how do you handle pg friends??

Completely agree soosy. We had always kept up the attitude that we weren't keen on having children (we're not the kind of people who used to gush over other people's so it wasn't too difficult for people to believe). That way at least it kept the questions at bay. I don't think I could have coped if anyone had guessed, I'm impressed that you did so well. Even now, almost no-one knows. In fact, a family member phoned my Mum when we went public and discretely asked if we were OK with the "surprise"! One of the hardest things about keeping it quiet now is that I can't commiserate with other people going through the same thing in real life. I wouldn't want to do that until we know we're done having a family though.
Good luck with TTC DB2.

So did I mrs Tmouse (DS 10th IVF attempt, trying for DC2 4th attempt new year), brave face and then go home sobbing and then not wanting to see them until I felt up to it. It was worse when people realised we were having problems conceiving as they were embarrassed to tell me to my face for fear of upsetting me or trying to hide their babies from me as if I wanted their child. Just do whatever makes life easier for you, I think the whole not getting pregnant thing is probably the worst thing I have had to deal with and unless your friends are in the same boat they have no idea.

glad the party was at least managable and good luck.

Hi tryingnottoobsess Just wanted to pop in and say well done you! Sounds like you handled things really well. Remember if you ever need a moan or people to chat to, MumsNet is always here. Hope your AF doesn't come back to visit for many months but if she does rear her ugly head have a large glass of wine on me you deserve it!

Hi TNTO

Thanks for the update.
It sounds like you handled the party admirably!
Well done you!!
I'm sure that with your positive attitude you'll be absolutely fine and will be showing off your own scan pics in no time.

I suppose I'm 'lucky', in that people know my history, as I'd 'announced' each pregnancy at about 8 weeks when people spotted me not drinking (an otherwise unthinkable occurrence). When I then went on to lose them at around 12 weeks, I then of course had to tell them.

There was one girl who had a missed miscarriage about the same time as my first mc, and whenever we met all she wanted to talk about was the mcs. I didn't. Especially as she's 31, I'm 41, and she's got years on me. She's now pregnant, and I just can't bear to see her, partly because it's too much of a reminder, and partly because all she will talk about is the pregnancy. And I'll probably be rude. But she has kept a huge distance since the 'announcement', no doubt knowing how I feel.

I completely know what you're going through! It took 8 rounds of fertility treatment for me to conceieve DD and I've already posted on here about friends doing the "and I was pregnant first time, aren't we fertile" nudge nudge wink wink, as though they had a special way of shagging .
To be honest, I never really did deal with it. We never told friends what we were going through, so I put on a brave face, tried not to get involved in the discussions too much and went home and sobbed. My worst time was when I told DH that a couple of friends had "taken all the baby-luck". I'm a scientist FFS, I should know that there's no such thing, but I think that's what the stress does to you!
Good luck with your TTC, and deffo have that drink. One won't make any difference, and will fend off the possibility of "questions".

I'm quite dreading seeing my two pregnant friends at the moment, too, so I know how you feel. I am lucky as I have a gorgeous and healthy 2 yr old son that I conceived very quickly. However, we have been ttc no. 2 for 5 months and I have just had a miscarriage, so it is going to be very hard being around my two friends, who are 5 months pregnant with her 2nd child and 7 months pregnant with her 3rd child respectively. I am trying to stay positive and tell myself that before long I will be sporting a bump and having a happy, healthy pregnancy myself. I do know just how you feel, though xxx

TNTO, I know how you feel and was really glad to see your message tonight. Sorry that you are having a tough time too.

dh has just come home and told me that another set of friends has just announced preg after having been for 12 wk scan. We had missed MC found at 12 wk scan in june and no joy trying again yet (TTC#1). So green eyed monster out in force at my end.

Just when I feel that I can be a bit more upbeat and think about things other than just TTC, another friend goes and announces that they are pregnant.....irrationally I wish that our other friends could put getting pregnant on hold until we are preg, as we have been at it the longest.

Sounds really selfish when you write it out, but I said it was irrational didn't I!

Oh and have a drink. It's not going to do any harm either way.

At my bitterest (after four mcs in the past two years) I quite often don't feel the need to be nice. I think the pregnant person is quite happy enough without my input, and that they're just rubbing my face in it.

My (younger) sis just announced her third pregnancy, all perfectly timed, all no problems, conceived at the drop of a hat, yadda yadda yadda, but was very good about it all and didn't even expect me to talk to her, let alone be nice. Which was a good thing, as I felt nothing but jealousy and bitterness. I let myself wallow in 'it's not fair' tantrumming for a week, and now feel a whole lot better, and in fact pleased for her.

So, in short, the moral might be to let yourself feel how you feel, let the storm come, then leave. Everyone will understand. And if they don't, stuff 'em.

TNTO: Thanks.
It sounds like you're dealing with all this really well.
You seem to be getting more positive and I hope that you can relax and enjoy this evening.
With both a birthday and a baby to celebrate it should be good party!

Kerala:
I know what you mean about people who are pregnant/parents being more sensitive to those who are ttc. I'm sure that you need to be sensitive to your sister's feelings.
However, I'm sure she would hate to think that you delayed having no. 2 for longer than you wanted simply because you were waiting for her to have no. 1.
These are difficult and delicate areas.

I never managed to get pregnant (not meaning to depress you as its pretty rare) and I am stronger and I love a fab DS (adopted) and a lovely life and don't for a second regret a minute of anything that went before because it all added up to the family I have today. I can't imagine it any different now.

It is true that ttc for a long time can make you think thoughts that you are not proud of. I was ashamed of myself that my reaction to hearing of friends announcements after ttc for 9 months with no result was not initially "how wonderful" but "why not me youve only been married 2 months". Which made me feel awful about myself.

Now I cant bear to be the person that makes anyone else feel like that. Not sure I could begin to ttc for number 2 unless my sister gets pregnant first.

Also think some people should be abit more senstive the "it happened first time arent we fertile" crowd can be (hopefully unwittingly) very hurtful.

and I never felt guilty about irrational unreasonable thoughts - I always felt it was a small payoff for the stress, allowing my self (privately) to be completely unreasonable!!

I'm sorry.
My post seems a little inappropriate following the turn that the thread just took.

I completely know where you're all coming from having had similar experiences myself.
I also have problems talking to friends who I know are ttc (one couple of more than 6 years now!)
I have to work hard not to feel embarrassed that I have DD while they are still trying and would be such fantastic parents.

However, getting stressed makes ttc even harder and I'm sure that you'll manage it soon.
Then you'll look back dreamily about the time before you had all the stress of parenthood!

I do have a couple of close friends who do know and got a txt from one of them the other day to let me know that soandso is having a girl wahoo! So even though she knows how stressed I am about ttc she's still giving me information I'd rather not be given.

It does all happen for a reason and when you do fall PG you'll want to tell everyone everything I'm sure (I know I will), someone reminded me the other day that you don't really get to hear about people who have been ttc for a long time and people's MC's in RL because people don't talk about it even once they have managed to concieve. So even though your friend boasts about getting PG 1st time she's quiet likley to be the minority.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better.
That's the thing about MN. Whatever situation you're in, the chances are that someone else on here has been there too.
(And if we haven't, we'll probably make something up!! )

Anyway, the reason for your mc?
It happened because the baby that you conceived wasn't completely perfect in some way.
The fact that you lost it was actually for the best, both for you and for the baby.
Next time the baby will be absolutely perfect in every way and will emerge to make you the proudest mummy in the world.
Bare that thought in mind tonight when you help your friend to celebrate.
Enjoy your glass of wine and look forward to the all the toasts that your friends will raise to you in a few months time.

I'm absolutely no help at all, I never learnt how to deal with it. I'm not sure there is a way. I plastered on a public smile said "how nice" and didn't get too invovled in conversation about it.

I actually found the people TTC for number 2,3 4 etc and moaingin about how they were pregnant within 36 hrs MUCH harder to deal with - and even worse when I was having IVF.

No helfpul advice but happy to join the club and moan with you!