🐧 Penguin Huddle 🐧 Thread 36 - TTC after pregnancy loss

Well tonight marks 12 months since I was last pregnant. Not sure what to do with myself now

Thanks, Slinks. Yes, I think that is exactly how I feel about it. I had a 10 week scan and everything was fine and then at 12 weeks there was no heartbeat. I also don't think lots of scans would help but I probably will go for them as some sort of reassurance. I will also keep my fingers crossed for you.

@Herewegoagain2021 welcome and sorry to see you here also.
I am in a similar situation to you, first missed miscarriage last month and had seen the heartbeat and felt all was going to be ok. I am also really quite nervous about the chances of falling pregnant again (it took me a long time) and then the feeling of anxiety/stress if I do. I feel like I’ll be at a scan every week but even that wouldn’t reassure me as I had had multiple scans with this one.
I have read up on chances of a second miscarriage after a first and it’s positive but i feel like I wouldn’t relax until the baby actually arrived! Hopefully we can use this group to keep our anxieties at bay if we are fortunate enough to fall pregnant again.
I keep my fingers crossed for you x

Hello everyone, I hope that you don't mind me joining you. About 2 months ago, I had a MMC at 11weeks 6 days. Mumsnet really helped me through that.

My first period was a bit different so we decided to wait for the next one before trying again. Period is back to normal now and we plan to TTC this month.

I am really excited in some ways but in others I get very sad at the thought too. What if it goes wrong again? I am trying to stay calm and just hoping for the best. It is hard though, gone is the naivety that pregnancy=baby.

@kim80 thanks for your reply. I do think talking is the answer as men are good at hiding their feelings.
Age is also a factor for us but on his side as he turns 50 next year and already has 3 children. I am 33 but have no children, we were both excited when I fell pregnant but have also given a bit of a time frame if it doesn’t happen again next year as he doesn’t want to be an old dad.
We were happy with our life before the pregnancy but it feels like something is missing now when we had the chance for a baby together. It’s a strange feeling.
I will keep my fingers crossed for us both that we will see some success in 2021 x x

@Slinks8113 I had a missed miscarriage in September at 11 weeks 5 days, i had to go through two Erpc as they didn't do the first one properly and had alot of retained tissue. My partner didn't handle it well at all he was very supportive but at the same time very distant, we had not planned that pregnancy at all I actually thought I was premenapausal as I had turned 40 so was a very big shock. So when I lost it I was adamant I wanted to try again but my partner was not so keen, he said he wasnt sure he could ever see me go through that again and with age against us and being happy how we were should we just let it be as we have 3 children between us but not one together, after talking it through he said he felt better we have agreed to try for only a year as I'm 41 next year and his 42 Christmas and if it doesnt happen then he will go and have the snip.

I think talking alot and I mean alot really helped as to start with he didn't want to come near me as we hadn't spoken about it properly but now we're fully ttc we have set a time frame were both happy with and are starting to enjoy life again. Im sure he will be OK just keep the communication going x

Good to hear from everyone :) update from me is that bleeding seems to have stopped a couple of days ago so we are now thinking of trying again. I have no idea when I’m due to ovulate or if I’m going to this month so I bought a temp recorder from amazon the other day and have been using that as a bit of a guide with the app it comes with. I’ve never really tracked bbt before but hopefully this will be fairly straight forward!
A few years ago, I had previously used OvuSense for a couple of months but it was a little off putting and kinda missed the spontaneity so gave up on it.
Partner was a little reluctant to have sex so we’re working through that at the moment, it is tough for the men in this situation as I think they hold back a lot more than we do. How did everyone else’s partner react to miscarriage and retrying?

Hi all,

I have just checked the page as hadn't had any notifications on my emails and thought it had been very quiet 🤫 and now I realise I have missed so much from you ladies.

I'm currently in the two week wait which will take me to Christmas day but I'm not holding much hope 😥.

@Mumlili9 I am so sorry to hear you have covid I hope you feel better soon.

@VenusStarr sorry for bfn I hope you get your 12 days so that you can ttc again. I have all my fingers crossed for you.

@Kiki275 im so pleased for you what a lovely way to end a terrible year.

@pringlebells @Slinks8113 @BellaBella36 I am so sorry you find yourself on this thread but you will not meet any more supportive people then on this group they have all been a great help.

Hope everyone else is all OK. Im now going to try and set up my notifications again so I can keep in loop with everyone. X

@Alittlexmasmagic sounds sensible. Really glad you found the bus groups supportive. When I was pregnant with DD, I found the bus group nice but it felt like such a different experience being pregnant after IVF to conceiving naturally that I ended up spending more time on an IVF pregnancy group instead. I still have friends from that - have even met up with a couple of them in person!

Hope you find a nice gang anyway to hang out with over there! And that you will still keep us company over here too x

@Janefx40 my first MN bus group was amazing and still so supportive through my tfmr and pregnancy. They were amongst the first I told about this one.
Several Aug 21 have mentioned FB groups already and I can't bring myself to join those yet. I distinctly remember leaving the July 20 groups and felt I had to explain/apologise for leaving before I did. I can't face that just yet so sticking solely to MN for now x

Hi @Alittlexmasmagic @Kiki275 it's impossible to relax. Well done for joining a pregnancy group tho - it's great to try to look forwards. The worrying is totally natural. Sending lots of love x

@VenusStarr sending so much love to you. Our hearts are already broken by our losses but to hear that news must be so so tough. Virtual hugs xxxx

Hi everyone,

It's Kiki but name changed as I've joined a thread for due in Aug 21. I've already failed at remembering to change it back.
I'm so worried that they'll search my story and it'll add to new mum anxiety. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, I hope I am.

@VenusStarr all I can offer are huge virtual hugs. I can only imagine how you feel at hearing that. Please be gentle on yourself though xx

Morning everyone. I have been really anxious about our cytogenetic results so I emailed the hospital last week. They came back to me yesterday to say no news but they'd chase up the lab. I got a call last night to say the results had been sent to them so she wanted to let me know as I'd been so anxious. I said I know you can't tell me but I appreciate you letting me know we'll get our letter next week. She said I can tell you everything looked normal, so no genetic or chromosomal issues and the report tells you the sex. We were expecting a perfectly healthy baby boy 💔💙 feeling pretty heartbroken xx

@Mumlili9 sorry to hear that. It's always disappointing especially when AF is late.

@BellaBella36 I'm glad you have some extra time off work. I really did feel better after a few weeks. It's still hard of course but in a less overwhelming way.

@Slinks8113 good plan to let yourself eat nice food etc now. I literally walked from my scan to Morrison's and bought a trolley load of crisps, cakes and chocolate! It helps sometimes to spoil yourself a bit.

@VenusStarr that's great news about the clinic being open and available over the Xmas period. Relaxing sounds a good plan. I've never temped because I was worried it would be too intense for me (I already obsess enough as it is!).

We are CD 8. Last month of trying before we re-start IVF. We've never got pregnant naturally tho so there's no expectation of it working. Of course I'll still obsess/daydream etc nonetheless. Would love to avoid another IVF cycle!

Love to everyone. Xxx

Hello ladies AF due today but no sign of it so did a test BFN so on to next cycle.

@BellaBella36 as silly as it sounds emptying the laundry basket is quite therapeutic! Been in self sabotage mode this week but not putting too much pressure on myself to get back to normal eating and the gym just yet. Will do that in January with all the other new year, new me brigade 😂
Get that laundry done and then put your feet up 😘 x

@Slinks8113 Much the same to be honest. Trying to get a sense of normality today. (Attached a picture which says it all really! 🤦‍♀️) I can't get my head around Christmas yet. Would have been 12 weeks on Christmas day. At least the bleeding should have stopped by then.

@BellaBella36 had a bit of a wobble this morning but managed to complete a full week at work and only got one more before Christmas and then two weeks off. Saying that, I’ve got an overwhelming sense of dread as Christmas nears as it was around this time we would have been announcing to wider family and friends.
I can only hope things will get easier over time and when we start thinking about trying again if it’s meant to be, it will be.
I thought the bleeding was coming to an end yesterday but appears to still be going today but it has only been a week.
How are you getting on? Xx

Lovely news @Kiki275 🤞 ❤️

Glad you've got a bit longer off @BellaBella36

@Kiki275 🤞 Any positive news is for the win over here, definitely helps me stop wallowing.

@VenusStarr Thank you for the other day, I've asked for another week off. Still having good days and really not so good days, but it's the physical side of things which have really knocked me for 6 this past couple of days. Last night I felt like a unit of blood wouldn't have gone a miss!

@Slinks8113 How are you getting on today? Congratulations if you're managing to do anything more than put one don't in front of the other. ❤️

@Kiki275 that is so exciting. Have everything crossed for you 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

@Kiki275 that’s great news! Will keep my fingers crossed for you x x

@VenusStarr thank you. I did ask about a follow up scan but they don’t do it as standard and usually only if it’s suspected infection. So I have just been advised to take a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks and if negative that’s all I’ve got to go on.
The idea of going for a scan fills me with such anxiety now, I keep repeating that moment where she said I’m so sorry. It’s a horrible feeling and I am so scared if I ever do manage to fall pregnant again.
Sending you lots of love and hope and yes sometimes just relaxing and doing what you need to do is the way forward :) x