Will he ever want a baby?

@Genevive123 how did you get on with OH? I hope he's warmed to the idea of a baby xx

I was in this exact position, we had been together for 8 years. I was always very clear that I wanted children, he said he did too. We would have a chat every year or so and he would say he wasn't ready and you can't put a timescale on big decisions.

I had given him 8 years and I moved across the country for him away from family as he couldn't emotionally leave his. In May last year I broke down and told him that I couldn't stay any longer if children were off the cards. I couldn't feel like I was good enough to be his wife but not have children with.

This is where it all changed, he admitted he was comfortable how we were and he didn't want to disturb that. I know that he didn't know how he was making me feel. Happy ending for us is that I am due to give birth in 2 weeks. He is super excited to be a dad. It's not always intentional, it's easy to get comfortable and not want to rock the boat.

If he knows he doesn’t want one then he should tell me and leave?

Why would he? Presumably baby apart he is happy with you and enjoys your company. He gets to have sex and perhaps you do housework or things he would otherwise have to do himself. He has even managed to get you to the stage where you dread discussing pregnancy which helps considering he comes across as not wanting one (in the foreseeable future at least). What’s in it for him to leave you when he is happy with how things are right now?

@anotherboyontheway love everything you said!! I was a mum of 2 by 24, best thing I ever done!!

@Genevive123 good luck, remember to have little chats with him leading up to the 6 months. See how he's feeling and remember to look in to taking some vitamins before ttc. that can be the first step for him to see this will actually be happening. A good little test in to his commitments to it. Good luck hunni xx

Aw OP that’s a very hard situation to be in. I’m turning 27 in a few weeks and have also been getting baby fever! Don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a young mum.
Sorry your conversation didn’t go so well last night but it does sound like he agreed to the 6 months timeline to give you a final decision?

It doesn’t sound like he never wants kids. More like he’s not ready? I know it’s easier said than done but I’d hang on for another 6 months and if by then he can’t provide a clear decision/timeline then I’d be out.

If being a young mum is that important to you, more important than having him in your life, then I’d cut my losses now.

So many judgemental people on here, sorry you got some negative responses OP. Some women want to have long and successful careers and start having kids at 40.... and then there's people like us who have always known their path in life is to be a mummy... it's normal, we are all allowed to have different dreams etc. You're doing the right thing giving him a time frame, he has to understand that this is a big deal for you, there is 2 people in this relationship and not every life changing decision should be according to his time schedule. Of course you have to consider his feelings and understand his reasonings but remember to sometimes put yourself first. I'm 24, expecting second baby with my fiancé... we chose not to get married before kids as I wanted my children at my wedding aswell. Marriage doesn't necessarily bring "security and stability" these days like everyone's saying as it's easy to divorce... married men do still leave!!! Good luck and don't let anyone make you think you're crazy for wanting to be a mum, it's safer and easier to have a baby at 25 than 40, lots of love x

Kids are really difficult and put a huge strain on a relationship. Both partners need to be enthusiastically on board or its most likely that the relationship won't last. If you give him an ultimatum he might agree, but then later resent you for it. How would you feel about being a single parent?

neither of you are wrong, and he probably doesn't want to lose you any more than you want to lose him. Sadly there's no compromise on this one. You cannot have a baby with a man who doesn't want one. Not everyone wants children.

I'm afraid there is a really sad choice to make. It is this man or a chance of children. Please make up your mind, and if it is the latter you will have to move on.

The thing you need to consider is what if he says the exact same in 6 months time? Would you be inclined to give him another 6 months in hope that he will come round? At the moment there is only one person making this decision in your relationship and that's not fair on you, it has to be a decision you both reach. It's clear that he is of the opinion it will only happen on his say so, he's not really considering your feelings and I think you are being very considerate towards him. I hope you get the outcome you hope for xx

That doesn’t sound good. Has he got any life plans? Part of being a grown-up is planning, and not drifting g along, even if it’s saving money towards a major holiday or new car. Planning for a baby is part of this.

It sounds like you want different things in life. Out of interest, who was the main person moving forward in buying the house. Ie. Who’s the planner in your relationship?

@Genevive123 that's not great that he won't sit with you and listen to how you feel about this. Knowing what I know now, communication and having a partner who respects you and is mature enough to sit and listen to any issue/ problem big or small is huge in keeping a relationship strong especially with the challenges we all face when raising a family. The values this man has will be the ones that help raise your children. Don't let anyone hold you back from your life goals and don't be spoken to like crap either. I hope you are ok, without delving in to how OH treats you I can't advise much more I just hope you do what is best for YOU xxx

I just wanted to put my ill advised ad hoc reckon here. I had been with my DP, (now DH) for 15 years. Our first child was not planned. At all. We both agreed that we weren't ready - though had always talked about having children when we were older (met when we were 20) but never felt we'd grown up! We went on a holiday for our 10yr wedding anniversary. When we were on holiday, we found out I was pregnant. It was a nightmare on that holiday. DH went to counselling because he wanted to be the best dad he could be. My point is, he wasn't ready...and neither was I tbh. I don't think you can be. our DD is 7 now nearly 8 and we have a DS who's 6 and wouldn't change anything for the world. if someone had asked me if I was ready, I would have said no. This isn't an excuse to stick a needle in a condom or other such behaviour but I firmly believe, given a choice, DH would have been quite happy to have no child at all. I don't know where I am going with this, but it worked out in the end for us....but if I had asked if we were ready for children, the answer would have been no....from both of us. I don't think you can necessarily ever be ready but think the most important thing is your relationship with your partner - if that is strong then whatever life brings will be fine. I'd say as a family of four our life is far more fulfilled than it would have been as just the two of us.

Hi @Genevive123 sorry to hear the chat didn't go your way. Is this how he always reacts? My previous relationship was filled with communication problems, I understand how difficult it can be. You at least deserve to be treated with some respect when taking about this, it's a valid chat that most couples have at some point. Would a txt work any better?
And the hair... I'm quite hairy (I do wax) lol what are your cycles like? That's a good indicator of any issues xx

It's a tricky situation OP, and I sympathise with you as I was much more keen to have a baby than my partner.

I don't think your age matters at all, I was like you were at 25 too. I do think you need to think about what will happen if he turns around and says he's ready all of a sudden (particularly if you say you're ending it bc of this). You don't want to feel like you've pressured someone into having a kid, and I think you always would.

I also meant to mention I have really excessive hair (in all the places you mention and some!) and have had all my life. It hasn't affected my fertility but you're right to get it checked for your own peace of mind x

That's no so good @Genevive123, sounds like you're having a rotten time I'm sorry. Why don't you try writing down how you feel in a letter and maybe him reading it/having time to digest will help him to discuss it? It sounds like he doesn't cope well with impromptu chats in the subject (although you shouldn't need to walk on eggshells in such an important subject) so maybe letting him read you point of view would help him think about his response? You do need to ask for his honesty though as you don't deserve to be strung along x

@Genevive123 how did the chat go last night? X

@Genevive123 I'm 28 and have been with my partner for 5 years. We're both successful(ish) in our jobs therefore have enjoyed a lot of holidays and have been able to develop our house so we've always had something going on - though getting engaged would be nice we're both not bothered about getting married... I think it's clear some people have different views on this! But for me, the commitment, trust and financials can all be there without a wedding.

Up until just recently, he would always say he wasn't ready for children - which was kind of ok as we had other stuff going on but I always made it clear that I was ready and could he try and respect that I wasn't getting younger (fertility wise). I don't know whether something finally clicked in his mind, or if not being able to do much apart from have each other's company during lockdown but out of the blue he brought it up one day... that if it happened, it happened and he'd be happy. So we finished that packet of pills and now cycle 2 TTC.

I really wouldn't encourage you to throw away your relationship if you're happy! But it sounds like he needs to be a bit more respectful about the topic and if he's really not ready then to give you a bit more chat around that and if there's some goals to maybe achieve beforehand. Try and make this go both ways though by not getting frustrated with him or getting into an argument.

Sorry for the rambling 💜.

I was it a similar situation a couple of years back. Was with my ex for 10 years. At various points of our relationship he lead me to believe he wanted children and then would back track on his work. I was nearing 30 and decided I wasn't prepared to wait any more, he was adamant he never wanted children so I left him.
I'm now 33. I've been with my now partner nearly 3 years and we are now trying for our first. I'm am much more happy. I regret I wasted 10 years of my life with my ex wishing he'd change his mind but then again I would never have met my partner now and be this happy.
You still have plenty of time. But ultimately if you want different things in life you have to work out what's more important to you