Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@Mouseyel CD1 always sucks doesn't it 😞 but tomorrow is a new day, and as FW gets closer I am sure you will feel more positive and another month to try 🥰

We have been TTC since March 2020. I recently had a HyCosy and internal scan and due to low ovarian reserve we were subsequently referred for IVF. Bit of a waiting list but we've received a letter to say we should get our appointment through in January with treatment thereafter.

I'm on a concoction of medication as per a nutritionists advise. So many 😂 was already taking folic acid, vit D, coQ10 (for egg health) and evening primrose oil. Also got herbal supplements from the acupuncturist! So I'm rattling 😂😂😂

Yeah we've argued a lot throughout, less now that we've been referred cos I've just been so sad and numb rather than caring about DTD. I feel a bit better this last week and I think taking the pressure off DTD as much as possible has helped. We still want to try whilst we're waiting but I'm going to try and not stress about it now. Easier said than done I know!

@HJen22 thanks for taking the time to write that lovely reply.

It is hard. I know I’ll feel abit better after today!

How long have you been ttc for?

Have you been on any meds etc?

Comforting to know others argue with thier OH. Mine loves a drink and it’s so hard to try to get him to cut down recently- I think he finds it all quite upsetting too but not supportive in the way I need.

@Loops01 hello lovely! Good thanks and how are you?

Oh my goodness you poor thing! I really know what you mean though, I came over all funny afterwards too and was shaky and my hands and fingers cramped up!

How are you feeling now? I hope they took good care of you. And glad that your OH able to be there with you. And bless your Dr sounds lovely!! Showing off your pictures that's so sweet!

Great news about your tubes and follicles though! So many!! So sorry you had such a traumatic experience though, sounds like you did so well through the procedure!

Funny I've been told I had a tilted uterus before when they've struggled to do a smear, I told the Dr this at my HyCosy and said no I didn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ but yeah I'd read it wasn't an issue.

What are the next steps for you?

I'm sorry there has been another announcement, they really hurt don't they 😞 rest up and take care of yourself this evening xxx

@HJen22 @AZ1992X @Amy259 @suzy124 how are you all?! I didn't get any notifications for this for some reason. I'm glad you have your letter @HJen22! Hopefully 2022 will be a nice fresh start!

I had my hycosy today and what an ordeal!!! Ultimately there were many issues due to my cervix being really tight and bending the tubes (like actually) but he managed in the end and no tube issues. No issues in general. Had 15 follicles in 1 ovary and 22 in the other. The procedure wasn't painful to begin with. 30 odd mins in and 4 different ways of trying to get the tube in then it started to hurt but I just put up with it. They had to check it was working because I wasn't reacting at all lol. The Dr was so chuffed with the pics. He said it's the best he's seen in a while. I thought he was just saying that to be nice (he was SUPER nice) but apparently when I was in the bathroom dh said he was showing all the nurses 😂.

They also took blood for AMH but I won't find out unless there's an issue. AFTER THAT for some reason adrenaline took over and I fainted and was sick and had to lie on the bed for ages. Felt like such a drama queen after keeping composure haha.

He did mention that my uterus was slightly tilted but shouldn't be any real fertility issue and he said the foam go to the tubes no bother so sperm should be fine.

Anyone else know of anyone with a tilted uterus or any hints and tips?

Due to peak in a few days but tests still low at the moment!

Otherwise I've been trying to pass the time since there's been another announcement 😢

@Mouseyel welcome, all of the ladies in here are so wonderful so you have come to the right place :)

I am so sorry to hear you are having a struggle like the rest of us, it really is such a hard time, emotionally, physically and mentally! And so sorry that with your medication it hasn't happened yet :(

Really understand and can relate to everything you say, it's so hard to "relax" when it's not happening and you just don't know why not. Friendships can be massively strained, when we aren't all on the same path at the same time, and I know, trying to do everything physically possible to fall pregnant can be so draining at times! We've also discussed in here the pressure and strain it puts on our relationships with our OHs so please know that you are not alone x

Don't be silly, not a downer at all, we all have those days/weeks and its better to let it out, vent in here and we can all support you.

Sadly I don't have a success story, but am here to chat :) xxx

@HopefulGlow haha same, I've always been someone who looks at menus! Need to even more so now! Ooh that sounds lovely! I have a morning decaff with coconut milk or almond. I had the almond in museli one day and hated it though, way too almond-y haha but in coffee its fine!

Ooh thanks I will have a look out for those cheeses! The violife one is ok, I'm not sure I'd not be having it on toast but in something is ok! It reminds me of a cross between butter and a certain cheese but I can't think which!

Yeah I liked the smiley faces and easiness of it all! Wish it had worked but sadly not, I really hope it does for you though!!!!

So nosey isn't it, your poor sister. Does she know that you are TTC?

Aww thats exactly what we are here for, it really has helped me too, so thank you too it's so nice to talk to people who really understand the struggle and can offer support and advise and just somewhere to vent our frustrations, sadness, all the emotions we go through!

xxx

Hi all

I just wanted to join this thread because I’m also super fed up (CD 1 today ☹️)

I have had PCOS for years but only when I started ttc with DP in March 2020 did my periods suddenly go completely out of whack (did pull out for years before)- 45/37/20 day cycles!

I also completely lost my libido - this coincided with the pandemic and lockdown so I’m not sure if that affected me -probably did as I put on weight sitting in doors all day also.

Anyway I lied to the doctors and told them I’d been ttc for a year when in actual fact it was 6/7 months (I was too anxious to let it go on longer)

Since then I’ve had 2x Hycosy - 1st showed left blocked but 2nd was completely clear so that’s been ruled out

DP 1st sperm analysis (October 20) was 9million low with 100% anti sperm antibodies
2nd analysis (April 21) was 32million zero anti sperm antibodies so he’s been flagged as fine now

Ive been put on Letrozole/femera and monitored for last 3 months. I’ve now just come on my period today so failed 3rd cycle.

I’ve also been doing acupuncture 1x per week for 6 weeks - 7th session tomorrow

I’m 33, 34 in Nov and got pregnant on the PILL with a awful boyfriend when I was 21/22 (had abortion - was right thing to do in the situation)

I don’t understand, I’m so angry and fed up.

People give their advice ‘not to think about it & relax’ but at the same time advise not to smoke, drink alcohol, go to acupuncture which takes 2 hours of my lunch break every Friday, not exercise too much or too little, eat really healthily everyday of your life, tell your DP not to drink or eat kebabs (he loves both) - HOW exactly am I not meant to think about it?

It’s affected my friendships as ive avoided both my friends with kids and my hedonistic friends who still drink wine like water and smoke like fishes (both of which I enjoy too much to see them too often), I feel like I’m letting down my family so ive avoided them also. It’s just SO hard. It’s caused huge arguments with my DP who just doesn’t get it.

Has anyone been in my situation and had a positive story that could shed some light?

Sorry to be so meant/a downer- I know there’s people who have tried for much longer - I would never wish fertility issues on anyone who wants children it’s so so so hard.

Love to you all - these forums have really helped me in this lonely journey. Xxxxx

@HJen22 I’m the same! I always look at menus before too. One things I’ve been doing recently is having a teaspoon of powdered coconut milk in my coffee or matcha, then top it with almond milk 😍 oh my goodness it’s delicious! As for the the cheese 😩 if it’s melted, vegan cheese isn’t too bad. But the best ones are flavoured. like smoked applewood, Tesco spicy Mexican, even own brand cheese spreads are good. You can’t tell they’re dairy free!!

I think I should be able to remember to take it in the mornings. I might try it next cycle. because the smiley face looks cute to haha

I know, some people are just clueless with the questioning! My sister and her DH struggled for a couple of years and they would get asked all the time when they were having a baby. So nosy!!

I will try my best to be positive and see what they say. You guys have been a huge support already, even just talking about it! So thank you 💕

It’s exactly that isn’t it. 12 months seems like the countdown, like it should happen by then and it just gives you extra pressure. I’m so sorry you struggle so much too. It’s awful not being in control of something like this too.

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@suzy124 yeah I said to my Mum on the phone earlier I had been feeling a bit better and she said she thought I looked better when I last seen them! It's definitely better to just let the tears out isn't it. Do you think knowing you have her to talk to makes you get through the other days a little better and that's why you don't cry? I go through phases of crying lots and then a few days of nothing, I am almost sure I will come crashing down again next week but I am hoping not. I haven't even done anything differently. Just remembered I cried yesterday hahaha reading a book called The Injustice of Infertility, it's so good!

Yeah I know what you mean, just like it was a No/can't/have to wait. And yeah, you'd think it wouldn't matter if you can't try that month anyway! Everywhere seems to do these things differently, its so bizarre!

That's a shame your friend had to postpone! Hopefully the sun comes out and its a nice weekend! Thank you, not a surprise as it was their anniversary a few weeks ago but this was the first weekend we could all manage, will be nice to all go out together! And I've checked the menu for things for me to have and there are a few options phew!

@HopefulGlow haha yeah I was always taking photos until i got the best one! Or the one that came up the most often! So it takes away from that! Although more expensive! And you have to remember to do it as soon as you wake up!

A bet on!! Jeez how insensitive are people! I really don't get it!! It's something that is so personal! Can't believe that! I still get the odd comment, one friend likes to ask me now and again in a group chat, which i also find strange. Can't she take the hint when I ignore it every time!! I also find it rude cos if you were, and someone ruined it, how gutting would that be!

Try and not worry too much as Suzy124 says, best thing to do is just chat to the Dr and see what they say. Hopefully they are helpful and proactive and get some tests organised. Ha yeah I had no idea about the swab, I had to call up and ask if it was in your mouth and got told sadly not, internal haha!

I know how you feel, as it got to the 12month mark I really started to struggle emotionally, actually even before that, I came off the pill in the March and by Nov/Dec time I was getting so so upset and having a meltdown each month, numerous times. I think because they use a year as a marker, it just makes it so daunting.

xxx

@suzy124 I did think about fibbing a little about the dates but then I remembered they will have it on file when I had my coil removed 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m hoping even some basic tests will help me chill out a little. I feel like I’ve just been getting more and more upset and frustrated as time goes on. It’s tiring isn’t it!

I love that we are all doing crafty things to keep busy! That’s Christmas presents sorted this year haha

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@HopefulGlow it depends very much where you are what they will do for you but try not to think the worst just yet. They will definitely carry out basic tests first. I really hope you get a nice doctor, makes all the difference. Also don't be afraid to bump that number up to 2 years to be safe, everyone does it xx

@HJen22 ooo that does sound appealing! Only having to do them once a day would save me so much effort too. I am guilting of retaking photos for a better reading too haha 🙈

That’s crazy! I love that there’s a job like that out there though haha Puppy Sitters 😍 adorable!

Yes I have the same with my work colleagues and last year they had a bet on me and one other person to be pregnant before Christmas. No idea why, they don’t even know we are trying. So that was difficult, I ended up snapping at someone who kept mentioning it. I hope you people have stopped asking you now too.

I’m glad to hear your interactions have been friendly though. Fingers crossed mine are a little nicer this time round. I’m not sure who my doctor is, I think they just set me up with anyone who was available. Ooooh a chlamydia swab, I suppose they have to check everything 😳 I’m hoping my appointment after my chat is pretty soon. I will be in my TWW so it would be nice to be distracted then lol

Honestly I don’t have much plans. I’m thinking some crafts, a bath, painting my nails, maybe a movie night. Just nice and chilled.

An anniversary meal with your family sounds so lovely! Congratulations to your parents too 💞

@suzy124
this is our 12th month and I’m just worried as I’ve read some people struggled to get help until it was 2 years. Others said they weren’t qualified for help at all because their partners already had children.

I don’t know who my GP is to be honest, but anyone else I’ve spoken to on the phone before has been nice. Maybe that nurse had her own problems, who knows!

£500 is so much money, especially since we should get it for free on NHS. I know some of them offer payment plans and such which is great. I just really hope it doesn’t get to that though, but the dates are so frustrating trying to get them to line up.

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@HJen22 I'm the same, I cry at random moments and have done in front of people who I really didn't want to see me cry! I'm really glad you're doing ok atm but if you need to let out all the anger and sadness tomorrow just go for it! I pretty much cry every therapy session because I'm not crying during the week anymore and it all just comes out lol.

It's not like she was really negative but not overly helpful either. I did say I have pretty regular periods can I not book for next month now? And she said no you have to ring on cd1. Also I don't get why it has to be between cd5-10 if they say no sex so you won't be pregnant the rest of the month anyway?

Was hoping to meet a friend I haven't seen for ages but it's been postponed so probably just also doing some arty/crafty things! I hope you have a lovely dinner out for your parents anniversary, is it a surprise? Xx

@suzy124 sometimes when I think I'll cry I don't, but then will cry at the most random of things. I've had a slightly more positive week so hopefully I can go into it a bit better then I would have last week. I'm not holding my breath that this will continue though!

God I know they really do. I'm like she can dish it out but can't take it back 😂 I'm all talk though and like a mouse when it comes down to it haha!

Oh yeah so you did, sorry! That's good to know though but yeah costly! Hopefully it doesn't come to that! Ugh really! Sounds like she was pretty negative about the whole thing! I guess preparing you for the worse case and having to wait another month; but surely that must have spaces cos what if it happened multiple times (which it won't I'm sure!) you'd think they just have to keep space. Mine was back to front in that I had to book and just hope AF was done. But then they didn't have august appointments open up til the June.

The joys 🙄

Have you got anything nice planned this weekend? Xx

@HJen22 yeah I really hope you get someone very lovely and helpful. Don't be afraid to let it all out!

Oh men and their mums 🙄 they really do tiptoe around them don't they. I think they end up feeling pulled in 2 directions at once so end up doing nothing!

Yeah it's stressing me out a bit but I've already enquired with private clinic who said they can book me in no problem on cd1 next month. Cost is £500 though yikes. Cd1 should be probably be around weekend of 16th Oct, just fingers crossed nhs can do it. Receptionist also mentioned that they only have one person who does it so if they're off there's no list that week! Xx

@suzy124 ah that's good, and saves you driving and fuel. Sounds like she really helps you 💕 I am hoping my lady tomorrow is nice. Not sure how many I'll get through the NHS but I hope a few!

Yeah it was, I felt for my OH as we then had an argument about something else she did and he didn't want to upset her. I was like oh so it's ok for her to upset me but you don't want to upset her 😂🙈 not ideal! I know she won't have meant it; but still.

Oh no, why is nothing simple! I hope you get your letter through soon! And that they have appointments. They must leave some space to cater for the fact you have to call on CD1. Have you looked into private for costs just in case? I couldn't find anywhere local for me to do it but that's with us being so far north! I really hope it fits in with your cycle though! When should CD1 hopefully be? Xxx

@HJen22 I only started seeing her in May/June and it's all been over video call which I'm fine with as it would be an hour's drive otherwise and saves me fuel if nothing else! She specialises in bpd (which I have) along with women's health so it's a great mix.

Yeah I can imagine it was super hurtful. I hope she never says anything like that again!

@HopefulGlow what makes you think they'll fight it? How long have you been trying? Also that nurse sounds like she's in the wrong job!! I'm sorry you had that experience. Is your GP nice?

So I rang the x-ray dept and they hadn't even got my referral yet. Said they'd put a letter in the post with instructions and to ring on cd1 next month. That it needs to be between cd5-10 which doesn't leave a lot of leeway. The consultant I spoke to yesterday said up to day 14 but the receptionist there was adamant it wasn't. And if my day 5-10 doesn't fall on the day they do the test then what?!! Eugh think I might have to go private, haven't got time to lose

Xx

@HopefulGlow sorry the second "high" in the CB explanation should have been peak haha

@HopefulGlow I found them a little less stressful than normal cheap OPKs cos you only had to do it once a day, and you didn't have to try and figure out how dark the line was, I found myself taking a million photos to like try and get the best reading! With CB its either low (a empty circle), high (flashing smiley) or high (static smiley) - i think thats the right way round. And then you didn't have to do them anymore. Didn't work for me but then I have an egg issue!

Aw thats so cute! Lots of places and people have taken up dog walking and things! We have a friend of a friend coming to stay at our house and watch the pup in October and thats his job!

Haha it was my OH's Mum with the old comments! I would NEVER ever dream of it either. I have never once said to someone "When are you having a baby" but I have had it a lot. And even those who don't, they still try and sort of ask. A friend recently said "Do you get asked alot", well yes, and you are indirectly asking me right now too!!

Oh I'm sorry you've not had the best experiences with Nurses and things. It really makes a huge difference when they are nice, and you would think they would know that. Everyone I have dealt with from bloods to the HyCosy have been lovely, although the receptionist confused and panicked me asking had I not had a call when I arrived - I thought she was telling me my appointment had been cancelled or something but I think the ward had just called me to go straight up. So I will let her off, but being the first person I seen she could have been a little friendlier.

Do you know which Dr you will be speaking to on Tuesday? If you have been trying for a year they should def get bloods and your OHs SA analysis done, and then from that make a referral - thats what happened with us, varies place to place I think but the GP should at least organise that. I also had to do a chlamydia swab!

Aw I hope you have some nice weekend plans? Sorry its been a difficult week! We are out for my parents 40th anniversary meal on Saturday and not much else planned yet! What about you? xxx

@HJen22 yeh I have heard of the CB but don’t know if I should get them now. Also like you said, you may be releasing them but it doesn’t mean they are good enough for the swimmers.

Awwww that’s so good!! My friend now takes her dog to Doggy daycare haha it’s round their corner from her work and she doesn’t feel bad when she’s in the office now. I didn’t even know places like that existed haha

@suzy124
I complete agree with HJen, your OH’s mum needs to learn some manners and decorum! I would never dream to say something like that to someone. Some people are just so cruel and sometimes they don’t even know it!!

Private is expensive BUT it’s so much better than what you get through NHS. I had some sessions at the beginning of the year and because I knew all the techniques to try and stay positive and feel better, they discharged me after like 5 sessions. It was no help at all 🙄

If yours specializes in women too, that’s perfect! I really hope she helps you find some peace and get things off your mind 💕

Nothing booked yet, the doctors want to talk to me first. So that appointment is Tuesday morning. I’m hoping they don’t fight it 😩

When I last went in to get my smear done the nurse wasn’t great. She asked if I could be pregnant, I explained we were TTC and if I was pregnant it would be 1 week, maybe too early for tests. I tested anyway, obviously it was negative and I cried. Seeing yet another negative, even though I knew it would be, crushed me. She just sat there looking at me. Then once I had calmed down, just asked if I was ready. All in a monotone voice.

The thought of having a doctor who isn’t supportive/sensitive makes me a little nervous.

I’m so happy it’s nearly the weekend ladies!! I’m so tired and this week has just been difficult 😩

What’s everyone’s weekend plans? ✨💕✨

@suzy124 she sounds really good; we're you able to keep appointments during Covid over video?

Oh I know, my mum is the total opposite and never ever pressured me or said anything like that. I wish at the time I'd said something but I'm the sort of person who is just too quiet to say anything but afterwards wished I said something. It's a crazy thing to say and so hurtful. It was the first thing I asked the Dr when she referred us, was it cos of my age. And she said No. So it's best he tells them when I'm not there and can say it's not cos of my age! It's just not something I want to discuss with her. I feel bad as she would do anything for us and is super helpful with things, just not very gentle or sensitive 😂

Xxx

@HopefulGlow it's private, hellishly expensive but very much needed. She's a specialist in women's issues too so a great help on the fertility journey. I'd be waiting years on nhs for any help like that.

21 day bloods will be able to confirm you're ovulating, no need for a scan. Have your bloods been arranged yet?

@HJen22 I'm sure that will all get sorted before you start treatment in January, you can always clarify things at your next appt?

Still can't believe your OH's mum, some people are so insensitive I would have absolutely lost it! I'm at that stage in life where I'm tired of making excuses for people haha

Xx

@HopefulGlow I think at the start I tried not to have too much fluid right before doing them but as time went on I don't remember paying much attention! I also did the CB ovulation monitor which is good but more expensive. You just have to do it first thing each day and then it gets to peak you don't have to do it anymore. However not sure mu ovulation means all that much cos I think with low ovarian reserve it can mean they aren't very good eggs that are being released - although I don't have a very good understanding of that so I'm not sure! I didn't get day 21 bloods which confirm ovulation but some people get the test!

Yeah she's great! We took her to puppy 1-1 classes and then to group class too and she's very sociable; she wants to stop and talk to everyone and every dog 😂

Dairy free is a lot easier than GF. I miss cheese! I bought vegan and it's a bit strange but was ok melted in a wrap. Milk I'm
Ok without as I've been having coconut which is nice. Also miss chocolate but I've been buying that vegan too! Luckily there are some things which are gluten and dairy free. Can be hard as I suppose some people are one or the other! But plant based is always good and it's becoming more popular!

Aw bauble painting will be lovely! We normally have a real tree although I'm not sure that's doable with the puppy now 😂 all the garden centres and things are getting in their decor which is nice!

Xxx

@HJen22 that’s good to know! I keep doing them to see if I get a peak but nothing yet. Not that it means anything if I do, I would just love peace of mind that I am actually ovulating. Do blood tests confirm that? Or will I need a scan 🤔

Ahhh there’s so many different methods out there, it’s hard to keep up!

Awwww little cutie, she is doing well with training then for a puppy!

I forgot to ask how the dairy free is going? (Or I already have and I forgot! Haha sorry if so) I’m mainly dairy free too….apart from
Cheese haha

Ohhhh Christmas wreathes sound lovely! Such great presents too. Im actually wanting to paint some baubles 😂 getting in the Christmas spirit already!

@suzy124 can I ask is the therapy private or nhs? It’s good it helps too, it’s sad not being able to talk to your OH about it all but I understand the strain it can put on you both.

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@suzy124 oh is it! But you get NHS funding through the same place. That's very confusing isn't it! I've no idea it we're waiting for forms re funding or if that will be in January. I'd like to think they'd have us do all of that before our first official IVF appointment. The last letter said we'd get login details for everything.

I'll be 34 in March. It's insane as her daughter had her child when she was like 40! I know she said it as a throw away comment and that's just what she's like (why some people just say stuff like that I've no idea though) and I was too quiet to say anything back at the time but after I was like wtf! Yeah I really don't want to go into any detail with anyone about what stage were at when going through the treatment. I think he wants to tell them just as they'd probably be upset if somehow they found out some other way (we were very careful not to talk about it infront of my OHs daughter too) or if they make some insensitive comments because they aren't aware of what we're going through xxx