Trying to conceive over 40

@October1979 I totally agree with honey, my opinion is that if you bring that child up as your own it's totally your own.

@Honey2 ahh I see. yes that's true, definitely good to save the money if you can wait. I hope everything is ok though

@Honey2 I think this is a really good idea to give yourself a heads up. I would do the same, I really hope it’s ok. Xx

@October1979 I was advised by my GP and midwife to take a baby aspirin every night from a positive test so that’s what I did with ds and he was fine. Not sure if it helped. The last two pregnancies it made no difference. I guess if it’s a viable embryo it might slightly increase the odds. I don’t think the research is that compelling but it’s worth a try.

I can imagine it’s really tough to make a decision about a donor egg. What I do know is that even younger couples can take a couple of years to conceive and have recurrent miscarriages. I know quite a few people who have battled infertility and pregnancy loss to then have children without problems. Obviously you are older and it’s difficult to know the impact of age but I still think you have a chance.

Personally I wouldn’t have gone for a donor egg because the biological side of parenthood is something I don’t feel I could compromise on. I feel even stronger about that now I’ve had ds. However I completely understand why it’s a good option. The bond you would have carrying that child would make them yours. I think if you and your partner have a strong relationship and it’s wouldn’t matter that he has a biological link and you don’t, it could work well. Follow @definingmum on Instagram. She had three children with donor eggs due to premature ovarian failure. She does a lot of work raising awareness about donor egg parenthood. Xx

@Geriatric1234 haha thanks! After saying I’m going to switch off I have just ordered 2 more cb weeks tests. I just want to see if my hcg is progressing still. If it’s still 2-3 weeks on Tuesday (7weeks by ovulation) I think it will really focus my mind for bad news at the scan on the 18th

@Honey2 I think I’m empathy stressed on your behalf. Will try not to ask you every day how you’re feeling!! 🤣😘

@October1979 I think everyone is different. For me, my maternal urge exists only for a child that is half mine and half my DH. If it isn’t genetically ours I’m cool being child free. It’s what I always planned anyway before meeting my DH. So I wouldn’t consider that option. However, I also completely, 100% agree with @Honey2 that a child will be yours regardless of genetic relationship and you’ll love it the same. So if the goal is to be a mother no matter what, I think it’s a good option. X

Thanks everyone for the best wishes, I think I am going to try my hardest to put it to the back of my mind for 2 weeks and then deal with it on the day..

@Marvellouslymadmum it was an internal scan they did. I have thought about getting a private scan 1 week later (so this Friday) but it won’t change the outcome and I’ll still have to have the nhs one so I figured I should save myself the £80!

@Geriatric1234 thanks for your comments - venting here certainly does help! I’ve learnt so much from mums net and this thread 😊

@October1979 on the subject of Donor egg, I think a great deal of your child’s behaviour and personality comes from their environment. If you carry, give birth and raise a baby it will be 100% yours even if the egg wasn’t. I personally think it’s about being a mother - caring for and loving a child, and being loved back! I don’t think that love will change because they may not look like you. That’s just my opinion though 😊

@Geriatric1234 some say after ovulation and some say once you have a bfp

@Catconfusion I wouldn't have thought it could change that much in a couple of years 🤞🏻

@Honey2 im so sorry they couldn't tell you what's going on! Did they not offer an internal scan? I've been told before that they can see more with those at an earlier stage, or would it maybe worth going for a private scan next week to see if anything has developed? It's so horrible having to wait and nit know what's going on.

@Mum2baby07 our gp has sent my oh for an sa on the nhs and from what I've heard from other people it's pretty standard to do so

@Honey2 so sorry there must have been a time lag as I didn’t see your post when I sent my last.

I will still continue to hope for a good outcome. And there are good outcome stories on here if sacs measuring smaller but having ‘caught up’ next scan. Believe me I read them all! For my own part though mine was not viable as confirmed by my miscarriage at 9 +1 but I will be hoping for a better outcome for you xx

@Honey2 that must be a very frustrating place to be in right now, although I'm glad there's still a sliver of hope still. Be nice to yourself over the next 2 weeks.

@Geriatric1234 I'm doing ok thanks. I'll be six weeks exactly tomorrow. No real symptoms other than needing the odd 15 minute nap in the afternoon- it makes me very grateful to be working from home at the moment.

Hope everyone is this group has a nice weekend planned x

Hi @PinkGinFizz1978 I also took a year to get my period back after being on the pill. It was when I was a bit younger (since then I have stuck with copper coils because I was paranoid about whether it would take a year to get my period back if I took the pill again!). So it could just be the impact of the pill! They did all kinds of investigations (scans etc) on me at the time and they had no idea what it was caused by, except perhaps mild pcos. I had a baby a couple of years ago , now 40 and trying for no2, but it feels like it’s taking a whole lot longer to get pregnant....

Urgh @Honey2 that's so frustrating...I totally see how that would almost feel worse that a definite answer as you're in a complete limbo. I can completely understand how this is worse that TTC. TTC is dynamic and proactive - you're now stuck waiting for nature to decide. Just vent here whatever/whenever you need to. But I can understand the hope too.

xxx

@Honey2 I'm so sorry you're in limbo. It's so tough when you can't start the process of moving on and giving yourself the self care you need i.e. wine. I really hope you get some good news when you go back. xx

@Mum2baby07 I've just got a referral to fertility services. Part of that is blood tests and swobs for me and sperm analysis for DH. They will then do any other tests we need when we get our appointment. We cannot have IVF or IUI but all other treatments are available. We are both turning 42 in the next few months. It probably depends on your area with regards to what investigations you can both get on the NHS.

@Honey2 I’m sorry you are in limbo.

@Honey2 wishing you all the luck in the world for a good outcome!

Spoke to GP today and she’s speaking to gynaecology to see if they can recommend anything for me as this was my third failed pregnancy. She suggested OH should only have a sperm count test if we are prepared to have private IVF - can I ask what others have been advised around male fertility tests through NHS and over 40?

Hi ladies @Geriatric1234*@Littlemiss40andfabulous @Catconfusion*

So I’m back from the scan and still in limbo. There was a GS with a yolk sac but the pregnancy was only measuring 5+4 weeks and I am 6+3 today by my ovulation date (which I am 99% certain of as I temp). Of course the midwife was totally on the fence and said she couldn’t say either way if preg was going to be viable. I have to go back in 2 weeks if there is no fetus and HB by then they can confirm a loss.

It sounds really silly but I am not sure if I am happy or sad. I think the honest reality is this is not a viable pregnancy. It’s clearly not developing at the normal rate and I’ve read enough mums net stories to see how this ends in 95% of cases. However I was honestly expecting to go today and be told there wasn’t even a yolk sac - so now I have this tiny bit of hope and that is going to make the next 2 weeks so hard. I can’t even have my bloody glass of wine!! I hate being so unable to control the situation, at least TTC you can chart and pee on sticks. I just have to sit and wait ☹️

@Littlemiss40andfabulous @Geriatric1234 @Catconfusion thanks for your best wishes. There is a tiny part inside me that is hopeful, but I’m prepared for the worst.

I’ll let you all know xx

@Honey2 thinking of you today and hoping you get a shock and all is ok. If not do what feels best for self care: wine, chocolate, whatever it takes to take the edge off.

Welcome @PinkGinFizz1978 and @ChilliHeelersvisor

Thanks @Marvellouslymadmum we have the SA to get done now. Last time there was a wait. DH got a very impressive result two years ago so hopefully not much has changed. I took my temp this morning and it’s still up so definitely o’ed. I estimate I’m 8 dpo so will test over the weekend so I can start up the progesterone and aspirin if it’s a bfp.

@Geriatric1234 I get what you mean about the possibility obsession. I’m worse with hpts as soon as I get to 9dpo. We’ve only had one cycle where we’ve tracked and monitored everything and I’ve not got a bfp so I need to get used to disappointment as we’ve been lucky so far, well apart from losing 4 of them.

@kalidasa How are you and how is your dad? X

@ChilliHeelersvisor I’m OBSESSED with OPKs! 🤣 I’m not an early pregnancy tester (I force myself to wait for AF to be late) but I start peeing on OPKs the second I can!! 🤣 Why is it so fun to POAS?!? Which ones are you using? I use CB digital for FMU but boots own brand as a back up in afternoon.

You say you thought you got a positive on CD 27 (that’s me doing maths so if it’s wrong sorry!🤣). What is you average cycle length? How are they crazy?

I found having my vaccine shortened the cycle by about 5 days that month. Xx

@Littlemiss40andfabulous How are you doing? Xx

@Honey2 All things crossed today for your scan. Xx

@ChilliHeelersvisor and @Marvellouslymadmum remind me what the aspirin is for? I have seen it mentioned a few times but haven’t properly engaged with it.

@ChilliHeelersvisor and @PinkGinFizz1978 welcome to the group. I hope it's not too long until you get your BFPs.

@Honey2 thinking of you today as you have your scan. I really hope you have a nice surprise but if you don't, definitely enjoy that wine later on.

@PinkGinFizz1978 it's been tough but I'm literally throwing everything I possibly can at it now! My children are 15&16 and my partners two are 13@14 lol hopefully you'll carry on having normal cycles now!

@ChilliHeelersvisor hi and welcome, I've been seeing a lot of people talking about baby aspirin recently I'm going to have to have a look into it as I've had two mc and two cp also 🤔