🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

I'm sorry you're in limbo, I hope your specialist suggests some ways forward for you.
I'm doing OK, I've got a blood test on early next week. I'm quite enjoying being in this phase and don't want to test, would prefer to wait a bit longer to be honest xx

@VenusStarr no I've nothing else this was the last one. So I'm a little left floating in limbo now. How are you getting on. When do you test?

I'm sorry it was painful @Mumlili9 ❤️ it's not one I'd want to repeat. It's good news the dye went through. I don't want to give false hope, but I did conceive within 2 cycles after mine.
Have you got any other investigations coming up? X

@VenusStarr omg that was the most painful experience yet. They couldn't get all the die in. They told me my remaining tube was open and that my uterus was small. But they said they couldn't see any reason as to why I can conceive, so it's back to the drawing board.

I think mine was just after ovulation too @Mumlili9. Hopefully it gives you done answers. The doctor told me straight away what they'd seen, so if they don't, please ask rather than wait for a follow up appointment. Good luck 🍀 xx

@VenusStarr thanks. It's just typical that I felt ovulation on my good side today, another opportunity missed, story of my life. Im so nervous about tomorrow.
@JemRose I know that feeling so very very well. It's been 15 months since my ectopic and I feel so hopeless now, life just seems to be get up work sleep , I've lost all joy of life.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment @JemRose I find it can be overwhelming and so isolating at times ❤️ I think when others seem to have no issues and see quite carefree and certain they'll bring their baby home, it's so hard to relate to.
I think recurrent losses are so hard because life just feels on hold. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to be OK xx

Best wishes for your hsg tomorrow @Mumlili9 xx

Feeling particularly down today. A close friend of mine is pregnant and has just announced it to all our friends. She's 8 weeks. I miscarried last year at 14 weeks, and just had a chemical pregnancy on my last cycle. It's been over a year since we started trying. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with jealously, guilt, and complete devastation that it's not me who's pregnant. I honestly don't have any friends around me who have experienced miscarriage, or even had a hard time getting pregnant. It feels like everyone has gotten pregnant instantly and had healthy babies, and no one really understands how devastating involuntary childlessness is. Everyone seems to have forgotten that I was once the one excitedly announcing my pregnancy.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions of going to work, eating meals, getting by day to day, when actually it all feels pretty pointless when I'd much rather be looking after my baby. I wish I'd got to hold them.
Sorry to rant, just finding it especially hard today.

Thank you @Mumlili9 @InDreamland @Kiki275 🙏 ❤️ 🌈 xx

@VenusStarr that's amazing news hun fingers crossed this is a very bright 🌈 coloured future xx

I'm still lurking ladies and just wanted to pop on quickly.

@Mumlili9 keeping fingers and toes crossed for you that the HSG helps with some answers and hopefully is a step towards getting your rainbow.

@VenusStarr what lovely news that you have 3 successful fertilisations. I really hope they're your rainbow(s).

Thanks @Kiki275 I have a top quality embryo on board - it was hatching 🥰 we have 2 good quality blastocysts in the freezer too. Feel very lucky that we had 3 fertilise and all 3 made it. We're not used to good things happening, so I'm making the most of it. Hope you're well.

Best wishes for your hsg @Mumlili9 I hope you get some answers xx

Thanks ladies x

@Mumlili9 I hope it all goes well and that it leads you to some more helpful information . I’ve no personal experience of the procedure but really do hope it’s as comfortable as possible as no where near as bad as you might imagine it to be 💕 . I’m doing ok thanks . No real update to share here , still quietly trying and hoping for a happy ending for everyone on here . Been trying hard to keep myself distracted with other things and no longer allow ttc to consume my every thought but as we all know that can be easier said than done . Please do let us know how you get on . Will be thinking of you on the 26th x

@Mumlili9 it was just a shock when they started, a very intense pressure - didn't feel like period pain to me, although some people say it is. But as soon as they finished the procedure I just had mild cramping, like a period which lasted a couple of days, but definitely manageable.

I know exactly what you mean by wanting answers - I hope it is not painful and you find out some more information.

I'm not ready to accept a childless future either ❤️❤️ this journey is so hard and lonely at times, but you're not alone xx

@VenusStarr fingers crossed for a little sticky bean. Was it very painful. I've been told that it hurts more if you only have one tube. I'm pinning everything on this test tbh. I thought a few months ago that I had started to accept a childless future but I just can't let it go. Due to my age, finances and religion ivf is out for us so this test means everything. If my tube is clear I don't know how I will cope. Is it bad hoping that they find something, so they can fix me.

Hi @Mumlili9 I had an hsg, I'm glad you're doing it. I won't lie, it wasn't the best experience, but they do look after you. I had a nurse holding my hand throughout. I hope you get some answers ❤️

I'm OK, done my ivf stimulation and had egg collection today. So hopefully I'll on track for transfer later this week. Hoping we get a couple of embryos 🤞

Hope you're OK @Kiki275 @kim80 and everyone else xx

Well ladies im having a HSG on 26th, really quite scared tbh.

@VenusStarr hows things going?
@ @Kiki275 @kim80 @Jadem83 how are you ladies

@JemRose we have also been their too. I having lots of test right now to try and figure out why first I couldn't carrying kept losing and now why I can fall pregnant at all. My husband explained that he felt responsible for my pain but it took a long time for him to admit it and we had issues where he couldn't finish and where he wouldn't try either. I think its something you both really need to talk about before you move forward

Hey there, it's been a few months since anyone has posted on this thread, how is everyone doing? I hope some of you have experienced some success /happiness /positivity on your journeys.

I'm a missed miscarriage survivor, 8 months since loosing my first pregnancy at 12 weeks, diagnosed in scan. It was a surprise pregnancy as I have some fertility issues (PCOS). DH and I were devastated to loose the baby as we'd started to plan our lives around them already. I was ready to try again basically straight away after the loss, but DH point blank refused, no explanation. I was so heartbroken by this and our relationship really suffered at the time. its been a slow crawl back into us being happy again, and now DH wants to try again. The problem is, I have this horrible feeling of distrust. He changed his mind about having a baby last time when I really needed us to carry on with the plan, more than I've every needed/wanted anything ever in my life. Letting go of TTC was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even hard than the loss.

No idea how to move forward with this. I really desperately want a baby but I felt so let down when he backed out last year after the miscarriage. I don't know how to trust him again.

Any thoughts welcome.

Thank you so much for reading xxx

I'm glad things have settled for you @kim80 ❤️

How are you @Mumlili9? Have you had any more tests?

Hope you're well @Kiki275

I'm good, just waiting for af and then I can start on cd2, hopefully sometime next week. Just waiting for my meds delivery. I am having a biopsy on Thursday and hoping that will help with implantation. Due to my low amh, we aren't expecting big numbers and I'm preparing myself for a day 3 transfer if we get that far 🙏 I'm flitting between hopeful and it's not going to work xx

So glad all went well with your 20 week scan @kiki275 .

Sorry to hear @Mumlili9 about the tests 😔.

My hcg finally returned to 0 3-4 weeks after and I got my period 🙌. My partner had now had the snip and I feel really good actually.

@VenusStarr so glad it went well for you.