🤞🏻

@suzy124 oh that’s so annoying! If DH tests positive we might not manage either, because we’ll probably stay apart (if I’m negative!). Yeah I want to be hopeful because I find having no hope so much harder to get through! But it is so hard when af arrives and you had hope 💔

@HJen22 that’s so weird! No one even mentioned af or dtd to me, just said day 3-10. When she first started the scan she asked if I was still bleeding because sometimes it can show tissue in your uterus if you’re still shedding the lining, and that would be normal during af but not at other times. So maybe that’s why they said only after af to you? Mine was fine though, nice smooth uterus apparently 😂

But yeah I would ask specifically how she knew about the low egg production.. I’m so confused now because she was so adamant it was impossible to know from any scan.. and I wanted to know haha.

@Amy259 yeah that's the exact same as I had, scan, HyCosy and then scan again I guess to see what was going on with the fluid. I know, no idea how we can both have been told such differing things from the same procedure?! Maybe the letter I get following on will explain more! I hope so! Another thing different was I wasn't able to go during AF, it had to be after. And I wasn't allowed to DTD in the run up.

@suzy124 no, I did mention it to the nurse who didn't say anything and also on my emails but again nothing was really said. So not really sure what's going on with those! Maybe it's just something they need for later on.

I have been spotting a little since my HyCosy but seems to have stopped now I think.

Aww that's such a shame isolating for your anniversary 😞 I know what you mean; when you just feel like everything is going wrong. Moans always welcome in this chat 💞 I hope your OH is ok and coping ok with the isolation. And when you do get to your honeymoon in 3 weeks time it will be amazing and well worth the wait!

Xxx

@Amy259 nah it's not normal for us, just this month it might not work out with a work trip he's taking. Oh really? I didn't know it could increase chances, sign me up haha. I've actually heard people say being hopeful isn't any more devastating (and I get what they mean because you always secretly hope) but I've found these past couple of months really hard because I was so optimistic just before AF.

That's good, hopefully the cramps don't last too long and you can get a good nights rest!

Aw that's such a kick in the balls! Still at least you have it to look forward to. And yes I have that thought frequently lol Xx

@suzy124 sorry if I’ve totally forgotten - but by timings not matching up do you mean you don’t get to see each other sometimes? I’m feeling quite fed up too - scared to be hopeful because people say after a hycosy sometimes you have a higher chance due to the clear out, but then it always hurts more if you have hope.

I think today would’ve been my last day of AF but I’m bleeding a little heavier than I would expect now because of the hycosy so I imagine it’ll have that for a day or so. Yeah still a bit crampy just now but nothing wild.

It was our honeymoon from last year and it’s our 1 year anniversary on Saturday - isolating in separate rooms! Ever feel like you must’ve done something wrong in a previous life? 😂 I’m just being a moan xx

@HJen22 Did they mention the bloods results at all today? Try not to add extra worry by thinking it will be worse, I know that's really hard. Just keep distracting yourself and don't let your mind go there. Aww that's so nice of them, let us know how the appt goes! I hope it's helpful even if only a little.

I have been wanting to have a moan to my sister about ttc, I mentioned that I got my period and was feeling low and she didn't really say anything. I guess she's getting a bit sick of it too 😕 I know there's really nothing anyone can say, but still. I'm glad we have this chat to get support and understanding!

@Amy259 yeah AF finishing today, not feeling just as down in the dumps but still low. Was thinking about taking a break this month and now I'm not even sure our timings will match up anyway so can probably already say I'm out! How are you doing, is AF still around?

Aw I'm so sorry your holiday has been postponed, it's awful when you're relying on something like that to cheer you up too! But it's good you can go again in a few weeks. Outer Hebrides sounds lush! I'd love to visit. Also here's hoping your OH will be ok!

Also ouch! That sounds horrific, is it still painful now? On the major plus side all looked ok?

Xx

@HJen22 don’t be silly, there’s so much going on with everyone I can never keep up 😂 just know I always wish you all well for everything 😂

Don’t worry about it being worse, I’m sure it won’t be! It’s just so confusing that my woman today said you can’t tell from a scan (I had a normal routine internal scan, then the hycosy scan, then another normal one) yet you’ve been told such final news from a scan?! Like they can’t both be right, surely?

Yeah she said just to keep trying until the 2 year mark. Which is fine, because hopefully the NHS will be at that point for funded ivf if we need it. Although I promise you now they’re never doing another hycosy!! 😂😂

It’s so crap, I’ve cried so much but we’ve managed to rearrange it for 3 weeks time so there’s a silver lining. It’s so nice weather wise just now though, if one more person tells me how great the weather would’ve been for us I’ll snap! I stopped drinking altogether in March to trying and help ttc but I can hear the Pinot Grigio calling me…. xxx

@Amy259 oh I'm so sorry I forgot to wish you well at your HyCosy! So glad all is well and that the dilation shouldn't cause you any issues, but ouch that sounds sore! Mine was pretty bloody painful too, I was doing a lot of ouch ouch oooh and deep breathing!

Oh really? The more you speak to others and read it seems everyone does things differently doesn't it. So the internal scan that I had was where she counted the follicles I'm pretty sure. And then I guess the AMH bloods to give a clearer picture, not sure when I'm going to get those results. But it's worried me if it could be worse than the scan said. She also didn't tell me a split just that it was 6 I had. I do think some hospitals are different in what they class as low bur who knows. It's all such a minefield. I'm glad to hear yours all normal though! What was the outcome, to continue trying?

Oh I'm so sorry. How bloody crap is that. Stupid close contact and so rubbish that even though he's tested negative you can't go. Really sorry you've had to postpone for the 3rd time, I'm not surprised there has been years. Really hope you get away soon! Get yourself a nice takeaway and movie and wine if you like a wee drink xxx

Hi ladies, sorry just catching up!

@HJen22 I’m glad you’re feeling better now you know what’s going on. The waiting is the worst bit of all of this for me, I’m just so impatient. I had my
Hycosy today - holy shit. I’m so sorry to anyone who is reading this who may get one, but there is a reason, stick with me! My left tube, totally fine. My right tube, the fluid goes through from uterus fine but then pools at the ovary before it releases, which suggests the tube is a bit dilated - can’t say if it has any effect but she doubts it, says loads of woman have it and are none the wiser, some women only have one working tube and wouldn’t ever know either. Doesn’t decrease my fertility but it meant she had to push loads more dye in to see it finally spill over - good LORD. Like holy shit. Thought I was going to be sick.

Do you know what test they did to tell you your egg reserve is low? I asked her and she said AMH was the only way to get an idea, a scan can’t tell me that, and that I had 3 follicles on one ovary and 5 on the other (normal) that she could see but that tells her absolutely nothing about egg numbers? Which really confused me based on what I thought your consultant had said to you? I must’ve just picked it up wrong!

@suzy124 I love getting my hair done, such a chill out experience. How are you feeling in general now? Af almost gone-ish?

In other news, we’re supposed to be going on our delayed honeymoon tomorrow but DH has been pinged as a close contact so he’s now isolating! Doesn’t matter than his tests are negative because it hasn’t been 2 weeks since his last jag, so he’s not allowed to travel. Our lovely 10 days in the Outer Hebrides is now postponed for the 3rd time! Lots of tears as you can imagine!

@suzy124 aw fab I'm sure it looks lovely! And a pampering session is always nice!

I called the nurse and she said to contact the email address and they'd help and they came back so quickly I was surprised! So that was good! I'm happy now I know where things stand and what I'm waiting for, the unknown was worrying me a little more and it was my OH who said to call. Still don't know my blood results but maybe they will be on the letter. Nutritionist app is next Friday over zoom! It was lovely the girls got me it and even if I can just take parts of what they say, I'm sure it will be common sense some of it like clean eating etc.

I'm sorry your sister has been not so supportive lately, that must be hard. Have you just not mentioned it to her much now? People really struggle knowing what to say I think, but it's also so hard for us to speak openly about it. That's what's good about this chat, everyone struggles and knows how it feels so can relate much easier xxx

@HJen22 I am thank you, haven't had my hair done for a year so hoping this cheers me up a bit!

Oh that's fab, I'm so glad they called and you have appointments getting sorted. It's awful when there's nothing in the diary and you don't know who's supposed to contact who! Oh of course, I just wondered if the specialists were able to recommend or prescribe something for this specially is all. When is the nutritionist appt?

That's great, I'm sure it helps having a friend who knows and can be sensitive and also a gym buddy! I'm still keeping it very hush hush so apart from my sister nobody knows. I think after telling her I got put off telling anyone else as she was supportive in the beginning but now not so much! Really hoping both our time comes soon too 🥰 xx

@suzy124 yeah it's not nice is it, I can see why they are in the same place but doesn't make it any easier! Oh it's everywhere when you don't want it to be! I hope you're having an otherwise relaxing pamper at the hairdressers!

Yeah bless him he's being lovely. I've spoken with the nurse today who was sweet it almost had me crying on the phone. I've organised a counselling call in a month and I've been told that I've been added to the follow up waiting list and should get a letter following on from last weeks appointment and referral. So at least now I know what's happening as I really wasn't very sure if they were waiting for me to call! Thank you ❤️ talking to you ladies who understand definitely helps! I take folic acid, vitamin D, evening primrose oil and coQ10. My Nutritionist app my friends organised might suggest some more but if it's just a money making scheme to spend in their shop I'll probably not!

Awww I really know what you mean. I love spending time with my nephews but sometimes it makes me sad as I want to give them a cousin. And same, it's so nice to see our OHs. I really hope both of our time comes soon 💞

Yeah exercise definitely helps, I'm going to go Sunday and as of next week when my stepdaughter is home I can get into a proper routine. My friend I go with knows about our struggle and is amazing so that helps!

I'm glad the GP has told them, firm and assertive is a good idea, I really think they'll will be helpful and understand. Xxx

@HJen22 same here, any gynae appointments I have are in the maternity unit so all the pregnant women walk by going to their scans while I'm waiting 🙁 Currently sat at the hairdresser with colour in and all I can hear is chat about babies and labour errrrgh

Your OH sounds fab! And he is right, none of this is your fault. It's just one of those shitty things in life and it's not fair but you'll get through it and come out the other side. And as you know it is still entirely possible for you to conceive naturally so don't give up! You have regular periods and I'm not saying the amh isn't the reason but you just never know, so don't beat yourself up lovely ❤️ Hope you can get your follow-up soon to discuss what you can do in the meantime. I wonder if they can even give you vitamins to help? I'm glad you had a good day yesterday - you're inspiring me to focus on getting fit as a distraction!

My niece is 8 going on 18 haha. She is a joy to be with. I know everyone says family is different but honestly it has been difficult at times being with them, especially seeing my OH interacting with them and wanting that so badly. That sounds awesome, I hope you can get somewhere nice sorted for birthday celebrations! And good luck in the acupuncture search!

Oh I definitely will be. I'm already psyching myself up to be firm and assertive on the call! I'm pretty sure my GP told them on the referral too so 🤞 xx

@suzy124 ah I see, ironically in Aberdeen the fertility clinic is in the maternity hospital! But up the stairs! Not exactly ideal!

I went to the gym in the evening with my friend and that took my mind off things, and yeah my OH is being so supportive. I chatted with him this morning about everything, my feelings of guilt, of perhaps pressurising him the last year and a half all for it to be an issue my end! He was lovely and of course said it wasnt my fault, and he did want to go ahead with IVF.

That sounds like a lovely day! How old is your niece? Glad you had a nice day :) yeah I would like to book a night away for my OHs birthday in September, just somewhere local and where we can take the pup! We had thought about a holiday but we've decided against that for now, seems complicated with all the testing and added cost! And I am going to look into acupuncture today too!

I totally understand, I can imagine that is an added stress. I really would expect them to offer help sooner due to that! On your call just emphasise how difficult, emotionally and physically it can be.

@RAP08 hello! We are outside too! Thank you so much for your kind words :) it hasn't been easy but i guess nothing ever is! I have tried so many things so far. I enjoy meditation and yoga but i tend to pick it up and drop it! I find walking helps me clear my head and the fresh air especially with working from home. I have had a few massages which are always nice when AF arrives. I had a few sessions of reflexology which i didn't over love but i know some do. I also had hypnotherapy, which was super expensive! I felt good after it, but it didn't last. I have just went back to the gym so i am hoping that helps. Basically i will try anything and everything to take my mind off TTC haha! Probably too much for some but i like to try new things. Next is acupuncture which i know a lot of people going through IVF have, if anything it should be relaxing! I wish you all the very best of luck xxx

@HJen22 hi - I'm also based in Aberdeen! Well just outside! This, however, is only my first month ttc but I can see it has not been an easy road for you! I'm so sorry! I love your notion of trying new things though to make yourself feel better! What has helped you the most?x

@HJen22 I think for us the consultants are at the hospital but for any procedures we go to the private clinic who have the nhs contract. I asked a GP about it as was confused when the letter said someone at the hosp would be phoning!

Aw I'm sorry lovely. I hope your OH is being a big comfort and making you feel as good as you can. How are you feeling now?Today was beautiful wasn't it? I tried to enjoy it as much as I could too spending the day with my niece at the seaside. Could you even plan another mini weekend away soon, just something to look forward to - or spa day with the girls, acupuncture, massage etc?

Yeah that's what I'm hoping seeing as not dtd is a pretty big obstacle. I mean the method works, it's just not happening for me and I guess if we were dtd it wouldn't be happening either but who knows. In my mind it's an huge extra source of stress

Xx

It's so strange how everywhere does it different, even in Scotland, I went from GP straight to fertility clinic and no gynae!

@suzy124 thank you ❤️ I had another cry last night, I've been going to bed early cos im just so tired and to be honest i can't think about it when I'm sleeping. My poor BF, I cried after we DTD this morning. I'm just so annoyed at my body, don't feel confident at all, but today is a new day and the sun is shining so I'm going to try and pull myself together! Oh yeah they didn't go over SA did they? I wonder as you have to inseminate that it would perhaps bump you up the queue. Do you know what the criteria for that is?

Our call started as a video call but the signal was going so ended up the Dr called my mobile and muted the video, so we could still see her but then heard on the phone! Also; wasn't the same Dr that did my HyCosy which for some reason I thought it would be!

I think anything your GP hasn't done, the clinic you are referred to will be able to do them. It's all very much a minefield isn't it! Xxx

@Amy259 yeah mine says with a gynae too but that it would be helpful for both of us to be on the call. That is mad, you'd think they at least want to check thyroid etc. Who knows! X

@suzy124 up here it’s a gynae referral first, with an infertility consultant, so it’s all about the woman first of all - which my (female) gp was going off about haha. So I have to go through this bit first, I imagine they’ll tell me on the call what I still need to do, but I do know they don’t want/need/do day 3 bloods which blows my mind!

@Amy259 sorry I think you did tell me before, it's hard to keep up with everyone sometimes! Yeah I'd see how you get on and then if they're crap you can always switch health boards! That's so weird, mine was like must have both bloods, scan, rubella, chlamydia and for him SA. Just wish everywhere was consistent! Xx

@suzy124 I’m in Scotland so my referral is to Glasgow Royal. That’s giving me issues in itself as we’ve moved so I should be under a different health board now and can’t decide whether to switch or not, but I’m just letting it play out 😂

No list on my referral, just a bit of paper that looks like it for my gp to fill out about my mmr vaccines but no instructions with it?! So I’ll just ask at my call if I’m supposed to hand that in..

@Amy259 I was hoping for at least a zoom call or something but it is literally just a phone call. Oh I'm sure I'll be on here moaning afterwards! Just need to remember to be insistent. Is your OH joining you for the call? Do you mind me asking where you're based? I'm north hants

Ah I see. That's great it put your mind at ease. Did your fertility referral give a list of things you needed done before the call? A scan was on mine so just wondering if they'd be ok with the one you had? Xx