Yogurt pot yuppies, sexy basters and UFO discs - part 3

@Makingnumber2 I hope the hours won’t go by too slowly for you, I honestly cannot imagine what you’re going through and I think you’re being really brave. Sorry to hear your bad dreams and lack of sleep. I hope today is ok for you and really look after yourself 💚

I’m ok thanks, tough night last night talking with husband and I need to stop going over the past and what ifs, it’s not doing me any good really as what’s done is done and I didn’t start trying sooner.

@Janefx40 thank you so, so much for that. Crying again, what an emotional period I’m having! That’s actually really calming to read, thank you ever so much. I had a hissy fit last night saying the same thing, it’s hard because blood test wise they looked good and I’m not sure is the problem infertility as such, prob just older eggs?
Because our tests came back ok it gave me a bigger reason to say ‘it’s not fair’ but tbh there could be an issue with my eggs or it could just be a case of it would happen naturally in a few months. But we can’t keep waiting and doing this with no pregnancy every month.

I know this sounds bad but on top of health anxiety I already feel really embarrassed at knowing I’m going to be having invasive tests and them seeing and probing into my vagina. I know they see it every day but I already feel myself dreading it 🙁

Hi @Sydney1986x thanks for your message! If it had been another chemical I would have definitely tried again this cycle but because it got further than that, I’m thinking to take just a month off. I may change my mind if at the scan they tell me there’s no medical reason to wait.

Thanks @Makingnumber2 and I’m sorry you’re going through this uncertainty. I hope the next 24 hours go by very quickly for you!

Hi @Janefx40 I remember you from the 35+ TTC #1 thread from a couple of years ago. Those ladies were a great support network.

Hi Ladies. I missed you all!

@eloiseislost congratulations. Was so pleased to see your news

Congrats to everyone else who has a BFP

It's been about 6 weeks since I last posted. I came off Mumsnet because we'd had some devastating results about DPs sperm which basically said we were infertile. Anyway turns out those tests were wrong!! It's a long story and I won't bore you but bottom line is, his sperm are fine! So 2-3 months of stress for nothing.

@Makingnumber2 I'm sorry you've been through so much since I last posted. I'm not surprised you are finding today hard as you wait for your scan. The waiting is horrendous. I have been in a similar position. The only thing to do is to be as nice to yourself as possible and wait for the time to pass. Will be thinking of you.

@Oilyoilyoilgob I totally hear you. I started TTC at 39. Ended up doing IVF at 40/41. I was horrified at the thought of needing treatment. I even had a full on tantrum on the way to the clinic "this isn't how I want to have my baby". But it isn't that bad. Actually it's kind of amazing. After so much time of worrying about your fertility and Googling information about things, you get to be cared for by this massive team of professionals who are all working towards giving you a baby. What you're feeling is totally normal and hopefully you won't need extra help. But if you do, it will be ok

Xxx

Great news about your DH feeling better and you being able to move the wedding date to July @Sydney1986x! Really pleased for you and hope the rearranging of things with suppliers isn't too stressful or arduous!

How are you doing today @Oilyoilyoilgob? Thinking of you x

Welcome @birdbybird! Hope this thread can be of use and support to you in your TTC quest for number 2

Sending baby dust your way @Carol1980 and hope AF doesn't show!

I went to my midwife appointment yesterday- she was very very lovely and booked me in, but didn't seem keen to refer me direct to EPU because I've had no cramping or bleeding- so that was a bit of a pain. She said go back for the private re-scan Thursday and then contact her Friday as to whether things are looking good or not. She said if they aren't I will have to ring and refer myself to the EPU. 32 hours to go until the scan and I have been up since 4.30am and now don't know know I'm going to get through work today! I kept having horrible repetitive dreams all night of going for the scan and it was horrible news and then had to let work know and kept re-drafting and re-drafting this email to people at work. Will keep you guys posted. On the scan that is not my boring stress dreams

Good luck with your appointments ladies ❤️

Such amazing news to hear of the babies cooking away in the ladies who have commented ❤️ wishing you all a happy a safe pregnancy x

Update for me......so last period I ended up testing for ovulation on my usual days, usually cs6 as I have such a short cycle ( betweeen 25/27 days)
I got the static smiley last month at 9dpo !! Straight from nothing to static smiley ! No flashing at all, so hubby and I only managed 1 SI in feb !

So due to me apparently ovulating about cd10I'm sitting at 14dpo today and negative tests but my AF isn't due for a few days yet, this has been the longest I've ever had to wait !

I'm actually feeling quite crappy though, joint pain, some little hot flushes, insomnia from hell last night, sore boobs at the sides.......🤷‍♀️

I met my donor yesterday and Sunday so am in the dreaded TWW. It's such an emotional rollercoaster of hope and despair but it's good to be back in the hope phase. NHS fertility phone appointment tomorrow so I'll see what they say and if they offer any advice.

@Oilyoiloilgob bless you, I do hope things start to get easier for you soon, you’ve had such a rough time recently from what I’ve read on here. Good luck with the phone apt and keep us updated, sometimes when investigations start there’s a subconscious release of pressure and people do fall pregnant ‘naturally’ as they know they are feeling heard by medical staff/ health professionals. I think it’s ok and valid for us both to feel angry and I can’t wait for the day we will all be able to announce our BFP’s on here 😍

You’re not dragging the thread down at all, we have all felt like you and there could be someone lurking on this thread who hasn’t quite got the courage to post yet but feels everything you are saying and it’s a comfort.

Thank you and best of luck to you too for this months SI. For now; look after yourself, have a glass of your fave drink and comfort yourself. You deserve it, fellow essay writer 🤣

Hi @birdbybird welcome 😊! I echo what PP has said re some might get damaged in the process.. I hear waiting for the sperm to liquify helps and less damaged caused when using the syringe and obviously pressing gently to release the sperm from the syringe too.

A few have been successful using the soft cups and the sperm being deposited straight into the cup and then put inside - this seems a less problematic way too but I suppose it’s down to personal preference and as we know it only takes one ✨!

I am sorry to hear you have had a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage, I had no idea how often this occurs in early pregnancy since reading this thread. I hope you’re ok. I have heard too that trying right after an MC apparently increases chances but again it’s personal choice and listen to your body. xx

Hi @bitheby thanks for replying.
As for BFPs that stick...amen to that!
I still have light bleeding from the miscarriage.... I’m telling myself (after two consecutive early losses) to take a break this cycle. The other part of me is impatient. I haven’t yet gone for a scan yet to make sure everything is out!
I hope you have an easier time with your donor in the upcoming cycle.

@birdbybird

What I mean is, anyone know if sperm can get damaged.... I guess I’m asking an unanswerable question, plus my eggs are obviously not what they used to be.

Hi. I don't know but I have also conceived twice using self insemination and I would imagine that whilst some sperm get damaged by the method, it takes a healthy, strong sperm to make it to the Fallopian tube and be first to fertilise the egg and I wouldn't have thought a damaged sperm would have the best chance of doing that. Lots of early pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage, which does increase as we get older. I'm over 40 too.

Fingers crossed we both get BFPs that stick soon.

@Sydney1986x thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I really appreciate it and found myself nodding and crying through it.
My symptoms were all there, I didn’t even have my normal pmt anger and extreme hunger. Just feels like such a shitty trick.

The phone appt is the 19th so by then we’ll be doing SI for this month but like you I feel upset and angry it may come to this. Especially as I so naively thought I’d be pregnant by now.

When the first lockdown started and I had to shut my business I said to my husband ‘I’ll hopefully be pregnant this year so it won’t be as worrisome if I need to have less clients’ now we are talking about ivf which weirdly just feels a shock and a path I didn’t think I’d ever even need to think about.
I don’t want hormones or injections or procedures, I just want to get pregnant naturally without having to go through that to get there. Like I said I’m venting and I’m so sorry to everyone to drag the thread down but this journey and conception in general is much harder than I could’ve ever imagined at the start.

I’m really sorry to read about the faff with the chlamydia tests, hopefully this one will be sorted quickly! That’s fantastic on your weight loss, well done.
I’m so happy to read your husband is better and you've got your new wedding day sorted-what a bloody productive few days you’re having! Wishing you all my very best wishes for you ovulation and SI.

Totally agree on the ladies you’ve tagged, thinking of you all and was it Mrs Kins bloods today? Hope everyone who has been away from the thread is ok xx

P.s I love an essay too, several of them 😳

What I mean is, anyone know if sperm can get damaged.... I guess I’m asking an unanswerable question, plus my eggs are obviously not what they used to be.

Hello, My first post here.
I’m 40 and TTC #2.
I’ve had two positives in two consecutive cycles since starting self insemination. So 100% conception success rate so far.
Unfortunately, the first was a chemical pregnancy, and the second a miscarriage at 8 weeks (only measuring 6.5 and heartbeat gone). I’m just getting over the second miscarriage now :( .
The self insemination works much better for me as I suffer from vaginismus plus hard to get in the mood with a 15 month old waking up at the slightest noise. But I’m wondering if we damaged the sperm and that caused the 2 losses. Anyone know?
We use syringe and I’ve not used the soft disc method.

Sorry, I love an essay

Congrats @comebackqueen your post about your dad in your dream made me cry! my gran always shows up in my dreams when I need her or a white feather appears. That’s so amazing and I’m so happy for you.

Thinking of you today @makingnumber2 good luck lovely!

@oilyoiloilgob Dont you dare apologise, you say how you feel and what is going on.. we are all here for you. TTC and especially our methods is a lonely and isolating place, keep sharing. I am so so sorry it seems like AF showed her ugly face. Your symptoms sounded so promising and I hate the way our bodies trick us so much, it’s so cruel! I wish I could give you a big hug and a massive glass of vino.

Your post resonates with me so much because sometimes I think why didn’t I start sooner, ‘why me’ etc but there is no wrong or right answer or no wrong or right way to feel about this. I feel angry and bitter I have to go through further testing when everyone around me in life seems to fall pregnant easily.

Get the ball rolling with the GP apt, it could be a positive and validating experience. Sending so much love x

On another note there’s loads of people we haven’t heard from @primeosechill hope you’re ok? @Bizawit how are you? @Remembermee @MrsKin90 ? And everyone else... hope you are all ok!!

As for me... I am on CD14 no sign of ovulation. SI last night and will daily until Ovulation and thereafter. Used the conceive plus lube instead of pre- seed what are peoples views on conceive plus? I’ve read good things online. I’ve tried to persevere with the Ferti-lily again, I popped in after sterilising and seemed softer and easier to put in.

Hubby to be is better, we finally have our postponement date sorted for July which is a huge relief. Lots to sort again with suppliers.

I received another letter from the fertility clinic and consultant, a letter to the GP copying me in... it asked for my BMI and my chlamydia results. Well I’ve lost weight since the last time I was weighed there so hoping they won’t change their mind based on my old BMI. As for the chlamydia test that was an absolute embarrassment, last May I sent about 93739 urine samples and swabs, each time the receptionist told me it was wrong or lost so I gave up. I’ve ordered a private one from Lloyds pharmacy and hopefully that will suffice as cannot deal with the faff and humiliation again. I hope to laugh and make light of all this one day but honestly, it’s such a stressful and sad process this journey.

Xx

Ah @oilyoilyoilgob so sorry to read that. Absolutely cry, get mad, and do whatever you need to to get through af rearing her ugly head!

Having a plan to discuss options with your GP definitely sounds wise. It's absolutely not fair that you might have to go down the treatment route, bit hopefully if you do, it's short and successful. I'm also sending you a big virtual hug! X

Thanks ladies, god I’m crying again I’ve literally not stopped today and the last couple of weeks.

I am really sorry because I know people are going through potential losses. I’m very sorry to write a moaning post 😞
@Makingnumber2 thank you and I’d love a hug, I’ll give you a virtual one too. I hope you are ok 💚

@Bluey18 thank you and yes that’s how I feel ‘why should I have to’ which is why i feel so petulant and unreasonable even thinking it. I guess I’m scared of the mental and physical repercussions (my cousin has a few rounds and it didn’t work, she had one ectopic pregnancy on her last round) it just feels like it’s then very final for that step.

It doesn’t help that in my head I in no way feel 39, but my body obviously does ☹️ I do wish now I’d have started sooner. I was horrible to my husband this morning blaming our house (we had huge, extensive renovation which looking back we shouldn’t have lived in, so I didn’t want to be pregnant among that utter chaos) then other things like us both having new businesses but now I’m just absolutely kicking myself for not thinking ‘no time is the perfect time’ and just at least trying. I very rarely feel jealousy but the jealousy I felt today was at 100% seeing baby bumps and pram pushing.

Sorry for being gloomy and moaning. I’m just utterly tired and fed up of it. Got a telephone consultation with GP for a call together so we can chat about options for the middle of this month. That’ll give us this month to do an SI cycle.

@Oilyoilyoilgob, I wish I could give you a big hug. You are not bringing the thread down, don't ever think that. It isn't fair. I know every woman on this thread would make a fantastic mum. I know many of us have been trying a long, long time. Like you, I feel so resistant to going down the fertility treatment path because I feel why should I have to? I should be able to fall naturally. But I'm starting to come round and maybe in a few months you will be very glad you started that process now.

@Makingnumber2 thinking of you today xx

Oh @Oilyoilyoilgob I'm so sorry. Sending you a massive hug. I was really hopeful for you this cycle too- our bodies can be so cruel. Just cry and be pissed off and angry as much as you need- when AF shows it is absolutely crushing when you want that BFP so much.
I think it's a good idea to call GP too.
You are currently doing everything you possibly can to achieve the BFP you want- you cannot do more than you are, so please remember that. Also- you are not bringing the thread down at all- sadly AFs and MCs etc. are part of this journey and not everything can be rainbows and BFPs. We are always here for you when you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on. Sending lots of love xxx

Thanks @Birchybirch- you ladies really are all so wonderful and supportive x

Well I’ve had some brown as I wiped after a wee today, and cramping. Looks like I’m my period is coming. Again.

Sorry, I know we’ve have lots of lovely BFPs recently and the thread has had a lot of happiness so I’ll be bringing this down by saying-I’m down, can’t stop crying in the car today running errands and it’s actually been painful seeing pregnant ladies/babies/people pushing prams today 😞
With my symptoms for the first time I dared to hope and had told myself I could be pregnant. As a lot of you ladies know me enough by now that I don’t poas early or symptom watch so I was pretty sure with symptoms I was getting.

I’m going to ring for a GP appointment so we can discuss with her as a couple what the next steps could be and I’ll get my blood test results. I know this will sound so petulant but I just want to get pregnant naturally, I don’t drink or smoke, weight coming off and only just over normal bmi. Coming up to 40 so that’s against me but just this one thing. That’s all I’m asking for.

Sorry to drag thread down. This journey is so hard and I bitterly regret not starting sooner.

@Makingnumber2 I'm thinking of you today. I echo what others have said, please don't ever think your wasting the nhs' time as you're really not! X

Thank you @eloiseislost and @Oilyoilyoilgob I appreciate that

@Makingnumber2 I echo what @eloiseislost has said-don’t ever feel that your wasting anyone’s time in regards to your medical appointments, especially at a time like this for you.

Thinking of you, take care for tomorrow xx

@ComebackQueen it's the same in my area too. I needed the GP to give me a folic acid prescription though for 5mg as I am pretty sure my BMI is 30 atm (embarrassingly). So not sure if that is applicable for you but thought I would mention So lovely for your husband too to get that confidence boost about his swimmers!

I have my 8week midwife booking appmt tomorrow- weird one that will be. I'll be bringing my lovely empty sac scan pic along in the hope of getting her to refer me to EPU. Hope midwife is nice and not cross I've still turned up and thinks I'm wasting her time.