Trying to conceive over 40

@Lastyearttc that’s great everything is in good shape! They’re way more optimistic than the statistics for a 43 year old - is it a natural ivf clinic? Most say around 5% I think.

@Lastyearttc it sounds wise to have a break and enjoy your birthday without the stress. Also gives you time to come up with a plan at here that be trying naturally or IVF. Fingers crossed for you. Xx

@99pctpractice it’s sharp pains in the lower pelvis where the cervix is.

It sounds like your chance are fairly good if not naturally then with IVF. Obviously not nice to know AMH isn’t optimum but fingers crossed that good egg is there. Xx

Hi all,
Just had my gynae/fertility consultation to go through all my results and his. All fine. It's just my age, 43 next month and therefore down to low egg quality. She said I either keep trying as everything is working and it's down to luck or we go ivf with a 15-20% chance (which I don't think my partner would be on board for... further discussion needed...).

I also came on today and am away with the girls next fertile window so think I'm going take some time out to enjoy my holidays/birthday and get back on it late August until end of the year.
She did say she would get my bloods tested for clotting as had 3 MCs so if I do fall, might have a plan to sustain it.

@catconfusion what is lightening crotch!?!

@Mattieandmummy glad you had a good chat about the next steps. i totally know what you mean about feeling like you're in freefall. we just had our fertility test results back and my partner's are normal but i have an AMH of 2.7, so it's likely that we're not getting pregnant because of my ovarian reserve levels / egg quality. they basically said there was a 10% chance of conceiving naturally, which isn't totally impossible, but also isn't great, esp when i have a history of miscarriage anyway. IVF pushes us closer to 50%, so i think we're probably going to go that route sooner than later if we can make it work financially. it just feels like a bit of a race against time after 40!

@Littlemiss40andfabulous great news - so glad you're progressing nicely! 12 weeks is a big milestone - that scan is v emotional!!

@Mattieandmummy my friend fell pregnant 3 months after an emergency c section while breastfeeding. I believe her first AF was 28 days after her baby was born so fertility came back straight away. At the moment she has two two year olds until her eldest has his birthday. Whenever I worry about my c section causing the losses I think of her, it made no difference to her and hers was far more risky due to how quickly they had to do it. I bet her consultant was pleased with her when she had her first scan 😂. It had a happy ending though so all is good.

Well I doubt my decision to stop bfeeding early because I’m still not pregnant and although I found it tough, I could have dove a few more months. I guess what’s done is done. Both stopping early or carrying on are good decisions and ultimately we both have similar outcomes. Xx

@catconfusion, I know!!!! But we're all different sadly. I would have loved to have fallen pregnant whilst breastfeeding and do worry that I have wasted the last few months when I didn't need to wean her but then most women can conceive once their baby stops night feeding and mine fed allllllllllll night long.... We'll never know but it's doesn't stop the doubt over whether I did the right thing x

Ladies on progesterone, have you had the dreaded lightening crotch? I associate this with early pregnancy. I can’t remember having it in the 2ww before ds but then I wasn’t on progesterone then. Of course I’m hopeful it’s implantation but probably just pessary side effects. Xx

@Mattieandmummy it’s interesting what you say about it sometimes taking 6 months to recover from the feeding. I’m know lots of women successfully fall pregnant soon after birth and while bfeeding but I do wonder if the recovery could be a factor in my losses. The last loss happened in early June but I’d felt pretty rotten during that cycle. I thought it was because if was off the back of a previous loss but this cycle has felt different. It’s been long and O happened on day 28 (not uncommon for me) but I’ve felt a lot better. I really hope you get good news soon. It’s good you have a plan if not and I’m sure number 2 will be joining you soon. Xx

@catconfusion she was born November 2018 so she was just over 2 when I weaned her. Apparently 3-4 months of hormonal craziness is absolutely normal in terms of shifting back to non-breastfeeding levels so I wouldn't be at all surprised if you've been feeling very low post stopping as depression post baby or post stopping breastfeeding is a result of hormonal imbalance. It can take some women up to six months and from what I've read it's more to do with your particular body rather than your age as to how long it takes.

You are completely right I might be in exactly the same position now if I had weaned earlier.

I had a good chat how long to try for with DH and about ivf and if that doesn't work donor eggs and if that doesn't work adoption. It's more to give me peace of mind that one way or another there will be number 2 than anything rather than feeling like we're just in free fall.

@Littlemiss40andfabulous I’m so excited for you. Such good news the symptoms are easing too. Xx

@Mattieandmummy when did you have your baby? I wondered if I had pnd in January at the 9 month pp stage. I’d felt awful for the three months after I stopped bfeeding, then had a loss. It felt like rock bottom emotionally. Then saying that we had just gone into lockdown again which made everything feel worse. Since then I’ve gradually felt better and now I feel much stronger.

I’m so sorry you’ve had a difficult time with sleep. Sleep deprivation makes everything feel worse. We’ve been reasonably ok with ds but he has his moments. I stopped bfeeding at 6 months pp, mainly because he cluster fed constantly and I was exhausted, but also to get my fertility back. It only took a few weeks to get AF back and ovulate but honestly it’s been a long journey. Even if you had weaned earlier, things might have been the same. Xx

@littlemissfortyandfabulous the 12 week scan is so amazing, I hope all goes well for you. If your hospital is as backward as ours make sure you take some cash otherwise you can't pay for any photos.

@catconfusion yes it's not been a great few months, my gp thinks I actually had delayed post natal depression too which I had never even heard of tbh. I've had a miscarriage and two chemicals over the last few months so I completely agree that breastfeeding recovery could definitely be a factor but I think if you are feeling like yourself that's definitely a positive. I wish I had known about all this as I might have weaned my daughter earlier but then I might not....she has been the most awful sleeper

Just catching up on messages.

@Honey2 glad you're doing ok.

@October1979 we'll both have our scans next week then! I'll be 12+4 for mine on Weds 21st.

My symptoms have just begun to ease and last night was the first night I had energy and could do more than just fall asleep on the sofa. I'd forgotten what that felt like! I'm hoping that's due to the fact the placenta is now taking over, as I've read symptoms can start to ease around week 11 for that reason.

Excited but also getting nervous for Wednesday now.

@birdbybird definitely agree regarding temping. It’s the only way to know for sure. I used Ovusense when ttc ds and would really recommend it for accuracy. Xx

@Mattieandmummy it takes so long to recover from bfeeding. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had depression and anxiety. Also that it’s affected your luteal phase. I do wonder about my early losses and whether I was still recovering from having ds. I’m only just feeling like myself hormonally speaking. My cycles weren’t massively affected by having and feeding ds. Still long and irregular with a long luteal phase of 16 days. I’ve just felt more hormonal and sensitive. I know they say that you’re more fertile after having a baby but I wonder if being older has caused a bit of a hormonal storm for me. Unstable hormones can’t be good for sustaining a pregnancy. I’m now 15 months PP and 9 months since I stopped bfeeding. I know I’ve had 3 losses and that doesn’t help hormones but I felt like it before the losses started. Over the last cycle I’ve felt a lot better, despite going through two back to back miscarriages. All my test results were normal so on paper it’s good but obviously these things fluctuate so it’s difficult to know over time. It’s not been enough to change ovulation or affect my cycles thankfully so I doubt I’m peri menopausal as no other symptoms. It’s also very emotional ttc late in life so could just be that. Xx

@birdbybird temperature has been such a game changer for me, other than testing your progesterone each month its the only way to tell if you have definitely ovulated. Its really put my mind at rest that I am ovulating.

By he I mean our consultant....bit distracted by a panicking DH and a non- co-operative toddler - sorry

@Honey2 I was prescribed it because I stopped breastfeeding in March and it's taking ages for my cycle to sort itself out and when you stop it's normal to have a lutral phase defect whilst your hormones slowly shift back to non-breastfeeding. I only started this month because I've had the most awful post weaning panic attacks, depression and anxiety (totally normal apparently) and lost loads of weight through anxiety. Last month was a 27 day cycle for and I was always 28 days pre- babies so am praying it's back this month as we've had six months of hormones preventing pregnancy and it's really got me down to say the least.

I'm on 400mg cyclogest a day and if my cycle is still not right he was talking about Lutrazole which I'm quite nervous about because it lowers your estrogen which is responsible for anxiety and I really don't want to go back to that!!!!

@Honey2 I’m glad you’re as ok as you can be. I’m so gutted for you. It’s not fair at our age because it’s time sensitive. I’m starting to feel the pressure now. I wanted a nice chilled tww but I’m waking up early feeling quite low and frustrated at the situation. It’s so different ttc now than it was when I was 39/40. It felt like there was plenty of time then. Now it feels like every cycle could be the last chance. I know it’s not but it’s just not a nice feeling.

I was watching a history programme last night about Edward I and his wife gave birth at 43 years old in the 13th century. The baby became the next king so all went well. If she can do it in medieval times when they mainly drank ale and the diet was bad, I can do it. Xx

@October1979 sending positive thoughts your way… as hard as it is I am coming round to the mindset that over monitoring / analysing all the signs just leads to more stress. So easy to say though! One more week to the scan and then you’ll be able to rest easy a bit.

@Catconfusion thanks for asking after me, I’m doing ok. Frustrates as AF hasn’t started properly yet, still just very light spotting. Wish it would hurry up so I can start again. Next cycle my fertile week will be while we are on hols in Cornwall in the caravan with our kids…. Could be interesting!! 🙈

@Mattieandmummy were you prescribed progesterone or have you bought your own cream?? I’m in 2 minds what to do, wether to give it a try this cycle or wait for my gynaecology apt in Aug.

@birdbybird I would definitely recommend opks but also temping as the most important thing for TTC often you don’t ovulate when you think you do and a rise in temp is the only sure fire way to confirm you have ovulated. We normally try to DTD on day 10, 12, 13 and 14 (I norm ovulate on day 13 or 14) I have gotten preg 3 times (every month we’ve tried) between Feb-July. Sadly they just are not sticking ☹️

@birdbybird the doctor I saw after my second mc said he believed 80% of all conceptions miscarried. He also said some people are more susceptible to miscarriages because the lining is more welcoming to embryos whether they are viable or not. That’s why some people try for a long time and then suddenly it happens. Others keep having miscarriages until it happens. I think it’s a good sign too because the one that is viable will stick.

I have very long irregular cycles of 50 plus days usually so I have to be a bit more observant of the signs. I can ovulate any day from day 14 to 36ish. I use opks and will get false positives along the way but the ones that go over 150% on the Fermometer app generally mean O is coming. I’m lucky that my surge tends to happen over a few days. We dtd when I get the peak and the day after if we can. I think it’s important to try and dtd close to o but I’ve had a positive from dtd 5 days before so sperm can hang around. I also start temping when I get a high opk until three days after the temperature rise just to make sure it’s happened. I got fed up with temping for weeks on end with no rise yet. All that matters is what temps do over that fertile time. I stop temping after O because it brings too much anxiety. I’d rather just get on and stop worrying about it because there’s nothing I can do. This cycle I started taking aspirin a week before o and progesterone at 3 dpo and will stop if no bfp next week.

I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. It’s so hard and confusing to see a line and then it doesn’t work out. You’ll hopefully get there though. It’s amazing how many people have multiple losses and then go on to have a healthy pregnancy. It’s far more common than I thought it was. Xx

@Catconfusion that you are getting BFPs is a good sign though. I've heard conflicting info saying up to 75% of conceptions are chemical pregnancies / losses.
I had none that I know of before my baby son, but have had 2 in the first two cycles since ttc. Now 3 cycles after the last loss I've not had another BFP, although I thought I saw a squinter last cycle.
Do you have any tips for conceiving? Do you use OPKs / DTD every day or every other day in the fertile window?
I did a test today at 9DPO and it was negative. Will try again tomorrow.

@October1979 that’s such good news about the scan. I’ve got everything crossed for you. Xx

@birdbybird out of the last four cycles, three have been early miscarriages between 4 and 5 weeks. The last two were back to back. I also had a mmc and an early mc just before my ds came along last April. So that’s 5 in total. Xx