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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

37 and regret not trying for baby earlier

55 replies

Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 00:18

Hi ladies.

This is my first time posting here or perhaps on any online forum. I’ve been wanting to discuss my feelings (of regret) but not sure if I was ready to do so with my friends or family. Perhaps avoiding the “I told you so...” type comments or a look of pity or energy filled with pressure to have a baby NOW (as if it were a button one could press).

Speaking of which... I foolishly thought (or convinced myself) that it was that easy, like a button I would press whenever I wanted to have a baby. Of course, reality is not like that...

My husband (42) and I have been married for 5 years and always knew we wanted kids but kept putting it off as husband was building career and travelled a lot for work... and yes we wanted to enjoy our time solo, together alone just the two of us.

Then one day recently it’s like something happened and I realized I’m 37 (though I feel 27 inside). And it hit me... perhaps that train hasjust passed? I don’t know...

We started trying last month and I’ve been using the Clear Blue digital ovulation test (pink ones) which has never shown me that smiley face. Yet we tried within the predicted fertility window, only for me to get my period 3 days ago. Sigh.

I know at my age I can’t expect to get pregnant within a month or two or even six...

I was at the Gyno back in June and he did an ultrasound and all seemed well. Asked me to start trying and come back in October if nothing happened. But we never started trying until January 2020. So much wasted time... I can blame it on covid and before covid on other circumstances or choices we have made, but then what?

Then I find myself in this vicious cycle of blaming myself all day and night long, this voice in my head that perhaps if we had tried in 2016 or 2017 we’d have a baby or two by now... too little too late.

Sorry if that was a bit too long and thank you for whoever has taken the time to read this. Makes me feel heard and less alone.

OP posts:
pawivy · 26/01/2021 01:40

A sort of different tale here.

Married 2004 and started trying then. Spent years having miscarriage after miscarriage and even two failed rounds of IVF thrown in.

We were discharged 2017 with unexplained infertility.

2018 I fell pregnant with Dd age 37 and along she came.

2020 mid pandemic I realised my period was late and December arrived dd2 age 39.

So I suppose what I'm saying is I spent years worrying and trying and have two in later life. So don't waste energy worrying about what you didn't do, sometimes what happens happens.

Just look to the future and what you are doing now and see where you end up.

Remaker · 26/01/2021 01:34

I got engaged at 33, married at 35 and didn’t start trying for a baby until 37. So many people told me I’d left it too late, wasted time etc. I think we started trying in March and my GP said give it 6 mths and then I’ll refer you. I made the appointment with a fertility specialist in October and had to cancel it a couple of weeks later because I was pregnant. It took me no longer than most of my friends who had babies in their early 30s. And by the time my first turned one I was already 3 months pregnant with #2. Had them both before I turned 40.

The past is the past and you had your reasons. Just focus on the present and doing what you have control over now. All the best.

Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 01:33

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.

First congrats on your pregnancy and at 38/39. That’s just beautiful. How many weeks now?

I love reading such stories of women getting pregnant in their late 30s and early 40s as they are very inspiring.

It would be a blessing if we get pregnant soon with as little trouble and complications as possible. My issue is not only fear of not being able to conceive but also regret over what we should’ve / could’ve done a few years back ... trying for a baby when time was on our side. The what if’s and could haves... if you know what I mean.

Many hugs back x

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 26/01/2021 01:22

@Twelvestars I hear you, I had my first ivf cycle last year at the age of 42 (solo, as I now can’t afford to wait for the right relationship any more). But you have to find a way to stop blaming yourself for decisions you made in the past, which were right for you at the time. Beating yourself up about things you can’t change will keep you in a state of stress which isn’t good for your brain or your body.
What can you do to let it go and focus on the present and future instead of the past? There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to do this naturally, plenty of other women have. However some have also struggled . Will your GP do a blood test to check your AMH level so you can get an idea of your ovarian reserve? I can recommend ’It Starts With the Egg’ to read for tips on improving egg quality.

Mochatatts · 26/01/2021 01:08

Evening,

I obviously don't know the ins and outs of you and your partners abilities in regards to conception.
I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd, conceived immediately after coming off the pill last year at age 38 (now 39) I have 2 older children 13 and 9 and OH has 2 aged 11 and 9. So its not impossible to get pregnant at our age.
My OH doesn't have the healthiest lifestyle either. He's a smoker, likes a few beers after work, avoids fruit and veg, usually works 60+ hours a week as a chef. So on paper not the best chance of conceiving but it still happened.
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you both. Sending hugs x