TTC after MC - November 2020 (Thread 15)

@CLSM it's here

Thank you @RichmondLady1981 and @bez91! After worrying about it last night I’ve woken up this morning and AF has arrived! I’m a little disappointed obviously but at least I can track this month better if it’s a proper cycle unlike last month!
I feel like I’m getting a bit obsessive with getting pregnant at the moment but I can’t think about anything else!

Welcome @Joan7986 and @DancingGiraffe

@MSG92 I don't find it too bad but I think DH can sometimes be a bit like wtf. Because of the MC I'm currently going through and then the one before we've not DTD on medical advice for about 3 weeks this time so it always seems like it's all or nothing with us at the moment 🙈

@NatNoo96 after my first MC I got my period about 30 days after like @RichmondLady1981 but not expecting the same this time around. I'm going to try and distract myself by getting back into exercise instead of waiting for AF to arrive - completely the wrong time of year but I've put on 6lbs by being pregnant twice in the last 5 months and need something to focus on!

Hi @NatNoo96

It’s such a tough one to answer. From reading this thread I’ve seen there’s a HUGE variation in timing. I had a mmc at 8 weeks and found out at my 12 week scan, and my period returned within 29 days following the surgery. But I’ve heard some people say it takes a few months. I know it’s not helpful but it’s good to prepare for a bit of a wait. I think that’s why I used my first month of waiting for AF after my surgery to take a month off and enjoy some of the nicer things in life such as wine and naughty food :) . That way I wasn’t thinking and testing every day. Everyone is so different though.

What date did you stop bleeding? I bled for about 2 weeks and got my period two weeks after it had stopped. And when you say negatives? Are you talking about HCG or LH tests?

@familybythesea thanks so much. I’ve taken antibiotics and feeling back to normal. Amazing how quickly they’ve worked. Only taking three days worth.

Hi ladies, I haven’t posted for a few weeks but have been keeping up with the thread. I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice ? My early miscarriage bleeding started 1st Nov but I haven’t had AF again yet. We have been trying again but the cheapy tests are all completely negative. When did most people get AF again ? I don’t know if I should be expecting it now or not and my period tracker app doesn’t seem to know either 🤷‍♀️

Hi @Joan7986 and @DancingGiraffe sorry you are both joining.

DTD whilst TTC is not fun, especially when you are situations like all of us, I bet when we all first started it was novel and now months/years down the line the novelty has most certainly worn off. I'm only 28 but been with DH over 10 years now so I'm not as into DTD as he would like anyway haha, I prefer a cuddle on the sofa nowadays. I think exactly like @elsimo and talk about it is good, we both said to each other that it is a chore as we are desperately trying TTC, so I think it helps to both be on the same page. If you are really concerned have a little break from it, and try and work on the build up, maybe message each other, watch a romantic/sexy film, sometimes I like to do my hair and put a bit of makeup on to make myself feel better.

Honestly, I think my DH just thinks I think of him as a sperm bank lol, maybe we need to show them a bit of affection and attention so they think we want them not just for their swimmers!

@Joan7986 we’ll be starting to ttc again in the next week after my second mc. I have had a similar experience, started ttc in Jan and fell straight away but sadly had a mmc, then it took us 8 cycles of ttc, and had an anembryonic pregnancy this time. Just had surgical management last week so hoping to ovulate soon! I found that my husband and I cannot cope with dtd loads around ovulation, as it feels to business like! Both times we conceived, we actually only dtd once! Luckily, over the months I got used to my body’s cues of ovulation, and I wouldn’t tell my husband - just instigate but not let him know if it was “the right time” kinda thing, so he felt less pressured that way. We have also used pre-seed as I was worried that maybe my cm wasn’t good enough to keep his sperm living - and oh seemed to quite like it. I’m hoping to do the same this time round..I’m also hoping it’ll be a little quicker than 8cycles this time! 🤞🏻

@DancingGiraffe - Yes, both around a very similar time. I have not cut out alcohol entirely but I am going to be more sensible on the TWW, have also agreed with my GP to cut out caffeine and I am trying to loose a bit more weight. I have been terrible during lockdown on eating too much abs I have a tendency to comfort eat during times of stress, so the 2 MCs haven't helped. Have you started trying again?

I think if we do fall again, I will also take baby asprin to see if that helps - as my GP has agreed it won't do me any harm.

@elsimo - thanks for the advice! I do agree it impacts it, and it's good to know it's just us. It is deffo a chore atm, but it has also become awkward too which makes it harder - neither myself or my husband have the best confidence but I agree trying to talk about it helps. We have both agreed that how we feel about our sex life is probably how every couple TTC feel and are trying to think that it won't be forever!

@Joan7986

We have been TTC for a looooooong time and just had a mc.
There is no doubt ttc affects ur sex life. I know sometime my OH can't be bothered but actually neither can I 🤷‍♀️.
We are both really honest with each other and actually have a laugh about how it's a bit of a chore now. It seemed to take the pressure off once we both recognised it

Hi everyone! I hope it's okay that I join. I'm sure I actually posted once or twice back in July but I actually fell pregnant at the end of July and unfortunately miscarried again. We've been ttc since January - I came off the implant in January and didn't get a period until beginning of March and we fell pregnant in April, but we had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. The second time we miscarried at 6 weeks.

We have just found out that my sister and my sister in law are now both 10 weeks pregnant, it's so hard seeing it happen so easily for everyone else.
@joan7986 feel like we are of a similar time frame from starting ttc! My doctor recommended coming off alcohol completely and only doing mild exercise but I was starting to become a crazy woman analysing every move I make!! We have been trying our best to relax and just live our life and keep everything crossed that we will have our rainbow.

I'm so sorry to see everyone here, it's such an awful thing that sucks the joy out of ttc!!

Hey all, I hope you don't mind me joining - but I am in a similar situation to some of you and really looking for some support, along with providing some support to others in a similar situation as me.

Firstly, I am sorry for all of your losses, it's such a horrible thing to go through.

@NI101 - I have been in a very similar situation as you albeit the other way around (MMC first and then a chemical/early loss)

Myself and my husband started trying in Feb of this year (I came off the pill in Jan) and managed to get pregnant in our second month of trying at the end of March. We saw a heart beat on a private scan at 6.5 weeks but this sadly ended up in MMC in May at 8.5 weeks (baby stopped developing shortly after the scan). Ended up having medical management in the end as my body was not wanting to miscarry naturally.

After taking a month off trying, we started trying again in July of this year, my cycles were a bit all over the place so after some changing as to how I was testing ovulation - we fell pregnant again on our 4th cycle. For some reason this time I knew something was wrong, my tests were getting darker but not as quickly as they did last time. Unfortunately, I started miscarrying at 6 weeks.

I felt even more lost in myself this time around, although physically it wasn't as bad nor as traumatic. Have had big issues with my confidence and stuff and I feel like it has really affected our sex life - partly coz of timing it but also starting to associate it all with our sex life. I don't think my husband is enjoying it at all anymore, and that in turn is affecting my confidence.

I had a positive OPK last night and this AM (first cycle after 2nd MC) and we DTD last night, but not going to again tonight as I don't want to put too much pressure on us seeing as I only miscarried about 2.5 weeks ago.

Any tips on how you deal with TTC after MC (especially after 2!) would be most welcome!

Xx

@RichmondLady1981, what a pain - literally! That’s not bad timing though on the DDT front really. I’m with you on the mince pies and wine - tempted to just forget about it all now until after Christmas and then start again.

I’ve formulated a plan to use medichecks to try and work out if I have estrogen dominance or progesterone deficiency, and to get my vitamins checked out so feeling better for having that to focus on in the new year.

Hi @HappyVibes. I’m just 2DPO.

What about you?

Ah @RichmondLady1981 how many DPO are you now? Hopefully it clears up soon for you lovely. Xxx

@NI101

Welcome to the group. I am so so sorry for what you’ve been through- so Much support here.

I don’t think it’s crazy at all. Everyone’s different. I think when you have a goal and you are determined to get something, you will do whatever it takes. I took a month off as I just couldn’t face the idea of DTD after the surgery. If you feel ready you should go for it.

@susiebluebell you’re doing so well to be so positive. I hope you get answers soon. It seems so cruel!

So I ovulated 3 days earlier than usual so my body is also playing tricks on me. Last month we went too hard too soon (DTD) and by the time I got my peak, we were both knackered and couldn’t actually face it on ovulation day. So this cycle we decided to wait a little but after I got peak 3 days early, we only got chance to DTD the day before and the day of ovulation. Nothing else at all. We did DTD twice on both days in an attempt to make up for it and now I’ve gone and contracted a UTI!!! Grrrrr. Sent my wee sample in this morning and it came back positive for a nasty inflection (sorry tmi!) so now I’m on antibiotics. Couldn’t work today as it was so bad. Told the doctor that I was TTC so she gave me an antibiotic that’s Ok to use whilst trying. Who knows! I don’t hVe the energy to get my hopes up this month .... now on cycle 5 of trying. Just want to drink red wine and eat mince pies! 😆

@Jellybean8 How awful that you kept getting positive tests for so long 😖 Well done for getting through it with a plan.

@NI101 No I don't think it's unusual at all to want to try again straight away. I told my OH I wanted to over the phone on the very day my mc started (I was away visiting a friend and still sometimes think, what if I hadn't got on that train... ) He was amazing about it and said, If that's what you want then we'll do it. It was the only hope I could hold on to.

Thanks for the kindness everybody, I'm doing OK really, just fed up with it all and want my kids here already 😅

@NI101 I'm sorry you're going through this. It's horrible and I can completely empathise. The limbo land of waiting for the negative test can be soul destroying. I ended up testing positive for 6 weeks after my medical management, had a follow up scan with the EPU but I had passed everything it was just a case of waiting for my hormones to drop. I found it really helpful to talk to people about it, and to set myself dates when I was going to test again rather than every couple of days and torturing myself with another positive. I got my period a week after the test went negative and I felt that really helped me finally knowing where I was in my cycle again.
Sending you lots of luck that you get your negative soon and can move forwards xx

@elsimo - I'm really sorry for your losses. I hope you you receive some good news soon.

In a weird sort of way, I thought I was crazy for wanting to start trying again, but the more I read about peoples stories, it feels quite normal.

Wishing you lots of love xx

@NI101 unfortunatley not, I had a mc in 2016, then my DD in 2017. We had been trying for 18 months (just about to start IVF) and fell naturally with twins but had mc at 9 weeks.
I has surgical management last Tuesday so just waiting for a negative test so I can start trying again xx

@susiebluebell as the others have said, just try and be positive, I know anxiety can often get the better of us. I completely agree with the weather having such a negative impact on our desire to be healthy. I just want to stay in bed all day with this miserable weather. This is something I need to work on, just getting out and about for a bit of fresh air.

@elsimo I'm so sorry, the whole thing is so awful. Its difficult trying to describe how it makes you feel because its just everything wrapped up into one. I'm trying to keep a positive mind set and let destiny do its thing. I'm just hoping it wont be too cruel to me for a 3rd time. You say you fell after 18 months of trying. Are you expecting now?

@susiebluebell you have my full sympathy - I’m 14dpo and the spotting/very light flow I’ve had the last few days has disappeared leaving me wondering where the hell my period is. But BFN. Usually I’m 10DPO like clockwork and it’s never just disappeared before. It’s awful when our bodies don’t do what we expect! I hate not having any control.

Raining here too!

@NI101 I totally get what u mean about trying! I feel like if I am activley trying then at least there js a chance and some hope!
I had a 2 week wait between the first scan seeing the babies well behind and surgical managment and it was torture. I was walking around with a big bump and all I could think was I just want this over so I could try again! Not sure if its healthy but I guess we all cope differently!

@susiebluebell u are doing well not to loose ur mind!! Try and keep positive tho...u never know the next cycle might be the one u fall pregnant. I had honestly given up then boom....after 18 months of trying we fell xx

Morning @susiebluebell this sucks for you. Have you called your GP or anything? Glad your being kept busy this week, it can only help.

Its shocking isn't it, I woke up at 7 to take the dog out and thought nope, I'll do it later! Tbh I'm too tired, I could sleep right now on my laptop.

Morning all, cd46 and still no AF, no BFP. Thankfully I am extremely busy this week or I would be spiralling. I admire your attitude @NI101, it sounds determined but positive. I will be following your lead with focusing on lifestyle changes - I'm quite healthy mostly but have let it take a back seat this autumn while studying, not been exercising other than dog walks etc. I just know it would do wonders for my state of mind, and maybe work wonders for a baby too 😉

Hope everybody has a good day! Shocking weather down here xx

@smarty4. Its still only early days. I found out about it all on 24th Nov and started the process of medical management on 26th Nov. It all happened quite quickly. By the morning of 27th I had passed out most of the tissue and even the sac itself, which was rather traumatising to see. Between then and the 1st Dec its been on and off bleeding, more like spotting. The EPU did say to do a pregnancy test 3 weeks after 26th, so I still have a 2 weeks to go before they expect a negative test.

@MSG92 If I'm truly honest with myself, I don't want to take a break. I feel like I've been working so hard since the beginning of the year for this to happen for us. I've made lifestyle changes to support a healthy pregnancy and I'm determined for it to succeed. I won't be disheartened if I don't conceive straight away, but I will be disheartened if I don't even try. I know it sounds crazy and it probably is. I'm at the point in my life where it's all I really want.

Thank you both for your kind words. You can only imagine how helpful I'm finding speaking about the matter xx