TTC 35+ Thread 8

@Katiekattty similar to you, my husband and I had plans to start a tad bit earlier (mid 2020) but then the pandemic hit and we also thought that it would be under control within months. Who knew the pandemic would go on for over a year now?!

You know, when we started trying in early January I was heavily burdened by regret and I even joined mumsnet with an opening thread about regret. The responses and support I got from ladies I didn’t know really helped. Then I found this thread, and I do not exaggerate when I say that this thread and space has made it so much easier for me to cope with my past decisions and my current ttc journey.

I have only shared with 2 people that we are ttc, my sister and a male best friend - both of whom happen to be doctors. So they kind of understand the struggle. I am not telling my parents cause that would get their hopes up and I’ll feel so pressured.

@wj82

Hi, I can relate to what you say about stress and trying to relax about it all.
It's so difficult when this is such a major 'life event'.

There are most definitely people older than yourself who have had successful healthy pregnancies, both naturally and through other methods.
My sister carried naturally, and delivered her first a week before her 40th, she credits hers down to baby aspirin.

I'm 38 too, I have decided after reading a lot of these stories and posts to make an appointment to speak to my GP, as lot of people say they wish they had sooner so I'm taking the plunge.

Its hard not to get consumed by TTC, and Dr Google is a dangerous rabbit hole, but it's also great for places like this with helpful advice and people who can relate to what you have said.

@wj82 Yes CRGH is one of my 6! I’ve heard the same about ARGC so will be avoiding there. I’m glad you’ve got one close to you with good stats.

@Overlyanxious yes, those feelings of depression and anxiety are hard to deal with and it’s quite a rollercoaster ride with its high ups and low downs. Although miscarriages are awful, at least your early miscarriage in August means you can get pregnant so that’s a positive! Have you done further tests or been referred?

I am not based in ldn but did my research. Have you looked at crgh ? The hfea stats looks promising at crgh. Argc seems to have questionable practice so I'm not keen.

I found one near me that has higher than national average so may just go with that.

@wj82 yeah I wish we knew egg quality! If I were you I would keep trying but get going with the IVF as soon as you can. How long have you been trying for so far?
We can afford to go private but not indefinitely- it’s our house deposit!😕 It’s a scary amount of money and I’m trying to have faith that it’ll work because the alternative is too awful to contemplate! We are on Cycle 21 and with my low AMH we can’t wait any longer, we need to try IVF even though we have reduced chances.

I’ve been taking Coq10 for about a year 🙄
I’ve contacted 6 clinics (overkill I know!) so just trying to decide between them now. I know 5 people in late 30s who have had success at the Lister so that’s one of my front runners.
Have you researched any yet?

It's gonna create a huge dent on our financials by going private but that's the least of my concern..

To put it into perspective, im more afraid of whether I should keep trying or just wait for the Ivf to start.

I'm so exhausted by my own thoughts. And by internet. How do ppl crawl out of this evil spiral ?

We are lucky enough to be able to go private. I'm pretty negative now - I wish there's an indicator for egg quality.
I'm working from home. So it's all engulfing. I can just keep reading on the internet and freak myself out.
Have you decided which IVF clinic you plan to go with ? Have you started taking coq10? I heard it helps but not sure by how much.

@Twelvestars Sorry to hear you have regrets about not trying earlier. It’s so rubbish isn’t it. The fact is you’re trying now and will do everything you can to get the end result!

@Overlyanxious I told pretty much everyone I knew that I was trying to have a baby! That was back in the early days when I was excited and naive. So now they all know/have rightly assumed that it isn’t working out for me...I really wish I’d kept it to myself but I just had no idea it would be like this.

@wj82 You’re definitely not too old to have a successful pregnancy! You’ve got a great AMH which is something to be very positive about (mine is 2.3 so the NHS won’t help me, I’m currently looking into private IVF). I know it’s depressing and scary though, 100% can identify with that. I woke up this morning feeling so panicked and sick, was glad to get to work and have the distraction! Will you be helped by the NHS or go private?

Dear all. I'm glad I found you all.
I'm ttc £1 at 38 and getting increasingly stressed out. I'm borderline depressed and the more I read the more regrets I have for putting it off till so late. I blame myself daily and it's just a vicious cycle.

My amh is 33 and AFC is 30. My husband checked out fine too. We are thinking of trying for IVF next month and meanwhile I'm afraid to try.

Is there any ways I could relax ? I know stress is counter productive but I can't seem to get this off my chest and it's just very exhausting.

I had a chemical in Feb which I struggle to tell my family.....it's just . Do ppl even have a chance of having healthy pregnancy at my age ?

@Noodella18 I’m testing again on Wednesday when Premom said I should. All the various apps have AF due Friday/Saturday. I have one more frer left and if anything happens I’ll buy the CB triple pack.

@Twelvestars @Katiekattty I tested yesterday and the day before too, around 9 or 10dpo and snowy snowy white BFNs :(

Nevermind, still early! Fingers crossed for both of you, when are you testing again? I have some one step tests arriving later so will test tomorrow morning (my period was due between Saturday and today, but I ovulated late and Premom thinks I'm due on Thursday but has told me to test tomorrow anyway...)

@Twelvestars my wedding got cancelled so many times with this virus and I went to registry office. I delayed and delayed because I wanted to be married first and then I tried to wait the pandemic finished. Haha sure when everything was going to be ok in 3 weeks. Now I feel I should have started trying earlier. But I’m trying to be positive.

@Twelvestars I know what you mean about not wanting to feel shit so much. I need to get better at being less negative. I’m 38 in June so feeling the pressure. I also feel like a bit of an idiot excitedly having conversations with people ages ago about having children and now I’ve been trying it’s difficult.

@Katiekattty absolutely my sentiments! I used to go to OB-GYNs for yearly check ups and they would always tell me all looks good and I have time but in the same token they would urge me not to wait. But there was never an explanation as to why they wanted me to hurry up and get pregnant. I always thought it had something to do with being an older mother. I’m also at fault for not asking more questions or researching but that’s perhaps because a few years back when I was 34 or 35 I wasn’t feeling too broody yet. It was only until the pandemic when my life slowed down that I had a moment or two to myself and started to think “wait a second, I’d like a baby or two that look like my husband and that are the product of our love for each other”

It breaks my heart even typing this out... oh well :)

@Twelvestars I feel the same way about waiting until I was 37. I think if I know more about the process of getting pregnant how complicated it can be then I would tried earlier. I just thought well age will be factor but I had no idea about timing and ovulation and everything else that needs right time, right everything.

I’m going hand tight and test again on Wednesday.

@Overlyanxious I can imagine how you’re feeling and it sucks when things don’t go to plan. Personally I’ve been battling with feelings of regret for waiting until I’m 37 to try for a baby. But (with the help of this forum) I try to control these feelings because they bring me down and I don’t want to be feeling like shit 24/7 (which I’ve been for a while now). It’s very hard I know and it’s a constant effort.

@Katiekattty me too yesterday and of course BFN 😂

Well I cracked this morning and tested early at 10DPO BFN! Ughhh feeling like it’s not going to happen this month but I have a few days.

Welcome @Smiffette! I’m 37 and trying for my first baby and there is definitely an intimidating factor there.

@Misty84 glad you’re taking all the necessary steps and doing what is needed in such speedy but careful manner. Please continue to update us.

Hi all, it’s been ages since I’ve been on this thread - possibly December. Still ttc. I had an early miscarriage in August and thought I would have been pregnant again by now.

Do any of you ever feel like it’s never going to happen for you? I found out my cousin is pregnant today and I feel like I’m too unlucky for the perfect situation of us being pregnant together or at least me getting pregnant soon after she has the baby (which is October). I already feel out of the loop with my cousins and sister for having their children years ago and the fact they all have bought houses whereas I still have to rent. I feel a bit like the younger sister who wants to play with the big girls but can’t.

How are you all doing?

@notyetamumbuttrying we were actually really lucky and conceived first time of trying.
I did have a MMC before DD though and that pregnancy was conceived on the 3rd month of trying.

@Misty84 glad you're feeling calmer now, and have a plan. That's half the problem most of the time! My mind calms as soon as I have the date/appointment in place.

@Smiffette hey 👋🏾 I'm new to the thread too. How long did it take to conceive #1? Hopefully #2 will go smoothly ♥️

Thanks so much @Marvellouslymadmum. Feel a lot calmer and at least I can progress now rather than this never ending waiting for the NHS.
Welcome @Smiffette 👋🏻

Hi!
I'm glad I found this thread, hope it's ok to join?
I have DD 9.5 months old, I'm 37 and looking to TTC early next year, at which point I'll be 38. I'm quite nervous second time round... I was 35 when I conceived DD although turned 36 3 months later. That didn't really feel old. For some reason 38/39 is feeling a bit more scary!

@JessWi sometimes the de-dressed way is the best way I think. I feel you on the timing thing too, out of the four teenagers we have (two each but none together) the three boys all have december birthdays but it's been so long that we've been trying I don't even care anymore! Though I probably would when it came to December each year 😂

Hi @ttcforsecondtime welcome to the thread

@Misty84 I'm so happy that you're feeling a bit more positive about things and that you've put in a complaint! There's definitely still time and options for you and I'm hoping everything goes well and you get your little one. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a baby that is biologically ours, however with egg or sperm donation or even adoption, bringing up that baby and loving it unconditionally is what makes it your baby so I'm sure whatever happens you will get that opportunity (and I agree baby comes before house, it will make you happier)