Will he ever want a baby?

'I want my children to be at the wedding' .... why? If you go ahead and have a baby with this man without being married at least make sure all the legal responsibilities are properly taken care of.

@Genevive123 no problem hunni, I defo agree with @Miseryl our bodies are defo made for pregnancy in our 20s. Please let us know how you get on, feel free to PM me if you fancy a chat xx

You say you want your children at your wedding but you haven't had children yet to be able to base that decision on any real experience.....personally I wanted a man to marry me for ME not because I was the mother of his children and was "expected"

If you end the relationship it could still take you 5 years to meet someone and form a stable enough relationship to consider having kids

If you love THIS man then you need to exercise some form of patience - 25 is still young - I suffered terrible infertility problems and would normally advise women to get on with it....if they were 30 plus....but you're not.

Sit him down and agree some form of timeline that you are both comfortable with? And what you both want in place before feeling ready for children? Is it marriage or is it buying a house etc, or is it an age. Make it clear that you won't put up with him dragging his heels once you've met the timeline and the then consequences 🤷‍♀️ that way there is no ambiguity in what either of your expectations are

@Genevive123 I really did struggle not to want to constantly ask him, I really wasn't very fair a lot of the time! I had said by the time he was 30 I needed to know for certain as its not something I can ignore and I would need time to start over.. I do hope your DP makes the right decision

Imagine you leave him, how long do you think it will take you get over him, find someone else suitable that you adore and want to spend forever with and settle down with him until he feels the same? You are talking years.

Is it worth throwing away a good man because he is not ready?

If he said he didn't went any, I would say leave you need to start again. However if it is on the cards for him I would be patient if it meant I got the man and the family.

Put a time frame on it and then enjoy your time together until then. 25 is young. I was married at 21 and thought I knew what I wanted and kids was high up there. Before I knew it I was divorced and I'm only pregnant now at 37 with my first.

If you leave him who knows how many unfulfilled years you may have ahead of you.

Just don't be hasty, talking from experience.

@Genevive123 I read your post and honestly thought I could have typed that out myself when I was with my ex. It's so frustrating isn't it. It's like you don't want to push them, but you'd think at 28 they'd somewhat know what they'd want in their future. It honestly sounds like he's gotten very comfortable with your arrangement and he's somewhat dangling you by a thread because he knows you won't leave which isn't fair, considering you've made your feelings quite clear. Like maybe he's just being a typical bloke and hasn't quite grasped that you're really serious about this. I do hope he'll listen to you, I know how distraught you must feel. Just remember you should never feel guilty about wanting to have children, you should never feel guilty about bringing the topic up, he is your partner of 5 years he should not make you feel bad for wanting to be a mother. He hasn't even given you a time frame so he just expects you to wait and hope for the best? That is not on at all.

I honestly stayed with my ex longer than I should have because I thought well I've been with him a long time it'll happen eventually, but it never did. What hurt the most is that he'd laugh at home with his family saying pfft I'll never have kids but then on the other hand would say to me that he definitely wanted them. There was so many mixed messages. Needless to say after 5 years we split up because he wanted an open relationship , which he told me via text message when I was at work 😒x

Good luck hunni xxx

I had my first at 25. Super difficult and had pnd.
Had my second at 30 completely different. Abs my little girl was a super big sister.
You do have plenty of time.
28 is very young for some men to be fathers.
You've both got to want this or it's unfair on the child.
If you truly love each other you will get through this. If everything else is good in your relationship then just relax about it. Desperation is not a good reason to have a baby.
At 30 there is a very good chance he may turn round and want a child.
Personally I would have gone with what ever my partner wanted child wise , but at the right time.
Will you give up work?
Go part time?
Can your partner support you all on one wage ?
Have got extended family near by who would help?
Many things to think about.
Lots of stress to put on a relationship and it's easier if you got each other's back when there's a baby involved.
I'm sure you will make an excellent mother. At 25 you have plenty of time.

[quote Genevive123]@user184628462 honestly just leave the post please. I find you rather infuriating - thank you.[/quote]
Wow, this is so rude!

@Genevive123 ideal, I think that’s fine and a lovely idea, I’ve just seen so many threads where the woman gets financially screwed it was worth flagging! :)

We were in a similar situation, I was desperate for a baby and DP didn't feel ready and was unsure if he ever would. We had a conversation and i basically said
we dont need to decide right now, but I dont want to waste years waiting around for a no. However he recently came round to it and we are now TTC! Due to a previous pregnancy the urge was really there and we have been together 7 years, due to get married in May and own our own house. We are young I'm 23 and DP is 26 however its now what we really want.
The upshot is he may change his mind, but he also may not and you might have a difficult decision

we’ve had countless arguments about the fact I’m so desperate to be a mum and him not being ready

How many times does he have to tell you no before you believe him?

You want something he doesn't want.

If you weren't ready or didn't want children, how would you feel about him badgering you and issuing ultimatums to change your mind?

The thing is, you could leave him and then still not have a baby in the next few yrs! Or you could meet someone else and they might also not be ready. Most men aren't ready in their 20's - understandably so.

I think if he's really keen to have kids in the future and you don't think he's spinning you a yarn, then I'm afraid you'll just have to wait! As others have said, 25 is relatively young. You've got plenty of time.

Sorry just seen the update please please please get married first if you’re thinking of going part time / being a SAHM or you’ll have no financial protection at all.

I had kids at 25 and 35 and our bodies are definitely designed to have kids in our 20s. Don't listen to the naysayers here. Really wish I'd had mine closer together but life doesn't work out that way.

It’s a tough one - what are his reasons? Does he just not feel ready, or does he want to get married / buy a house first?

If there’s a practical reason like that I think it makes sense, if he’s just not sure it’s more difficult.

28 is young for a man to be ready, when he pictures his future, does he want kids one day or not at all?

I think it would be worth setting time aside to have this discussion with him in a planned and calm way rather than in an argument. But I understand it's an emotive topic. I don't think the "you are too young" posts are helpful.

I had my first child at 25, second at 27. I was ready. My DH would possibly have waited, but he did want them and we went for it. But we were married, both graduated and in careers and bought our first house while pregnant. Some good points from previous posters about discussing his concerns, eg financial, and consider marriage?

All the best OP.

Hi @Genevive123 I just want to let you know that 25 is a great age to have children, I had my 2 at 21 and 24 and I was very ready to be a mum. I understand your urge to be a mum, I had it since I was 18. Advantages of having them in your 20s is that you are energetic enough to bounce through pregnancy and keep up with the demands of a newborn and toddlers ect. Because of my children I worked harder in my job, was driven to buy a beautiful home and managed to get my degree with a 5 and 2 year old to care for. We're now trying for number 3, I'm 30 and worry I'm too old. Have a chat with other half and see where his heads at, I hope it goes in your favour. And to the people saying there must be something wrong with you to need a child so young, 25 is prime age for children, what age are you supposed to have them?? When your 35 and medically classed as a geriatric mother! I know 35 year olds who couldn't care for a goldfish.