Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

Morning @Amy259

I'm doing ok thanks - currently 4dpo (ish) haven't been properly tracking this month!! I've just went with some cramps 4 days ago lol

This month I've zero tests in the house which is helping the urge to test BUT I know I'll cave next week and purchase some lol

We are going on a small staycation on 20th for our wedding anniversary so either I'll be celebrating a BFP 🤞🏻 or a moody cow with AF due during the holiday 🙈🤣

I'm looking at it tho if it is bad news I can at least have all the cocktails and wine without a care in the world 🍹🍷 lol xx

Yeah @xoJellyBean and @Lynne425 hope you’re both keeping well!

@suzy124 oh I’m a real addict, normally start at 8dpo! But I’ve got none in this month so trying to resist buying any.

Yeah we’re quite big walkers/hikers so tend to couple that up with a night or two in the tent. We have a couple of tents so taking the big one with us for this trip - lots of space for the 4 of us 🐶🐶 but the forecast isn’t looking great so hoping we don’t get washed away!

Happy Saturday! Xxx

@Amy259 it's not easy but I've never been a poas addict or anything as it's too painful! So I guess that's helped

That sounds amazing, I'm jealous! I bet the beaches there are out of this world too. Do you go camping often? Last time I went I mistakenly brought my summer sleeping bag in the middle of March 😂

@HJen22 yes have a great time today! Stay strong with all the sugary snacks and cake! Funny enough it was my nephews 4th during the week and he has his wee party with friends today too 🥰

@xoJellyBean haven't heard from you in ages! Really hope you're doing ok

Xx

@suzy124 I’m jealous of your ability to control yourself - zero self control at this end 😂

We’re going to the Outer Hebrides, so Uist, Barra, Harris and Lewis. Driving and camping, tents and bothies, with our two dogs. Can’t wait, I’m holding my breath until we’re actually away because I almost can’t believe it’ll actually happen 😂 do you have any fun weekend plans? Xx

@HJen22 have fun at your nephew’s birthday! Xx

@Amy259 yeah I keep having to tell my brain 'don't go there' but it's getting easier with time and definitely worth it.

Oh that's great it's going ahead after all! I'm sure you can't wait. Where are you off to again?

Aw really? That sucks but I mean stranger things have happened! I guess if anything you can go into next month feeling pretty positive 😊 xx

@suzy124 that’s a great tactic for not obsessing about where you are in the cycle.

I’m okay thank you! Holiday blues aren’t too bad as we go away again next Saturday for the delayed trip 😂

Just been for acupuncture, which I love, so that was nice. She did tell me though that after a hycosy there’s pretty much zero chance to conceive that cycle even if you have it near the start, because it takes a bleed to get rid of any leftover dye and the chance of pregnancy with that in there is pretty much nil. So that’s a bit rubbish! But manages my expectations this cycle I suppose. She also said there’s some theory that the next cycle has higher than normal chance of success and she has seen it a lot, but there’s no studies to back it up so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Amy259 😊 think I'm sort of in the middle, I find the 2ww much more bearable by not thinking exactly what dpo I am. Give it another full week and AF will be here. How are you getting on? I'm sure this weather isn't helping with the holiday blues! Xx

Lovely to hear from you @Loops01! Sorry to hear af arrived, but glad it’s not causing you much bother this month.

So shitty about DH’s family. No one in our families knows (although I’m sure they’re wondering) or asks, but I can’t imagine how hard it would be if they knew but weren’t supportive. Brilliant news you got a cancellation for the hycosy too! Not long to wait at all. All okay here, DH is fine now thanks, all recovered! Haha yes ginger here! Not that you can really tell with all my hair scraped back in that photo!

@HJen22 I had thought about driving but tbh I’m sure that would conjure up the exact same thoughts in peoples’ heads - because there can only possibly be one reason a 30 year old married woman would drive to a wedding apparently 🙃 I always say to DH that no one bats an eyelid if a man drives and doesn’t drink, but everyone’s eyebrows go through the ceiling when it’s a woman.

@suzy124 we’re tww buddies again! But I’m quite early on, do you know roughly when af is due?

@Loops01 eughh do they all have kids then already? Not sure if it was his siblings or parents you reached out to. It's really not fine though is it, I know saying that helps you cope but you need support. Could you even approach it like that with them, that you'd really appreciate some understanding bc this is so hard for you?

Have a call on 22nd. No point going down the therapy road now, he's avoidant and also been on a wait list for such a long time. I have to force him to chase up with his doctor. My clock is ticking and I'm gonna insist on some intervention otherwise private I guess

Xx

@suzy124 sorry I meant cd3. Wishful thinking as I think I'd rather be 3dpo lol. No they just said that's good that I'm getting the scan and there's a plan in place. Or such like. I've not heard from the others. It's fine. They are different from me and haven't experienced what I have so why should I expect them to understand.

Did you say you had a phonecall about you and dh sex wise? I really hope he can get therapy or coping mechanisms to help him as I'm sure it won't be just that in his head.

@Loops01 sorry to hear AF arrived 🙁 I got a bit confused sorry are you on AF now or 3dpo? I'm currently in 2ww but not sure exactly where again. That's fab news about the hycosy! Not long to wait at all and I hope it brings some answers/ reassurance. How do you feel otherwise about being told to wait to the 2 yr mark? I'm really sorry your hubby's fam aren't being supportive. Did they say anything at all? It's awful because it takes so much courage to reach out in the first place so no wonder you're hurt 😔 Don't know if it was me but yeah we're pretty much asexual atm...has a lot to do with our method of SI tho. 5 times in a month for us would be alot lol

@HJen22 and @User1400 I hope you guys are feeling a little brighter today! I had another really weird awful pregnancy dream which threw me this morning but I have therapy on Friday's where I can talk about all my issues and it really helps. So doing a little better now. Just infuriated with OH atm but trying not to show it haha

@AZ1992X I'm so sorry AF arrived and just as you're going on holiday too! I hope you can really switch off these next few days and give your mind some space and come back refreshed

Xx

Ahhh I've missed so much!! Sorry I've been so busy with work and then life.

AF showed up the night before it was due which threw me a bit as technically only 9dpo but then I looked back and actually because of my shifts and testing at like 1am etc it's probably expected! So I'm 3dpo and today. AF has been absolutely fine this month. Normally I get a bit of bloating or a bit of pain the first day but nope! Don't know if I didn't because I went for a run g with the dog for the first time in ages and now the rest of my body aches haha. Just been feeling so tired from the shifts at work. Slight headache just now but I think it's emotional and the fact I've not drank enough. I've tried to reach out to dh's family a bit as they never ask about ttc or speak to me really since I've made this a 'thing' and I barely got a response. So I'm pretty upset about that. It's like they want me to be happy about ivf 2 yrs away and just accept that it'll be ivf. When it's like it's not that easy. So yeah I've been struggling a bit and upsetting myself over that. My fault for trying to speak to folk who don't really want to know about it.

@User1400 I'm glad dh says he supports you! Sometimes you need to hear it. I told dh of AF starting again and he said nothing. I asked him if he had anything to say and he just rubbed my back and said I don't know what to say. Whereas I was like SAY SOMETHING HAVE EMOTION (on the inside. I wasn't wanting to start a fight). I cant remember if it was you or @suzy124 that mentioned it but ttc has totally messed up our relationship. I never want to have sex much any more. It is a total chore to dtd and one month we had sex just 5 times. Mainly its because of shifts or being tired because of the shifts and then other times I'm just not in the mood. It's so much effort and yet it's so much effort putting on a face to everyone else that I jsut don't have the energy to do that at home nevermind dtd.

@Amy259 your holiday looks amazing and it's nice to see your face! And to see you're a ginger like me ☺. You looked really happy. I'm sorry about the joke with dh but I would say it too as a joke and at least you know he had feelings about it even if he doesn't speak about it! Hopefully all fine now! Is he fine otherwise?

@AZ1992X so glad to have you back! I went to reply on the other thread and was like ahhh I don't know what to do. Had we really come do far that mumsnet was like nah yous are done now 😂. Sorry to hear about AF again. Are you cd1 or 2 now? Need to figure out where everyone is in their cycle again as its easier to remember that way.

@HJen22 so I got my letter yesterday! Called today and they had a cancellation on Sept 23rd which is just a few days before peak is due so I'm just gonna get it over and done with then! Looking forward to it in some way. How's the diet etc going! My exercise has been good and I'm going to try to go to the park run with the dog when I can to keep me motivated. When is your 4-6 months anyway for the ivf? Like January being the 6 month mark? Do you know how the process all works? Eg is it over a few cycles? I've not researched too much into it just now.

@Amy259 ah I see, I know, the feeling is gut wrenching isn't it. And its so horrible to feel that way, i feel guilty about it. My colleague is similar and it was something I thought about too, I have done SO much to try its hard not to be a little bitter when it happens easier to someone else.

Its hard on the run up to possible AF knowing whether to have a drink or not isn't it, but look at it in the way so many people don't know they are pregnant and drink. But for us its so different as we are trying to hard we can't not think about it! Perhaps have one or two and then try and pretend?

I can't drink on this diet either and don't want anyone to say "oh are you pregnant", one i find it SO rude for people to guess - imagine you were and they ruined it! And two, its the thing we very much wish for! So stings! I am hoping to avoid anything, don't think I have much on coming up. My OH was like just say you don't want to, or I guess I could drive to things or say its for health reasons - but thats a bit mysterious and would just start rumours ha!

@HJen22 I think I’m 4dpo so still a fair while to go! It just feels like it’s dragging a little this month.

She told us all at a team lunch when she was just 7 weeks (we work with large animals so need to be really careful once pregnant) and I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. She’s older than me but I just didn’t see it coming at all from her, and (this is awful) but she’s super unhealthy, she admits she’s really overweight so a high risk, and I was just so frustrated that I’m here doing absolutely everything I can and DH and I are always healthy, active, non-smokers, etc etc anyway yet nothing!

@User1400 I’m 4dpo so a while left. We have a wedding when I’m 11dpo so I’m not 100% sure what I’ll do about drinking or testing or whatever. I stopped drinking at home but don’t think I’d cope if someone did the “ohhh not drinking amy?? 😉” thing at the moment, so I have a glass or two at events.

I’m the exact same as you, I’m normally a really positive person and always celebrating other people’s successes, yet ttc makes me grudge it sometimes, which I really hate. And I’m so aware there aren’t limited pregnancies - them being pregnant isn’t stopping me! But it’s still so hard.

@AZ1992X So sorry about AF, she shows up at the worst times. Hopefully you can still enjoy your weekend and taking some time off TTC, it will do you a world of good ❤️. Cant wait to hear about your trip🙂.

@Amy259 I’m CD10 so I think ov will be due for me soon. I am going for dinner and drinks this weekend and I always get worried about drinking around time of ov (no idea why), but I just need to remember that I need to enjoy my life! How far are you in the tww? Gosh I don’t know which part of the cycle is most stressful!
—
Oh girls, it’s so heart breaking watching others on their journey isn’t it, especially when people start asking questions about when you will start a family (as if it’s not all I’ve been thinking about for 2 years!). I got jealous when I seen a stranger with a bump yesterday, aargh, I hate how bitter this TTC malark makes me.

Xx

@Amy259 such an emotional rollercoaster isn't it! I'm really hoping I can be more positive today and it's almost the weekend! Ugh the TWW seems so long doesn't it, what cycle day are you on? I need to get motivated, this should be me into FW.

Oh that must have been hard, I'm sorry. These things really hurt your heart don't they. My colleague who I literally sat across from at work (before WFH) is also expecting and is younger than me. I'm excited for her but at the same time being at home is a hell of a lot easier. I briefly told her before my clinic app we'd been trying cos I felt bad I hadn't but now I regret it cos I don't want to tell her about IVF. I've avoided the question and just said I'm fine when she asked how it went.

Anyone got any exciting plans this weekend? It's my nephews 2nd birthday tomorrow so that will be nice 💙

Xxx

@Loops01 how are you doing??

@AZ1992X I’m sorry to hear that, this ttc malarkey is brutal 💔 yeah good plan, have a brilliant few days away full of tasty food and fun outdoor times (I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the weather!). Time off here is so necessary sometimes, looking forward to hearing all about your trip when you’re back xx

@HJen22 happy Friday to you too! Great news that you’re feeling a bit better today, the ups and downs of ttc are crazy aren’t they? I hate how much of an effect it can have on my whole day, especially when I’m totally fine then see/hear something that hits me like a train.

I’m okay thank you, this tww is a dragging a bit but other than that I’m grand! I spent yesterday with a colleague who has her 12 week scan on Monday, so today can only be easier than that 😂

@AZ1992X I'm so sorry AF turned up 😔 I really hope you have a lovely time away and a little break from all things TTC and enjoy some quality time with your OH ❤️

I think I'm ok today, will definitely try and be less depressed and down in the dumps as I was yesterday.

Happy Friday ladies, how is everyone else? Xxx

Morning!

@HJen22 Thankyou! , yes I’ve got it packed already just in case & a lodge/pod type thing 😂
Hope you’re ok?

@Amy259 AF turned up this morning as expected, going to have a break from here and all things TTC the next few days then onto the next cycle.

@Amy259 I know, how cute is he! I threw a bit of a strop with the amount haha bless he's really trying to avoid me having a meltdown!

A great pep talk from @suzy124 and so right in everything said! I am going to have some gluten free toast for tea, pjs are on and tomorrow is a new day!

@AZ1992X that will be lovely! I really hope you get some sun! Or at least some dry days! Remember and pack the cagoule 😂 are you staying in a lodge or hotel?

How is everyone else? Xxx

@HJen22 Thank you, yes defo is - It’s been crazy busy at work too so happy for the break! I’ve not been since I was young so looking forward to it.

We go first thing tomorrow just for an long weekend - back work Tuesday. Just hoping it don’t rain as we’ve planned most of the weekend and a lot is outdoors 😂.

@Amy259 nothing yet, it was either today or tomorrow based on previous cycles. I’m gonna test tomorrow morning if it’s not here by then but I expect I’ll probably wake up and it’s arrived. It’s what normally happens.

Either way I’ll know then going to try and switch off for a few days.

@User1400 yeah I agree about the bbt adding to stress, so definitely stopping after you’ve confirmed ov is a good idea. No need to apologise for being down, we all get there. I write myself off too, some months I’m looking at the calendar for when I’ll next ov when af hasn’t even come yet. Where are you in this cycle? Sorry if you said, I’m rubbish at keeping up with where everyone is!

@HJen22 sorry to hear you’re having a shitty day, but glad you’re letting yourself have it - we all need that sometimes. And how cute is your OH for getting you a wee pill case? 😂

@suzy124 I thoroughly enjoyed your wee pep talk there - you’re right, however we get there it’ll all be worth it!

@AZ1992X any sign…?

Thank you ladies, just having one of those down days! We all have them and I know I just need to accept how I feel and let myself wallow for a bit but then pick myself back up and tomorrow is a new day! Just feeling grumpy and fed up today, got angry at all the stuff I got sent from the Nutritionist to take haha cos its SO much! OH has bought me a wee tablet thing like I'm an old lady! Preparing me for heaps of meds later on I suppose!

@AZ1992X ah fab happy holidays! So nice to have some days off work isn't it! The Lakes will be lovely! I really want to go, my OHs daughter lives down south and we drive that way (although I have gotten out of the trip to get her now we have a dog haha) and it all just looks so nice around there and also the Yorkshire Dales. How long are you away for?

@suzy124 I got a letter through today (the NHS letters give me the fear as they have the address on them) and I am assuming its our follow up call that I asked for, so that's on the 1st October. You are right, at least I have things in the diary! And as you say, we are all getting closer to our goal!

xxx

Thank you for your kind words @HJen22 ❤️

@Amy259 Thank you I’ve officially broken up from work, really looking forward to a nice getaway.
You’re right defo sums my luck 🙈 - if my last cycle wasn’t shorter it probably would be due when I was back.

@suzy124 think that’s completely normal to feel like that - like you say even the months you’re not positive about you still think could there be a chance. Ah, thought so but I’m not the best at locations 😂