Recent MC - New cycles & trying again Thread 2

Hi ladies

Just saying hello as I guess I’m almost ready to TTC. I’m having to do ovulation tests so that we can book my NK Cells biopsy. It looks like that and my day 21 test will fall over the Easter weekend though so that’s annoying!

Had my day 3 bloods done last week and they look ok apart from my TSH which is 9.6 but still in range and I think ok for almost 42?

I had acupuncture with a great fertility specialist today and he was quite reassuring that we can get the TSH down. He also said that I’m anaemic so I’m going to start high dose iron tablets. He said that blood stasis can lead to endometriosis and adenomyosis, which I have and is obviously not great for ttc.

I feel a bit more positive that there are things I can do to help now but I’m tempted to TTC this month. I’m on CD 9 and had my third flashing smiley today and am getting EWCM too. I know I shouldn’t try until I’m in better shape but it’s so tempting!

Thank you @Ralala I've come up to bed early and I've had to take paracetamol even though I never do when pregnant. I just want to be asleep but I know that when I wake up I'll remember and it's so painful.

That's a good point actually @Badlydrawngirly I will try calling the consultant who I saw after the last mc to beg if she'll see me. I have the name of her secretary so I'll try her. I've not been technically seen by her recurrent miscarriage clinic yet as the waiting list is so long but she might at least scan me.

@glowingtwig

I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry the EPU aren’t being more helpful. Do they not have different rules for people who have had previous losses?

I had a scan at just over 5 weeks but I’m not sure if that was because of my history of ectopics.

I’ve had multiple losses so I know that feeling of being a failure but as others have said that’s not the case at all. It’s terribly cruel to be in that 1%. Are you under the recurrent loss clinic? I was just wondering if they could get you in for a scan at the EPU.

I really hope you can get a scan soon.

Xx

@glowingtwig sending you all my love. Please take it easy and rest. Work can wait. Xxx

@AMS19 I honestly don't know what I'd do without you all on here. Thank you. It's just so hard this limbo, so awful.

Thank you @SleepyKitKat ❤️

@SuzieDeLaTour @AMS19 I tried pushing them but they said absolutely no scan until a week tomorrow. The GP even tried elsewhere but no luck due to Covid. It feels like covid is used as an excuse to be honest. The GP said my only option is a private scan but I had such a terrible experience last time at the private scan and then the EPU wouldn't accept it as my first scan confirming the baby had died.

I feel like I have no choice but to wait. I'm just in bits though. My eyes are so swollen they look like eggs in my face and I've given myself a cracking headache through stress. I feel sick. And there my boobs are still so sore. I feel like there is no hope. I was thinking last night that it didn't feel like it was going to be ok because I don't have the constant feeling like I need to wee as I had when first pregnant with DD.

I was giving her a bath this eve and her sitting there splashing; I feel like I'm letting her down not being able to give her a little brother or sister. Letting work and the students down having more time off. Letting my husband down not giving him the family we thought we'd have. I feel so awful. I just don't know what to do. This is so poor me, I'm sorry.

@cupcakesandglitter I'm so so sorry you had to go through this six times. I need to try to be strong and see that there might still be a happy ending.

@glowingtwig @SuzieDeLaTour is absolutely right, I agree - try and push them to scan you earlier. Please don't feel pathetic over jt ☹️ it WILL be worth it, I promise you that - I have my rainbow baby and although I'll never forget, the six losses before her we're all worth it the second I held her. I promise you it'll be okay and it'll be worth it, please please don't beat yourself up ☹️❤️❤️ x

@AMS19 @glowingtwig absolutely - even if they can’t see a heartbeat they’ll be able to let you know the growth is in line with your dates etc. The limbo is just hideous as you’re expecting the worst, hoping for the best and just left to wait. I think given how distressed you feel you should push to be seen earlier or ask your lovely GP to try and get you in as an emergency - she may have more sway? X

@glowingtwig you are not pathetic! You are a woman afraid of losing what you want more than anything in the world - we know that yearning and unfortunately that fear. It’s all an “if” at the moment, your HCG is still rising so as hard as it is, please try and hang on to that hope that all will be ok ❤️ Could you possibly call your EPU again and say you’re struggling? You might find they fit you in before next Wednesday? I’ve always been scanned early around 5-6 weeks and while it doesn’t offer you a guarantee it might offer some temporary reassurance and help you feel less in limbo? X

@glowingtwig sending you strength lovely. It's okay to feel a mess right now, try and be kind to yourself. Xx

Wish I'd not had HCG done now. It's not helped me, it's made me feel worse. I'm in worse limbo than if I'd just waited for a 'surprise'.

@KJLM ❤️ I just want someone to tell me it'll all be ok in the end. That all this heartbreak and these losses will be worth it.

@glowingtwig sending you so so much love and strength. As @AMS19 has said if there is anything we can do please let us know xxx

I'm really struggling. I can't believe it's going to happen again. I'm just curled up in bed shivering and crying. I feel so pathetic.

So sorry for a shitty day @glowingtwig so great you have a nice GP. Hoping for a nice HCG rise for you x

@glowingtwig like @AMS19 said we are all here, as a group and individually so keep talking to us - you are not alone xx

@glowingtwig oh love what a rollercoaster morning. Sounds like you have a lovely, helpful
gp which is great given your EPU sounds pretty rubbish! That’s so frustrating they won’t see you before next Wednesday. That’s good news that your progesterone was strong so fingers and toes crossed for your HCG results.
I understand that your husband feels sad and stressed and he is entirely within his rights to feel that way but PLEASE do not try and manage this by yourself to spare his feelings!! Bottling things up will only make the situation worse. You need to remain open and communicative with each other- right now and if anything he needs to be your pillar of support ❤️

Ahh sorry @AMS19 😓 I hope you get your BFP soon xx

@glowingtwig so sorry to read your update - keeping everything crossed that your HCG has risen enough to keep you going until your scan next week, that's crap about EPU but I'm glad you've got a nice GP that's tried to help and speak to them. Sorry to read about your update with your DH... I can completely relate, that was us before I had my daughter. We'd had four mc's before her, and DH actually sat me down to say he was thinking about leaving me so that I could try and TTC with someone else at some point because he knew how much I wanted kids. It's a really hard time and so stressful on you both.. is there anything you could do to try and get him to talk and open up? And absolutely do not blame yourself!!! Emotionally ready or not, do not do that, don't blame yourself. I did the exact same thing and it's not healthy at all, you're allowed to feel the way you feel but nothing you've done has caused it Xx

@angc30 ah that's annoying, and so not fair of the midwife?! Do they not understand how emotionally difficult it can be, a little support wouldn't go amiss?! Hopefully your tests fade up quickly and you get to TTC again x

Thank you @AMS19 ❤️ you're right, I think it is the stress getting to him and he feels really helpless. I think he can't bear to see me the way I was in January- not in a good place at all. Maybe I just wasn't ready emotionally for another pregnancy and that's why this is happening.

@angc30 thank you so much for your reply. He is usually supportive so it's a bit of a shock. After the mc I had in December I was very down and I think it has been hard for him to deal with. So I think he's afraid of me going back to that dark place. Plus I think he feels really sad that this might end up another mc.

I'm sorry to hear you've had 4. This will be our fourth if it ends that way but with DD from my second pregnancy which I'm feeling very lucky for.

@glowingtwig youve broken my heart with the way he's acting. I'm sorry you feel like you have to manage all this on your own. It's really not fair you feel like way!

I get what you mean by the statistics getting to you. This was our 4th and it really did hit both of us harder because 1 in 4 pregnancies miscarry and we're at 4 in 4 miscarriages. I couldn't cope without DH's help through it though. I hope yours wises up and becomes a bit more supportive because you're both going through it 💕

BUT saying all this, hopefully everything works out fine for yous xx