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Original poster

TTC after MC - new thread for newbies / lurkers on other threads!

641 replies

Lowkeyloopy · 06/04/2021 12:49

Hi all!

I know there are several threads dedicated to this topic, which I've lurked on for several weeks without saying anything, but some threads (sadly) have so many people on them that it can be a bit hard to follow, or it feels awkward to jump into the middle of a conversation between people who have been chatting for a while. Does anyone fancy joining me on a new thread?

My story: 33, TTC baby #1, conceived first cycle in Feb, but had a MC at 6 weeks in early March. Absolutely awful, as everyone knows, and I was in a rubbish place mentally for a few weeks, but I've also counted my blessings - it was early, I needed no medical intervention and at least I know I can conceive. Also AF has returned today - 29 days after first day of my MC. I usually have a 28-29 day cycle so am so grateful that my body seems to be getting with the programme again.

So CD1 for me, and I'll be TTC this month and back to tracking - BBT from tomorrow, OPKs from CD 11, still taking my Pregnacare and trying to keep exercising and eating healthily!

Would anyone like to join me if they're going through something similar? How have you been coping since your MC? What's on your TTC to-do list?! (Other than the obvious..!)

Baby dust to all xx

OP posts:
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38
bea19 · 16/04/2021 19:30

@Msd2416 congratulations!!! Such lovely news.

@CMcA21 I’m with you, we are also having a ‘party’ in the garden this weekend. It’s for a family birthday but would have been when we told my brother we were expecting... it will be hard not having that news to share anymore but so nice we can see people again, I’m just going to focus on being grateful for that!

ItsMeantToBe · 16/04/2021 19:12

@Mrsmujic congratulations!!! Our first positive in the group.

@justwant2beamum You must be exhausted! It's so all consuming isn't it.I feel a bit more relaxed now I'm in my TWW. I can't do anything apart from eat right and take my vitamins, so not stressing as much.

I think I'm going to do a spot of shopping tomorrow (although I don't know what clothes to buy If I'm planning on getting pregnant) and some nice dog walks. Hopefully the weather won't be too bad.

Msd2416 · 16/04/2021 18:45

Just needed to share as I’m literally not going to show anyone these until I’m at least a few weeks after my period is due! Currently 11 DPO and just got two faint lines!

TTC after MC - new thread for newbies / lurkers on other threads!
justwant2beamum · 16/04/2021 17:24

Sorry @Flopsy88 I feel exact same. 4dpo for me and I've been awake till 4am every night this week agonising over forums, google, charts, tests etc. I have a feeling it's not going to happen for me any time soon and I don't know how I can do this month on month!

CMcA21 · 16/04/2021 17:01

@Flopsy88 so sorry you’re feeling so rubbish. Just got to look for the positives in life like you said 💜 hope you’re okay!!

@ItsMeantToBe got some friends coming to our garden tomorrow, was meant to be our announcement of being pregnant but obviously it won’t be that now it’s just a party... will still be fun though. So hopefully we’ll have a good day. I’m getting my nails and eyebrows done in the morning too 😍 first time since Christmas Eve. What about you??

ItsMeantToBe · 16/04/2021 13:54

So sorry you've been feeling down @Flopsy88. It's totally understandable! The month is going so slowly isn't it. I'm only 2DPO and it feels like it should be 20000DPO.

@Lowkeyloopy "It doesn’t change the fact that my little 6 week poppyseed was also my baby" this made me choke up. It's such a nice way to think.

How's everyone else's day? Any exciting weekend plans?

bea19 · 16/04/2021 13:03

@Flopsy88 so sorry to hear you’re feeling sad and frustrated but it’s completely understandable! I felt the same after I fell pregnant quickly in my first pregnancy and then miscarried. It took another few months for me to conceive again and I’m not going to lie, it was really tough each month, but hopefully your rainbow baby is just around the corner.

Original poster
Lowkeyloopy · 16/04/2021 10:55

Aw @Flopsy88 , don’t feel bad about saying how you feel! Totally understandable that you’d want to get on with testing and that you’re feeling sad and frustrated. As I said last night - all the emotions around it come in waves! One thing I thought today (as I approach what would’ve been my 12 week scan date) is not to think about what “should” be happening with my pregnancy right now, because actually, nothing was meant to happen. There was an important reason why that baby didn’t keep growing - it simply wasn’t compatible with life, and I’ve been putting all these “shoulds” onto it that don’t belong there. I was never meant to have a baby born in November 2021 - that’s not my story or my baby’s story. I’m meant to have a Spring 2022 baby 🙂 It doesn’t change the fact that my little 6 week poppyseed was also my baby, but it had achieved everything that it was ever meant to achieve by the time it left me.

I hope that makes sense - if it provides zero comfort that’s also ok though! We all have different views on this and they can even change from day to day.

Also, as you already know, 8DPO is super early - you may not even implant until 10DPO and that would be totally normal. Just look after yourself and get out the sun (alternatively look at all the good news stories on the rainbow babies threads - that helps me!). It happened for them and it will happen for us. Flowers

OP posts:
Flopsy88 · 16/04/2021 09:49

I've just read that back and realised how stupid it sounds. Sorry! Especially being disappointed by a bfn this early! There is so much to feel positive about. For a start it's Friday and it's sunny! 🌻
Hope you're all doing ok ❤ xx

Flopsy88 · 16/04/2021 09:22

Ugh I feel so fed up today 😥 I stupidly did a frer at 8dpo which I know is too early, I didn't get a bfp until 11dpo last time (although didn't actually try testing any earlier than that). My chart also looked perfect the month I conceived with a big rise and then implantation dip but this time it's static just above the cover line. Even during the mc I felt really positive about the future and just assumed I'd get pg straight away but now I'm realising that might not happen and it's every month is going to feel so shit. Sorry for the moan, I know I'm being silly and there's people in much worse situations and we haven't even been trying that long. I'm just sad that I should be 14 weeks pregnant right now and instead I'm desperately searching for a line that isn't actually there on a stick I've just weed on. I thought I was done with this bit ☹ xx

Original poster
Lowkeyloopy · 15/04/2021 23:33

@Flopsy88 Oops - every other day not every day! At least for now until I get my peak!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lowkeyloopy · 15/04/2021 23:32

Oh wow so many new people and messages! I wasn’t getting notifications for some reason. I’m going to try to get involved in all of the chat, haha, but sorry if I miss anyone!

@Flopsy88 Evening Primrose Oil is a great tip! I hadn’t realised that but now looked into it and had some in my drawer so have started taking them again. You stop post ovulation though right? Yup we’re DTD every day, though after a faint line on an OPK a few days ago it’s gone back to blank! But the month I got PG I got my peak out of nowhere on CD 13 so hopefully that’ll happen again. CD 10 today. I hope that was implantation cramping you felt a couple of days ago! Have you started testing?

Welcome @Msd2416 - sorry for your losses and fingers crossed for you this month! Hope you can stay strong with not testing early - I’m going to try not to either. If it’s a chemical I just don’t want to know.

Welcome @Marshmellowdreaming ! So sorry for your loss, which sounds a little similar to mine - I also got PG first month TTC in Feb! We have to take something positive from that. Hoping to catch again quickly. Certainly sounds like that was a period and you ovulated so fingers crossed! There’s a big range in what’s “normal” post MC i think.

Thanks @ItsMeantToBe - I’m definitely feeling much better. Great you got your peak! Good luck with your TWW!

@CMcA21 - I think I read on another thread that you should count first day of full flow as CD1, not spotting, but as you say it shouldn’t make too much difference if you’re tracking with OPKs and temping etc.

@Aila1994 I know what you mean about it impacting your sex life! I did find myself saying to DP earlier “so, no shenanigans tonight, but back on it tomorrow” 🤦🏻‍♀️ Hardly sexy! I like the idea of being chilled about it too but I think I’m just too hyper aware of my cycle and too organised for that to be possible! Also it sounds like you’ve hit the best days for DTD - I can’t remember the stats but I think day of /after O isn’t as good as before O so hopefully you’ve done enough!

@justwant2beamum I’m so sorry to hear how you were feeling yesterday - I can relate to the hopeless feeling. That’s how I was earlier this week too, despite feeling kinda fine again before that, after the initial awfulness and sadness of the MC. I just had a wave of feeling very sad and negative and kinda overwhelmed. It passed though and I hope it has for you too. Our emotions are funny things - they sneak up on us. I reckon men just process things so differently too - your DP is maybe feeling the pressure but perhaps can’t talk about it so it’s manifesting itself in the struggling to DTD. It’s easy to say but try not to put too much pressure on yourselves - sounds like you’ve covered your bases really well. I try to remind myself sometimes that my relationship with DP is at the heart of all this. I don’t just want a baby - I want a baby with him! I’ve got to look after that relationship first and foremost!

@Mrsmujic - I have 28-29 day cycles and all the books / OPK leaflets etc tell me to start testing at CD 11 and I got my peak at CD13 when I got PG so that seemed to work, maybe start at CD13 if your cycle is never less than 30 days?

Welcome @bea19 and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I hope your hcg drops quickly and you can move forward as soon as possible. Look after yourself!

Phew.. I think I’m all caught up!

OP posts:
bea19 · 15/04/2021 21:57

@CMcA21 no, I haven’t had a test from the hospital, they just said to take an HPT. Called them this afternoon and they want me to go in for an examination so maybe they will test then...

I think there is some information in “The Inpatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant” on timing DTD around ovulation. Will dig it out tomorrow and share...

Aila1994 · 15/04/2021 21:50

@CMcA21 I’ve tried to look up threads on this but all the info out there seems so conflicting. I honestly think it’s just the luck of the draw, some people DTD once 6 days before their expected ovulation and they catch. Others DTD every day for 2 weeks and they catch.

I think so long as you’ve DTD at least once in the 3 days before ovulation you are in with a chance!

Feeling a bit deflated as my husband and I DTD for 4 days in a row prior to ovulation this month. But didn’t manage to DTD on the day of or the day following ovulation due to work schedules. But hopefully we’re still in with a chance 🤞

CMcA21 · 15/04/2021 20:47

Also a little question, when should you DTD around ovulation and is there a recommendation for how many times a day? I’m so clueless

CMcA21 · 15/04/2021 19:28

@bea19 did you get a test from the hospital which measured the ‘success’ of the procedure - awful wording again I know! That’s what I did but still had a positive on a HPT. If the hospital one isn’t positive you’re fine and don’t need to worry about retained product

justwant2beamum · 15/04/2021 15:58

@bea19 yeah I would give them a call. How dark are your lines? Hopefully they'll scan you and there won't be anything and remaining hcg will fade in next couple of days for you. Xx

bea19 · 15/04/2021 12:51

@CMcA21 @justwant2beamum TTC and MC seem like such an unequal division don’t they! I had a MC with my first pregnancy too and my partner said he hadn’t even really felt like we’d been expecting when I miscarried (he wasn’t being mean, just honest) but it’s so tough isn’t it, you can feel really alone.

It is so sad to know there was a heartbeat but not anymore isn’t it @Flopsy88? I’m so sorry you experienced this too, and that you weren’t offered a follow-up scan when you knew something was off.

Thank you for the OPK and HPT tips @justwant2beamum and @Flopsy88. I was told to test three weeks after my MVA which is today (bang on when I would have been 12 weeks sadly) and unfortunately I’m still testing positive... Lines have been getting fainter over the past week (POAS never ends!) but think I’ll need to call now to check no ‘retained products’. What an awful medical phrase that is, so sorry if triggering!)

Flopsy88 · 15/04/2021 09:56

@justwant2beamum Oh lovely, that's so frustrating. How are you feeling now? Men have this irritating way of being able to fall asleep immediately no matter whats happened or how upset you are! It sounds like you managed to dtd loads so you should be covered. I know exactly what you mean re. starting over again. It feels exhausting right now. Even when we do manage to get pg again we have to go through the anxiety of early pregnancy all over again, trying to keep it secret, counting down to scans and midwife appointments. It's not fair! Xx

@bea19 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking after seeing that heartbeat. I had a scan at 7+4 and saw a heartbeat but the embryo was measuring 5+2 so I started preparing for the worst. It felt so isolating because no one believed me that I hadn't got my dates wrong, the EPU didn't even book me in for a follow up scan to check for growth cos it looked healthy. I started bleeding at 9 weeks and miscarried naturally in the end. We didn't want to wait for a new cycle to start trying again so I order 50 cheap one step OPKs and HPTs from amazon and started testing with both every day from when my bleeding had slowed right down. The OPKs actually showed strong positive for days when I still had HCG in my system which was confusing at first but cos I was testing every day I could watch them both go negative and then a few days later the OPKs got darker again and I think that's when I ovulated (I had ovulation pains and temp dip then rise too). I also did a frer on ovulation day which was v.v.v.faint positive so I guess you can ovulate with a tiny amount of HCG. I wanted to have that to compare so I could use a frer to test for a new pregnancy without worrying I was just picking up old HCG from the loss. Wishing you lots of luck xx

justwant2beamum · 14/04/2021 22:06

@bea19 sorry should have also said, you likely won't ovulate until your hcg is 0/ nearly 0. And hcg can give a positive on OPK so I'd do some pg tests (horrible as they are) to check that's negative. Also at least if you get a BFP before you're next period you'll know it's a new BFP and not left over hcg xxx

justwant2beamum · 14/04/2021 22:02

@CMcA21 aw so sorry love. I totally resonate with what you say. I feel exact same, he's just breezing on and he occasionally will say "it was my baby too" but it wasn't really, none of it was happening to him and he doesn't sit and obsess over cycles, symptoms etc, you're so right!

Sorry @bea19. Your surgery is CD1 I believe xxx

bea19 · 14/04/2021 20:46

Hi ladies, so sorry to hear there are so many of us in the same boat but glad we can support each other. My thoughts are with you all - such a tough time. I’m nearly 37 and we’re ttc baby #2. I had a MMC identified at 8.5 weeks after a scan showing a heartbeat at 6.5 weeks. I had an MVA three weeks ago. Not really sure when to count CD1 as with a MMC and MVA... Any ideas? Planning to use OPKs but not really sure when to start if I don’t wait for AF to come...

CMcA21 · 14/04/2021 20:21

@justwant2beamum I feel so sad at the thought of you upset alone in your spare room 😔 it’s really frustrating, I had another counselling session tonight and found myself angry at my DP saying he doesn’t understand. He made a comment a couple of weeks ago how he ‘wasn’t even thinking about’ the MC anymore. I thought ‘lucky you!!!’ He didn’t go through it physically, waiting to do the hCG to check all ok, he’s not waiting for the period, POAS or any tracking for now TTC and not limiting his caffeine, alcohol or changing his diet really. It’s so easy to feel like it’s all on you. But even if it’s not this month it could be next so try and focus on that. If you DTD other days I’m sure it won’t make much difference. Hope you’re feeling better now x

ItsMeantToBe · 14/04/2021 19:46

@Mrsmujic sorry, I've got a 28 day cycle so probably can't help. Using cheapies for a few days can't hurt. I started using OPK from CD5, got negative for 1 day, flashing smiley/high for 6 days and finally got my static/peak today! I just want to sit and chill after a busy day but feel like I need to BD again!

justwant2beamum · 14/04/2021 14:08

Thanks @Mrsmujic I really hope that's the case for me this month and I get BFP but don't feel hopeful.
I'd probably start cheapies now/tomorrow then when the lines start to darken start using your cbs? I'm usually 28 days and start about cd8 x