TTC after MC - November 2020 (Thread 15)

Hi ladies I'm hoping I can join as I am feeling really low this month. I've had 2 misscarriages 1 mmc at 12weeks and 1 at 9 weeks.. Babies both measured behind. Since mc no. 2 I have been ttc 12 months. I have a fertility appointment this week but it has caused so much tension between my husband and I. I think he's stressed and taking it out on me, he's complaining about the stress of it as it will leave him late for work which it is shit in his work so hard to get time off.. And then he was annoyed I told my family about the appointment and has been really off with me.. Its me who really is dying for a baby not him so part of me thinks I should be grateful but the other part wishes he would be more supportive and realise how stressful it is for me.. Xxx

Hi Ladies, I hope you are keeping well and looking forward to the possibilities the future can bring.

I've been quiet for a few days, not commenting but certainly keeping updated on the thread. As many of you have said, it is oddly reassuring to see many others in similar situations.

Like you @susiebluebell and @elsimo I have always tried to work towards deadlines that I have set for myself and on this matter it just is not working. I keep trying to distance myself from having such deadlines but as you know a lot easier said than done!

I'm MC'd on through MMC on 26 Nov, so it is coming upto two weeks. I am still holding out for the slightest hope that I could be pregnant before AF turning up at the door. Very unlikely as my OH and I haven't been trying in terms of DTD regularly and well timed. Lets see..

My bleeding was extremely heavy the first 3 days, but then went done significantly over the next 3 days. 4 days on, it was just very light spotting. For about 3-4 days, I haven't bled at all, so we have felt comfortable to try again (without the pressure). I think it's fair to say, everyone's experience is different and it really is a decision of the heart when you and your partner feel ready. I have heard DTD should be avoided whilst there is bleeding to avoid an infection.

On a personal level, I feel the anxiety and almost fear of the next pregnancy as I have now have 2 MCs. I would like to stay I'm in a positive mindset, but at the same time can't help the "what if" thoughts.

Any advice/guidance would be really appreciated.

Sending you all lots of love xx

Thank you @HappyVibes and @Hanbanxx, it's hard but it's strangely reassuring to see so many people going through the same.

Hi @molsxox glad to see you - you're right I think one of the reason's it's nice to have a thread like this is because ttc after a miscarriage is so fraught with both wanting to be pregnant and being scared.

Ur so right @susiebluebell
I am trying so hard not to stress about timelines and putting deadlines on me getting pregnant.
IVF is still in the back of our minds but we would be self funded, after this most recent MC I feel like its too much money when the odds of success are low and I've now had 2 miscarriages.

I am 36 now so in my head I have just committed to trying until i'm 40 and hope it happens at some point.

It's not been an easy year for ttc with Covid, too much time to think and not enough to distract ourselves xx

[quote RichmondLady1981]**@susiebluebell* wipe the slate clean and get ready for the next cycle. It’s weird but I remember a few ladies having longer cycles with no reason. In fact I’m sure @Runnergirl1* had no reason for a extra long cycle once and then she got her BFP! I’m sure I haven’t just made that up. Stay positive. X

@Hopefulmummie so sorry to hear you’re in pain. Hope you feel better soon x[/quote]
Thanks so much @RichmondLady1981. I need a good kick up the bum this week.

I've been thinking that a lot of the frustration and stress with TTC comes from having our own timetable of when we want things to happen - maybe others can relate. I was so happy to initially get pregnant before I turned 30 (no real reason, I love being 30 in general) and after MC I've been thinking I want to get pregnant again before Christmas or before the year ends. Or be pregnant before my original due date this coming April. They're all things that I have decided are deadlines and my body is clearly working to a different rhythm. It's hard to let go of those 'deadlines' but I think I'll be the happier for it.

Hope everyone else is having a good week. I'm studying from home this week so other students can travel home if need be. A bit boring but plenty of housework is getting done as I procrastinate studies! Xx

Hi @vitaminb33 and @sazzle1685 welcome! Looking forward to following along with your journeys x

@elsimo I think that sounds more likely the OPK is right then 😊 good luck!

@Hopefulmummie we started as soon as the bleeding stops which was three days after for us xx

@Hopefulmummie you don’t need to wait two weeks lovely - just once your bleeding has stopped xx

@bez91 yip I have had 2 negative pregnancy tests.

@HappyVibes yeah well I also did a cheapy one this morning and the line on it was very light.

So I started testing with clear blue on sun and it was low fertility then two days of high and then peak today.

We will dtd today and tommorow anyway, this month was always going to be a tricky one anyway xx

Hey.. does anyone know when it's safe to have sex after a miscarriage? I read something about 2 weeks is that right?

I had a miscarriage last Thursday and stopped bleeding last night. Just wondering do I still need to wait x

@elsimo the OPK is perhaps correct and you may have your peak now...when you felt the pain what was the OPK saying then? I would air on the side of caution and cover yourself as though this is genuinely your peak so you’re not wondering if you’ve missed it. I do think they recommend not to use clear blue OPK straight after MC, and more so the cheapie OPK strips xxxxx

@elsimo hey, I know that people say you can have false positives if you've still got hormones in your body from being pregnant.
Have you had a couple of negative tests after the MC? If so I'd say the OPK is probably right

False positive I mean......very sleepy this morning DD has been partying most of the night xx

Morning to the new people!
Sorry u find yourselves here.
I had surgical managment on 23rd Nov at 10 weeks, it was twins but they had stopped progressing at 5/6 weeks.
So I am straight back on to ttc as it took me 18months to get pregnant (have DD 3.5)
I have had ovulation pain since the weekend and been testing with clear blue. I was really sore yesterday and DTD past 3 days. Was pretty convinced I had ovulated as pain gone and my mood had dipped and guess what......just got peak fertility on the clear blue 🙈.
Could this be a false negative?

Hiya guys hoping to jump on this thread if that's okay. So sorry you all had to go through mc's 😭 but hoping to hear positive stories from you all in months to come.
I had a mmc in July, it was detacted at a 7w private scan that baby was only 5w5d went back 9w to see baby was still 5w5d, nhs left me till 11w to pass naturally!! They booked me in for a d+c but that was for when I was 12w. It was an awful awful experience, but the wait when I knew that the baby wasn't growing was torture.

We decided in November to try again, this is my first cycle and im day 17, dont get me wrong we so badly want a positive result but it terrifies me too.
I dont think mentally we ever get over the loss

Good morning @sazzle1685 sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s natural to feel like this, I too still worry of how long it’s going to take or if it will happen etc. I think it’s because we want it so much and it’s so upsetting and disheartening when things don’t go as we hope and then we loose optimism. Our time will come, just like many other ladies who’ve been in this position and since got their BFPs.

In relation to OPKs, I wouldn’t be using the clearblue ones post MC until after AF, as it will be out of sync with the hormones. I would use cheapie OPK strips for a more accurate reading lovely. If you google it you’ll get a much better explanation than mine...it was a few months back so it’s not fresh in my mind sorry xxxx

Hi everyone I've been reading the thread but only just feel able to join in! I had a miscarriage three weeks ago after finding out that there was no heartbeat at my scan- I was 13 weeks and baby measured 12+6. Went in to hospital for medical management as I was a bit further on and feel like physically I am recovering (different story mentally!) I have a little boy already who is 3.5 and desperate for him to have a brother or sister. It took 6 months of TTC (not too long I know but it felt like forever!) and then this happened so not feeling great. Worrying about my age (35) and that it's never going to happen! Also I have been doing clearblue opks and just seem to be getting a neverending flashy smiley face so god knows when I'm going to get my period!! We are going to wait til I've had a period until TTC again as I had to take antibiotics for a possible infection and we are both feeling a little bit traumatised by the whole thing. I know this isn't where any of us want to be but it is very reassuring to read all your posts and I feel like I'm not the only one going through this as it is quite a lonely time. Anyway sorry for the essay and hope it's ok for me to join in!

@vitaminb33 I am so sorry that you have been through this, your experience sounds traumatic. Sending lots of love 💞 I think if you and your partner are emotionally ready, you can start TTC as soon as your bleeding stops. That's a decision that me and my boyfriend have made as we are desperate to be parents xx

Hey @vitaminb33 sorry you find yourself here. Hopefully your testing goes well later this week. In terms of TTC you can physically TTC when you get the negative and stop bleeding (if it’s just fine spotting you can still TTC). It all depends when you are emotionally ready of course, and OH. Medically there is no reason why you can’t start TTC straight away after this, it is purely for the dating purposes should you fall pregnant before your period (which many ladies on here have done). Good luck xxx

Hi all, @J785948 kindly pointed me in this direction. Like @Emilu89 I've been reading a lot of these forums but not joining in, but I agree the world sort of moves on and that's lonely.

Three weeks ago I found out, at 11 weeks pregnant, that the pregnancy had stopped progressing at 9 weeks (in a scan on my own, which I'm sure is an experience shared by many on this thread at the moment, after a tiny bit of spotting). It was my second pregnancy, my first was a very healthy pregnancy but I had a tough experience of it, and part of my prenatal depression was a complete obsession with miscarriage risks, it was pretty ridiculous and bordering on a phobia. However, that pregnancy went the distance and I have an amazing toddler, which I'm extremely thankful for as I have pretty bad endometriosis and worried I wouldn't be able to have kids.

The thing is, for this pregnancy that miscarried I wasn't worried and I was having a pretty good time of it. Now I'm petrified that if I get pregnant again my anxiety about miscarriage will be a bit out of control. On the other hand, at least I know it happened and I survived? It's a little difficult to process.

On a more practical note, I had an MVA procedure just over two weeks ago. I had pretty bad bleeding afterwards (one of the consultants said they might have slightly injured me, but didn't seem concerned). I'm still spotting old dark blood now. I have to take a pregnancy test on Friday and I'm very anxious that it will be positive and I'll have to go back and have another procedure (the room where I had the scan and found out is the same room I had the MVA in, and it would be the same room I had to have a second procedure in and I would really prefer not to go back).

Also, if all is well I'm not sure what to do about TTC this month, should I wait until my next period? I've read in many places that they prefer for you to have one for dating reasons but my cycles are pretty erratic anyway so I wouldn't get that benefit.

Sorry for such a long post! And for blurting out all the information but it's nice to have somewhere to vent. I'm sorry everyone else is here, I really hope everyone gets good news soon. :)

@Hopefulmummie I had this when I miscarried back in June, it was really painful and worried me but did pass, I hope it eases for you soon.

@susiebluebell wipe the slate clean and get ready for the next cycle. It’s weird but I remember a few ladies having longer cycles with no reason. In fact I’m sure @Runnergirl1 had no reason for a extra long cycle once and then she got her BFP! I’m sure I haven’t just made that up. Stay positive. X

@Hopefulmummie so sorry to hear you’re in pain. Hope you feel better soon x

@Hopefulmummie I had this prior to finding out i had a MMC (baby passed away 10+5, discovered at 12 weeks). I then have also had it on 2 occasions since surgical miscarriage last Monday

Hi @Hopefulmummie, I remember having had this briefly after my mc. I think it's normally just some residual cramping. It can be more painful in your bottom if your uterus leans back rather than forward. Xx