Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

@October1979 ...no...AF has arrived here. Came on the 2nd and have been trying not to think too much about it since. Pesky new pms symptoms got my hopes up this month because they seemed different. Back to TTC fir 2021. I think I just want the trying party to be over now 🤦‍♀️ We got PG after the 2nd cycle last 2 times so I thought it might happen quicker, though deep down I know how much luck us involved. It really all is a game of chance isn’t in.

Ava bracelet sounds interesting. Hope it helps with tracking.

Sorry to hear about your trouble @sabtom. TatC can be a tough journey. 25% of Pregnancies end in miscarriage, it really is a normal part of the process. Though it’s hard to hang onto that sometimes. TTC can be a tough journey. It really is about persistence.

How are u doing @Catconfusion? Any sign of your cycle settling?

@October1979 I don’t have one but I’ve heard good things. Temperature is a great way to track fertility. I had ovusense but would have gone with Ava had my cycles been shorter (think it’s 35 days and under). I still can’t find my thermometer so I think I’ll just test next week and order a need one for the next cycle. Xx

@sabtom I’m sorry the tests didn’t throw up something that could be at least treated because you’d feel like you’re moving forwards. I think the ‘unexplained’ diagnosis is really difficult because not much you can do. I really hope it just happens for you. In the meantime this thread is a great sounding board. Lots of support here for you! Xx

Hi @Catconfusion yeah, the tests that can be done, have been done, and has come back as unexplained infertility. The only options left for us now is keep on trying every month in the hope that one good egg pops out or IVF. And while we're saving up for IVF we just gunna keep on trying naturally and hope for the best 🤞🏻 thank you for your kind words, it's just what I need right now 😊 Like I said, I just need to get my mind back to something else and turn off social media for a while lol xx

Hey @sabtom try not to blame yourself. It’s not your fault at all. Nothing to say you wouldn’t have had problems when younger. I know loads of people who’ve had infertility problems and miscarriages younger than 35. In society in general there seems this subtext that if a women tries for a baby later in life it’s her fault for having issues. I think this is really unfair as many women fall pregnant in their 40s so why shouldn’t you expect it to happen.

Have you spoken to your GP and had some tests done? I really hope you’re getting the support you need! Xx

Thank you all! It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I guess I feel angry at myself for naively thinking all I had to do was stop the pill and I can get pregnant in my own time. If I were struggling to conceive 10 years ago I don't think I would feel as bad as I would now because I would think it's out of my control that my body isn't 'playing ball', but for silly reasons I waited to long to think about kids and now I feel it's my fault I left it too late and I only have myself to blame 😔 Anyway, I know when I get back to work and have other things on my mind again I won't have time to wallow in my self pity, I will feel a better again lol 😊

I hope we all get our BFP this year, big hugs to you all 😊

I definitely think a positive mindset really helps. It was a turning point for me when I accepted my lot and made peace with the outcome, whatever it might be. It’s such a tough journey though and we’re all entitled to have rough days and feel sad, especially when friends have good news. Xx

I’m so sorry to those battling through the pregnancy announcements. New year is such a bitter sweet time. It’s good to have a fresh start but sometimes a stark reminder of what we don’t have.

I found it so hard after my mmc which was nearly two years ago. We did go on to have our ds but in the meantime I felt anger and jealousy towards our friends who seemingly got pregnant with no issues. One of whom was my best friend who got pregnant 3 months after an emergency c section with no issues. We were supposed to go through pregnancy together until I lost my baby.

Now I’ve experienced a full pregnancy what I will say is pregnancy is damn hard. It’s emotionally and physically draining. The fear of something going wrong is horrendous after loss also. Obviously I’m blessed to have ds but it was the hardest time of my life. I was bed bound for three months being sick. The only thing I can compare it to is a three month hangover that won’t go. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience of being pregnant but most people find it tough even if they don’t talk about it.

Try to be kind to pregnant friends. My best friend who got pregnant had three other friends other than me who were going through infertility or pregnancy loss. She got really down and felt she couldn’t celebrate her news with anyone. She herself had had three losses in the past so it hadn’t come easily. Every pregnancy is a little miracle.

At the same time I think it’s best to remove yourself from any situations that are challenging like baby showers or what’s app groups with pregnancy chat. If you feel it’s affecting your mental health your pregnant friends will understand.

Trying to conceive and having babies is such a difficult period of life to navigate but most people do get there. Try to make the most of each day if you can. I lost months to crying and feeling very down and I wish now I’d had more belief it would just happen. Also keep as busy as you can. Get your life in order as if it will happen as I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been mainly because I felt broken and too old. I really wasn’t.

Even those of us in our early 40s have a good chance. I really hope there’s some good news on this thread soon. Xx

[quote October1979]@BendyLikeBeckham yes he does get it. His concern was I was panicking and worried I was going to go down the ivf idea before I'd given natural a real chance. Especially as we have conceived and miscarried less than a year ago. My tests were a while ago and I am quite impatient. We decided together ivf wasn't for us due to low success rate and we'd save our money for egg donation if we got to the end. [/quote]
It's better to know sooner than later and avoid wasting time if there is an issue, imo. Then you can deal with it. But anyway, roll on his test soon, and it will hopefully all be fine.

Good luck to you and everyone else in the same boat.

Hi @sabtom,

Sending you a New Years Day hug as you battle through those pregnancy announcements. You’re not being horrible and I’m sure you are genuinely happy for them, it’s just it’s so so bittersweet and painful not getting to be the one who is being congratulated (again).

Not sure if it’s a tip but I try and remember that the older everyone gets the more heartache they will have faced in some shape or form so they will have their own painful wounds, even if it’s not obvious to me. I also allow myself to feel the pain privately, even if I don’t show it publically.

Definitely better to share than bottle things up. I’m glad you shared, and I read your post as was sitting here feeling a bit sad and miserable myself. I’m sorry for your MMC.

Happy New Year ladies - 2021 and a fresh year of possibilities for us. It’s nice having others to share this journey with XxX

Hello all! I've been following this thread for a while, and just wanted to wish you all a happy new year and fingers crossed for all of us. Feeling a little blue today, it's only day one of 2021 and I've already had to endure 3 (!!!) pregnancy announcements. It seems like everyone has just saved all their announcements to share today! It's getting more and more difficult to fake that smile and excitedly say 'congratulations!' And to rub more salt in the wound, this would've been the week our baby was due. I feel so horrible for not being genuinely happy for them, but I can't help it. Any tips?

I turn 41 in 20 days, so I'm hoping there's still time for us yet, but after 2 years of trying and a MMC, not sure how much I can take it emotionally 😔

Sorry for putting a dampener on things but sometimes it feels better just to let things out

OP, your test outcomes sound great and bode really well for natural pregnancy (assuming the sperm are of good quality and number). I don't understand why your DH took persuading to be tested (I can take a wild guess). Surely he gets that it takes two gametes to conceive, right? It's a no brainer. My friend's DH felt so bad that his DW had to go through all the hormone treatment, heartache, pain, etc. and was 100% willing to do his part (easy) and just provide samples.

fwiw it took me a good few months of trying to fall pregnant when I was much much younger, and I remember the ache in my soul each month it didn't happen.

I'm sure it is just a matter of time for you. You are still young!

this thread came up in Active and I don't normally follow this board. But I wanted to say two things.

Firstly, all your focus seems to be on your body, age, eggs, cycle, treatments etc. What about your DH sperm count? Even a 21 year old woman won't get pregnant if the sperm isn't good enough. My friend went through several ICSI IVF rounds after 40 and her body was perfectly fine, it was her DH who had the problem. She has 2 DC now. I say this because i think it is easy to miss the obvious sometimes, and you are working so hard to get the outcome you want, and focusing all your energy on your part, that you may turn any disappointment onto yourself unnecessarily.

And secondly, I had an accidental and successful pregnancy at 42 after DTD just once. It can happen! Not saying this to gloat, and I hope I don't upset anyone, but you asked for positive stories. Luck has so much to do with it!

Wishing you all the best, OP. And hope you get some good news soon.

Oh test wasn’t a FRER just an internet strip test.

Going by luteal phase not due till 3rd.

Hi @October1979

Your posts not in bold for me?

Thanks yes your right...not out till AF arrives for both of us! No AF is good sign esp if you are due today. My fingers are still crossed for you🤞. No AF here either, had another cramp for a a few minutes and thought here comes AF but then just went away. Whatever is happening is odd!

So are you saying not much point in tests if your not going for IVF? I do have some reservations, I d think all this self surveillance adds to the stress a bit. I just wanted to rile out doing anything that might help, but I havnt really done any research yet.

Thanks @Catconfusion I’m 12dpo. I had cramps at 5 dpo which was prob early, and also at 10 dpo. If I’m going my lute always phase length AF not due for another few days.

Definitely a different pattern than my last few cycles. After the MC I’ve had lots of pms symptoms, nausea etc that I didn’t have before. But this cycle felt very different so got my hopes up.

How are you getting on? Did you temp?or decide to have a rest till next month?

@October1979 hope you are doing ok.

@Littlemiss40andfabulous sounds like you doing a good job. It’s hard hitting in DTD when life gets busy isn’t it. Fingers crossed for you.

I think we will both go get fertility tests, with both the MCs it’s just been a rollercoaster. But looking into the new year it would be good to know where we are at. I think it will happen naturally but it would be good to know if there’s anything else we can do to support.