Period after neonatal death

@flb53 just wondered how you're getting on? We've decided this month (14weeks pp) to start TTC but periods and cycle still all over the place xx

Your poor baby Charlie. I'm so sorry.

I haven't got any particular advice but just wanted to add more support. Doctors advise leaving a couple of years between caesarians but in practice women who get pregnant before then are not really considered any kind of worrying case. It's common. I'm in my 40s and older women often attempt smaller gaps after caesarians because of the fertility clock ticking.

You've been through unspeakable trauma and loss on top of birth. Your period might take its time but it will return.
Look after yourself.
If you feel you need to be 'doing something' to bring about another baby, use this time to focus on nutrition and healing your body. Maybe look at fertility reflexology. Try to see this as an essential pre-conception stage rather than wasted time.

Sending you all my love. I lost my full term first born this last April 21st after a c-section to a very rare condition that only presents at birth. She was one day old. I'm so sorry to everyone on this thread who has experienced a loss. FLB53 you have my best wishes

Hi @flb53 firstly I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the loss of Charlie, it really is the worst pain imaginable losing a little one. We lost our DS1 back in August 19, I had a c section with him and we lost him 6 days later. I found I became totally consumed with the want to TTC again and was desperate to get my period back. I had the usual PP bleeding for around 2 weeks then nothing for about 10-11 weeks. My periods eventually returned and found they were about 26-33 days long, and by what felt like some miracle we conceived again around March last year and we now have DS2. I too was desperate for another baby, never in any way to replace our DS1 but just to fill even slightly the aching in my heart and to have that family I so longed for. It felt totally and utterly out of reach for me but you can get there, if there's anything you want to ask my inbox is always open. I found counselling helped me so much too. Sending you lots of love and strength💖

Oh gosh @Daisyflorence I am so so sorry for your loss xx

[quote flb53]@Daisyflorence I'm so so sorry my heart breaks for you. If you ever want to talk my inbox is always open[/quote]
@flb53 right back at you! Please don't hesitate to message me. Sometimes helps talking to someone whose not connected to you but can relate xx

I'm so sorry for you loss.

After two miscarriages we then lost our first born in February at ten days old to meningitis. There's an investigation ongoing regarding us being sent home from hospital the day before she died. The waiting for all of that to conclude drags things on and definitely doesn't help with the grieving process.

I had a cesarean (although not T incision) and at first only bled for a few days. The stress of DD being unwell and then passing away stopped my bleeding for couple of weeks before it came back again for a couple of weeks. By week 5 I had stopped bleeding and have had no period yet.

I've started the contraceptive pill in the hope that when it comes to the 'break' I will get a period.

I'm sure another pregnancy will be possible for you OP, don't write yourself off as it may take a while for periods to return. I think you may not be able to have a vaginal birth though and it would be a planned CSection. That's my experience anyway, when I went to the VBAC clinic they said if I had a T incision they would not consider a VBAC. Just something for you to consider, although a planned CSection may be preferable anyway and it will take away a lot of the risks xx

Sorry to hear about Charlie. It's quite normal for periods to be absent after a period of stress / shock, even if the cause has no gynaecological link. Emotional stress, rapid weight loss or anything like this can cause our reproductive system to shut up shop temporarily.
It's still very early days so as hard as it is, try not to worry. It's generally recommended to avoid getting pregnant within a year of a caesarean birth to allow the wounds to heal properly (internally as well as outside).

A friend had EMDR therapy after losing her baby. It was amazing in helping her learn to live with her pain. Definitely worth looking into.

Yes, I think your milk not coming in should speed them up a little but not by a lot. An obstetrician once said to me that your periods returning show that your body feels physically ready to carry another baby but some women do wait a long time for them to return.

Does you hospital do preconception appointments and did you have a debrief about you, not what happened to Charlie? Those should give you some indication about trying again and anything to watch out for.

I am so so sorry for your loss. Charlie is a beautiful name.

I lost my little boy at the end of January, he was also our first.
In terms of your question. My loss was at 23 weeks so might be slightly different given I gave birth a bit earlier. But my experience was that I bled for 4 weeks, then was spotting for a week, and then bleeding picked up again which I took to be a period. But then this bleeding lasted about 17 days. I was taking ovulation tests and found that the bleeding stopped only when I got a positive ovulation test. After that I got a period about 2 weeks later which I’m still on now.
I was trawling through forums trying to see what was “normal” and it really seems like everyone’s experiences vary - some people take months to get a period, some people seem to get one quickly but then don’t get the next one for a while, etc. Your body’s hormones are all over the place for a while unfortunately so it’s just a case of them needing to settle back.

If you haven’t yet, I recommend visiting the Sands forums. They’re amazingly helpful for emotional and practical support.

Sorry again for your loss xxx

I am so so sorry for the loss of baby Charlie ❤️
I lost my first born too, I understand the empty arms.
Just wanted to show some support, please reach out if you need anything ❤️

I definitely found I just thought the worst:

I would recommend counselling if you haven't looked into that already. I hope you have a good bereavement midwife in your area too.

DH and I had some counselling after we lost our DD and I had some on my own. DH and I were even at odds at times as grief affects everyone differently. I also found Sands helpful to talk to people who understood what I was going through.

Please talk about your beautiful Charlie to us if you would like. I also found Mumsnet massively supportive after our DD died.

Be gentle with yourself OP, it is early days

Forgot to add my first real period came back 16 weeks after she was born so try not to worry ( although I know I did) xx

Hi OP I’m so sorry to read this. I lost my first baby in June last year due to complication During birth. I also took the tablets to stop my milk coming in, I bled after for quite a few weeks and then had a very odd period. My periods have settled now but i only really got it a normal pattern again in December. They will settle but it’s so early still 💕 I hope you are getting support and have met some other mums in your position, the ones I have met keep me going xx

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I hope you get some answers to your question, I don't know the answer but just wanted to say sorry xx

I am so sorry this is happening to you. In 2014, my first birth was a hugely traumatic affair that nearly cost the life of my firstborn. He was taken away, intubated and for a couple of days it was very stressful. I was terrified and traumatised for a long time after. Everything seemed fine, until it really wasn’t and I will always remember the panic in that room. It broke me for a long time, and so I can only begin to imagine how this might be for you.

I don’t have any knowledge of how/when your periods might return, but I hope you don’t have to wait in limbo too long. I hope you find some peace and I am sorry Charlie couldn’t stay

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. That's horribly unfair.

I think periods can be all over the place for a while after birth anyway, so wouldn't necessarily worry, but if you have any concerns at all I'd say all to be referred for a check-up.

Sorry OP I commented above but should have said I had a vagina birth and not a c section

I’m sorry for the loss of your Charlie 💗

I can’t comment on the c-section aspect as I had a vaginal birth, however I can completely relate to the ‘empty arms’ feeling. I was straight back to the IVF clinic after 2 periods, so about 3 months after my loss. At the time it felt like forever, but now it feels like no time at all between pregnancies.

Be gentle on yourself and allow time for your body to recover