Will he ever want a baby?

It's quite bizarre that your decision making doesn't seem to factor in whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him. The world isn't full of 28 year old men running about wanting kids, it's pretty normal for lots of people but especially men not to start thinking about children until they're 30. If you have found the man you love and want to be with then talk to him about it properly. If you're too scared to bring massive issues like this up then it sounds like you would be better leaving the relationship anyway.

If you have waited 5 years for him to get ready and are now afraid to even talk to him as he will say he was almost ready but you mentioning it made him go back to square one he is telling you loud and clear he doesn't want a baby with you. He is being unfair to you stringing you along whilst he has no intention of having s child with you. If you just wanted one child you could probably wait another year. If you think you might want 2 or even 3 children then you need to accept he is not the one for you and move on. It could take you.18 months-2 years to find a new partner. A year to 18 months to find out if you are compatible. That would take you to 28-29 yes. Then you would need to get pregnant, this takes longer as you get.older and fertility reduces. It might take you 6-12 months. Then the 9 months pregnancy. So you could be 30-31 by time you have first baby. If you wanted another, possibly give it 2 years because babies tire you out. Then might take up to a year to get pregnant again. So 33-34 then 9 months pregnancy. Baby 2 when you are 34-35. If you wanted a third child you would need to get right on with do day a year after second baby try for third. It could take longer as less fertile. Pregnant by 37, baby 3 by 38. Don't waste your gentile years on a person who won't make a commitment to you. Hope you get pregnant soon.

@Genevive123 10-12 years ago I could have written this myself.
Stayed with someone for 5 years who wouldn’t commit to anything beyond renting a house together. I was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer aged 25 and it made me really ask myself what was more important and could I live without children. I realised it was never going to change so I left.
A couple of months later I met my now husband and we ttc pretty early in as he knew I had complications that would make things difficult. She’s now almost 9, we’ve moved to a beautiful country and are ttc our second.

Ultimately only you know the answer in terms of if you think it will change but I think it sounds like you already know and are wanting confirmation. Your still young enough to move on and move forward.

Good luck 💗

@eloiseislost very wise words!! One of the many reasons I chose to have my children early 20s. I'm sorry to hear you had a miscarriage, I have experienced them too. Keep going, I'm sure you will get your rainbow baby soon xxx

@Trickyboy if we all waited till we where married or millionaires there would be a very low birth rate. My dog costs more than my children on a monthly basis.

If you think a man who isn't even talking about marriage after 5 years.. and never mentions kids has the commitment for the former let alone the latter - then you are very foolish.

And ANY woman who agrees to children before marriage - without huge independent wealth that can bridge the gap between loss of earnings, pension and career progression to cover maternity and child rearing - frankly needs their head examining.

I echo @HungryHippo20, how on earth do people think they can make these assumptions? Good for you for knowing what you want! I know women have kids later in life these days but that the younger the better still applies, it's just how nature intended. Before I get stoned for saying this, I'm 34 and trying for my first. Anyway…
Here's my story: met my now DH 8 years ago when I was 26. He told me on the first date that he doesn't want kids. I was devastated but I thought I'm young, let's see how this goes. 6 years later, we were still together and we got married. He was still saying no to kids. I thought I had made my peace with never having kids but once my career developed and achieved more than I ever thought I would, my biological clock went off! It took 2 years to convince him but he is now 100% on board. He was so excited when I got a positive test in November and we were both devastated when we lost that baby in December. We started trying again immediately.
You may think I tell you this as a positive story, but it's not. Yes, men can change their minds. But you lose time waiting/trying for that to happen. I love my husband to bits but I'm 34, I've had one miscarriage and I have no idea if I will ever have a baby. If you know it in your heart that you want a baby, don't stay with someone who doesn't.
Ultimately, you will do what your heart tells you to and I wish all the best no matter which path you follow. ❤️

Hi OP just wanted to say I think it's ridiculous that people are implying there's something weird about you wanting kids at your age! Good on you for knowing, I wish I had known earlier as I'm 40 now and just about to have my first! I spent years actually thinking I didn't want kids. I also spent years with a man who told me we would get married one day. He was stringing me along and in the end I walked away. Now happily married and baby girl due in 8 weeks 🥰🥰 do what's right for you and don't have regrets. Good luck xx

Hi @Genevive123! I know exactly how you feel. We are the same age and I had a MC at 12 weeks too (sorry to hear this). But after that all you want is to become a mum and it's just heartbreaking when someone doesn't want the same. Personally though if it's bothering you that much (and believe me it was for me) then you need to have a proper chat with him and if you can't come to a compromise you need to decide which is more important to you. After almost a year of this hell for me I left, and he'd gotten someone else pregnant within a month (which obviously crushed me as I still can't conceive as having difficulties) so unfortunately we can't always rely on the other person to be honest about why they don't want a baby. I hope you get an answer either way and can make a decision for yourself. Good luck! X

I agree with @Standrewsschool A compromise timeframe of 6 months to start trying is what a lot of couples do, that way he can get his head around it, that's what I done with baby no 3... we said April this year but oh then wanted to start trying earlier after getting his head around it. And I agree with what happens if you wait 2 years and he's still not ready. Good luck hun let us know how it goes xx

I wouldn’t wait six months to see if he mentions it. I would have ‘the chat’ now and compromise on timescale. Ie. Agree not to try now, but you would like to start in six months time, your birthday, his birthday etc. That will give him time to get use to the idea. Obviously, if he says wait two years, that’s quite a long time, and what if if then he wants to delay further.

@Genevive123 😘 how are you feeling about chatting with OH? The only advice I can give on that side of things is you have been together 5 years so you must have a strong relationship, but people's wants change as you get older. Men are never great at saying yes let's do it when babies are concerned but if he wants you as his child's mum I'm sure there must be a compromise. Xx

@Genevive123 sounds like we have similar experiences! I wasn't present at my parent wedding but I have friends who have had there kids at the wedding and it's magical to share that with your whole family! My mum had years of fertility issues after having my brothers in her late 20s she then Had 10 years of failed pregnancies... I am her rainbow baby. Family is very important to me and I couldn't wait to have mine. I hope you get your little family too ❤️

@BumbleBiscuit or possibly she has different values? Was present at her parents wedding and wants to be able to share that day with her children too. Maybe she's smart enough to know that it's wise to plan a family in your 20s as no one wants to get to 35/40 and realise they have fertility issues they wouldn't have had 10 years ago. 🙄

Wanting your children who don’t yet exist at your wedding and not understanding the importance of getting married first shows that you’re probably quite naive and not ready for the responsibility of a baby.

I don’t think 25 is too young op if your financially stable, however I think you should get married before having a baby together - not because I’m old fashioned or religious but just because it grants you a degree of stability financially - often women financially take the hit when having a baby, being married just puts you in a better position legally. I’m 28 and my dh is 34, we’ve been together 7 years and we had our DS when I was 25, we had been married for a year. My DH was the one very keen to start a family (comes from a large family) and as I was younger I wasn’t in quite such a hurry as him. Early on we sat down together and discussed our ideal plans for the future and what we saw our lives looking at at which point, we were both extremely frank and honest about what we wanted. I think if they had been so wildly different to each other to the point that we couldn’t compromise then we wouldn’t have continued our relationship. You both deserve to be happy and if for you having a child so soon is a huge priority that doesn’t match up with his (and you feel you can’t wait/compromise) then I think you need to go your separate ways. You don’t want to wait another 5 years, blindly hoping that one day he will be ready if deep down he knows he doesn’t want a child. You need a full adult discussion, when (if at all) does he see himself having children? Us women have much shorter fertile years than men and you don’t want to look back and have regrets that he’s strung you along for your fertile years. On the other hand if he says he needs a few more years and then he definitely does want children with you - and your willing to wait then you’re still young! It has to be what you want too though!

Why? Because I'm not agreeing with you?

[quote Genevive123]@user184628462 honestly just leave the post please. I find you rather infuriating - thank you.[/quote]

I agree this is rather rude

You asked for opinions which means you won't necessarily get a thread full of sycophants telling you what you want to hear

Your posts come across very much about you wanting something therefor you must have it now. Symptomatic of youth I guess in 2021

Your choice to want a baby now, his choice not to - especially if he is the one expected to bear the responsibility of supporting the entire family financially

Sorry you're struggling with this OP.

I don't think you need to worry about having enough time to have kids, but I also think if you feel you're ready at 25, there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody is different.

I do think we should cut your DP a bit of slack though- I think it's rare for a man to be ready for kids at 28. A lot of men, especially if they are career focused, aren't ready till mid or even late 30s.

& the last thing you want to do is have kids with a man who doesn't really want them but felt pressured into it. If he loves you & doesn't want to lose you, which I'm sure is true, he may find himself unable to say no.

I agree with other posters who've said sit down & find out what is it that's holding him back. Does he want to advance more in his career? Does he want to travel more? Does he not want to do childcare? Then you can try to make a plan about how to try to overcome these concerns, (including waiting a period of time), if he is willing.

Good luck!