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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

37 and regret not trying for baby earlier

55 replies

Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 00:18

Hi ladies.

This is my first time posting here or perhaps on any online forum. I’ve been wanting to discuss my feelings (of regret) but not sure if I was ready to do so with my friends or family. Perhaps avoiding the “I told you so...” type comments or a look of pity or energy filled with pressure to have a baby NOW (as if it were a button one could press).

Speaking of which... I foolishly thought (or convinced myself) that it was that easy, like a button I would press whenever I wanted to have a baby. Of course, reality is not like that...

My husband (42) and I have been married for 5 years and always knew we wanted kids but kept putting it off as husband was building career and travelled a lot for work... and yes we wanted to enjoy our time solo, together alone just the two of us.

Then one day recently it’s like something happened and I realized I’m 37 (though I feel 27 inside). And it hit me... perhaps that train hasjust passed? I don’t know...

We started trying last month and I’ve been using the Clear Blue digital ovulation test (pink ones) which has never shown me that smiley face. Yet we tried within the predicted fertility window, only for me to get my period 3 days ago. Sigh.

I know at my age I can’t expect to get pregnant within a month or two or even six...

I was at the Gyno back in June and he did an ultrasound and all seemed well. Asked me to start trying and come back in October if nothing happened. But we never started trying until January 2020. So much wasted time... I can blame it on covid and before covid on other circumstances or choices we have made, but then what?

Then I find myself in this vicious cycle of blaming myself all day and night long, this voice in my head that perhaps if we had tried in 2016 or 2017 we’d have a baby or two by now... too little too late.

Sorry if that was a bit too long and thank you for whoever has taken the time to read this. Makes me feel heard and less alone.

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AvaLJohnson · 05/02/2025 10:45

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laidir · 04/02/2025 23:39

@Glitter2707 Yes, DP was reluctant for the past couple of years, but I think my explanations of our biological clocks finally got through to him recently lol!!
My DD was unplanned I think, I was 17 and it was so long ago I can't really remember!. I met DP when DD was about 2, and our DS was planned, but it did take around 6 months of very regular dtd as I remember it, and we were 21 and 29 then. Now 37 and nearly 46!
I am glad to hear that you also got your peak this month (: (:. Whcih OPKs did you use? I am using easy at home xx

Glitter2707 · 04/02/2025 23:26

@laidir my hubby is almost 44, so also similar. Took a long time to convince him to have another go, ha!
did you manage to conceive fairly easily with your older children? Mine were both when we’d only dtd once in the month & I thought at the wrong time, guess not! i don’t have pcos but I know that can make things more complex.
yes peak was this month, first time I’ve used OPKs, I am currently 4DPO and already impatient 😄that’s great news that you got a positive OPK, fingers crossed! X

laidir · 04/02/2025 23:17

Hi @Glitter2707, yeah it does seem we are in a similar situation. I'm 37.5 (nearly) and I have PCOS, and DP is nearly 46. We have a DS who is 15 together and I have a DD who is 19. I've been broody since about age 34, but we finally decided to try last month for a last baby and totally missed ovulation I think. I've also been giving opk a go since CD9 this cycle, and I finally got a positive (went from 0.17 - 0.3 all month until yesterday, to 0.7 this am, then 0.88, then 1.05 this afternoon on premom) today at CD21 😊😊. My cycles have been 29-39 days in the past 6 months, but I am having some perimeno symptoms as well, or changes.
Was your peak this month? Wondering why I am (potentially) ovulating so late, is there a problem etc, it feels like such a minefield in comparison to when time was way more on our side!! Thanks and I agree that keeping testing is the key, last month I gave up testing but think I ovulated around CD23 and we didn't dtd around it.

Glitter2707 · 04/02/2025 22:51

laidir · 02/02/2025 14:48

I agree, thank you for coming back to update. I am currently 37, and I'm blessed to have 2 children already but when I was very young so they are now 19 and 15. It has taken us until 2 months ago to decide about trying for a third, and I've been really sad in case I've left it too late. DP is older than me too, and I also have PCOS and this month I'm on CD19 and still ovulation tests are negative.
Can I ask @Twelvestars did you ever get a positive on the ovulation testing? and congrats xx

Hi Laidir,

Im in a similar situation to you - I’m 38, have two daughters age 10 and 8 and thinking about adding another before I definitely can’t any longer…
I have been giving opk a go, mine were consistently low (Premom says around 0.2) until randomly got a peak on CD15 of 1.19 - so I would recommend keeping going. It helps you to understand your cycles better for sure. Wishing you lots of luck x

sel2223 · 03/02/2025 05:52

I love that you came back and updated this thread, congratulations on your beautiful little family!

I truly believe that things happen for a reason and at the exact time that they are meant to happen. I had my first DD at 37 and now coming up to 33 weeks with DD2 at 42 years old! I wouldn't change the timing for anything.

laidir · 02/02/2025 14:48

I agree, thank you for coming back to update. I am currently 37, and I'm blessed to have 2 children already but when I was very young so they are now 19 and 15. It has taken us until 2 months ago to decide about trying for a third, and I've been really sad in case I've left it too late. DP is older than me too, and I also have PCOS and this month I'm on CD19 and still ovulation tests are negative.
Can I ask @Twelvestars did you ever get a positive on the ovulation testing? and congrats xx

Marvelftw · 02/02/2025 09:49

Thank you for coming back to update @Twelvestars I find these types of posts where people have worries but then were successful in the end so incredibly uplifting!

Original poster
Twelvestars · 02/02/2025 02:47

It has been 4 years since this post. I really truly thought that I wouldn’t be able to conceive. But I have. And naturally and with little effort. Each conceived probably around the 3rd or 4th month of trying. Two beautiful boys. A naughty smart ass 3 year old and the youngest a week old currently breastfeeding as I write this. I am 41 years old.

There is hope… it’s never too late. This is for any woman feeling down or defeated or like it’s her fault. You are perfect just the way you are and what is meant to be will be.

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KatRee · 23/05/2021 10:52

@Twelvestars I know this is an old thread, but just wanted to say thanks for it- I really relate to the feelings and situation you described and reading through all the responses and positive stories has given me so much hope this morning. Hope you're doing well x

Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 14:18

@Flutterby8 Hey! Reading your post was like almost reading about me and hubby. We fell in love and got married within 7 months and in the past 5 years bought a house, focused on career, travelled the world, built so many memories, unforgettable nights out and laughs with friends....

And then suddenly one day I awoke and realized that I was 37. What’s even funnier is that my husband wasn’t aware of the fact that he’s also 42 cause he wanted us to wait a few more months to see what happens with the whole covid-19 situation! I was like “hey, we are not getting any younger and though we feel young at heart, our reproductive systems are not so young LET’S GET ON IT!”

Anyways, what you and all the lovely women here have been saying about shaking off the regret, moving forward rather than looking back, it all makes sense and it’s what should be done! But it’s sometimes not that straightforward. I am trying to come to terms with my choices of delaying motherhood... and it’s a bit bumpy.

Bless your relationship with your husband because as you said, while you delayed your parenthood plans, you still had the time and years to build your connection and intensify it. And that is worth everything.

Goodluck with the baby plans. I don’t know how one can keep in touch with the women here but I would love to know how it all pans out! X

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 14:11

@Mochatatts I am glad you tried and it paid off! Congrats in advance as I understand you’re due very soon.

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:27

@AfterEightAnyTime this is so true and hits home what you said “you can't go forward if you're always looking back”

Good luck and with this positive mindset that you have I am sure it will work out for both of you 🙏🏻

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MyDcAreMarvel · 26/01/2021 13:27

@Twelvestars 37 is not that old ,you are more likely to conceive that not within a year. The best thing you can buy is this book and these supplements.

37 and regret not trying for baby earlier
37 and regret not trying for baby earlier
Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:25

@mummaminnie this is another story that fills my heart with joy! I am so happy for you ❤️

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namechangefail2020 · 26/01/2021 13:25

Ok, take a step back. Nothing bad has happened yet. I got pregnant with my first at 36 had a miscarriage and the next was 37, fell after 4 months. Second baby I was 39 and took 10 months but here I am now with 2 babies, almost 40 and no regrets. Keep going, try and be positive until you have a reason not to be. Good luck with it all. If you want some advice (sorry if you don't) I used SMEP method after 9 months of trying and fell on the 10th with that so give it a go :-)

Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:24

@zafferana I know I should let it go... I know that but sometimes it’s very difficult. I go through ups and downs in one day.

Anyways I’m doing all I can in terms of vitamins and going back to exercise as of today.

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KleineDracheKokosnuss · 26/01/2021 13:23

My SIL has her first at 40 and second at 43. If the obgyn doesn’t see any issues, just keep trying.

I won’t lie, it can take a long time. It took three years for us to get DD1. But for dd2 it was only 4 months of attempts.

Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:21

@lottiegarbanzo yes you’re right and speaking of stats, I just shared a link to an article that I found very interesting in that it sheds light on how outdated much of the fertility stats are for women. Here it is:

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?single_page=true

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:19

@SweetShopSurprise I feel your angst... I went through phases of intensely wanting babies to vehemently not wanting them and just wanting to live my life but also worried about bringing children into this world. I don’t know...

Anyways I hope you don’t have endometriosis or anything serious that might impede your quest for motherhood. The fact you’re 33 (34 soon) is very hopeful and your chances should be fairly good and if there’s anything wrong, you have enough time to investigate and mitigate.

All the best to you x

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Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 26/01/2021 13:14

@Twelvestars

Do not despair
I had my babies at 36 and 39

Just be patient and let it happen and I'd say give it at least a year

X

Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:14

@Aozora13 yes the stats are kind of misleading...

This article I found particularly insightful on the stats and how outdated they’ve been. It puts things in perspective regarding 35+ women trying or wanting to try for babies. Based on this, prospects are not so bleak after all.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?single_page=true

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:10

@samandpoppysmummy yay that’s amazing! Bless your little ones

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:09

@SoEverybodyDance you’re right... 37 is late and I know it and that’s why I’ve been beating myself up. I feel that I wasted precious time when I could’ve been more proactive. I just kept postponing this with excuse after excuse until it hit me that I’m 37! I have yet to come to terms with this number as I truly feel much younger inside and when I look in the mirror. It’s kind of like my mirror kind of tricked me into this false sense of safety.

I feel this forum will help me a lot connect with women of similar circumstances/experiences. And I will keep positive as you said... congrats on your DC ❤️

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Original poster
Twelvestars · 26/01/2021 13:05

@honkytonkheroe I have PCOS too but very regular periods and have been going to the Gyno regularly for checkups and blood tests. So like you said, if you did it then perhaps I have hope! Congrats I am very happy for you!

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