Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

@Amy259 glad you’re feeling more relaxed about it this cycle. I hope you’re appointment has gone well. ❤️

Yes - they’ve shot up really quickly - did one recently which was 1.26 which is probably about as high as I’ll get so I’m happy with that. Can stop stressing now 🙈 x

far from* consumed

Hi everyone!

Still here, still reading! The result of a two week holiday distraction means I’m currently super chilled when it comes to ttc and far for consumed by it at the moment, and I’m really enjoying it so I’m trying not to throw myself fully back into it to hold off the stress as long as I can. I’ve got a fertility call at 2:30pm so my chill will probably all come crashing down then 😂

@AZ1992X so glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better today - OPKs still rising? X

Morning all,

Thank you all for being supportive, I’m feeling a little better today. ❤️

@HopefulGlow prior to my MC they was always between 30-32 days. I’ve had one or two shorter ones recently but perhaps my body is just trying to adjust back to normal - I expect it may be a little longer this cycle as I’m currently CD20.

Glad your gp seems like they’ve been proactive and getting the ball rolling. Hopefully you won’t have long to wait for your results.

I agree it seems logical if your cycles are shorter you would have to ovulate earlier so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

@HopefulGlow funny you should say that, my acupuncturist said the same about asking how long I'd been on the pill and it taking a while to get out of my system. He's all about hormone balancing and sorting out things that normal Drs don't look at or see. It's not for everyone I'm sure but I like the hope he brings me 🥰 he was telling me a story about someone who had both tubes blocked and told she couldn't get pregnant. And she did ❤️ someone was telling him the story and he was like; she came to me haha!

Oh I'm so sorry that must be so hard. And at a time like this when you're TTC too. That's awful 😞 I really hope it all gets sorted too. I can't even imagine how stressful that must be.

Yeah we all get on, but probably more so as we are far away, we're in Scotland and they are in England haha. And now we've got the puppy I don't have to go anymore 😂 it's a long car journey but sometimes we'd make a trip out of it when she came back up here but more recently my OH has just driven down and back up same day. Xx

@HJen22 we used to see them more, but now we are in the midst of a custody battle so not as much sadly. It breaks my heart, can’t wait until it’s over.

Awww sounds like she has plenty to help with too! Do you all get along?

Ahhhh I love the sound of your acupuncturist, he sounds incredible! And it’s so great that you feel comfortable and at ease there ☺️ I’m sure he’s helped so many on a journey like yours and you will be soon too ✨

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@User1400 I can’t believe they took so long, especially after you rushing around to sort them.

My doctor didn’t say anything about them being short today. My first day is always light, then second day is medium, third is back to light.

I was the same though, I had my coil removed and started my period within that month, then I have been regular ever since. I honestly think being on contraception so long has something to do with this. Maybe it’s taking us longer to get back to a hormonal norm? Who knows?! But I barely had periods the whole time I was on contraception too 😳

Maybe I will ask my doctor again about it when they next call. ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow aw just little toots. Do you guys see them much?

Haha to be honest I'm not sure she'll overly interested, her mum has a baby due in December and she has 2 half sisters and some step siblings too! She does adore our nephews but now she's getting older not sure how long she'll be bothered haha that and having to share attention when she's up here!

My acupuncture was really good; he chatted more about what they were for and had a heat lamp over my stomach. I just really like him, he has a lovely way of making me feel calm and I love the hope he has 🥰 I was feeling very positive whilst I was lying there and he tells me stories of people he has helped in the past. I think that and the counselling has really helped me more recently.

Oh that's funny we all have similar periods, @User1400 no the GP didn't seem to think much of it when I first mentioned it, similar to you in that they just class it as normal I'd regular. But the fertility Dr showed more of an interest and I had said they'd become even lighter of recently. I am totally the same; one day I'd say medium; definitely not heavy, can use 1/2 tampons then the rest of the days which is normally 2 I barely even need. I also don't remember at all what they used to be like after being on the pill for 10+ years!

Yeah the SA was a bit of a confusion. It was a 3 week wait, then when the results were in back to the GP bizarrely my OH had to wait 2 weeks for an appointment to be told they were fine. It didn't overall matter as the GP made the referral off the back of my appointment but it seemed quite back to front given it's the fertility clinic that do it! Might be totally different down with you though! And they may just do that later on xxx

@HopefulGlow My OH results (I think that’s what you’re talking about) took 3 weeks . Probably similar with @HJen22 as we are both Aberdeen based. Strange as they send you on a wild goose chase to get the sample there within 30 minutes and you don’t hear about it for 3 weeks!

I noticed both of you ladies mentioning your periods are light/short, mines are the same! has either of your Drs said anything about that? When I first had my implant removed my periods returned that same month, bleeding about 2/3 days very light, now they are only 1 day long and I only need to use 1 tampon and I can free bleed the rest of the day/night as it’s so little! I’ve never had any indication from a Dr that this is a problem and they seem to be satisfied that they are regular. It just seems strange to me! I’ve been on contraception for about 13 years straight so I don’t really remember what my periods were like before, but I am almost certain they were longer/heavier..

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@HJen22 they are 5 & 3, so still quite young!

Awww I can’t believe your OH DD is 12! That will be lovely to have her help and be more involved with your little one. Haha thank goodness you clarified, they should have let you know a little more! 😅 Were the test results pretty quick?

I’ve heard so many people waiting around and it’s so frustrating for us all.

I’m glad she knows. I know it’s awful isn’t it. I always try to not read messages if I know I don’t want to respond or get into a convo, but then I feel bad knowing I have a message haha

We will see if they are good enough to sell after this practice lot haha I do love buying on Etsy too! You can usually get some really unique gift ideas too.

Hahah oh my goodness I can’t believe you opened your eyes 😂 so brave!! Do you feel a difference after your sessions? ✨💕✨

Haha that's ok, I typed two as I forgot to respond to the rest !

Oh yeah you did say he has 2, how old are they? My OH had his done, although his DD is 12! The GP kind of arranged it although it was a bit confusing, they basically gave him a form and a pot haha, but we were like surely he can't just turn up with that at the Dr. And rightly no, he had to call the actual clinic and arrange a slot to go and do the sample and hand it in. If he had been closer he could have taken the pot but you still need an appointment to drop off as it has to go straight to the laboratory!

Yeah she knows before I have said about limiting my time spend on my phone so I don't think she'd think much of it! I just then feel bad leaving a message unread. Anxiety is horrible isn't it!

Aw wow thats great, such a good idea to sell on etsy too! I love buying stuff from etsy and supporting small businesses, I have bought lots of cards and gifts and most recently a cute flowery dog collar haha!

I didn't snooze last time as I was a bit weirded out haha, I looked up and seen all the needles poking out and was a bit like waaaah haha but I am going to try my very best to really relax today! I'd love it if i actually got a proper nap haha xxx

@HJen22 I know what you mean. Overthinking is the worst. It gets my anxiety so bad.

Definitely distance yourself when you need to, if they bring it up and ask you could always be honest. Or just explain you needed some you time?

Don’t apologize!! You can moan here, it’s a safe space 🥰

It’s going good thanks, I’ve been practicing to maybe sell some bits on Etsy. Pass the time haha

Have you done anything?

Your night of acupuncture sounds lovely, do you snooze while it’s happening? Haha ✨🥰✨

@HJen22 sorry I missed your other message! I’m one behind haha

A Facebook cull definitely helped, I had random people on there from 13 years ago haha so they are gone!!

He didn’t mention my OH having tests, he did ask if he has children so I explained he has 2. I have asked my partner to speak to his doctors again because they said to wait to see what my tests said? ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow yeah I'd absolutely hate to upset her, I sometimes say sorry to people for something I think I've done or said wrong and they are like, what?! Such an over thinker haha! I have that thing where I play back something in my head and have such fear. I feel bad even saying to you girls so I think I just need to try and distance myself even more and just remember that everyone has their own things going on.

Aw that's such a nice idea and so lovely that you and your friend have that 🥰 bet it takes so much pressure off when you just don't feel like chatting. I tend to just go quiet but then I know when you do that people worry. Hard to have a balance.

Yeah I hope so ❤️ anyway, I'm so sorry for my moans about moans hahahaha how ironic! How is your crafting going? I've really been meaning to start a new book this week and chill ✌🏻 looking forward to acupuncture tonight and lying with my eyes closed for half an hour haha 😴 xxx

@HJen22
Not at all, I completely understand but sometimes you have to tell your friends if you don’t have headspace fit their difficulties on top of yours. But I know you wouldn’t want to be mean or upset them, it’s a difficult balance isn’t it.

Me and one friend have a thing where we send each other video messages. If ever we have too much going on or we feel like we can’t support each other we just say “hey sorry but I don’t have headspace for this, I won’t be able to be there for you like I should. I will check back in when I can”

With her it’s fine, but I don’t think it would work with my other friends. 😅

I think you’re right, when we get all those pregnancy symptoms we will just be too over joyed they we are getting them to be down. We can all remind each other too! 🥰
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@HopefulGlow I had a huge FB and insta cull as well, it was so therapeutic haha. And those I couldn't delete I just unfollowed 😂

Your Dr sounds very proactive and great that he plans to get your other bloods done as soon as you can too. And always makes it better when the nurses are lovely. Did he mention anything about a SA for your partner? Xx

@User1400 oooo I like that too! Gatekeeping positive space 💕 yes definitely, Facebook can be the worst for it. I ended up deleting a bunch of people too. I thought, we aren’t friends, your posts don’t bring me joy, so what’s the point?! Haha 😂

Have you had any AF symptoms yet? ✨💕✨

@User1400 yeah I know, and most of our friends will know that we love kids etc and I'm like, I'm well aware of my age! I know, their faces if we did say that! But also, its like we are being forced to speak about something that if we wanted to, we would! The whole thing is just very unfair! And yeah, then there are the constant questions!

Yeah the FB and insta break is a good idea for that too!

@HopefulGlow i would never want to say anything to her as I know in my heart its not nice of me to belittle her worries and moans as its her life and relevant to her, they just seem so trivial to me. Its a weird one, we haven't been that close for that long but became good friends over lockdown/covid as we live near each other (and we both aren't from where we stay) and would have walks when we were allowed to. I actually only told her we were TTC as she told me she was pregnant when she was 5 weeks and I was like, oh we are trying. Expecting to be right behind her :( which of course didn't happen. So I went through the whole time her moaning about her pregnancy and the first few months of being a Mum. Which I know is hard, of course it is and I know she struggled with being down. But I feel like people who get pregnant easily moan more. So awful to say. But I know that I will just be so happy and grateful I don't care how sick I feel or how tired I am, I fought hard to get there. I totally know it's wrong to feel like this, same as when you find out someone is expecting, and feel guilty for feeling sad and jealous. I'm just like, I wish I had your moans and not mine you know? xxx

@HJen22 yeah he was actually nice which is helpful. The lady who took my bloods was lovely too, makes all the difference.

I’m on 2 DPO at the moment so just entering the dreaded wait. They got me in so quick, they had some spaces today so that’s great. I had the 21 day bloods and I think he said he wants to book the others once these results come back. Me and you are quite similar then. My periods are only 3 days and light/medium. Back in the day I would bleed for a week and heavy!! That was before being on contraception for 15 years though 😩

I know what you mean, that does make it feel worse that she’s knows what you’re going through. You would hope she takes a step back and thinks about her audience. We all have to do it when it comes to some subjects. Is she the kind of friend you could gently mention it to? Or would it not go well?

Are you getting any AF symptoms? Hopefully you’re feeling ok? ✨💕✨

@HJen22 So true, people can be very insensitive (and definitely nosey!). It feels like there is building pressure with people second guessing when you’re going to have kids, as if that is all we are good for! Sometimes I feel like just making it awkward by telling them that we’re actually struggling to conceive, but I think that would actually just make me more upset than them hahaha, it would definitely give them food for thought before they asked the question again though.

I’m fine! AF due sometime soon as well, my two apps are saying different days. I think I ov’d late this month so expecting AF to be slightly late too.

@HopefulGlow emotional sponge haha, I like that one! I totally understand distancing yourselves. Its similar to what I said about avoiding doom scrolling on Facebook, it just doesn’t make me feel good about myself, so I try and avoid it. You shouldn’t feel mean/guilty about gatekeeping some positive headspace for yourself 💫.

@HopefulGlow was he a nice Dr? Yeah it you've shorter cycles it seems pretty normal to ovulate earlier, my cycles when fully tracked had ovulation early, like could be day 9 or anywhere between that and 12. The odd occasion it would be day 14 but that could be when i didn't even track. That's really good they did your bloods today and you don't have to wait, where in your cycle are you? I had on day2 but never had day21 as there was no reason to believe I wasn't ovulating as I have regular periods. Albeit it light and short. Stay positive and it's good that you have the ball rolling!

You don't sound mean at all! I feel the same! And don't want it to sound bad either, we can't help the way we feel. With us, we are all going thorugh the same thing so know how we all feel.

The moaning over message I just find it so draining and it's like every single day. She also knows what I am going through so I kinda find a lot of her moans about naps and things like to the wrong person. I get that thats her life, but pick who to say what to you know. It's so silly and it might just be cos we chat too much that she says everything and anything, and i'm being super sensitive to it. Sometimes some people can just be a bit much. But I have another friend with kids and is having a hard time and she doesn't moan every single day, she says if she's having a hard time and I totally get that and understand and am there for her!

xxx

@AZ1992X hopefully it’s just delayed! What are your cycles like normally? I’ve never tried the temp method but so many people prefer it!

@User1400 I hope your weekend off did you some good :) I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, I really hope she realised her mistake and maybe sends you a message apologizing.

I do think some people don’t think about the damage they cause when asking these ‘innocent’ but personal questions. And I have some friends that are very anti children and they get asked all the time about it. Some people just can’t help themselves.

@HJen22 yes 😊 my doctors was this morning, he asked the usual questions. Then said, in rather a surprised tone, how early I ovulate…but if my cycles are only 23/24 days then it makes sense I would ovulate early? Surely? So he worried me haha

But I have managed to have my bloods today so I should get those by the end of the week apparently. He’s also requested for a scan but they may not approve that yet. We will have to wait and see.

I’m trying to keep positive! 🙂

I’ve had it before where I’ve had to distance myself from negative friends because I’m an emotional sponge. Haha I can’t deal with people always being negative and moaning. It’s hard enough trying to stay positive going through this, let alone taking on other peoples problems. I don’t want that to sound too mean though 🙈

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@User1400 you definitely aren't the only one! And if you're anything like me; you have all these great comebacks in your head but say nothing and then later wish you'd said something! I'm always like that, thinking oh I wish I'd said this back! It's such a hard thing to deal with and people really should be less nosey and insensitive. Even before we began TTC I never ever asked anyone about babies, I just think it's something so personal and when you are pregnant, it's your news to share when you feel it's right.

I am finding myself getting irritated at friends or people who just moan. I know everyone has their own stuff going on but honestly. I've one friend who I just feel like has something new to moan about every day and it's so negative. She had a child who she fell pregnant with easily. She means well and I feel bad even thinking it, but I just don't need that! I'm like; I don't moan and I've such a lot going on in my head. I find myself chatting to her less because of it.

Other than my moans about people moaning hahahaha I'm doing ok 😂😂😂 I'm also due AF tomorrow or sometime soon so maybe that's why I'm cranky! How are you lovely?

Xxx

@HJen22 I’m glad I’m not the only one, it’s a horrible feeling! And even though I am somewhat expecting it, I always feel caught off guard when it does happen. I find it especially upsetting when it comes from friends who already have children. I find it patronising in a strange way, as if their lives are more fulfilled than mine and I am being pressured to ‘catch up’. It’s silly and I know they probably aren’t putting as much thought into it as I am, it’s just hard when you see friends talking about how being a mum is the best experience ever, it feels like you’re being taunted.

On the flip side, I have a friend who does not want to have children, she says she feels like she is always being asked ‘why not’ and that she will ‘change her mind’. It’s mad, it’s such a personal topic and no one should have to explain their circumstances, no matter what they are!

How are you doing this week xx

@User1400 sorry I must have posted at the same time!

I am so sorry that happened, it really isn't nice at all. I am glad your friend realised and didn't press any further. It just seems to come out of people's mouths before they think doesn't it! I am the exact same, I am always in fear of people saying something to me, whenever I see someone I seem to always think they are going to ask or say something upsetting or rude. Sometimes it does happen but not always, but it's a horrible feeling always worrying about it. I hope you are ok, sending hugs xxx