TTC 35+ Thread 7

Thanks for all the replies, it's good to hear I'm not the only one who has encountered reluctance from their partner. It's hard hearing all these women saying how happy their partners are about all the sex whilst you're trying to force your own partner to get jiggy. But anyway, we had a chat this morning and I said that if he wants a baby then I'd like him to play an active role in making that happen rather than me having to proposition him every time. He called me up after my toddler went for her nap so I'm currently lying with my hips propped up 😂👍

@climbershell heh, is he is a big cyclist? My partner is a fully paid up member of the lycra brigade and I've similarly had to work his bike rides into the planning.

@sickofthisyear funnily enough men's sperm can be better quality in the morning rather than the evening because it has a good long stretch to develop while he's asleep and relaxed, rather than awake and dealing with the stresses of everyday life.

Awww @Kitekat81 that’s such a lovely story. We really are so blessed to have our wonderful men by our sides! 🥰

Hahaha I def agree with @sickofthisyear regarding the bike @climbershell!

@Loladoodle haha 😂 I'd love to go for a cycle tbh, I'm so bloody bored sitting around. Need a rest coz busy week at work so not walking today. Going stir crazy, wish could just go for a climb 🤦‍♀️

@climbershell tell him you will go for a ride 🤣 not on a bike 🙊

Too much to catch up on but will say that I have shared the frustration with lack of performance - we missed the window last month because he wasn't in the mood and kept saying 'tomorrow'. I FINALLY got my static smily this morning (CD18) so I have told him to prepare tonight, we last did it on Monday or Tuesday (I forget?!) so not much chance if he can't manage it tonight. Sigh.

I didn't meet my OH until I was 33ish and we moved in together after a few months, but he wanted to wait many more years before agreeing to start trying. Even then I think he wishes he had shacked up with a younger woman as he'd happily have waited a good few years more. 🙄

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend x

My partner just asked if I want to go on a cycle. No!! Not in the lead up to fertile week, I told him 😅

Totally agree with the above. Sometimes in all this we focus so much on what we don't have (a baby!) but forget what we do have. Three years ago I was 36, single and having counselling because I thought I'd missed my chance to meet someone and have a family. I was also having lots of problems with my skin (@thislittlebird will understand this) and I thought I was unloveable Then at 37 I met my partner and just clicked straight away, within a month of our first date we were living together, and the rest is history! I would so love for us to have a family together, and I know he will be a wonderful father, so I really want to have tried everything we can for this. But if it doesn't work out, and we don't get our family, I know we'll be just fine as we have each other 😊

@Twelvestars and @climbershell
Yes it’s so important and wonderful to meet someone, I have a few friends who are still single and they want a family, so they are in a much worse position than me because at least I have someone to try with!
We started trying after 6 months together, so a different kind of whirlwind!!, but given my age we didn’t see any point waiting longer. As you said climbershell you never know when a relationship might end anyway. We never would have started that early if I was younger but I’m very glad we did now.
Twelvestars good that you’ve done scans etc throughout that time when you were waiting so you know you’re generally ok.
I haven’t been told to take anything yet but have a consultation on 25th so I’m going to be bombarding with questions!! Good luck for Monday xx

Yeah I’m 39 now (partner is 33) and we’ve been together 4 years, living together for 2. I def was at the stage of wanting to try sooner and it took about a year for him to get there I now wish we’d tried earlier but we genuinely weren’t both in that place so I guess I just have to trust that it will happen some way or another 🤞🤞

@twelvestars I just use the browsers on my phone. It's annoying there's no option to edit a post. Often glitchy tagging in a person too, but find it ok enough

@Geriatric1234 implantation can vary cd6 to pretty much AF I believe, but I think even as early as cd8 is v uncommon

@Misty84 I met my partner just before I turned 33, I wanted to start trying a year later but he said too soon. I'm on the opinion of you can never for certain know a relationship is going to work forever, people split up after 5 years, 10 yrs, longer so no point waiting. And regardless I want a baby! Eventually after repeatedly saying my concerns with aging eggs etc and we need to start trying soon otherwise I needed to leave and try find someone else to start a family with, couldn't wait much longer, we started trying

This thread moves so fast! I can't keep up!!

@climbershell just to say though, I completely get how you feel. It's a constant merry go round of hope then disappointment. Mainly disappointment. But we've learnt to just try and enjoy the life we have. And hoping the less-stressed approach could be just what's needed.

@Loladoodle what effect on pre AF cramps have you found B6 has? 🤔

@Noodella18 I give a week's notice or so of the FW! Then I figure it's his duty too to keep up and take responsibility for trying with me - it takes two after all!

@Misty84 hey you! At the end of day, as @Loladoodle previously remarked, it comes down to accepting what the universe has in store for us and what matters is that we have been able to find love with a partner. So that puts it all in perspective. Her comment did help a bit but I still live with regret and that’s on me to deal with. I met my hubby at 32 and got married within 7 months (whirlwind romance) and we just enjoyed life and kept putting ttc off. Meanwhile I always visited doctors for regular ultrasounds and tests and all seemed well so that also encouraged me to delay further. It was only until the pandemic and us staying at home for so long and me turning 37 that it hit me that I have a small window left for us to have babies. It’s hard... anyways on Monday I’ll have more answers when I see my consultant and will share with you guys.

Back to my initial point, yes it’s beautiful that you found him and he found you and that’s what matters. Love and partnership is so hard to come along and so if it comes our way, that in and on its own is a true blessing. I hope your hycosy gives you answers (you said in a few months). But if you don’t mind me asking, were you previous tests all good? And is that why the final investigation to be done is hycosy? And also have you not considered or been offered clomid or hcg or gonadotropins (like follistim) or progesterone?

@Geriatric1234 I've found no more answers than you I'm afraid, I've googled it many times and always find different answers so I just think it's anywhere between 6-af sorry I'm no help

Hi @Twelvestars 👋🏻
I’m 36 (37 in a few months) and have been TTC #1 for 20 cycles. Yes have had most of tests done now, just HyCoSy left I think!

I’m really sorry to hear about your regret that you didn’t start trying sooner, that must be so tough 😔 but really you can’t beat yourself up about it forever! What’s done is done, just look forward now as much as possible 🙂 I hope it doesn’t take too long for you🙏
I didn’t meet my OH until I was 34 (after 8 years single and the godawful dating scene) so I couldn’t have started earlier even if I’d wanted to! Was just so delighted and grateful to have found him, thought I’d done the hard part, but no TTC is an absolute mission too!!🤦‍♀️

@climbershell I didn’t know that was a thing with guys either?!?

@Noodella18 Twice I’ve slept on the sofa because I’ve become so furious and upset that my OH has not dtd when we needed to...so I can completely empathise with your frustration. It sucks that it becomes a chore because we’re so hell bent on timing it right. Like @LT103 I no longer tell my OH what stage we’re at and that has helped things, I’m sure he can work it out because the sex suddenly increases but I don’t lay out the days for him and say we HAVE to do it then. I just make sure I’m doing “sex maintenance” 😂 at other times in the month so that he doesn’t feel completely used during the fertile window! It’s definitely reduced the stress for him. Of course everyone is different and I’m sure for some couple it works to be open about the peak days. It’s completely dependent on your personalities and what works best for you both.

Totally new Q: anyone had a definitive timeline from a specialist about the number of days between fertilization and implantation? When i google its 4-6 on one site, 7-14 on another, 6-12 on another... this isn’t urgent, I’m just curious!

Sorry just realized I am guilty of typos and accidental spelling mistakes but I do this on the phone browser and it’s not too user friendly. Do you ladies use the app? What do you think of it? I wanted to download it the other days but then got scared about all the privacy issues and tracking permissions the app was requesting. I don’t know. I guess that’s crazy cause I have all the other social media apps on my phone and I’m sure they track everything 😂

I give mine the heads up we're heading to a shagathon as I call it lol. That way he can mentally prepare knowing sex will be majorly ramped up

He knows there will be Monday sex and then Tuesday he'll be made aware there will be weds-sat daily dtd

@KG1145 I wanted to add that I agree with @thislittlebird that a lifestyle done in moderation is best. I mean such drastic changes and having to cut out so much (like suddenly going gluten free when it isn’t called for). I feel it would have an counterproductive effect like causing more stress.

@Misty84 yes don’t give up. Sorry for my questions (as I’m relatively new to this thread and have been trying to keep up but there’s many of us here), have you had all tests done? Bloodwork? AFC? Ultrasound?

@TTCat39 I feel the same and I know what I’m doing to myself is not good and only adds pressure but I can’t help it. Unable to sleep properly and deeply due to my sadness and feelings of regret. I go into tears at random times of the day when I think of how I could’ve started ttc earlier. I’m in my 3rd month ttc #1. I feel I have a host of issues (starting with a 22 day short cycle) and can’t wait for Monday when I see my consultant. So no you’re not alone in this.

@climbershell an array of emotions and feelings that I go through in one month! Sometimes in just one day!!!

@Noodella18 you know, the best thing at this point is to drop it because it might seem that taking it through might help but sometimes it is better to walk away and let time do its magic. Perhaps he’s also having a bad day or two emotionally. I think he’ll come around soon and if he doesn’t, then maybe you can bring it up again.

@climbershell I believe it is possible but would say it's more likely if you've dtd a lot recently

@Noodella18 I get like this with my oh too if he decides he doesn't want to around fw I get in a strop, he gets anxiety and stress so I tend not to tell him when fw is but just do things that get him in the mood and come on to him without telling him why, it doesn't always work but we hit a few days at least in the fw most of the time

@02Carol 😂 loving the google stage! The things I've googled to find out if it = pregnant 🤦🏼‍♀️ and I get cross when it says no lol

@Noodlella18

I think everyone on here can relate to what you said, I think everyone is feeling some form or element of pressure, then knowing we have a 'golden window of opportunity' each month.

Missing that time for what ever reason is really disheartening, as it feels like a month wasted, but I guess if you have had sex that cycle and until you miss your period you can't be sure.

I think the whole fertile cycle is beyond some mens wanting to understand, I was trying to talk to my fella about it so he could understand, he just looked blankly through me, half way through a sentence he cut me off and said " just tell me when and jump me".

@Noodella18 it’s hard isn’t it? I purposefully don’t tell my oh anything about what stage I’m at/when I ovulate cos I don’t want it to just get to stage having sex just for ttc. We generally have sex all the way through not just fw and it works most times but there are times like this month there where I got a peak on opk and we hadn’t managed. I eventually had to say we had a day left to try this month 🤦🏻‍♀️ I hate doing that as it just makes it into a Chore

@Loladoodle haha it’s okay! I’m 37 but I am still sometimes making the mistake of saying 35/36!

@thislittlebird I am going to see a consultant on Monday and cover all grounds. Depends on that talk we have... I am open to trying all sorts of scientifically based approaches (including acupuncture) but at the same time I want to limit exposure during the covid pandemic. Shall see.