Will he ever want a baby?

He’s only 28, it’s very clear he doesn’t want a baby at all and likely won’t for a long time. If you want to be a young mum the relationship has to end and you have to find someone who wants what you want.

How does he feel about getting married? That would be my first concern before having a baby, honestly.

You’ve been with him five years. I can understand why you want to take the next stage, and I don’t think 25 is too young (before 2000, average age of first time mums was 26 and under).

I think you need a time-frame also. For us, it was when we moved into a new house and then paid of the car loan. It needs to be something you both agree on.

If he is vague, and non-comittal, then that could be a deal-breaker.

I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t just leave?

Well, you haven't either.

It's your life, what's stopping you taking control and making a decision? You're not helpless here.

First off, having children is one of those things you have to be absolutely certain you are doing the right thing. Also, for various reasons regarding security and support you really should be married, unless you are independently wealthy or hold significant assets in your name. That's a big deal all round and you need your partner to share that vision and engage with you willingly. If, for whatever reason, he seems reluctant then I wouldn't start playing games or being creative about it. Be clear and honest with him. Tell him how you feel and your vision and view of the future for both of you. You can then make a decision form there.

Fuck him off op, you're wasting your time.

Just think you could find an awesome bloke in the next few years.

Also get married before you all pregnant!

Hey lovely
I've been in a similar situation for a few years myself, only recently started TTC so I understand how stressful and urgent it can feel! I think communication with your partner is the most important thing to help reduce your anxiety, it might be helpful to establish:

• does he envision himself with children in the future
• if he feels like he does but hes not ready yet, how will he know when hes ready? Has he thought about what it might look like or feel like?
• is there anything in particular that really puts him off or scares him (for example for my partner it was worries about finances and not owning our own home before having a baby etc)

And most importantly - does he know how strongly you feel about it and that it's at the point you would consider ending the relationship if he doesnt actually really want children?

It's difficult because I never wanted to pressure my partner into having kids before he was ready, because its such a massive thing! But for me in the few years we held off it really helped to have a vague timescale (eg. We will try in a few years once we're both earning a regular wage) and something to work towards!

Also it's been said before and I know it doesnt really help but please be reassured 25 is still super young and you have plenty of time!

Wishing you all the best 💖

Before baby make sure you have a commitment such as marriage. There is a thread on relationships where even after 3 children the man won't marry. Upshot the woman is extremely vulnerable.

25 is still young however the fact that you and him can't plan or talk about this properly suggests you don't have the right foundation. For that reason I think you should consider if he is the right man for you.

We now know adult brains continue to develop until late 20s so you have a few more years left to grow and change. Don't settle for this man, just because you have been together a long time.

[quote Genevive123]@FippertyGibbett yes maybe you’re right, that’s what I’m getting from it .. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t just leave?[/quote]
Because he’s happy with the situation except for your occasional nagging about a baby.
Do you cook, clean, sex etc ? If so he’s comfortable and will string you along as long as he can.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want kids yet. You are both still young.

It's quite normal for a 28 year old man to not be ready for a baby. DH certainly wasn't. We had our first when I was 32 and he was 36.

I have been in this exact same situation OP. With my ex boyfriend we were together for 5 years and he knew that having children was top of my agenda after we'd been together for a few years. Anytime I would bring up having a baby he would say that I was pressuring him. One day I spoke to him about children just in general, I didnt even want babies at that very moment in time I just wanted to know when he thought he'd be ready and what his feelings were on the situation, but he always said I don't know I don't know you're pushing me stop pressuring me I don't want to talk about it. He told me early on in the relationship he really wanted children so waiting a few years didn't bother me. But it got to the point, same as you where I would be scared to even bring the topic up because he'd escalate it into a massive row. It should never be like that you should be able to speak to your partner openly about what you want in your future, especially after being with him for 5 years. My advice is, sit down and talk to him, tell him how he is making you feel. If he acts like a big baby and kicks up a fuss and won't give you any answers THEN DROP HIM SO HARD TO THE KERB, YOU CAN DO BETTER! He is wasting your sweet time.

I know it's hard. I hope you get what you want hunni xxx

I would leave him now and focus on yourself, your career and your finances whilst you explore other relationships.

Your really young. I’d concentrate on your career and the other aspects of your life that are going well. To be this desperate for a child at 25 points to some delicate issues somewhere. I understand how painful a loss can be but wanting to conceive shouldn’t be taking over your life at this age.

Maybe he doesn’t want them with you.
Do not waste your fertile years on a man that can’t make a decision.

If you want a child now your only choice is to leave and find someone else to have a child with. I don’t know many 25 year olds desperate for children.

Is your life lacking in other areas?