Can't take this anymore 😞

@ivfbeenbusy I have been feeling down about it recently. I’m heading towards cycle 10 or so but your post has really made me feel better about it
I do feel like everyone is pregnant at the moment but me but I know it’s just because I’m looking for it. My best friend is pregnant and it’s been hard but I’m going to try my best to be as happy as possible for her although inside I’m wishing it was me!

I don't want this post to sound mean but I'm sure because I'm the lone dissenter on this thread it may be taken that way but sometimes the best advice is the honest kind

So here goes

4 months in TTC terms May as well be 4 minutes - the statistics all show that most couples will take at least 12 months to conceive and nearly all couples will have success by 24 months.

Ignore what celebrities post. It's most likely
Bollocks

There is very much a culture of "I've decided I want to have a baby so it must happen now" - you can't have this mindset when TTC 1 unfortunately most of the time our bodies don't get this memo.

You can't let yourself feel envious/Jealous /bitter about other people's success at this point in the journey - you really are at the beginning and you'll need all the support you can get of you are in the for the long haul. Don't cut yourself off from friends because they are pregnant and you are not.

(Trust me I know this - I had 5 miscarriages nearly died from 2 ruptured ectopics and was left infertile by age 36)

I'm not going to say relax or chill out and it will
Happen or any of that other condescending crap - just keep doing what you are doing - ovulation tests, supplements, regular sex in the fertile window - the odds are on your favour

Not really any advice but just wanted to say I get it. I kept falling pregnant but kept miscarrying. 6 losses later and 4 friends were either pregnant or having their babies and it hurt like hell.
Try and do some self-care. Not sure where you are in terms of what’s open with covid but loads you can do at home. Nails, bath, face mask etc. A pamper day. And make sure you keep talking to people. If not your DP then on here.
Sending hugs.

Hi OP hope you’re well. I understand how frustrating TTC can be. I’ve had 3 CPs in the last year. However, pls don’t let what u see affect u, these celebs may post their announcements but we don’t know the struggles they may have encountered TTC. We only know the best bits, the same way if we announced we were pregnant only a handful of people close to us would know our TTC journey, the others would just think it happened easily for us and they may hate our announcements. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how I view it when I see a pregnancy announcement.

Definitely speak to someone because if ur feeling so low so soon in the journey then u want to be mentally prepared if it takes longer. It can be very consuming and my last year was consumed each month by ovulation tests and pregnancy tests and symptom spotting. I even posted a thread about how to not let it consume me.

This year I have decided to go easy on myself, stressing and pondering won’t make it happen any sooner. I believe it’s only going to happen when it’s my time and I can’t beat myself up waiting for it. I have to live my life and enjoy what’s in it already rather than focus on what’s not in it.

I hope things get better for u mentally and I hope u get a BFP really soon 💓

Yeah, and it’s not like you can just say ‘if I relax I’ll probably get pregnant’ and off you go. How exactly do you ‘just relax’ and ‘stop stressing’?! And yes Christ it’s hard enough seeing a bfn or getting my period every month without picking up another stick to beat myself with for ‘not relaxing’ enough for the one sperm to meet my bloody egg and actually do what it’s supposed to.

@iswhois I didn’t realise Mrs Hinch mentioned fertility issues in her book.. does she go into detail much? Because of my journey I couldn’t imagine doing an announcement like hers, it would just be another thing someone struggling has to see, I’d tell my friends personally - I’m not a celeb who needs to put it on insta!

It’s good how people are speaking up more about miscarriages but I think more needs to be done for conversations on infertility, because it’s so isolating and people just don’t get it.

@SmidgenofaPigeon I agree completely.

If I had a pound every time someone said that to me I would be able to afford endless rounds of IVF. Also when people say it it's almost like it's putting the blame on you? Like it's your fault for not being relaxed enough? I just find it quite unhelpful!

*your thing

I’m not convinced stress has a massive impact actually. I feel like if all the tools in your body are there, and you’re doing you’re thing at the right time, you either get pregnant or, for some reason, you don’t.

Women from all walks of life in every situation have been getting pregnant since time began. Through famine and war and an endless list of other factors. I know people mean well when they say ‘relax and it’ll happen’, but there’s so much more to it than that and it really isn’t that simple.

When you are under stress your body may decide not to conceive. When you relax and stop trying it can happen. As that’s what happened to my aunt. After she adopted thinking she couldn’t have a baby. And then she did so now she has two.

Acupuncture has a good track record for helping with fertility and conception, and keeping things on track for the birth.

You need to pay. It’s £50 to £60 where I am per session. It’s been around for centuries and is regulated by just one professional body. Look up therapists in your area and se if you can find one who is interested in women’s health etc. (Not the likes of a doctor who does it occasionally, someone experienced who just does acupuncture).

Good luck. I’m sure it will happen once you are more relaxed and not stressing about it!

Please don't feel too down. You are still well within the year time frame that it takes most couples to conceive in. We tried for 5 years! I understand how difficult it can be and how it feels all consuming but you really need to put this timeframe into context. Start learning about what help you can receive but bear in mind (age dependent) your gp may require you to be trying for at least 2 years. Good luck OP x

Sorry to jump in here but I'm curious, what did she discuss regarding fertility issues? 100% agree on how over indulgent her announcement was.

I didn’t know she had said anything about fertility issues. Clearly she doesn’t have much of an issue if she can be so smug and look-at-me in her announcements

@Shaniac I find her obnoxious in general. But her posts tonight literally had me in tears.

All of her faux fertility issues she talks about in her book and then to go out twice and make a ridiculously smug announcement at a significant time of year, just can't stand it. Like well done, you struck lucky, not all of us do.

I really think a lot of celebrities could have a bit more decorum when it comes to things like this, it's bananas.

It’s so hard Op. It took me 7 months with my first baby, I then had a miscarriage at 7 weeks with my second pregnancy and we have now been trying 9 months and still no luck. I have found the barrage of pregnancy announcements really difficult, but just remember it’s only because you are hyper sensitive to it that you are noticing them. Just try and focus on doing productive stuff; eating healthy, exercise, prenatal vitamins etc so your body is in top condition. Maybe book in for a bit of acupuncture to help relax you a bit.

Hi @rttcbabyno1 how are you feeling this evening. I really wanted to reply back to you.

You are not alone!!!! Please remember this, I know exactly how you feel and honestly if one more person on Facebook or insta posts that they are expecting I might explode. Friends/celebs. Honestly some of them have the most perfect life!!!

I’ve been trying since July too and no luck. Every month I’m so positive but then AF comes, or it’s late and my hopes build up and then they are shattered. I completely get it. I’m also TTC my first and I just want it so bad.

You can rant and rave, you can get upset but we will get through this. We have to remain positive. Someone said to me, one more month down is another month closer so we need to be optimistic. We can do this. I wish you the best of luck and it will happen for us!!!

God it feels a relief to be reading the things I feel from others, because sometimes this journey feels SO lonely.

TTC since July 2019, first sign of anything in October 2020 turned out to be ectopic and now I’m even worse off than I was before (lost a tube). My friends who started trying after me have had their babies. As sympathetic as they and my friends are, they just don’t get it.

Sometimes I’m shocked at what a depressive state I get into. And like someone here said I just want ONE, it’s such a desperate place to feel like you won’t have just one.

I’m actually going to remove the pregnant people on insta today, I just face and stomach it usually but actually I don’t need to ✌🏼

Its hard isnt it. My dp has 2 kids already with his ex and i cant help but feel jealous and angry that he will never know how i feel. As much as i love his kids he doesn't understand why his kids arent enough for me. As far as he is concerned hes experienced parenthood and passing on his genes. There seems to be a lot of heavily pregnant women where i live recently too.

Totally get you OP. When we were TTC, it roughly a year, both perfectly healthy, mid 20s and we couldn't figure out why it was taking so long, not one hint of a positive. In the 10th month, a work colleague announced she was pregnant and in the 11th month, DSIL announced her pregnancy infront of the whole family. Nobody knew we TTC and I wanted the world to swallow me up, I'd completely given up and one day went home to DP, had a cry and said I'm not bothered about trying anymore, I'd decided it was never going to happen. Just over a month after DSIL, I had a positive test and we now have a beautiful 1 year old DD. Don't lose hope, it'll happen to you one day, it takes time x

@shaniac I have a friend who is expecting in July and I'm so happy for them but it's just so unfair. We've been trying for 2 years and they "stopped using contraceptives but weren't actively trying" for 2 months. Don't beat yourself up too much for your thoughts, you can't help how you feel

Thank you for answering as i only saw the photo. Yeah i hate that. I will go one further, my friend just had a miscarriage and im sad about it but when she first announced her pregnancy in my head all i could think was its not fair, shes way younger than me shes been in a relationship literally one month irresponsible cow. I feel guilty even thinking it but i know if she falls again quickly the same thought will be in my head.

@shaniac the first thing I saw was a picture of her little boy holding a sign which was quite cute but then I've just seen her story too. It's like that scene in Love Actually where the guy holds up the messages at Kiera Knightly's front door... loads and loads of envelopes each with a little message inside leading up to the big reveal of a scan on a bauble. Very slow and indulgent. I suppose when you have so many followers you can't possibly think of every reason that someone may be offended/upset by your posts though

I feel the same. Out of curiosity why was mrs hinchs announcmemt obnoxious? I hate hearing ir seeing peoples announcements i have to just check of of social media for a month or two i think.

Some of the celeb pregnancy announcement really get on my tits, they’re so smug.

@ChristmasJumpers it was the Mrs Hinch one that got me too, partly because I detest her in any case and partly also because it was fucking obnoxious especially from someone who claims to have anxiety.

Yes I sound like a salty bitch but infertility will do that to you!!!!