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Conception

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Original poster

how do you handle pg friends??

31 replies

tryingnottoobsess · 25/10/2007 12:13

Ok, learning to post, pls bear with me if in wrong place or whatever...

Close friend is pg and just had her 3month scan. She is going to annouce at mutual friends birthday dinner tonight.

I have been ttc for about 6months and mc in July (though started temping this cycle).

Currently 12 dpo and temp crashed this morning, so I assume AF is on way (though not here yet).

None of our friends know we're ttc, or about my mc. Just not sure if I can handle pg announcement/discussion with my AF on the way :0(

Can't even have a glass of wine, as have half convinced myself that it's a late implantation dip and I might still be pg! Think I'm going insane!

Sorry to vent, I would really welcome any feedback.....

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 25/10/2007 12:55

Hi,

I only posted half an hour ago, and have had 3 wonderful messages of support - I'm amazed, and definitely feeling a lot better, or at least like I'm not losing my mind!

Ruth, you're right, I think that by not drinking I'm almost trying to punish myself... maybe I'll have a glass, I think I deserve it!

You're right, it's lonely, but I'm quite private, and I think it made the m/c simpler to deal with when we didn't have to tell anyone.

But this is the flip side where it feels more difficult that they don't know. Esp when friend keeps telling us they did it 1st time, and I know she'd be more sensitive if she knew....argh!

I'll be alright not telling anyone tonight (that would spoil friend's announcement, and other friend's birthday!) I'm just a bit concerned about welling up or something inappropriate.

Kerala and Ruth, it's really good to hear that you had happy endings. Kerala, I hope your fam & friends get there too.

I'm sure everything happens to us for a reason.... just haven'tquite worked out the reason yet!

OP posts:
pixie04 · 25/10/2007 12:50

tryingnotoobsess its horrible feeling alone, I'm glad you've found MN and are learning to post, being able to vent on here and to chat to people in a similar situation I find really helps me and hopefully it'll help you too.

Have a glass of wine tonight if it makes you feel a bit more at ease, be prepared for your friends discussing having babies ect once she's made the announcement but don't get into those conversations.

I had a horrible situation recently where a family member got pregnant accidently announced the PG early and at 10 / 11 weeks decided to abort, we then all got told she had MC'd (because having an abortion isn't really talked about in our family). I was sooo angry, why announce when she wasn't sure she wanted it? Why abort when she had sooo much family support? Why Why Why? I felt and still feel quiet hard done by. Now every time MIL talks about how well soandso are and how well off they are and their nice flat is ect... and I just want to scream "yeah but I'm desperate for a baby and I wouldn't have a bloody abortion!"

Sorry bit of a rant. My rational brain says the poor woman must have gone to hell and back to come to the decision to abort, and that it's really none of my business to have an opinion. But my irrational ttc stressed brain feels extreamley sorry for myself.

So I really do understand how hard it can be. Hopefully no one will be offended by my opinion, I am embarassed about these awful feelings

kerala · 25/10/2007 12:42

Its so hard - felt this too. Sorry about your mc. But 6 months not really that long, I was told it can take healthy couples up to 2 years, though 93% have conceived by the end of the 1st year.

We ttc and it took 9 months. During the 9th month (before I knew I was pg) 3 friends announced they were pregnant. All announcements were on the same day that I had gone to see the doctor about not conceiving. All of them had got preg within 3 months of trying. I had been really relaxed about ttc until that day, but remember getting home and sobbing.

Dd is now 1 but I have the opposite problem to you. My sister confided that she has been ttc for a year with no luck. A good friend of mine has been ttc since January 06, and DH's lovely cousin has been trying for 3 years. I feel AWFUL for them as I know how they feel in a small way. I also feel uncomfortable that I have dd and they are still in that awful place ttc for ages with nothing happening.

RuthChan · 25/10/2007 12:36

Hi TNTO
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.
TTC can be a really tough business.
It's lonely, frustrating and can seem to take forever.
Every month you wait with anticipation for your fertile period and then dread the arrival of your AF.
It must be especially tough having had a mc a few months ago.

The fact that your friends don't know makes it harder in some ways because you can't talk freely about your feelings.
However, it also makes it easier because they don't put extra pressure on you by asking about it all the time. It's a private thing between you and your DH.

You have been TTC for about 6 months now.
It probably feels like forever, but actually it's not that long. The average couple takes longer than that.
You had a MC. That was very unfortunate, but on the bright side that does indicate that you can conceive. You were just unlucky that it didn't work out.
I'm sure you will conceive again soon and when you do there's a good chance that you will carry to term.

With regards to the party. Do you think you can bite your tongue and control your frustration?
Your friends will consider it an extra reason to celebrate. That will doubtless be tough on you, but you can also take it as a positive thing.
Your friend has been able to conceive and before too long you will too.
The next celebration will probably be yours and all your friends will be just as happy for you then.

As for the drink, well, I'd go ahead and have a glass. You seem pretty sure that your AF is on its way. I don't think it's worth punishing yourself further on the off chance that it doesn't come...

By the way, my DH and I tried for a year and a half to conceive. I too had a mc.
Our DD will turn one year old next month.
The wait is hard, but it's well worth it.

Original poster
tryingnottoobsess · 25/10/2007 12:33

Thanks Pixie, it's just good to know that somebody else understands!

Like you say about your fam & friends announcements, I feel happy for her, but my emotions are so mixed, and so damned unruly! It makes me feel like an old witch for not feeling pure joy for her.

You're right, I'm going to stay positive, it's the only way of not losing the plot.

Thanks SO much, you've no idea how reassuring it is to know that someone's out there for me.

OP posts:
pixie04 · 25/10/2007 12:23

I know its hard, I've been ttc 7 cycles / 9 months, I've not had a mc since ttc but have had one a few years ago so I can sympathise.

So far I've had four pregnancy announcements from close friends and family since ttc and each time as happy as I am for them I feel awful for myself.

Try to stay positive for your friend, she's happy and you wouldn't want to effect her celebration because you've not gotten there yet. You will get there at some point so just keep it in your mind that you'll be making your announcement soon.

Who knows the dip could be late implantation and in 8 weeks you could well be making your own announcement if not once AF arrives you can console yourself with a large glass of wine (or two)

Hope it all goes well xxx