The Turkey Baster Gang (gobble gobble)

Well, I woke up today feeling utter crap!
I'm meant to be temping between 5:15-5:45 as this is when I wake up for work 5 days a week.
Today I woke up at 4 because I was stressed about my temperature, I fell asleep wondering if it will go up today to confirm ovulation.
This is not the first time this has happened either! I end up sleep deprived and with a messy chart which causes more anxiety.
Lo and behold temperature was the same as yesterday, which is still up from pre-(assumed)ovulation but that was not good enough! This sent me down a spiral of anxiety, ended up with chest pains and shortness of breath.
So I decided to just stop the madness. Put my premium FF account on hold and uninstalled all the other fertility apps on my phone too. Then, I put away my thermometer and my OPKs and HPTs in the closet. Thankfully DH is a heavy sleeper! 🤣
I decided I am taking my life back! I will still TTC but I will just use SMEP and whatever will be, will be. I have 2 specialist clinical jobs, one of them brand new, 2 cats, a DH with ED, a dysfunctional family on the other side of the world, a mortgage application to complete, buying and moving house and to top it all of, I live in a bloody pandemic!!! 😱
I have enough on my plate, thank you very much.
Sorry if this reads like the rant of a crazy woman... it kind of is. 🤭
Thank you all again for being here, I feel that just being able to connect virtually with women going through similar experiences is the only thing making TTC bearable. 😘

I hope everyone is having a better day than I do! 😆

@MrsKin90 I’m sorry you feel so low.. I have 3 close friends due in the next 2 weeks, they all started trying after us too abd like you I am happy for them but also as I wait for yet another AF (bbt temp drop yesterday) I’m not sure how I will cope with 3 people what’s apping me baby pics in the coming weeks 😭 trying to keep it together! I’m 2 days late on AF and a temp drop but nothing - feel like my body is torturing me 🤬
It’s such mixed emotions and it does just feel like pregnancy comes so easily to so many people but when you struggle it’s so hard abs people can’t understand it unless they have been through it x

I'm so sorry @MrsKin90 it is and always will be so hard, no matter how happy you are for them, and how much their happiness is deserved after a loss.

Pity parties are sometimes just bloody necessary.

@MrsKin90 Even saying "I'm not coping well" is a step in the right direction. You acknowledge your feelings and you allow yourself to experience them, even if it's just on this platform (no stones in sight here 😄). And you know what? Yes, you love your friend but right now they have something you don't and it's OK to be hurt. It says nothing about how you feel about your friend, it says nothing about your character, it only speaks to your own struggle. But don't let go of hope, you'll get there! We will all get there and I refuse to believe anything else!! ❤️

Thank you both for understanding. It is so hard. And you definitely can't say these things out loud in real life as I'm sure people would throw stones or something. I love this friend dearly and would have been just as sad for her had she not had a lovely healthy pregnancy by now, but I am not coping well.

@primrosechill that is really good news!! It's good to know that positive changes can affect sperm so much and that a less than positive SA isn't the end of the journey!

Thanks @eloiseislost, I am quite proud of him for giving up booze and running more - now come on baby gods, what else do you need from us?! Ha.

Sorry to hear about your friend and I can totally relate to what you’re saying. My pre-MC due date is fast approaching and I’m just trying to look on the bright sides of NOT being pregnant right now: like giving birth in lockdown or not being able to see my family in baby’s first days. Maybe it’s all happening for a reason so we can have a much smoother ride once this madness is over(ish)...

That's excellent news @primrosechill 😃
I keep telling DH to eat better and move more but to no avail so far!

@MrsKin90 sorry you’re having a rubbish time right now - pity parties are totally allowed, especially on this thread! Happy to join your bash kitted out with “fuck ttc” balloons and “screw you AF” cocktail of your choice 🥂 quite seriously, it’s horrible when people around you announce their babies/pregnancies - it forces you to drink a deadly combo of envy and guilt sinultanously. I’m glad that on here at least we get to be real with each other but also genuinely thrilled for one another! Sending you big love - I really hope you get your good news soon!!

Speaking of good news, something small to be happy about: we re-did my husband’s sperm analysis today, two months since the first one. Morphology is still below average but the motility has massively improved and is now well within norm! Plus the volume has increased. Hoping this is all a step in the right direction and a bit of a confirmation that healthy lifestyle changes really can make a difference sometimes :)

@MrsKin90 Your post broke my heart 💔 And I don't say this with pity, but rather with empathy. My best friend of 20+ years is giving birth any day now. I just can't be purely happy for her, I just can't. The worse thing is that I pretend to be and it's exhausting. And I hate myself for being so petty. 😞
I think the desire to have a baby is overpowering and it casts a shadow over all other emotions. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You can't change how you feel!
The name thing is slightly annoying, sure, but not a sign of anything. Maybe a sign that an even better name is destined for your child? 😉
Sending virtual hugs your way 🤗

@DinkBoo that's so exciting! Fingers crossed for you. I hear cheapo tests are notorious for having lighter lines than better branded tests so wonder if you'd get a great bfp on a frer or clearblue or a digital?

I'm having a pity party. ☹️ A friend announced the birth of her beautiful baby born today and instead of being absolutely delighted for her (which I am underneath) I feel sad. Really deeply sad. I am feeling extra cruel for feeling sad as they had a devastating miscarriage a few months after we started TTC and now thankfully have gone on to have a healthy beautiful baby. I'm so happy for her... but it really highlights how long we've been trying. They've also used (without knowing) the name sat at the top of our baby name list which we'll never get to use. I feel like them using that name is a sign that it isn't going to happen. Which I realise is silly really as nobody knows one way or another. Why is this so hard?

The symptoms, not the test being psychosomatic of course . Messaging whilst cooking.

I hope you're forgiven now @eloiseislost

I also hope your investment pays off @Lori23TTC

It really does feel like companies are preying on people's hope and desperation, even the reputable ones selling fertility basics.

I haven't said anything to dh yet, so I'm very grateful you are all here to talk to

I've been feeling a lot more nauseous all day today rather than brief waves, and my boobs are a lot more sore, so I'm now just hoping these are good signs, and not an epic af coming and the positive being residual hormones or entirely psychosomatic.

@DinkBoo oooo congrats if this is it! Sounds like it is 🥰 fab news!

Oh I’ve spent so much on lube and generally everything for ttc we have nearly been doing this for 18 months so it’s getting expensive and this is even before we have a baby to pay for 🤪 totally worth it if I get pregnant one day!

@MrsKin90 well my fertility clinic said when I come on I need to call them as I will need to have tests done on the first 5 days of my cycle so I’m just waiting for AF...

I know adoption is a long process to so I might do some research on it as it might be an option for the future. I deff wouldn’t rule it out.

I know what is going on in the world is madness and I’m still going out to work so doesn’t really feel like complete lockdown for me, could actually do with a few weeks at home tbh to relax! As long as we all stay safe that’s all that matters. Hope everyone is ok x

@DinkBoo I bought the Conceive Plus lube last month, DH was furious I spent so much on lube! 🤭
Didn't work for us last month but fingers crossed it works this time! 🤞🏼

@primrosechill I think it was around 3/5 days ago, so when I was a couple of days late at least, but I have totally lost track of this month as time feels like it has gone all wonky with af not arriving on the dot and without the usual hormonal symptoms.

I got a negative opk today, with a faint hint of a line. Hopefully that's a good sign

The Fertility Check lube is like water, so I was skeptical (not unrelated to the fact it was the cheapest option on Amazon as I nearly fainted when I saw how much ttc lube costs), but dh said it made a huge difference on his end (pun not intended) so I'd definitely reccomend a lube.

Awesome news @DinkBoo - if this cycle is not our cycle, I might check out that lube you mentioned, too. The last few cycles we haven't been using anything to help ourselves in that way.

I saw somewhere that ovulation sticks can actually work as pregnancy tests as well! In fact, sometimes they can give you a clearer result faster than a pregnancy test. Not sure what "some quantity days ago" is for you but if it was closer to your AF due date, that could have been it!

Thanks @primrosechill and @eloiseislost. I am trying to stay very very very cautiously optimistic. Especially as I seem to have far fewer symptoms than in a normal month, and am still getting occasional spots on wiping, so don't want to get my hopes up.

Right now I am just happy that it seems at least my body is capable of that first step, which feels like good news enough on its own for now.

@primrosechill I think officially our actual second cycle actually trying. Which is one of the reasons I am not getting too hopeful.

But I have tracked for years and years in Clue, as I always needed to know when AF would come and fuck me over

We've been supposedly 'trying' for a while (ie years), but dh's version of trying for a long time was sex once a month, on a Sunday, if that (hence why I joined the thread), and for a long time, not remotely near that due to ed and all the stress that involves.

This month we used Fertility Check lube, and dtd on the day I had ovulation symptoms. Which I would normally avoid as ovulation symptoms make me feel pretty manky.

I tested today as I had some ewcm yesterday and wanted to check if I was back in fertile week early after a wonky month, and I'd had a line on an opk some quantity of days ago so thought we may need to dtd

So it's all still very much up in the air!

@DinkBoo Congratulations! 🥳❤️
It's good to be cautious, but at 7 days late and a definite BFP, you're off to a great start. Fingers crossed for a strong, sticky bean! 💖

@DinkBoo that's huge news! And with 7 days late it definitely sounds very positive. I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like congratulations are in order :) how many cycles did that take for you?

I'm 6DPO today and the TWW couldn't be going slower lol... Still have achy boobs but I keep telling myself this early after ovulation it can't really be a symptom at all - gah! It's rainy where I am, the US news are gloomy, lockdown is kicking off - I could really do with some good news!

(my ability to keep track this month was not aided by Clue's habit of moving your fertile week if you are late, which I didn't realise it does, so now I have to count, which I am surprisingly bad at )

My dh always went straight to adoption as an option, even before trying for our own. I think it's his natural squeamishness

Well done @eloiseislost ! Excellent skiils

So... I just tested this morning with a cheapie, and it's positive (not as dark as it could be, but not remotely requiring line eyes). I'm still shaking as I've never got close to a bfp so it feels very unreal even to be at this point.

I think today is 7 days late for me, so I'm not going to get my hopes up too much, and will just be keeping everything crossed.

Although it's not the result of s-i, it is the first month we used a fertility lube I had bought for s-i purposes, so I can still blame you guys

I hope everyone and all the cats are doing well, and November is a lucky month

Fingers crossed for you @MrsKin90 🙃
And good luck with the 2.5ml syringes! Don't worry about the quantity of semen, anything from 1.5-6ml is normal. It also depends on how often you inseminate, if you do it every day, the volume will be less -at least that's what I've noticed in my experience.

I am potentially 1DPO today, temp has gone up this morning, so need another 2 to confirm. It's my birthday next Friday and I keep thinking how nice it would be if my gift was a BFP...! 😃
But I think the best gift I can give to myself is not POAS obsessively this month and just relax wait for AF to be late. Or maybe some new makeup! 💄🤣

@eloiseislost yay for getting your peak!! 😊
@Oilyoilyoilgob I'm glad to hear things with your cats seem to be going okay! Sometimes life takes over doesn't it and AF can be a bit of a relief because at least you can let go of TTC obsession for a few days. I'm all for being kinder to yourself!

I don't know if I could adopt... Probably as a last resort but not sure I'm strong enough for that! I'd definitely be up for sperm donation or egg donation of needed though 😊 hubby would be okay with this too.
@DinkBoo I get lost with the replies sometimes too so just chip in at random! Have you tested?!
@Lori23TTC I hope your appointments go ahead - any news on that front?

I'm CD7 today! I'm looking forward to trying again this cycle. I hope I ovulate around the same time as last cycle! Fingers crossed for a more normal one again! 😊

@eloiseislost yay for getting your peak!! 😊
@Oilyoilyoilgob I'm glad to hear things with your cats seem to be going okay! Sometimes life takes over doesn't it and AF can be a bit of a relief because at least you can let go of TTC obsession for a few days. I'm all for being kinder to yourself!

I don't know if I could adopt... Probably as a last resort but not sure I'm strong enough for that! I'd definitely be up for sperm donation or egg donation of needed though 😊 hubby would be okay with this too.
@DinkBoo I get lost with the replies sometimes too so just chip in at random! Have you tested?!
@Lori23TTC I hope your appointments go ahead - any news on that front?

I'm CD7 today! I'm looking forward to trying again this cycle. I hope I ovulate around the same time as last cycle! Fingers crossed for a more normal one again! 😊