🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

Happy Christmas everyone, I hope that even in our shitty circumstances you managed to find some joy yesterday.

Me and my husband have started talking about trying again and have agreed that the hell which will be the stress of TTC and the anxiety of being pregnant again, is short term compared to the long term regrets that we would have from not at least trying again.

Does anyone have any good coping strategies or recomended books for managing pregnancy related anxiety in general, or specifically the sheer panic that I think will come with being pregnant after a miscarriage?

Remember that being kind to yourselves over this time isn't all long baths with a glass of wine. Sometimes it's just managing the basics, eat properly, get fresh air, wear clean pants. Love to you all ❤️

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you've had a good day x

Thank you @NeelaBlue I'm sorry you've also been on such a difficult journey. Hopefully there are some good things still in store for us at 44!

Merry Christmas everyone x

Thanks folks. Have just booked the appointment - typically DP came in while I was doing it!! I just didn't want to tell him yet as he's still digesting the information. I acted weird and suspicious but he didn't hear the details.

Yes I'm sure the clinic is realising that they might prefer to give us bad news after Christmas!!

Xxx

Hope you hear from someone today - it's not great to be delivered that news just before everything shuts up for Christmas.
I'd go for booking the appointment too - I'm sure if you give a week or twos notice in early jan (if you find out you don't need it) you won't get charged x

@VenusStarr yes Ramsey. Ok thanks will book. Sometimes they charge you tho if you cancel!!

@Janefx40 forgot to tag you

Is the specialist Professor Ramsey? I've heard he is very good. You can always cancel? I'd book it xx

@VenusStarr thank you. It does help to know there are people out there who care

@Slinks8113 thanks. I've emailed our IVF clinic so am hoping to talk to them but with it being Christmas Eve, I'm not sure when they'll get back to us

There is a leading men's fertility Dr in London. I already rang to find out about waiting lists and his next appointment is Jan 20th. I'm tempted to just make the appointment - it may be a bit premature but I'm just desperate to do something!!

@Janefx40 sorry to hear your news. Is there a follow up appointment to go through the options on his side? X

Oh @Janefx40 that's heartbreaking news, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm like you, I want to explore the options and find out what is possible. I hope you do find a way forward. Saying I'm sorry to hear the news doesn't quite cut it, but I can't seem to find the right thing to say. You're in my thoughts ❤️ xx

@Alittlexmasmagic thank you for responding. He doesn't seem devastated - he's a very unemotional person. He just shrugged and said there's nothing he can do about it. I was trying to be supportive but he just isn't interested so we're now healthily ignoring the issue while I tell people on Mumsnet and scour the internet. But I have to give him some time to process I know. I am very quick to respond to things but he isn't.

I don't know if he'd consider a donor. We had already discussed donor eggs because of my age but decided against.

Our odds of having another weren't great anyway - I'm super aware of how old I am to have another child but equally whatever age you are you still have the same dreams of a family. It's just hard that we didn't get to start this journey until we were already so old.

Anyway thank you so much for responding. It helps

Xxx

@Janefx40 I'm sorry to hear this. He must be devastated. Would you consider using a donor? Apologies if that's insensitive of me to suggest x

Hi all. We had some devastating news yesterday. DP is basically infertile. We had a sperm DNA fragmentation test done - he's not just out of range, he has almost 0% healthy sperm. We were due to start our next round of IVF in less than a week - I'm waiting to hear from the clinic but there won't be any point starting now until we have at least tried to sort DPs sperm (which probably isn't fixable - or at least not enough for any success especially bearing in mind my age too - nearly 44).

I'm just reeling - I'm someone who likes to talk things through but DP doesn't want to and I don't feel I can tell anyone in real life.

We are lucky - we have a DD and I'm just now even more amazed at how she made it against these odds. But I don't think I will be getting a rainbow baby.

Sorry to come on and just splurge. Hope you're all looking forward to something nice at Christmas xxx

@slinks8113 think I need more then luck lol i think if anything by how I feel af will appear early just to make sure I have a lovely Christmas 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣.

@alittlexmasmagic 🤦‍♀️ got a funny feeling i will be drinking alot lol 😆 x

@kim80 I sincerely hope you're unlucky enough to not be allowed to get sloshed on Xmas day xx

Fingers crossed for you @kim80 x

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear this I can only imagine how you must be feeling 😔 💔 sending a big hug ❤

@janefx40 snap my partner doesnt either but it got to the point that we had a disagreement over something and finally he opened up from that we spoke for nearly 4 hours straight about everything where as before we had been guessing on how we both felt about it and since then we have been in a good place about what happened and moving forward. Just a shame we couldn't just do that to start with lol.

@VenusStarr I am so sorry to hear how your feeling please take your time and be and feel however you need to. You know where we all are when your ready. Big hugs 🤗 ❤.

Hope everyone else is ok. Im currently in tww and not hopeful at all especially when my af should be Christmas day i don't have the luck to be given that as a gift 😩

@VenusStarr huge hugs are all I can offer. Hope you can have some time to rest and look forward, he'll always be with you xx

@Slinks8113 I haven't booked anything yet scan wise, my booking in is in Jan & got an endocrinology referral, I don't trust private scans so will wait to see what the MW says. Until then it's a waiting game x

@VenusStarr so sorry to hear you're not in a great place right now, just give yourself the time and space you need to cry and grieve. Sending love x

@Janefx40 thank you. Not sure if I'm going to ovulate this month, this temperature recording is already doing my head in 🙈 I bought it as a reassurance and an indicator of things returning back to some form of normality after the miscarriage but I'm not sure if it is having the desired effect!
We've been talking about the miscarriage more as Christmas nears and also whilst we get back into ttc. We're in as good a place as we can be at the moment I guess.
How are things with you @Janefx40?
@Alittlexmasmagic all going well still? Have you booked a scan yet? X

Oh @Mumlili9 I am so sorry ❤️ its really hard. Lots of love.

I hope everyone is doing OK. I'm not in a good headspace right now. Getting the news about our baby's genetic results last week has really knocked me and I'm just struggling day to day and I really miss him. Keeping my head down for a while xx

@Mumlili9 so sorry to hear about this anniversary. With everything going on in the world, it must make for a difficult time. Keeping everything crossed for you in the new year x

@Mumlili9 I'm sorry - that is a tough anniversary. Having a baby is a long and hard journey for some of us. Hope you got some sleep and that you feel ok today.

@Herewegoagain2021 welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. I can totally understand the nerves at being pregnant again. I'm far more terrified of being pregnant now than I am of seeing a BFN. I used to be desperate for a BFP and think it would all be wonderful after that.

@Slinks8113 best of luck with the TTC and the temp recorder. Sex post miscarriage can be difficult for men as can sex on demand for TTC. Although I agree with @kim80 that talking is the answer, I can't get my DP to talk really. He's just very closed and talking nearly always just ends up with me talking and desperately trying to get him to respond and failing. I wish I could get him to open up but it just doesn't come naturally to some.