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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

TTC 40+ and just fancy a chat!

38 replies

Twothirtyam · 19/02/2021 21:09

I’m not far off 41 and have been TTC number two for around 7 months. In that time I’ve had one chemical pregnancy and I think I might have conceived one other time (had some spotting a few days after ovulation) but never got a positive test and then my period arrived. Most months we’ve only managed to have sex once in my fertile window due to some considerable life stresses that we were going through so I know we haven’t really given it a proper chance but I still feel really deflated that we haven’t conceived yet and I’m starting to freak out about my advancing age! Life is a bit more settled now so in theory we can try with a bit more effort but one of the other problems is that my partner finds the pressure to have sex to conceive very off putting so I get really stressed about missing my window. He only really feels ‘in the mood’ in the mornings and our daughter is an early riser so it’s not easy to make it happen as often as we need to! Sorry this is turning into a bit of a ramble but it’s just on my mind all the time. I’ll be sad if we don’t have another but I’d just feel so grateful for my daughter. What I would struggle to accept though is not having given it a proper chance. Already I’m kicking myself for letting it take so long to start trying for number two. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to chat to others over 40 who are TTC at the moment?

OP posts:

winterfox78 · 07/06/2022 14:02

@dutchessmom ...and also wondered how your journey went?

Original poster

Twothirtyam · 30/05/2022 16:30

@winterfox78 yes am 42 now. I’ve funnily met two women recently who have had their second at 44! What helped me come to terms with potentially not having a second was actually properly trying to conceive every month, if that makes sense. I’m so fortunate to have a child already and I’d given myself a deadline to stop trying and felt sometimes sad but often ok about that. Also I’m really lucky in that at least 50% or more of my friends with children only have the one so I didn’t feel like our family would be strange or different in anyway. Wishing you all the best with it!

@BabyMoonPie oh how lovely congratulations! It’s so good to know when things work out well isn’t it 😊

OP posts:

BabyMoonPie · 30/05/2022 15:26

Twothirtyam · 30/05/2022 14:07

Hi @winterfox78
Goodness I’d forgotten all about this thread!
It took several months longer (18 months in total) but I’m now 21 weeks pregnant. Feels very weird saying that still!
What is happening with you? Keep the faith that it can happen!

Congratulations!

My first post on this thread is so negative and I wanted to add a positive update if anyone else reads it! We did carry on ttc... and it worked :-) It took 27 cycles to conceive but DD2 is nearly 6 months old

winterfox78 · 30/05/2022 14:15

@Twothirtyam congratulations! And you are 42 now?

Trying for number 2 but may have run out of time...I turn 44 in August.

We have been trying on and off for 6 months...

I worry I've left it too late.

Too busy enjoying DD1 who is 3!

Original poster

Twothirtyam · 30/05/2022 14:07

OP posts:

winterfox78 · 30/05/2022 13:52

@Twothirtyam I know this is an old thread but would like to know how things panned out? In a similar situation.

dutchessmom · 14/06/2021 11:04

Hey ladies! I'm 43 and ttc my second DC for a year now without success. MY DH suggested we look into ivf clinics soon, because "If we were able to conceive naturally, we would have by now"... I don't know. It's hard.

Original poster

Twothirtyam · 03/03/2021 08:50

Hi @birdbybird sorry to hear about your losses. It’s good that conception is happening for you but it’s hard isn’t it when they don’t work out. Fingers crossed for next cycle. As my GP said you know you’re fertile so now it’s just a waiting game! I’m in the TWW now but yet again only managed to DTD once in my fertile window. Feel like I’m just wasting the opportunity each month! Hopefully next month we’ll be able to try a bit more.

OP posts:

birdbybird · 02/03/2021 21:13

Hi All,
I’m 40 and trying to conceive #2
I had a chemical last cycle and a early miscarriage this cycle. It (conception) worked first two months of trying but ending up with losses. So I’m hoping I’ll be third time lucky.

Carol1980 · 28/02/2021 17:48

@BabyMoonPie
Perhaps having a wee break would work ?
My hubby and I decided to take a break from ttc in October- January due to our early MC at the end of September, I think it's actually helped us just taking the break from it all ❤️

Carol1980 · 28/02/2021 17:47

Really interesting article ! That is crazy that it's from such old statistics !!!
Makes me feel better about still trying despite turning 40 !

So as I mentioned previously I seem to have ovulated early this time round so I'm now 12 dpo....but not due my period until next Friday !!

I've used a couple of internet cheapies and got nothing on them so still a bit clueless as to whether we've been successful this time round. Just need to wait and see.

It's beyond frustrating this ttc malarky ! I'm trying not to become obsessed with it, but so glad that I'm still going to work full time just now so it's def keeping my mind off it a bit more !

Cashewcookie · 26/02/2021 13:40

Very interesting article, thanks for posting. I find these statistics labelling older pregnancies as a trend, really surprising. My mother who grew up in South Asia said women used to become pregnant in their 40s all the time, and no one made a fuss of it. Equally my Chinese acupuncturist says the same. I guess it’s really common sense, in the history of women conceiving (the beginning of human kind) I can’t imagine there were many people who were not giving birth in their 40s...! (I say this to make myself feel better- but I’m also sure it is true).

Original poster

Twothirtyam · 26/02/2021 13:01

@ClaireEclair that all sounds really tough. Wishing you the very best of luck.
It’s interesting to understand the statistics a bit more and not feel so frightened by it all. I like to read this every now and then to reassure me! www.bpas.org/get-involved/campaigns/briefings/older-mothers/
I can feel that I’ll be ovulating soon and I just feel so unhelpfully stressed about managing to have sex at the right times as my partner hates the pressure of performing to schedule!

OP posts:

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:30

[quote Cashewcookie]The info on past statistics can also be found in this article:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/309374/[/quote]
Thank you! I think this was the article the Twitter poster had quoted. I remember it being a French study :) Will try the clearblue too x

BabyMoonPie · 23/02/2021 14:28

Hi everyone. I'm 40 and been trying for number 2 for 2 years. According to the Ovia app it's my fertile period at the moment but I just don't want to take anymore ovulation tests or have sex. We've both been tested and are apparently fine so it appears to be unexplained secondary infertility. I feel like I've got to the point where there's no point trying anymore when we've failed 24 times already. It's so hard

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 14:21

The info on past statistics can also be found in this article:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/309374/

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 14:15

I’m sorry to hear about your losses.
The clear blue smiley face contraption works for me (unless it doesn’t), for tracking ovulation.

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:10

Also, I read somewhere (on Twitter of all places) that the information about fertility over 35+ is based on old data and it's not necessarily true that women our age will have problems with fertility. I hope that is true but so far it doesn't seem that way.

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:08

Hi all. I'm 43 and we're still trying for our first. We have been for a few years and discovered I have endometriosis which caused a blocked tube. Laparoscopy removed the scar tissue and cysts but couldn't unblock the tube. My GYNAE said the body compensates when one thing goes wrong so it shouldn't be a problem.

Became pregnant last year with twins. One wasn't growing and then I miscarried the other at about 11 weeks. I bled for a long time after and only started trying again in December.

No luck so far. My period came a week early in January which made me think I might be perimenopausal.

We decided to try again for another 2 months and if it doesn't work we might consider IVF. I have tried the ovulating sticks but can't get the hang of it. We're now just having sex every other day just in case I have late/early ovulation.

It does become obsessive. I think back to my youth and start wondering if I should have done something different. If I should have gone to my GP about my period pain years before as I thought it was normal.

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 13:42

They tested for LH/ FSH testosterone etc. Googling shows that they’re generally average, but I need someone to go through it- pretty difficult to get an appointment as GP thinks this is not urgent.
FSH is a marker for the number of eggs (but not quality).

Carol1980 · 23/02/2021 13:20

I've never had any fertility testing so don't know what you would be looking for in blood work ?
Did the doctor not explain them ? What kinda things does it show ?

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 13:03

Hi, I’ve not been on such a forum before. But am stressed out. I’ve just turned 43 and no luck so far with 2nd. Have one 7 yr old. I’ve just had bloods and just cannot work out how to interpret them.

gizmo167 · 23/02/2021 12:48

I'm 42, 43 next month and I've had 2 mc's in the past year, the last just over a week ago. I'm with a new partner also and have a DD who is 7. I reckon I'm just at the stage of getting my head around the fact it isnt going to happen!

Carol1980 · 23/02/2021 06:19

It's such a minefield of emotions this whole ttc !
In my head I keep thinking it will be fine we did it before etc etc and then another part of me is thinking am I wasting my time by trying to do it without any assistance......

LouiseM1979 · 21/02/2021 20:23

@Twothirtyam Yeah it certainly is a contradiction of emotions. We definitely will keep on trying and it's nice to know I'm not the only one my age who is also TTC. Yes we would go down the IVF route, we had some tests done towards the end of last year and are trying naturally for the next 2/3 months and will take it from there.

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