Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@HJen22 the Instagram page is @fertilitymattersatwork - full of info and advice xx

@HJen22 if she’s lovely (and legally she can’t tell your colleagues anyway, that’s a HR nightmare waiting to happen) then yeah I would tell her. I coincidentally listened to a bfn podcast about this exact thing last week - there’s a group of women trying to change the law because women aren’t protected until the day of and 2 weeks following transfer, so they recommend having an absence plan in place with your boss before it begins. Like whether it’ll be annual leave, flexi, etc, because you’ll probably need a fair amount of time off and if you can have a policy in writing it would protect you - not that you’ll need it, hopefully! Just because women going through ivf don’t get any work place protection like you get when your pregnant, it’s probably a good idea to know exactly where you stand?

You could always wait until you have actual dates before you tell her? Maybe depends on the size of business too, both in terms of how much she can offer to help you (is she the big boss?) and how easy it’ll be for her whenever you need the odd day/half day off?

I’ll try and find out if there’s an Instagram page for these women, they are HR specialists and their whole business is advising and helping women navigate work whilst undergoing treatment.

@HJen22 thank you. I'll speak to her tomorrow to see. They aren't the best when it comes to welfare stuff (unless you have kids) and I don't see them letting me get away at 130 and not coming back when I'm due to finish at 5 but we will see. Just whether I need to cancel annual leave or work some extra hours. Never actually thought about it if it was bad. Although saying that when dh's grandad passed and I needed away the next day on time to go to the funeral they held me on... They really don't care 😂 they just expect you to deal with life outside of work. Would be easier if I had a better work life balance

Sorry wasn't finished - and I meant spotting on wiping / going to the toilet rather than in my underwear.

Sorry I meant what with my news not being so great I'm not sure I'd have coped going into the office. But I hope your scan and HyCosy come back all clear ❤️

@Loops01 I totally trust my boss. I mean it's not ideal with my colleague being pregnant and me telling her this, team wise but it really can't be helped. She's so lovely about appointments and stuff too. It's just one more person to have to tell though and I want to keep it to the very minimum.

I'm sure your boss will be understanding about your appointment. I used a pad afterwards and there wasn't anything on it but for a few days after I had spotting. I think you could manage but also if your boss let you just go home it would be nice. As if not have wanted to go back after mine but then I had some not so great news and of course I really hope that doesn't happen to you

@HJen22 I guess it depends how you trust your boss? I tell one person one thing in my work and it gets spread like wildfire! You probably will need time to inject at certain times and might be unwell etc with it so if your job does not allow you time etc then it would be worthwhile! I have to tell my boss tomorrow about my scan because they aren't allowing anyone time off at the moment but I would need in order to attend as its mid shift! Did you bleed a lot after? Just thinking that I'll have to go from work to the scan then back to work - is that reasonable?

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend ❤️

Yeah I had AMH bloods taken afterwards on the day I was in for my internal / HyCosy and it just said on my letter that they would be discussed at next appointment. Trying not to think and worry about it too much. That will have been down to the low follicle count. I agree though that it would be good if they did a few scans at different times.

Off to IKEA for a jolly today, we have been speaking on the way down about it I should tell my boss about IVF. What do you girls think? In normal circumstances I'd prob try and not to, however my colleague is due in February. I'm pretty sure if I don't say anything I'll be left to do her and my job. If I tell my boss that gives her the chance to properly think about maternity cover for my colleague and not leave me with two jobs and IVF to deal with. Also I don't live very close to the clinic and my work is also not close to it so appointments wouldn't be able to be done in an hour sort of thing.

@Loops01 it’s also why, if there are concerns with FSH, they couple your internal or hycosy with AMH bloods - you need both to get the whole picture.

@Loops01 because think of the resources repeat scans throughout a cycle would cost for every woman ttc. That’s why they only do it for those going through ivf - the nhs couldn’t cope with scanning us all, all the time.

@Amy259 so why don't they scan at different times during the cycle to see these things? I know they probably do during ivf procedures or similar but wouldn't it be handy to know before? Minefield this ttc stuff

@Loops01 I hope not, but I think they might as it’s quite weird to find a dilated tube that isn’t blocked, because apparently the only way to dilate a Fallopian tube is with a blockage… so I think they might repeat it to see if there’s any issue or it’s all resolved now. All guess work until the 29th.

Yeah they’ll test it if you have concern, as follicles on a scan don’t tell you they’re functioning/can mature/can shrink. Permanently large (there’s a word but I can’t remember it) follicles that look like they’re ready to release are bad, and permanently small (the ones who would enlarge next month) are bad, and obviously a scan just shows you a snap shot so you don’t know. Nothing points to low AMH or anything, I don’t think, but it’s pretty much the only thing I haven’t checked now so I’d like the reassurance. I’ll probably do an at home test if they say no.

@HJen22 it hurts so little that I actually had one left in my arm and had to turn to do massage and never realised I was lying on one that was still in my arm. I felt a slight discomfort but nothing else of it haha.

@Amy259 hopefully you don't have to do it again! Do they test amh? I was told I wouldn't get it done unless they needed to. Dont know if it is just dependent on how many follicles they see? Did you see a few on your private scan? I have counted some of mine from the pics and I think in OK? Maybe not the most but then the follicles are all at different angles so 1 pic won't show them all.

@Loops01 nah I haven’t really entered the NHS system yet, not until my phone call on 29th and who knows what they’ll say then. I wonder if they’ll make me repeat the hycosy after I tell them there was some pooling… I feel sick at the thought 😂 but it’ll probably just be repeat that if necessary, I’m going to ask about AMH and see what his chat is there, and then I’ll just need to wait it out until the 2 yr mark I imagine.

@HJen22 yes loose clothes! I’m sure you won’t, you hardly see any of them because you’re lying down and it doesn’t hurt at all, wayyy less than a normal needle! Xx

@Loops01 I'm not actually too sure the cost, my friend who's been for other things thought £50 and you buy some Chinese medicine 😂 I will let you know!

The letter freaked me out as I hadn't been told any of that, it's just tick boxes so who knows if things could change further down the line, thing it all depends how well you respond to medication and I'm worried about the fact I have a low amount of follicles to work with!

I don't think you're overreacting at all; they should be there for support and try to understand what you and your OH are going through. We know people don't know what to say, but sometimes just being there, offering a hug and a shoulder to cry on is what we need. It's not your fault at all. Know that we are here ❤️ we've not told my OHs parents yet and I'm not looking forward to it, his mum is rather blunt and already mentioned me "being too old" in passing - she doesn't have a clue we are TTC and it upset me later on. I'm the sort of person who doesn't have the guts to reply but later thinks "I wish I'd said'.

@suzy124 yeah it's absolute crazy it seems to be a postcode lottery with NHS! So unfair it's different all over the place and I really don't get it!

@Amy259 great thanks I'll wear lose clothes! Thought there might be stomach ones! God I hope I don't feel faint or anything haha!

Pup is ok, bit grumpy haha but otherwise ok. Attracting all the horny male dogs though so walks are a bit cautious 😂😂😂

Thanks @Amy259 you know what I'm like - never have much hope anyway 😂.

Funny as when I go for my acupuncture I have to strip off to pants and bra and just have a towel covering pants. I get about 8 needles around tummy. 1 in each arm. 1 in each hand. 1 in each ankle. 1 in each Calf. She's has done 1 at the top of my head before which has felt lovely for headaches! I once went to crack my foot and the muscles in my legs tensed and it was so painful haha! I find it so relaxing and love it! The needle in one of my hands is always a bit stingy as I know that muscle ends up getting sore if I use my phone tok often but it helps it within minutes. Surreal really.

@Amy259 I think it's good they do that though since you know there is no issue with you! Do you have a rough date for it all or not yet still? Thinking of anything else private?

@HJen22 yeah so I normally get 3 needles across my lower tummy, one just below my bra in the middle, then knees, feet, wrists, forehead and top of my head. I would wear a T-shirt and shorts/loose trousers you can roll up if you can. My appointments are normally after work so I take shorts and change in her bathroom beforehand and afterwards, but if going from home I’d wear shorts.
Yeah that’s the injecting sperm straight in one - I thought it weird they’d jump straight to that given it must be more work for them, but maybe because it’s more successful it’s less rounds and therefore work in the long run?

Your poor pup - I remember when our two each had their season pre-spay, they were always so hot bless them. Panting away! Hope she’s not feeling too sorry for herself.

@Loops01 yeah so if you’re hycosy is near peak day, from what she said it sounds like that cycle will be a write off.

Careful what you read about it being more successful/fertile the next cycle though - the head of Oxford Fertility recently released a paper debunking that. There’s some truth in fat soluble dyes helping if you have deposits in tubes, but it’s a tiny difference and most clinics use water soluble anyway (which makes no difference). My GP said the pooling of dye that then overflowed after more pressure sounds like the unblocking of mucus in my right tube (especially given the pain), so technically that coooould improve chances if that’s what it was, clearing of a blockage, but I wouldn’t pin your hopes on it improving fertility in general sadly - it doesn’t seem to be true. But there are some anecdotal stories out there so who knows!

@suzy124 come move to Scotland! Where are you in England? I'd easily let you use my address if I didn't need it!

@suzy124 yeah I think it's ridiculous that England, Ireland and Wales is not all the same. It's not as if we aren't connected!! Crazy. We are really lucky in Scotland to get 3 funded ivfs and yeah it's ridiculous and absolutely wrong that England etc don't do the same! But yes that is why they have a better success rate. To be fair, I don't like Scotland vaccine passport thing now as I've got to get my 2nd vaccine now before Elton John concert in Dec. I booked it well before covid and I don't think we should be forced to get the vaccine. I'd ask for my money back but he's ace live 😂

@Loops01 some of us are in England you know! If you've read that the success rates are higher, it's probably because Scotland has more replicates in the fact they give women under 40 three chances at ivf

@HJen22 yeah it was me that mentioned him - can I ask how much he is as I'm tempted to move? I'm £65 a sesh for an hour. She's really nice (Holburn St) but obvs doesn't make any difference fertility wise but she has stopped my migraines and the guy that does the massage is genuinely the best I've ever had 😂.

Well done not giving into temptation. I'm with @Amy259 I couldn't do it 😂. That's good re the fresh transfer! It sounds more interesting and maybe less likely to be issues with the freezing/defrost lol.

Weird that Glasgow only do ICSI though but who knows! I read a recent article about NHS Scotland in comparison to England for fertility and apparently all 4 (grampian, Lothian, Glasgow and the other one that escapes me) are all really good and work together and has a lot higher success rate! Plus they do it a lot quicker than England too. Mental to think!

@Amy259 didn't know about the hycosy and that month being a no go - that'll help me as I think dh is hoping it'll clear the tubes out and we can get pregnant. But I did Google and it does give you a higher chance in the months following but who knows! The amount of stuff we have tried and it made no difference 🤷🏼‍♀️

@suzy124 so his family is his mum (who had two) and tells me that her and her daughter (who is currently due to give birth start of Nov) used temping and that's what I need to do. But I've discussed it with @Amy259 and I can't do it because of my 10wk shift pattern of days, lates and nights. They don't know what to say but they also don't ask. I spoke to my friend about it and she thinks I was overreacting but said that she understands where I'm coming from as I want to be able to speak about things openly and about how complicated and difficult it is but they don't ask. So when I pour my heart out about things they don't respond because they never asked. They didn't ask about it in detail. So it's my fault in a sense for telling loads and not getting a response because they don't want to know it. I think it's rude and not very caring for someone who is meant to be family. Like it's not just me going through this, it's theirs son/brother too but then he is so laid back he doesn't say anything so they think meh. It's my fault in a sense. I just expect folk to want to know and care because I am like that. I'm that person on a night out that makes friends in the bathroom by helping them holding their hair back with sick or when they are crying cos of a break up etc 😂. Just me.

@Amy259 she sounds amazing! And so great to have her to talk to! Does she put needles in your stomach? What should I wear? Yeah I'm not expecting miracles but have heard lots of people get it when going through IVF too! And yeah, it's expensive it's it, I'd rather keep it every 2 weeks at the most too! Especially after spending so much recently on all these vitamins and tests!

My guy is Chinese, @Loops01 was it you and I that were talking about the man on North Deeside road, that's who I'm going to see! Don't really know what to expect but if it relaxes me then great! I've not done much else recently like yoga or meditation, haven't been bothered.

Oh really, yeah they must have a really good success rate with it. That's when they inject the egg directly with sperm isn't it?

My poor pup is in heat, got her wee period pants on bless her. I'm like; I feel ya hun. Poor OH putting up with us females 😂

@HJen22 I’ve been going for a few months now, I really enjoy it but it is pricey. When I first started it was weekly but now I go every two weeks or so, it’s just not sustainable for me every month. My lady is a fertility specialist and used to be a nurse so it’s amazing because she’s super clued up and knows ALL there is to know about trying naturally, IVF, the processes, everything. So it’s brilliant because my brain is quite science-y and if it was too wishy washy an experience I wouldn’t like it. It’s also a bit like therapy because I don’t have anyone else (in person) who has a clue what I’m on about, everyone I know with kids fell pregnant so fast, so it’s lovely to chat about it with someone who knows what a hycosy is!! Obviously it hasn’t magically got me pregnant yet but I really enjoy the experience.

Speaking of, she told me yesterday that Glasgow only do ICSI, they never do normal IVF. I’m sure it doesn’t make much difference, and probably can only be more successful if anything, but I didn’t realise that.

Well done on avoiding the snacks - you’re a stronger woman than me! Xxx

Hey ladies 👋🏻 hope you are all having a lovely weekend! I managed to avoid food at my nephews haha there were too many people for anyone to notice me not eating. I'm going to tell my mum and sister but my mum is very "you're too thin" (I am not) so will think I'm on a diet 🙈

@Loops01 that's great you've your HyCosy booked! Mine ended up being on day of predicted ovulation so we missed that month. But yeah I've heard the few months after can possibly make you more fertile after a clear!

I'm not really sure at all what's happening, I'd think yeah probably January what with 4 months being November ish and then it's Christmas and New Year. I actually got a letter the other day with what I can only assume is our follow up call in October. So I'll be able to ask questions then. I didn't get any info or pamphlets or anything the day I was referred. And google scares me! Also everyone is different! But from a letter I go it says antagonist protocol and fresh transfer.

Also feel you re DTD, since the IVF news I've really lost my mojo. Did it last night as we are into FW but I just feel so defeated and not very confident with my body at all. And I'm tired of the disappointment and worry of TWW. So we'll do it when we can and then I'm just going to forget about my app. If it happens before IVF it would be amazing but after all this time, I'm not holding my breath!

I'm so sorry your DHs family haven't been very supportive. My only guess is that they don't know what to say and don't want to upset you?

@Amy259 I know you're so right, why do we always get questioned about not drinking but the men no one bats at eyelid?!

I start acupuncture on Monday and really looking forward to it! Have you been having it for long?

Xxx

@Amy259 lol - funny how things/people are soo similar in these groups!

I'm just going a lodge break in Argyll! Looking forward to it - isn't it funny how it doesn't matter how far away you go - just not being at home is exciting lol xx

Haha @Lynne425 snap on many accounts - I’m about 5dpo-ish as haven’t tracked, also have no tests but will probably cave, also due af on holiday!

Where are you off to for your staycation? Lovely to hear from you xx