Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@HJen22 It can be so hard to stay positive some days. I feel as time has went on, I’ve given up hope. I fully expect AF to arrive, and she always does. I used to symptom spot and test like mad but now I just count myself out even before the cycle ends, I couldn’t tell you which one feels worse .

I can understand feeling apprehensive about IVF, it all just feels like very unfamiliar territory that none of us expected to experience, I suspect the same as @suzy124 that this may be the route I end up going down too.

Thanks for the positivity @suzy124 it’s given me a wee smile on my face. As easy as it is to get bogged down on how unfair it all feels, I guess it is good to remember how lucky we are to have these alternatives available, there is more than one way to skin a cat🙂

Thank you all for BBT advice, I think I’ll get myself a thermometer and start tracking this next cycle and see how I go Xx

Sorry that posted before I finished...

@HJen22 I really hope the diet and exercise works wonders and you won't need IVF after all. Sending you bucket loads of hope and strength 🌈 I'm sure you are mentally exhausted! It's good you have appointments and things in the meantime so it's not like there's a big stretch of time where there's just waiting

@User1400 I'd recommend temping for maybe 3 months if you have regular cycles (I mean hopefully you won't need to!) You should then see a pattern emerge and along with the opks can then match up to the cm you see at that time. When I first started I hadn't a clue what cm I was looking for, and if I hadn't tracked both I probably still wouldn't know.

It's definitely a hard pill to swallow but we are all getting closer to our goal 💕

Xx

Morning ladies. Sending lots of love to those struggling today and don't ever apologise for being a downer. I'm guilty of it myself 😂 but remember that's what we're all here for. It's great having a safe space to moan and feel supported no matter what. When I'm in the pits I just try to remember that this struggle will all be a distant memory someday ❤️

@AZ1992 yeah I get so down every AF even when I can feel it hasn't worked that month. Yep, in the south, I'm not too far from Reading.

@HJen22 tbh I don't think we'll be that far behind you in going for IVF but we shall see. It is a scary thought not being able to conceive naturally but we just have to remember how many millions of people get their miracle through IVF and it will be sooooo worth it 🥰

@suzy124 I'm feeling you! It upsets me too, it's just such a hard thing to go through - and gets harder as time goes on. I am also on a downer today. I should be happy as AF is done and I know I should have positive thoughts etc and keep trying anyway but on days like today it's just like Ugh! I feel like I've got a lot less hope now I know the issue and although IVF is on the horizon somewhere that just really scares me. And sometimes just makes me annoyed and bitter and angry and sad. All the emotions really. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but some days are just crap aren't they. I also want some bread 😂 and then get annoyed like WHY am I having to do all this haha. Sorry - negative Nancy over here today!

My tip for BBT is track up to confirmed ovulation and then stop. I found myself getting way too obsessed with the graph and what it was doing on the lead up to AF I felt it gave me false hope sometimes. You may be totally different but I found it quite hard mentally. And I was always worried I wasn't doing it accurately enough what with having to have a certain amount of unbroken sleep and it having to be at the same time each day - I wasn't great at that!

Xxx

@suzy124 we are still using supplements however my OH doesn’t take his unless I physically put it in his hand.. I used to get so angry about it, it’s such a small ask given all women are willing to put themselves through. Anyway, I decided not to let it bother me, I don’t need another thing to worry about!
_
Thanks girls! Seems like tracking BBT may be the way forward? I am regular and have only ever used OPKs but I’ve never fully trusted them (probably because I’m still not pregnant) I think I’ll look into using BBT alongside to confirm. You all sound very in tune with your cycles and i’m glad you don’t have to test as regularly anymore, it does wonders for your mental health.

On another note, as I get back to tracking after my break.. I am feeling so down about it. It really upsets me that we are all even having to go through this. Its crazy to think some people decide they want a baby and are pregnant within a month.. Its even crazier to think that I was naive enough to assume that is how it would happen for me.. yet here I am 2 years later with no whiff of a BFP.. I know it’s not a race and it doesn’t actually make any difference to my journey how someone else reached the destination, it’s just a hard pill to swallow. The hardest part is just not knowing if this will ever happen for me 😭

Sorry for the downer ladies, my mood is in conjunction with the Scottish weather today!

@AZ1992X ahh lovely, I hope you have a great trip! A change of scenery will be great, I’m sure. Annoying that af may arrive just in time for your romantic getaway! Annoying, but typical.

@HJen22 I can’t imagine a tww and the ivf news would’ve been very overwhelming last month, a good idea to have a break for sure. I can never decide which part of the cycle I find hardest, it all involves waiting around! I think I might struggle more with the start than even the tww because I don’t ov until later, so the first two weeks of every cycle absolutely nothing is happening and it really drags.

According to the weather app on my phone, it’s rain for a week now! Great…

@suzy124 sorry meant to say yes I've got a follow up with the nutritionist in October and I think I'll maybe get all the results of the tests then, I'm not actually sure - or maybe she will email them! I'm awaiting a load of vitamins from her too! I'm going to be rattling. This was all at an added cost which they don't tell you about and you don't want to NOT take their advice, so it's a bit sneaky haha but willing to try anything to improve my egg health and overall health in prep for IVF x

@AZ1992X welcome ❤️ I'm so sorry you had to go through that, must have been so heartbreaking 😢 stay positive and I really hope it happens for you so you don't need that April appointment!

@suzy124 it was specifically an IVF book but I am sure there must be some out there. I'm also sure there's a programme with a comedian about fertility, Rhod Gilbert. To be honest I don't think my OH would have read anything I'd put his way before, and think it's just because he knows I'm scared for IVF and I want him to be aware of all involved.

I've been the same with tracking these last 20 months, started off just an app, went onto OPKs, then BBT. I've had a few months doing morning and a few with the CB OPK kit. Similarly I kinda know my cycle, I ovulate around day 9-12 usually, with the odd day 14 thrown in there if it's a randomly longer cycle. Now AF has gone well just try and do it every 2nd day from now for FW. I'm going to try and not put too much pressure on, it would be amazing if it happens naturally and I know it can, but mentally I can't deal with processing IVF and the whole 2WW at the same time!

Sun seems to be well and truly gone in Scotland now 😂 made for a much cooler dog walk this morning!

How are you all? Xxx

@User1400 Thank you ❤️ - I’ve come to terms with it now. Trying to keep positive it may happen before next April as that’s when the GP will refer.

That makes sense regarding what would happen next - hope you don’t have too long to wait.

Similar in terms of tracking - I BBT which I think helps the most as you can see it rise after ovulation. I originally used clear blue but I didn’t get on with them so moved to the easy@home strips and the premom app. Im trying to cut back using them as much now as I can see changes in my CM to know I’m about to ovulate.

@Amy259 can understand that, Glad you had a great time!, yes it is ☺️ We’re off to the lakes. I think AF will arrive soon as my bbt has slightly dropped this morning

@suzy124 Agree, it gets harder each month doesn’t it. I get down when AF arrives but try and pick myself up again and think it will happen it’ll just be when. Is that in the South? , I’m in the East Midlands. X.

@AZ1992X That's great to hear ❤️ it's so hard to keep hold of the initial positivity month after month isn't it. I don't think I have any hope left lol. Yeah I'm north Hampshire, where are you based?

@User1400 Did you have your OH on supplements too? I agree, it pisses me off that he won't take a damn tablet despite saying he wants a baby as much as me. But it's a weight off my shoulder and try not to think about it anymore.
Re tracking I was doing temps and opks up until a couple months ago. The benefits to my mental health were enough to stop doing it altogether, I only did a few this month because I didn't think our timings would match up and wanted to check. Agree with @Amy259 now I know my cycle and when I ovulate roughly I can just be on the lookout for ewcm. For me it's fairly obvious since I increased my water intake and started eating healthier. My GP told me not to obsess over cm so I don't make a point of checking internally anymore, just what I see coming out (sorry tmi 🙈). Don't know if you've also temped but it really helped me to get to know my cycle too and loved seeing the temp rise a day or two after opk

Xx

@AZ1992X that’s good going! We have a wedding when I’ll be 11dpo… so I’ll probably end up buying tests and checking before we go, though I’d much rather not know as it’ll ruin my day.

Thank you, it was lovely. Is this your romantic weekend away? Where are you off to again?

@User1400 I tracked with OPKs for like 8 months, logging them in an app, and I did bbt to confirm ov too. I started noting my cm around each stage too, so basically all of the above means I know I have 30/31 day cycles, ovulate day 16-18, af comes on 15dpo (14 day luteal phase), and I get ewcm for like 3-4 days around ov then cm goes creamy the day after I ov. And I can randomly check my temp one morning now and know if I have or havent ovulated, versus previously having to do it every day, because I know where my temp sits during each phase.

So basically it’s just been time! I stopped tracking 3 cycles ago and had no idea just how stressed I’d been peeing on sticks. If we were struggling to DTD or were going to be apart or whatever, I’d probably do random OPKs to check, but if we dtd every second day around the right days of cycle I don’t bother. It probably wouldn’t work without tracking if you weren’t regular though, are you?

@AZ1992X so sorry to hear about your MC and that is reset the clock, that must of been really hard to process❤️. Tbh I don’t think anyone has really talked us through all of the options, I am guessing that will be based off of the results of the HyCosy. I should probably look into it so I am not left feeling blind sided.

@suzy124 lol, I like the sound of not even having to be on speaking terms! There is many times we have missed peak ov because we have been arguing about TTC! I think giving up the supplements battle is probably for the best, as frustrating as it is..some battles are just not worth the fight! I have given up testing near AF time, I couldn’t keep putting myself through it, it would ruin my whole day.

@Amy259 @AZ1992X I think you guys are right about my friend. She knows all about our TTC journey and is probably nervous to see me too. She has every right to be excited (I would be setting off fireworks if it was me!) but I will deffo take on board the idea of having back up convo - in case it starts getting to me!!

How are all of you tracking ovulation? I only use OPKs, I use the cheapies from Amazon and they are never super dark (it makes me paranoid) so I started using the clear blue digital ovulation which seems to confirm I am indeed getting a peak. And despite all my research I don’t have a clue how to track CM! Whenever I check CM I can never tell any difference from one week to the next. I’m on CD
8 and after my two months off I’m going to dive back into tracking tomorrow.. I feel drained even thinking about it!! Xx

@Amy259 not even a urge to test which isn’t like me - Ive normally tested by now 😂, Although I go away on Friday so if it’s not arrived by then might test so I know before I go. Not feeling hopeful this cycle - just started getting bit bloated so think AF will arrive.

Well if you did it peak day or the day before there’s a chance! Hopefully the next week or so don’t drag too much for you. Hope you had a nice time ❤️

@suzy124 Thank you, it was a really tough time but just trying to remain positive it will happen. ❤️

Nope I’m in England, I thought that 😂 - are you in England too?

Also meant to say @User1400 yes it's always been like that, so he can't even blame the pressure of ttc! X

@Amy259 For my own sanity I had to give up buying my OH the supplements, it was causing so many arguments. So now he takes nothing 🙄 Just have to live with it I guess

@HJen22 Interesting! Do you know when you get the results? Is there a follow-up booked with the nutritionist? Ugh tell me about it! You're lucky your OH has come on a lot in supporting you recently, we're still at loggerheads most of the time. He just doesn't want to talk about it at all! What was the name of the book do you remember?

@User1400 yeah it sucks so much. I mean everyone I've found online who's done it our way has ended up pregnant, it's just not working for us 🤷‍♀️ it does definitely take the pressure off though as we don't even have to be on speaking terms 😂

@AZ1992X welcome! I'm really sorry to hear about your MC, must be so heartbreaking ❤️ and that's awful that it resets the clock with the nhs. Are you based in Scotland too? Feel like I'm the only one on here who's not haha!

XX

@AZ1992X well done! I don’t think I’m capable of that… have you had the urge and just managed to stay strong, or have you not felt like testing? Any instinct as to which way it might go..?

Yeah I’m 2dpo today I think and if that’s right we only dtd once that’ll count, on peak day (or the day before, I might only be 1dpo), the other time in fw was 3 days before so won’t have done much. But hey ho, they say it only takes once I suppose! So we’ll see. Was hard to track using just cm this cycle, couldn’t temp and didn’t take OPKs on holiday, and my body did some weird things cm wise etc, so I’m not entirely sure where I am but certain I’ve ovulated now 😂

@User1400 I can’t remember if you said she knew you were ttc? If she did, she’ll maybe be feeling quite nervous too - I’m sure she understands it’ll be hard for you. So hopefully just a little bit of honest chat and you’ll be fine!

@Amy259 ☺️, is your fw finished now? Just trying to remember where you was. I’ve actually resisted testing this cycle - AF due tomorrow/Friday.

@User1400 , Hey! I started TTC #1 just over a year ago - last August. I did managed to get a bfp in April but sadly MC a few weeks after. Been having bloods etc to check everything is fine but they won’t refer me until next year now as it has to be a full year since my positive which is annoying.

I’ve just managed to read your post - hopefully you won’t have too long to wait until your scan. Has your GP been good and talked about next steps?

RE your friend I can relate to that as it happened to me and they wasn’t trying either! I’ve just had the baby shower recently which was quite hard. I’m really pleased but equally it really gets to you and makes you want it even more.
Do they know you’ve been ttc? , maybe have some ideas of things to talk about so you can swiftly move the conversation on if you feel it getting to you?

@suzy124 Aw no hun, that must be really difficult for you both. Has that always been the case or only since TTC? Can imagine the strain that puts on closeness/intimacy. At least you have found a bit of a work around. Men are strange creatures when it comes to seeking advice aren’t they, it’s our first port of call and their absolute last resort!

@HJen22 it’s difficult trying to find the right balance isn’t it, they think we are doing too much and we think they aren’t doing enough! Sometimes I feel like my OH is being purposely obtuse but I need to remember it’s a lot of pressure for him too.

@Amy259 I’m the same! Even before all of this I was more of the ‘sex robot’ 😆. I can imagine that stereotype only adds more pressure on them perform.

Hi @AZ1992X ! I’m new to the thread. What’s your story?
—
I am biting the bullet and meeting my best friend for dinner. I am actually scared I have a full blown melt down. Any tips?! Xx

Ahhh welcome @AZ1992X so glad you found us! ♥️

Hello ladies!,

Hope you don’t mind me joining in - was in a previous chat with some in this thread and they sent me the link. Thank you @Amy259

Hope everyone’s doing ok ❤️

@User1400 I hate when there are implications the men will of course be loving all the trying! Even books I’ve read say it, but I think even out with this my sex drive would be higher. There’s definitely a lack of support surrounding when it comes to men not always being mindless robots!

@suzy124 my DH is the exact same too - even though he’s better now, it’s still me almost every day asking if he’s taken his supplements and the answer is almost always “not yet”! Blows my mind because I wish I could forget any of it sometimes 😂xxx

@Amy259 wow that looks amazing! Love the photos!!!! I am so glad you had a lovely time! Happy to be back home with the fur babies?

@suzy124 yeah the bloods I just get to get my OH to jab my finger and then we had to drip the blood into little pots and send in the post. The urine one arrived today which has to be done later on in the cycle, its paper test strips i have to dip in pee, it sounds confusing as i have to take 4 samples over 2 days!

Of course sorry i forgot you had had the internal! They may offer another and a hycosy, or more bloods!

My OH has been the same in the past, thought I was being to OTT with tracking, didn't understand why I would get upset if we didn't DTD, it sometimes put too much pressure on him, which then led to him being upset! We had many arguments!! Such a hard time! And I also had the "it will happen" from him, he has a daughter from a previous relationship so I was very "well you are clearly fine, its all my fault" sort of thing too! And the fact she wasn't planned! He thought i was looking too much into the year mark as well!

The IVF book I read was really good at explaining how the want and need for a child can be a lot stronger in the female. We feel it was what we were put on earth for, and as much as men want to be fathers, I don't think they can ever fully understand how we women feel about it. And the fact that its our bodies. But at the same time, we cant fully understand the pressure they feel too. I think all we can do is be as open and honest with each other as possible, there will be tears and fights and misunderstandings, but it will all be worth it in the end :)

@User1400 so basically he can't ejaculate inside me and doctor thinks it's psychological. Not only does it affect ttc, but closeness as well. It's not much fun me just finishing and then that's it over and he's still standing to attention 😂... seriously tho it has affected our sex life massively

Oh god it's like you were in my head writing that last paragraph! My OH says the exact same stuff, but I'm constantly the one chasing him up and mentioning it at all! Drives me mad! Xx

@Amy259 Beaut! 😍 look at the colour of that sea too! I'm sure you were both glad to have a week of sun and fresh air 😂 Was it expensive to rent the cottage?

Yeah, doesn't matter how I approach it, just met with silence really. He's so convinced it will happen because it happens to others this way that I guess he sees no need to chase it up. I've been like to him 'at what point are you gonna think hmm maybe there's something wrong here'. It's incredibly frustrating. Glad you guys have been able to work it out though and found a solution, hope we can follow suit but I'm not hopeful! Xx

@Amy259 We were similar earlier in our journey, I would spend so much time tracking and obsessing over getting the timing right, and then DH ‘wouldn’t be in the mood’, I’d be nothing short of distraught. He was so placid about passing up a potential fertile day and I felt like I would find a way to DTD if I was on fire and being chased by a swarm of bees!! After a fair few break downs and heart to hearts, we managed to get into the routine of every other night during fertile window, but it can be a total chore when we just want to go to sleep!

@suzy124 sorry to hear that, what are psychosexual issues, if you don’t mind me asking? That’s good that you have found a work around through SI, it’s amazing the options that are available to us these days.

@HJen22 god yes hopefully COVID doesn’t get in the way. I remember hearing about COVID pausing IVF treatments early last year, we were so early in our TTC journey I didn’t give it much thought, but since I have found myself in this position, I can’t imagine how devastating it must of been for those couples. Fortunately, it seems like we are getting to the back of COVID, so hopefully all goes off without a hitch for you!

Im really glad i’m not alone in this one girls! So many people say DH will be enjoying all the baby making, or just to slip on some sexy underwear and get going, and i’m like.. is this advice coming from a RomCom?!?

I totally hear you girls about ‘tip toeing’ around DH. Mines constantly reassures me that I can trust him and we’re in this together but I continuously find myself chasing him to chase appointments and being the one ‘driving the bus’ all things TTC related. Sounds like it’s just a male thing. A good few deep conversations has definitely brought us closer together, but he deffo needs periodical reminders.. Xx