Me any my boyfriend want to have a baby, but the problem is that we both don't really like sex.

Why would someone prefer to wank into a cup rather than have sex with their girlfriend? Sure some people are asexual but that means they don't find anyone sexually attractive which is what "fancying someone" means. Odd, very odd.

What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly

Hi Op, my DH and I tried the Stork conception aid when we were struggling to conceive. It didn't work for us as we ended up with IVF but if neither of you have any fertiliy issues it may be worth a try www.storkotc.com

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector don’t listen to anyone who’s confused and judging you. The way you speak about your relationship is full of love, mutual respect and a level of honesty with each other which a lot of couples don’t have, even though they are having sex.

Here’s my advice:

• start charting your cycles with bbt so you know your body
• use a fertility gel which helps the sperm swim
• use a fertility cup which transfers the sperm to the right place and keeps it there. I used the one called fertylily
• browse around forums where gay girls chat about getting pregnant at home with donor sperm, I bet you get loads of good tips there

Why would someone prefer to wank into a cup rather than have sex with their girlfriend? Sure some people are asexual but that means they don't find anyone sexually attractive which is what "fancying someone" means. Odd, very odd.

Hi @SlowlyBecomingACatCollectorI’m going to post just from the fertility side. Your sex life is up to you!

We had ivf (after a shit ton if sex but turns out if you’ve got crap sperm you can’t get pregnant!) so know a few bits that might help.

You can take supplements to help improve your overall fertility. You can take supplements like co enzyme q10 600mg daily to help improve egg quality. You can also take a multivitamin but a pregnancy one. You don’t want too much vitamin A. Your partner can take high dose vitamin c and well man conception tablets. Worked to improve my husbands shit sperm.

You can both follow healthy lifestyle to prepare as much as you can. Low drinking healthy eating. Don’t smoke. Good weight. Not too high or low. Both sides affect fertility.

You can track your ovulation. You can do this using ovulation tests and kits. This will give you a good idea of when to inseminate. You may want to do do it before LH surge, on LH surge and just after LH surge to cover all bases. You can also track ovulation using BBT tracking. I used an app called fertility friend that I found useful.

You can both do a fertility MOT. Pay privately to have hormone levels tested including LH FSH TSH AMH and blood count. He could have hormone testing and sperm analysis.

This way you would be fully informed on your fertility and give the self insemination as much chance as possible.

There is also a self insemination kit called stork which deposits the sperm next to your cervix. Not sure if you can use it repeatedly. I think it might be the one thing we didn’t try!

Good luck

Why are people protecting their own serial insecurities and feelings on other people. OP is happy with her arrangement, she is asking about fertility and chances to have a baby not about her sex life and feeling "sexually rejected"

I don't have any advice for you OP but good luck

Sounds like my ideal relationship tbh.
I really don’t care about sex. I have it occasionally but I just go through the motions.

I’d love to find someone with the same mind frame as this, it would make a relationship so much easier.

I imagine you’d need a device of some kind? I think this would be a good idea for a lot of couples who want to conceive but not necessarily have to perform all the time.
Good luck

Fair comment @Mynextname, it's just that this scenario sounds weird. How many young, healthy, happy couples with no physical or health issues that make sex difficult just don't want to have sex to the extent that they would choose instead to conceive using a turkey baster? I would be questioning what is going on under the surface. But yeah, it's none of my business and not what the OP asked. I just hope that you are actually happy with this OP, because being sexually rejected really eats away at your self esteem after a while - I've been there (I'm still there....) and if I had my time again I would have left while things were uncomplicated

Stop projecting your own issues onto the op.

There are a couple of YTubers who have videos about home insemination. They are so glad mom's by choice, who instead of using a clinic chose to do it at home. The mechanics of the insemination would be the same. They are maybe worth checking out. I think the theory from them is that after insemination they also orgasm, not necessarily straight after ( although I haven't watched the video on it so not 100% sure) One of them is american ( Mama Bethie) and the other english (Doris Christine)

I hope these are helpful and good luck to you both! 🍀

Easy, I look at him and think OMG he's gorgeous. He feels the same about me. There's more to relationships than sex.

100% agree OP

Go to a family planning clinic and get a Diaphram.

Its a cup that you insert and it sits over your cervix. Its designed for contraception (buy forming a barrier) however you can use it for conception, by having him ejaculate into it, then immediately insert the cup.

(Obvs dont use the spermicide that comes with it!)

Are you asexual? Many asexual people still feel attraction to people and occasionally have sexual encounters but largely don't feel sexual interest. It's perfectly okay that you don't like sex, so many people don't but have a sexual partner they have sex with to keep happy. It's great that you're both on the same wavelength.

It's absolutely possible to use a pipette, turkey baster or similar tool to artificially inseminate yourself when you don't want to have sex. You may want to speak to your GP to get some fertility tests done- you may find you're incredibly fertile and having sex once will get you pregnant or you may find you need to go through a different route to conceive.

Check up on the TTC threads for tips- you'll likely be told to prop your hips up with a pillow after insemination, as well as changes to your health and lifestyle to improve your chances of a healthy pregnancy.

I wish you both the best of luck!

I know a couple who are asexual, they are very much in love and extremely happy together. How rude of people to comment on your sexuality OP!

I read that it's because the contractions or whatever they're called suck the sperm up to and through the cervix.

Oh, meant to say that I booked a private fertility appointment before we started.... massive waste of money!!
I'd highly recommend giving it a try for a few cycles before you go down that route.

@SlowlyBecomingACatCollector

I didn't expect such rude and judgmental responses questioning whether we love each other and even going as far as to say I have been "sexually rejected". We have been together for over 5 years now, and it has been the happiest, best, and most fulfilling relationship both of us has ever had. I don't know why I am even trying to explain it. I was just looking for a little advice and a little hope. I kind of regret coming here and asking now.

Anyway, I conceived naturally through artificial insemination done at home at the age of 38.

I took some supplements: Iron, Macca and Agnus castus I think. For a few months and tracked my cycle using a fertility monitor.

When it came to the insemination I think we just used syringes and pots available at Boots, no fancy kits.

I read that an orgasm helps move things along in the right direction so I took a toy in with me to help things along then lay with my legs up the wall for about fifteen minutes.

So yes, it's definitely doable and plenty of people do conceive this way, for lots of different reasons.

Good luck!!

Why can’t people reading this understand that the op is happy as they are, and just wants advise on fertility

Each to their own, I would however suggest seeking advice from your doctor or fertility consultant rather than the judgemental MN

I’ve known couples who went for ivf because basically they didn’t have sex.

What you are proposing is the diy method many lesbian couples use. It works. Better if you can chart your ovulation etc.. to pinpoint the days.

If anybody really thinks that lack of sex is a terrible problem then you totally misunderstand relationships. Relationships go wrong or are unhappy where there is incompatibility. Very often it's because one person wants sex more than the other but that's not because sex is absolutely essential, it's just because one person can't do with out sex, or wants more.

Anyway, the OP didn't ask for advice on her sex life.

OP, many, many people conceive without having sex so you should find relevant and unjudgemental advice out there.

No problem that you don't enjoy sex, each to their own.
However, if you desperately want to be pregnant, surely it's the best way to do that? It's achieving the outcome you want, you aren't doing it for fun clearly. Pregnancy is more likely if the woman achieves orgasm too apparently - though I'm not sure how true that is!
If it's that you are genuinely repulsed by sex then I would research other methods. But honestly - if you want to be pregnant, logically you have sex. Once the jobs done you'd never have to do it again if you don't want to! Obviously if you're really uncomfortable and against it, don't do it. But you say in your op you do occasionally anyway, so I really don't get why it's any different - surely you're more spurred on by wanting a baby?

Hi i got pregnant at 39 (twice, one mc) having sex once a month. I took ovulation tests but following them didn't result in pregnancy. In hindsight that makes sense, it meant we were dtd too late, after I ovulated. What did work was vague knowledge of fertile window and having sex because I felt like it.

I am not at all woo but I think your body/ hormones know.

So I'd say dont try and overplan but just be open to the possibility.

You should probably get him to put a ring on your finger first tho op. It will give you better protection if you break up on the future. Isn't that the MN mantra anyway?

Best of luck